Where has good parenting gone?

[Commander PK]

Painkiller, to spin off your last post...Why have we become so materialistic overall (it seems) ?

Well, I think it's the rat race to the top. Everybody has to out do everybody else. How else do you prove that your successful, then by having a ton of material wealth.

I think to go even a bit a deeper, it's many people are generally unhappy. They use the material items, and the acquiring of material items to try to fill a void. Lack of spirituality perhaps, or meaningful relationships, but in the end...none of it really makes you happy, but you keep trying to fill that void with stuff that has no real value. An ex-girlfriend of mine who has spent her life chasing the proverbial "brass ring" is like this. She has everything in the world she could want, but is still miserable.

[Fergasun]

Why not take him to Northridge Park ?

Perhaps even, the Northridge Rec Center ?

We don't live in Northridge anymore, although we did live 1 mile away from the rec center... 1 mile walk down a road with tons of congestion. We never even liked pushing the stroller down that street due to the amount of cars and fears about him breathing in bad air. Park and rec center is the same thing.

[endzone_dave]

This ADD/ADHD stuff is pure BS. Drs are making money off if it but putting kids on it. Give your kids space to get outside and burn off some of that energy they have. Cut their tv/video game time in half. Hell run the hell out of them and see how well they sleep at night. I bet they are not up at 3am.

Another thing that pisses me off is stupid ass people in stores. There have been several times I have spanked my son in public as I firmly believe you have to take care of the issue right then, not 3 hours later when everyone forgets. Then I get some soccer mom come uo to me telling me not to spank my child. Which normally follows by me asking if she wants some and offering her my phone to call 911. Raise your kids your way I will raise mine my way. There is a HUGE differnece between abuse and punishment, people really need to learn it.

There's a lot more to being a good parent than spanking a kid. Any idiot can make their kids fear them. It takes a good parent to teach their kids to respect them.

[Corcaigh]

There's a lot more to being a good parent than spanking a kid.

:doh: But how else will the next generation learn to hit their kids?

[Hubbs]

no it wouldn't.

just tell him to trespass. it's a dumb rule. then when he gets in trouble, be sure to tell him you're just a dumb parent.

Not too far off, actually. If my eventual kids ever want to do something that technically breaks a rule/law, but I agree with on principle, I'll tell them that they have my permission, but they have to deal with the consequences if they get in trouble. I'm not going to act as their "get out of jail free" card.

If you want to call that "dumb parenting," I can't stop you. I call it giving them a sample of making independent choices and accepting personal responsibility.

I guess teaching hypocrisy goes in line with good parenting There couldn't be possible alternatives to getting exercise for children. After all, isn't a part of good parenting teaching children to be resilient, and explore all their options with in his or her own means...you know, so they don't break the law or something like that just because they feel like its justified...maybe i'm just crazy.

Kid: "But dad, we aren't allowed to go to the park after a certain hour."

Father: "Its ok son. Its a stupid law. I think it would be better to sweep that under the rug so you can walk three minutes."

Kid: "So its ok to break the rules."

Father: "Only when they are stupid and inconvenient."

Kid: "Awesome! Thanks dad."

Father: "Now go run along and play. But behave and follow the rules."

First of all, I think you misunderstood the OP's story. Your conversation doesn't make sense in context.

Secondly, it would actually be hypocritical of me to teach my kids to do something I wouldn't do myself. I don't believe there's any sort of "moral right" in always adhering to every rule you're presented with. If a situation arises in which I believe that it's better to break a minor, apparently un-enforced rule than to adhere to it, I'll explain that to my kids.

[Kosher Ham]

This ADD/ADHD stuff is pure BS. Drs are making money off if it but putting kids on it. Give your kids space to get outside and burn off some of that energy they have. Cut their tv/video game time in half. Hell run the hell out of them and see how well they sleep at night. I bet they are not up at 3am.

Another thing that pisses me off is stupid ass people in stores. There have been several times I have spanked my son in public as I firmly believe you have to take care of the issue right then, not 3 hours later when everyone forgets. Then I get some soccer mom come uo to me telling me not to spank my child. Which normally follows by me asking if she wants some and offering her my phone to call 911. Raise your kids your way I will raise mine my way. There is a HUGE differnece between abuse and punishment, people really need to learn it.

Spanking your child is not the same as beating your child. Unfortunately, parents are afraid of the implications that are potentially caused from the accusation of beating your child, even when in reality it was a deserved spanking. I certainly don't condone beating your child, but from time to time a slap on the tush, or what have you is needed to help teach right from wrong and the fact that life choices have consequences. And I don't even want to get into the value of a dollar.

Well, I think it's the rat race to the top. Everybody has to out do everybody else. How else do you prove that your successful, then by having a ton of material wealth.

I think to go even a bit a deeper, it's many people are generally unhappy. They use the material items, and the acquiring of material items to try to fill a void. Lack of spirituality perhaps, or meaningful relationships, but in the end...none of it really makes you happy, but you keep trying to fill that void with stuff that has no real value. An ex-girlfriend of mine who has spent her life chasing the proverbial "brass ring" is like this. She has everything in the world she could want, but is still miserable.

I know a 20 year old girl that has a Lexus and a Mustang. She lives in a bad ass house, has a condo at Atlantis, vacations on a whim, and still is pretty miserable. Having all that stuff is cool, but it doesn't fulfill the need to be loved, respected, and accepted. Fortunately, I am in a position where I can enjoy it all. Her family is always so busy and unavailable that she resorts to going out to clubs with a fake id and partying, just for some camaraderie.

We don't live in Northridge anymore, although we did live 1 mile away from the rec center... 1 mile walk down a road with tons of congestion. We never even liked pushing the stroller down that street due to the amount of cars and fears about him breathing in bad air. Park and rec center is the same thing.

I was thinking of the gym part of it, and then realized your child was only on the verge of 3. My apologies. So where are you living now ? Closer to SD or still near LA ?

There's a lot more to being a good parent than spanking a kid. Any idiot can make their kids fear them. It takes a good parent to teach their kids to respect them.

But respecting them is only the beginning. What about respect for elders, respect for peers, respect for women, respect for their belongings, respect for themselves, etc. ?

I did not fear my parents for spanking me when I was a kid. They communicated with me and explained things, and set boundaries/rules/expectations. When I fell short there would be a type of punishment, sometimes it would result in a grounding, other times perhaps loss of other priviledges, and when it resulted in a spanking it was clearly a more serious behavioral or (in my case) stupidity problem.

[Major Harris]

Not too far off, actually. If my eventual kids ever want to do something that technically breaks a rule/law, but I agree with on principle, I'll tell them that they have my permission, but they have to deal with the consequences if they get in trouble. I'm not going to act as their "get out of jail free" card.

i thought we were talking small kids here. i don't see that as a very constructive exercise for kids of the age with which we (i thought) were dealing w/ in this thread.

now a teenager? that could be a valuable lesson, if implemented properly.

[IbleedBnG83]

Not too far off, actually. If my eventual kids ever want to do something that technically breaks a rule/law, but I agree with on principle, I'll tell them that they have my permission, but they have to deal with the consequences if they get in trouble. I'm not going to act as their "get out of jail free" card.

If you want to call that "dumb parenting," I can't stop you. I call it giving them a sample of making independent choices and accepting personal responsibility.

First of all, I think you misunderstood the OP's story. Your conversation doesn't make sense in context.

Secondly, it would actually be hypocritical of me to teach my kids to do something I wouldn't do myself. I don't believe there's any sort of "moral right" in always adhering to every rule you're presented with. If a situation arises in which I believe that it's better to break a minor, apparently un-enforced rule than to adhere to it, I'll explain that to my kids.

He explained himself, we hashed it. It was more gear towards another posters comment. See other posts...

[Kosher Ham]

Not too far off, actually. If my eventual kids ever want to do something that technically breaks a rule/law, but I agree with on principle, I'll tell them that they have my permission, but they have to deal with the consequences if they get in trouble. I'm not going to act as their "get out of jail free" card.

If you want to call that "dumb parenting," I can't stop you. I call it giving them a sample of making independent choices and accepting personal responsibility.

They would make the choice to break the law and you support that decision instead of providing alternative suggestions ? Yes, that would be bad parenting.

First of all, I think you misunderstood the OP's story. Your conversation doesn't make sense in context.

Secondly, it would actually be hypocritical of me to teach my kids to do something I wouldn't do myself. I don't believe there's any sort of "moral right" in always adhering to every rule you're presented with. If a situation arises in which I believe that it's better to break a minor, apparently un-enforced rule than to adhere to it, I'll explain that to my kids.

It's okay to cheat the system and break the rules ? Is that what you are saying ?

[Hubbs]

i thought we were talking small kids here. i don't see that as a very constructive exercise for kids of the age with which we (i thought) were dealing w/ in this thread.

now a teenager? that could be a valuable lesson, if implemented properly.

Yeah, I was speaking more in generalities of raising a kid. I mean, if we're talking about a two-year-old, the whole discussion is pretty moot... does a two-year-old have any idea what "loitering" means?

They would make the choice to break the law and you support that decision instead of providing alternative suggestions? Yes, that would be bad parenting.

When did I say I wouldn't provide alternatives? If alternatives existed, sure, I'd make sure they knew about them. Now, if I still believed the law-breaking option to be superior, then I would tell my kid, explain my reasoning, and let him/her make the decision and deal with whatever the result was. That's how it works in real life, when you don't always have a parent telling you what to do.

It's okay to cheat the system and break the rules ? Is that what you are saying ?

The system is always right? Is that what you're saying?

[IbleedBnG83]

The system is always right? Is that what you're saying?

Then what you are saying is that if you don't believe the system is right, it is ok to do what you think is best? Just because we all don't agree with rules, no matter how trivial, they are still rules. You break the law everyday. The minute you go 1mph over the speed limit...your breaking the law. No matter how trivial a rule maybe, you are breaking the law. I agree, that there are certain things like a man taking his little son to a school to run around a play while there is a sign that says no loitering is ok. But that really isn't considered loitering.

[Hubbs]

Then what you are saying is that if you don't believe the system is right, it is ok to do what you think is best? Just because we all don't agree with rules, no matter how trivial, they are still rules. You break the law everyday. The minute you go 1mph over the speed limit...your breaking the law. No matter how trivial a rule maybe, you are breaking the law. I agree, that there are certain things like a man taking his little son to a school to run around a play while there is a sign that says no loitering is ok. But that really isn't considered loitering.

Not in all cases, of course. But I don't believe it's productive to teach a child that a rule always trumps everything else.

[Kosher Ham]

Not in all cases, of course. But I don't believe it's productive to teach a child that a rule always trumps everything else.

That is not what we are saying either.

However teaching, promoting, supporting and advising your children to break the rules/laws...no matter how stupid they may seem...not the right way to do it.

[Hubbs]

That is not what we are saying either.

However teaching, promoting, supporting and advising your children to break the rules/laws...no matter how stupid they may seem...not the right way to do it.

Perhaps that's "not what I'm saying," either.

[pjfootballer]

There are still some good parents out there. My next door neighbor's 9 or 10 year old daughter came over while I was washing the car to tell me their ball hit my house. I asked her if it was dented and she said no. I told her don't worry about it, but try to be more careful. She said she would and that was that. She looked scared to even tell me, but I appreciate her saying something. Frankly I didn't hear anything and would have never even known about it. But good parenting is still alive, but few and far between.

[IbleedBnG83]

There are still some good parents out there. My next door neighbor's 9 or 10 year old daughter came over while I was washing the car to tell me their ball hit my house. I asked her if it was dented and she said no. I told her don't worry about it, but try to be more careful. She said she would and that was that. She looked scared to even tell me, but I appreciate her saying something. Frankly I didn't hear anything and would have never even known about it. But good parenting is still alive, but few and far between.

Well its good to hear a positive situation...:applause: to the parents of those kids. I hope you said something positive to that kids parents.