Song I wrote Feedback:

[Blake Allyn]

3 hours ago, AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy said:

I like the lyrics.  I think the music is distracting.  

 

I dabble a bit in songwriting (mostly country/alt-country/outlaw), more of a hobby really.  I got a lot of advice from a producer/do bro player back when I lived in Cali.  He played on a ton of big time country albums.   I remember going with him to an open mic.  We were listening to this guy on stage who played the most intricate songs.  I was impressed, since I can't play anything complicated.  I told the producer I wish I could play like that.

 

His response was interesting.  He said he didn't like the guy's playing because it got in the way of what he was trying to say.  He said "Look around.  Ain't a damn person listening to anything coming outta his mouth except his girlfriend".  The guy finished playing, and his girlfriend started clapping loudly.  Nobody else.  I thought it was an interesting and spot on observation.

 

Good luck and thanks for sharing.  Being an artist is like walking around naked in public.  You're out there with nowhere to hide.  

 

Thanks for the comment.  I am not sure I understand what you mean by the music being distracting.  If you can elaborate on that I would appreciate it.  Do you mean the harmonica?

[Sacks 'n' Stuff]

[Bang]

i think @Sacks 'n' Stuff is pointing out that in the second verse you called the wrong line shift and will probably get yourself hit by the blitz you're not seeing.

 

~Bang

[AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy]

1 hour ago, Blake Allyn said:

Thanks for the comment.  I am not sure I understand what you mean by the music being distracting.  If you can elaborate on that I would appreciate it.  Do you mean the harmonica?

I mean that your musicianship is not good so you shouldn't highlight it.  

 

Your lyrics are good.  You should maybe simplify your chord progressions, etc. so that your lyrics become the focal point and not your playing.    

 

Focus more on substance and less on style.  

[Captain Wiggles]

@AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy is spot on. Simplicity is always preferred if one wants to be a successful songwriter. Especially because the majority of listeners don't like overly complex pretentious music. Americans in particular want to hear variations on songs they're already familiar with. 

[Blake Allyn]

21 hours ago, AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy said:

I mean that your musicianship is not good so you shouldn't highlight it.  

 

Your lyrics are good.  You should maybe simplify your chord progressions, etc. so that your lyrics become the focal point and not your playing.    

 

Focus more on substance and less on style.  

Thanks man.  I appreciate the feedback.  Def some good points.

[Sacks 'n' Stuff]

22 hours ago, AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy said:

I mean that your musicianship is not good so you shouldn't highlight it.  

 

Your lyrics are good.  You should maybe simplify your chord progressions, etc. so that your lyrics become the focal point and not your playing.    

 

Focus more on substance and less on style.  

Or get somebody else to sing / play. Agree that it's not a bad song. You're just a stronger songwriter then a singer or instrumentalist.  It's like if you had the script for Argo and hired Michael Bay as the director. 

[Blake Allyn]

Maybe youll like the below song better.

 

WOW WOW