sacase Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah, you're going out on a limb. My mate of a year would probably disagree, as would more than enough previous mates to get me out of the "can't get laid" category.I have no idea why you, or most other people, assume that having separate bedrooms means that sleeping together is outlawed with the same level of strictness as burka enforcement in Saudi Arabia. You can fall asleep together, if you want. But I generally don't want to go to sleep at the same time as my girlfriend. What then? One of us has to pointlessly lie there in the dark for the rest of our relationship? If it's a simple pleasure for you, by all means, go for it. But I'd love to see what you'd write on a night when you're desperate for solid sleep and you're woken up a dozen times by your better half tossing and turning. Ok, why do you have to go to bed at the same time? Why can't one of you go to bed and the other come in when they feel like it. Now granted my GF falls asleep on the couch waiting for me to go to bed. I typically go to bed 2 hours later than her. I tell her to go to sleep but she insists on laying on the couch waiting for me, this has started to bother me I feel like I am being crowded but that's another thread. However, when I get tired I go to bed, if she comes it later or with me, that is on her, I go to sleep when I feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 You seem to be really concerned w/ the timing issue and sleep schedules. The fact is, when you're with someone for a while these things start to sync up. Sure there will be nights when someone wants to go to bed earlier or later, or when someone can't fall asleep, but being together is all about compromise and you work those issues out as they come along. More power to you if you want separate bedrooms, but I'd like to think I will spend the rest of my life with someone I want to wake up to every day, not someone I'll run in to in the kitchen every morning. See, for me, those two aren't mutually exclusive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief skin Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 different strokes, me I enjoy sharing the bed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Well I never said anything about spooning. As far as sex, I don't know. Random sex is where it's at. I think by going to different bedrooms at night you really limit your opportunities for that to happen. I mean, wtf, are you going to feel horny, get up, walk next door, be like "honey, can you come over here for a second. I want to bang you." Dude, that's epic fail. And I think having my wife next me, spooning, cuddling, holding her, looking into her eyes, whatever, really puts me, and her, in the mood. If you think that's how the sex works, then you have absolutely horrible game. :nana: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xameil Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I would absolutely love to hear you try to convince my girlfriend that we're not close because we often sleep separately. She'd probably slap you. hey as I said to each their own. I am just telling you what I know from experiences of my own and people I know. And fyi...there's a difference between being connected to a person and close. You can be close...but nor connected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Ok, why do you have to go to bed at the same time? Why can't one of you go to bed and the other come in when they feel like it. Now granted my GF falls asleep on the couch waiting for me to go to bed. I typically go to bed 2 hours later than her. I tell her to go to sleep but she insists on laying on the couch waiting for me, this has started to bother me I feel like I am being crowded but that's another thread. However, when I get tired I go to bed, if she comes it later or with me, that is on her, I go to sleep when I feel like it. Most of the sentences in this paragraph tell me that you'd actually benefit from trying my "method" for a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.A.C.O.L.B. Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 If you think that's how the sex works, then you have absolutely horrible game. :nana: WTF are you talking about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 hey as I said to each their own. I am just telling you what I know from experiences of my own and people I know. And fyi...there's a difference between being connected to a person and close. You can be close...but nor connected. Alrighty. You keep on thinking that there is absolutely no imaginable circumstance in which a couple could be close, affectionate, and successful whilst sleeping in separate beds, and I'll keep on enjoying my current relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 WTF are you talking about? The post that I quoted. What are you talking about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacase Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Most of the sentences in this paragraph tell me that you'd actually benefit from trying my "method" for a week. No because when I go to bed, I like her in the bed with me. I just hate people hovering around me. I like space when I am awake, not at night. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 No because when I go to bed, I like her in the bed with me. I just hate people hovering around me. I like space when I am awake, not at night. lol *shrug* If you like it, go for it. But when you say something bothers you, my initial reaction is that you shouldn't construct a way of life that will reinforce that bothering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sisko Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I guess anything abnormal qualifies for MSF land then. I'd better adhere to every fashion trend that comes around for the rest of my life. People might think I spend my free time jousting if I don't. Don't get your panties all in a bunch Irene, I was just giving you the business. Look, I'm a big believer in doing whatever turns your crank. Heck, if I can accept two dudes gettin' it on I can certainly accept that you want to sleep separately from your GF. However, Renaissance is right. Either the sleep cycles eventually synch up or you all get used to the noises each other make and it doesn't wake you up. If you've ever noticed the times on some of my posts, you know it's nothing for me to be up until 2:00 or 3:00AM...during the work week. Trust me, Mrs. '06 is nowhere near awake at that time of morning but even if I'm posting on ES, reading, or watching TV she's still able to sleep-and she's a light sleeper. Likewise, when she wakes up early it doesn't wake me up at all. But then I guess that's no surprise since I regularly get about 4 hours of sleep a night. In any event, I think your GF is just trying to wait you out. She probably thinks that over time you all will sleep in separate bedrooms less and less until eventually it just fades away. Ask her, I bet she's operating under some assumption like this, assuming she'll admit it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Tater Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 My first thought is who would get the master bedroom? Wouldn't this severely cut down housing options? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hubbs my friend, you started a thread asking a question, don't get so defensive that people are answering your question honestly. As for my opinion, yes, that is extremely weird relationship behavior to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 What exactly am I not "trusting" her about? Hey, I never said you would have a trust problem, but the way you word it, you've yet to live with or be married to someone. Perhaps instead of inferring that your future spouse / partner might have a trust issue, I should say "Good luck finding a woman who can live happily ever after with that." I have nothing against it, and whether it's weird or not is in the eye of the beholder. But there's more to sharing the bed than sex or just being a slave to tradition. As corny as it sounds, sometimes it's just nice to know she's there, and that's different than knowing she's in the other room. *I should note that my wife is very accommodating in the regard to bed space. She's small as it is, and in her sleep the slightest brush of my finger will send her scooting at least 8 inches to the left. Thats'a nice. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slateman Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Kind of a spin-off of the shacking up thread, but it's enough of a different topic to live on its own.Whenever I live with/get married to someone, there is absolutely, positively no chance in hell that we'll share the same bedroom, let alone the same bed. I honestly can't figure out what motivates anyone at all to do so, other than the simple pattern of box-like thinking that's developed because somewhere along the line, our culture decided that it's "normal" for a couple living together to also sleep together. I can understand people doing it simply because their parents and grandparents did it, and they never even consider the alternative. What I can't understand is people actually arguing for it. Yet all the signals I'm getting are telling me that most couples still sleep in the same bed when they live together. I can't believe that such a lopsided ratio does this simply because it's expected, or because they literally can't afford a place with two bedrooms. Am I totally on an island here? What motivates people to sacrifice the most personal of personal spaces, not to mention their ****ing sleep, simply to be sleeping within a couple feet of somebody else every night? Because sleeping next to a woman who smells wonderful is amazing. And its even better when she "wakes you" on some mornings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Don't get your panties all in a bunch Irene, I was just giving you the business. Look, I'm a big believer in doing whatever turns your crank. Heck, if I can accept two dudes gettin' it on I can certainly accept that you want to sleep separately from your GF. However, Renaissance is right. Either the sleep cycles eventually synch up or you all get used to the noises each other make and it doesn't wake you up. If you've ever noticed the times on some of my posts, you know it's nothing for me to be up until 2:00 or 3:00AM...during the work week. Trust me, Mrs. '06 is nowhere near awake at that time of morning but even if I'm posting on ES, reading, or watching TV she's still able to sleep-and she's a light sleeper. Likewise, when she wakes up early it doesn't wake me up at all. But then I guess that's no surprise since I regularly get about 4 hours of sleep a night. I'm glad that you and Mrs. '06 have naturally adapted to each others' sleep patterns. Unfortunately, the world is full of different sleep necessities. For instance, I know a guy who can't sleep unless he's in a spread-eagle position. There's absolutely no way that I would suggest to him that he share a bed with someone for several decades. In any event, I think your GF is just trying to wait you out. She probably thinks that over time you all will sleep in separate bedrooms less and less until eventually it just fades away. Ask her, I bet she's operating under some assumption like this, assuming she'll admit it anyway. I have asked her. We're a very up-front couple. She knows how I feel, and for the first few months we would joke about it, because I made it known that no single issue is a deal-breaker for me. I slept with her because it was worth it. Over time, she started to shift over to my way of thinking. It wasn't coerced - quite the opposite, in fact, because she knows full well that if she wanted to sleep with me every time she saw me, I'd do it. It's been totally up to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Because sleeping next to a woman who smells wonderful is amazing. And its even better when she "wakes you" on some mornings Clearly, she could never "wake you" if she had to open a door to do so. The laws of physics simply wouldn't allow it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Don't get your panties all in a bunch Irene, I was just giving you the business. Look, I'm a big believer in doing whatever turns your crank. Heck, if I can accept two dudes gettin' it on I can certainly accept that you want to sleep separately from your GF. :rotflmao: That's some comedy gold right there. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 In any event, I think your GF is just trying to wait you out. She probably thinks that over time you all will sleep in separate bedrooms less and less until eventually it just fades away. Ask her, I bet she's operating under some assumption like this, assuming she'll admit it anyway. If I was placing a bet, this is exactly what I'd be betting on...especially knowing a bit about ladies' outlook on relationships when we are in our late teens, early 20's...we'll wait something out expecting the issue to magically work itself out after time, or even after marriage, or that we can "fix" the issue and change the guy's mind after time. Personally, I'd be very offended if my husband did not want to share a bed with me. But whatever, to each his own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sisko Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Just out of curiosity Hubbs, if/when you get married do you think you'll have a problem sharing your stuff and having joint bank accounts, insurance coverage etc.? Just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hubbs my friend, you started a thread asking a question, don't get so defensive that people are answering your question honestly.As for my opinion, yes, that is extremely weird relationship behavior to me. I suppose I'm acting a bit defensive in response to the posts that tell me that no relationship could ever possibly work this way, because I've personally experienced more than one that has, and I know of a couple others that have, so it's a bit irritating to be told that my reality is somehow false. I have no qualms with anyone who simply prefers sleeping with their SO - I mean, hell, I have no qualms with someone who prefers sleeping with three SO's. To each his/her own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I moved into a three bedroom house with my girlfriend and her friend. She has her own bedroom and the girls have their own bathroom. That lasted almost a day and a half. Her bedroom is for her cats and the ton of **** she owns. How do girls have so much freaking crap? Can you really wear 100 pairs of shoes? 40 dresses? 250 pieces of jewelry? Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Just out of curiosity Hubbs, if/when you get married do you think you'll have a problem sharing your stuff and having joint bank accounts, insurance coverage etc.? Just curious. Nope. My opinion on this issue is entirely due to the fact that I've come to the conclusion that it's very healthy for each individual in a relationship to have his/her own completely personal space, and that it's very healthy for each individual in a relationship to have as much control over personal sleep as he/she desires. Sleep is still very, very underrated by the general public. I honestly can't think of a single medical sleep study that didn't conclude that deep, solid, healthy sleep is very important to both everyday life and long-term health. If you're able to adjust your sleep to your SO, that's great. More power to you. But it's easily the number one complaint category amongst the people I know who spend a significant number of nights with their SO's, and, yes, that includes older married couples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissU28 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 .How do girls have so much freaking crap? Can you really wear 100 pairs of shoes? 40 dresses? 250 pieces of jewelry? Jesus. yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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