Where has good parenting gone?

[Commander PK]

Where has good parenting gone?

Time to rant. Tonight my fiance’s mother leaves my house, and a few minutes later calls us up. She tells me there is a pack of 5-10 year olds hanging around my cars, and two of them had climbed up on the hood, and were sitting there! My brand new, barely a month old Charger R/T! Needlessly to say, I run out of my house, and find them off the car, but still loitering around my vehicles. I firmly tell them to get away from my property, and play somewhere else. In the first two weeks I owned the car, it was scratched it looks like by a bicycle. This is the 2nd time I’ve had to speak to these kids. I don’t think that ½ of them even live in my row, and this was 9:30 tonight! What is a 5 year old doing out playing in a parking lot with a bunch of other 5 year olds at 9:30 at night? Where are the parents? Getting high?

:mad:

[Fergasun]

Words of wisdom I heard in the past month: don't buy a nice new car unless you have a garage to put it in. I'm half kidding but you've got my sympathies.

We have this problem where I live, with the skateboarders and I guess 6-12 year old children running around outside. When I take my almost 3-year-old out to play he loves following them because they are the cool big kids. Have no idea where the parents are but our apartment management sent out a reminder regarding noise. All the kids are out for summer and I overheard one of them say something like, "during the summer I go to bed whenever I want".

One of the kids' mom's lives above us and she is a wreck, fought with one boyfriend about a month ago (he moved out 2 days later) and now this month there is a new boyfriend... half the time I don't think she is home so above us there are always kids running around, even around midnight.

At the same time if I go to a different location in my apartment there is a small park where parents allow their children to play. Today I went there and my son played with 3 kids who were a bit older but treated him very well (pulling him up the slide, not caring that he tagged along with them) and their mom kept them in-line. During this time another 2-year-old rolled up with his mom and our kids were all having a decent time together, parents in watch.

The sad thing is that the kids are always hanging around the complex when there is an elementary school next-door with a large field area. Now I think my town has some anti-loitering laws around the school which would discourage the skateboarders (although I just realized my son and I are always playing in the parking lot with his Little Tykes Bike), but if I was a parent I'd encourage my children (as long as I knew they were old and responsible) to walk 3 minutes away and play in the school area... even if it violated some dumb city statute. I've even see some boys playing wall-ball in the dumpster area when there are walls set-up at the elementary school to accomplish this... and they play baseball in this same area even though again, next door at the field there is a baseball diamond and plenty of space (most of the time there aren't official activities going on).

So yeah, life is full of responsible people and irresponsible people...

[nyskinsfan56]

Good parenting hasn't gone anywhere...you're just not likely to notice it as much as the bad.

[Major Harris]

I'd encourage my children (as long as I knew they were old and responsible) to walk 3 minutes away and play in the school area... even if it violated some dumb city statute.

**looks at thread title, glances at this statement**

[Burgold]

Good parenting hasn't gone anywhere...you're just not likely to notice it as much as the bad.

I don't know. When I was teaching, I met up with so many bad, apathetic parents. Parents who didn't even put their kids's second on their priority list, but put them so far down below that they barely registered. It was so jarring, because I have been blessed with wonderful parents who instilled in me the notion that family comes before anything, even self.

I think there is something fundamentally sick in the me-ness of today's society.

[dwbiggs]

I remember growing up in Manassas Park and playing football in the road with cars parked on both sides...nobody seemed to care if the ball hit there car or one of us slammed another against a car. Funny, but I don't remember anyone coming out to tell us to get away from their car. Maybe no one in my neighborhood had a nice care so they didn't care. :whoknows:

[Hubbs]

**looks at thread title, glances at this statement**

You're right. Parents should never, ever do what they believe is best for their children if that decision would violate the equivalent of a jaywalking law.

[IbleedBnG83]

**looks at thread title, glances at this statement**

:applause: Bravo on catching that:applause:

And :doh: to the guy that told his kid to break the law because they will walk 3 minutes.

[Kosher Ham]

[IbleedBnG83]

My brand new, barely a month old Charger R/T!?

Well, at least it's a Dodge.:laugh:

[Kosher Ham]

You're right. Parents should never, ever do what they believe is best for their children if that decision would violate the equivalent of a jaywalking law.

A sense a touch of sarcasm. However, the severity of the crime is not the point of Major's response. It's the encouragement to potentially teach your kids that breaking some laws is just fine.

[ldysknzfn1]

I wish I knew where good parenting has gone. It seems to be non-existant around here. The kids here have ridiculously, obnoxious mouths and won't listen to any adult much less their parents. If you go to the parents and tell them..they threaten you and tell you not to say anything to their kids b/c their kids never do anything wrong:rolleyes: . Most of the little kids' parents who live in my neighborhood are a) working.....b)in jail.....c)drug addicts....d)laying up w/their b/f or g/f and as long as the kids aren't looking them in the face they could care less where they are.

It's sad and frustrating. This whole generation will be lost. And they wonder why gangs are growing around here. They can't help but grow...kids are looking for love...the gangs give them that sense of belonging that they can't get at home. I hear parents cursing their kids out in public(malls, stores, in front of their houses) and I hear kids giving it back to their parents. Kids live what they learn at home and if there's no one to teach them the right way...they find their own way or allow some gang banger to show them the way.

[Hubbs]

A sense a touch of sarcasm. However, the severity of the crime is not the point of Major's response. It's the encouragement to potentially teach your kids that breaking some laws is just fine.

I don't know about you, but whenever I wind up creating a couple mini-mes, I'm sure as hell not going to teach them that authority is always right.

And :doh: to the guy that told his kid to break the law because they will walk 3 minutes.

:doh: to you for suggesting that it couldn't possibly be, overall, a good decision.

[Major Harris]

You're right. Parents should never, ever do what they believe is best for their children if that decision would violate the equivalent of a jaywalking law.

or maybe they could just ASK permission and go through the proper channels. heaven forbid we use it as a teaching moment...it's just jay walking after all.

[Major Harris]

I don't know about you, but whenever I wind up creating a couple mini-mes, I'm sure as hell not going to teach them that authority is always right..

no offense, but you're 21. that's usually the peak of the rebellion.

instead of teaching them that "the authorities aren't right!" you could teach them about the proper channels you go through and doing things the right way.

[Zguy28]

I think there is something fundamentally sick in the me-ness of today's society.

Many times its related to substance abuse of some kind. Alcohol and drugs. At least that's been my anecdotal experience.

I had a friend when I was growing up whose father never spent time with him, didn't care for him or step-mom. Kid always got in trouble and got me in trouble more than once. His dad was always "fishing". He was really going with his friend to get high everyday on pot. In high school, he started sharing it with his son and ended up destroying his family.

Sad what drugs and alcohol can do.

[Hubbs]

or maybe they could just ASK permission and go through the proper channels. heaven forbid we use it as a teaching moment...it's just jay walking after all.

no offense, but you're 21. that's usually the peak of the rebellion.

instead of teaching them that "the authorities aren't right!" you could teach them about the proper channels you go through and doing things the right way.

Eh, the "peak of my rebellion" was a few years ago. If fighting The Man about loitering signs is the "peak" of any rebellion, that's one of the tamest rebellions in history.

The "proper channels" for this sort of thing would involve weeks of city bureaucracy and paperwork that you'd have to tell your kid to keep in his pocket to show any potential authority figure who tries to make him go away. Or, you could just tell your kid to go play at the damn school, which, ironically, is another thing that people seem to long for from Ye Olden Days.

[Major Harris]

The "proper channels" for this sort of thing would involve weeks of city bureaucracy and paperwork that you'd have to tell your kid to keep in his pocket to show any potential authority figure who tries to make him go away.

no it wouldn't.

Or, you could just tell your kid to go play at the damn school, which, ironically, is another thing that people seem to long for from Ye Olden Days.

just tell him to trespass. it's a dumb rule. then when he gets in trouble, be sure to tell him you're just a dumb parent.

[rdsknbill]

:munchout:

This ought to be interesting.

[Major Harris]

:munchout:

This ought to be interesting.

ftr, i'm using "you" in the general sense, not directed at hubbs. he has no mini-mes.

[Kosher Ham]

I'm sorry Hubbs, but advising your children to just ignore/break the dumb laws is not the way to do it. You can change laws without having to break any. And to me that is what children should be taught.

Being rebellious and doing dumb stuff is a part of being a kid. But I don't think I would condone or support them being rebellious especially if I KNEW what they were doing or that it was illegal.

[Commander PK]

I remember growing up in Manassas Park and playing football in the road with cars parked on both sides...nobody seemed to care if the ball hit there car or one of us slammed another against a car. Funny, but I don't remember anyone coming out to tell us to get away from their car. Maybe no one in my neighborhood had a nice care so they didn't care. :whoknows:

They were probably scared of the "juvenile delinquents" out playing in the street.

My concern about my car getting dinged up is just part of the problem. Where is the discipline? Where are the parents? What the hell are they doing, that they would allow their 5 year old kid to wander the streets at 10 o'clock at night? I have two soon to be step-children that live with me, and I'd be damned if I'd let them wander around the neighborhood without supervision with a bunch of other kids all night. If anything were to happen one of these kids, their parents would have NOBODY to blame but themselves.

but instead they'd probably blame the cops for not "protecting" their children, and try to sue. Hey, we gonna get paid!!!

[Corcaigh]

What is a 5 year old doing out playing in a parking lot with a bunch of other 5 year olds at 9:30 at night? Where are the parents?

Why don't you ask the kids?

Escort them home and tell the parent, "I found your five-year old kid playing in the street. He almost got killed ... when I drove my car away when he was sitting on the hood."

[IbleedBnG83]

:doh: to you for suggesting that it couldn't possibly be, overall, a good decision.

I guess teaching hypocrisy goes in line with good parenting:doh: There couldn't be possible alternatives to getting exercise for children. After all, isn't a part of good parenting teaching children to be resilient, and explore all their options with in his or her own means...you know, so they don't break the law or something like that just because they feel like its justified...maybe i'm just crazy.

Kid: "But dad, we aren't allowed to go to the park after a certain hour."

Father: "Its ok son. Its a stupid law. I think it would be better to sweep that under the rug so you can walk three minutes."

Kid: "So its ok to break the rules."

Father: "Only when they are stupid and inconvenient."

Kid: "Awesome! Thanks dad."

Father: "Now go run along and play. But behave and follow the rules."

[Fergasun]

OK, since I'm the "bad parent" encouraging my son to "break the law" let me explain the situation. Most of the time when we go out to play or walk I basically allow my son to do what he wants (he is 1 month short of 3). So if I am taking him to this park, which is a legal park and we are allowed to use during after school hours, which also includes the school playground, we'll normally cut through the side and front of the school. I can't remember if the sign says "No Loitering" but I do know it says "No skateboarding". Basically, since 2 year olds have very little attention span, sometimes something like climbing up and down the railing will grab his attention for 20-30 minutes or so, and he'll play some game of climbing up and down the railing. Also, he has a "Little Tykes" bike, and this school has an old, unused parking lot that has a perfect slope for just gliding down the hill... so many times he'll ride the bike down (of course I'm there to stop it before he goes anywhere dangerous) and back up again. Yesterday he was just having fun running up and down the small hill by the side of the school.

If the sign said "No Loitering" it wouldn't change my behavior.

We live in an apartment, with not a lot of open areas for kids just to run around in, and additionally its an apartment so noise travels. I generally don't like him playing in this area since he has a set of pipes.