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Would you let your most annoying in-law move in permanently with you?

endzone_dave

By endzone_dave
in The Tailgate

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endzone_dave

endzone_dave

Posted
Posted

In this case, the in-law is going to lose his spouse and my wife doesn't want him to be lonely, although I would argue he only lives one mile away from us already.

 

He's your typical difficult in-law.  Knows everything, talks down to you, tells you what you should do, hogs every conversation.  He's not abusive, just difficult to be around for more than an hour.

 

If he lives with me, I'll be around him every meal, every time I watch tv in the main room, every time I go out to eat... 

 

I'm struggling because the nice thing to do is to say yes but deep down I think I'd have to move out myself after six months and leave my family, just to keep my sanity.  I just feel bad that I can't do a good thing for someone.

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MisterPinstripe

MisterPinstripe

Posted
Posted

If he already lives that close, I dont see the point. It sounds like its got the potential to really become a problem for your daily lives. It would be one thing if they lived for away and were getting to the point where they couldnt take care of themselves. Family, even annoying family, is important. But your own families stability trumps it.

 

Of course you could then break out, as long as he lives under your house, he abides by your rules. :-D

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Ned Flanders

Ned Flanders

Posted
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I was in a similar situation where my wife's dad died, and her mom was left alone. Her mom is a very harsh, abrasive person to deal with and be around, like your FIL.  My wife kept on having these thoughts of having her live with us, and even made that part of the deal (in her mind) when I purchased a new house 5 years back. Kept on saying things like "That has enough room for my mom to come live with us when the time comes", WRONG, I have 3 kids under the age of 5 now, I don't need another one over the age of 70 to watch. It's been 5 years, and her mother (my MIL), has been FINE. She takes the kids once in a while, comes over to eat dinner 1 or 2 times a week, everything is as it should be.

 

Besides that, If she moved in, I couldn't walk around the house freeballin' at night anymore - that was the real dealbreaker for me

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GhostofSparta

GhostofSparta

Posted
Posted

Outside of some medical necessity, there only way this should be allowed to happen is if the other party understands 100% that it is YOUR house, and they are a guest. This can be very difficult if the in-laws are your/your spouse's parents, because they're typically not used to such a situation.

 

 

I really wouldn't recommend that anybody do this unless it is absolutely necessary.

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Chew

Chew

Posted
Posted

It can ruin a marriage, easily. I've seen it firsthand.

thank you

i respected mu father in law more than anybody on planet earth. but his wife died and he went crazy.

he threatened my wife (yes, his own daughter) and i put a MOTHER ****ING SHOTGUN IN HIS FACE. he called 911 and i got locked....

that was 2009 in columboa, sc....my wife and i hadnt talked to him since that day. we moved acrosscountey from.carolina to washington state 2 days later

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pjfootballer

pjfootballer

Posted
Posted

Had my MIL living with us for 4 years. It's very difficult. My wife is from Peru and her mother was born in Argentina and had lived in Peru most of her life. You balance the "it's my house and this is the way it should be" with the in-law not feeling like its their home too. I've bit my tongue do many times it has scars. Her problem is that she gets annoyed at the way we do things here in America, but my wife adapted and became very Americanized. I could write a page and a half in here about my trials and tribulations with her.

Have my MIL living with us for 4 years. It's very difficult. My wife is from Peru and her mother was born in Argentina and had lived in Peru most of her life. You balance the "it's my house and this is the way it should be" with the in-law not feeling like its their home too. I've bit my tongue do many times it has scars. Her problem is that she gets annoyed at the way we do things here in America, but my wife adapted and became very Americanized. I could write a page and a half in here about my trials and tribulations with her.

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mjah

mjah

Posted
Posted

A mile away is close enough.

 

When people move in for extended periods of time, they start off pleasantly enough.  But in the long term, it's impossible for a naturally difficult person to keep up a houseguest act that is kinder than their true personality.  Eventually, any person has to be whoever they are.  And if you insist that a pest keep up the kind/reasonable act beyond that point, often the situation somehow becomes your fault and your problem instead of theirs.  Forget it.

 

I don't know your BIL so I'm generalizing.  But just... don't do it.  The risk to your family harmony is tremendous, but the payoff is likely pretty weak vs. having the guy living a mile away.   :mellow:

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CrabR

CrabR

Posted
Posted

My wife could  not get along with my mother and I cant get along with her father we both agreed for our sanity we could not allow either to move in. Both are/were religious and tend/ed to preach to us.  Years ago I told her father I had become a Muslim he went off the deep end until my wife told him I was just  messing with his mind. Both he and my mother was more comfortable with me being an Atheist than being a Muslim

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