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The Neighbors and The AITA thread.

Spaceman Spiff

By Spaceman Spiff
in The Tailgate

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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This here story I'm about to unfold is absolutely ridiculous.  And I don't really know what to do.

 

January of this year, I got invited by a buddy of mine (we'll call him Dave) to run a marathon in November (spoiler, your boy Spiff did pretty well and didn't walk or stop the entire time).  Dave lives on the opposite side of town from me and due to his work/family schedule we wouldn't be able to train together very often, maybe once a week.

 

Dave also lives in an absolutely massive subdivision, a planned community with single family homes and townhomes.  This subdivision actually has it's own message board and Dave made the mistake of making a post on that message board to see if anyone wanted to start a running club with him, or at the very least run with him a few times a week to train for his marathon.  

 

Well, Dave got a response within 10 minutes from a neighbor that lives around the corner from him, we'll call this guy Howard.  And Dave has now learned the lesson to not meet dorks off a message board (yes, I'm roasting ES a little bit).

 

Partway through the summer, Dave and I decided to meet up on a Friday morning for a long run before work hours, I think we were doing 12 or 13 miles.  Friday morning meetups were a staple for us during the training, that was the one morning where our schedules would align.  Anyway, the night before Dave texted me something like "So, we're gonna run with this guy tomorrow morning and whatever you do, don't give him your phone number, don't give him any of your social media, just don't give him anything, trust me."

 

I'm like, WTF?  What the hell did Dave get us into?

 

So we met up and this guy Howard is a little quirky, but overall pretty nice.  Not someone I'd want to hang out with but also not someone who was completely unbearable.  And he didn't ask me for my phone number or socials or whatever.  He also kept getting my name wrong, which was weird but whatever.  I learned that despite being quirky and awkward, he somehow has a wife and a baby.

 

Howard also couldn't keep up with us on the runs whenever we met up on a Friday.  He's a bigger guy and he told us that he lost over 100 pounds.  Sometimes we'd get a quick breakfast after running, and one day he offered to show me a picture of him from 100+ pounds ago.  I pretended to be surprised and congratulate him on his change, but quite honestly I couldn't see a difference. 

 

He's run 5 marathons while Dave and I were preparing for our first.  Nonetheless, it was weird because he kept asking us for advice and Dave and I were like "Shouldn't we be the ones asking you for advice?"  He couldn't keep up on runs with us, he'd start walking after 8 or 9 miles.  Dave and I wanted to get better and train hard so while we'd encourage him for a bit, we'd usually end up just leaving him behind.  He'd whine whenever we had to run a hill, and he just whined a lot overall.  There wasn't an ounce of toughness, a willingness to push through some pain and get better.  During the conversations whenever we ran with him, there was a bit of oversharing from him when it came to personal matters...like, an overall inability to understand what's appropriate to talk about with two guys that you don't know very well and are here to train for a marathon.

 

But as quirky and as soft as he is, Howard is a really nice guy.  Like, TOO nice.  One day after we'd left him behind, we came back to our cars to find that he'd left cold Gatorades on them for us, with a hand written note saying how great we were doing.  The Gatorades were nice and thoughtful, the notes were a bit weird and over the top.

 

Given the proximity of how close Howard and Dave live to each other, they'd run together 2-3 times a week and Dave would tell me anecdotes about what he was dealing with and I'd just laugh.  He'd tell me that Howard kept asking for my phone number so we could hang out but Dave wouldn't give it up.  He wanted my facebook, too (I don't have one) and I'm surprised he hasn't found me on Instagram yet.  Dave told him that if he wanted my phone number that he'd have to ask me for it and he never did.

 

Fast forward to the marathon that I ran with Dave in November, it went pretty well, better than either of us expected.  That night, we're with our wives and kids in the hotel suite eating dinner when Howard messages my wife on facebook to tell her to tell me to text him because he wanted to congratulate me on the accomplishment.  In a moment of weakness, I caved and texted him.  

 

And now I'm fully aware of what Dave's been dealing with since this past summer.

 

The text messages roll in at a frequency higher than any of my closest friends text me.  Howard wants to meet with me to talk about the intimacy issues that he's having with his wife since they had their child, he wants my advice (Spiff's advice:  "go talk to a therapist and talk to your wife").  He'll do that thing that I absolutely cannot ****ing stand that people do in conversations where they drop a hint about something and they want you to ask a question so they can talk about it, but I never give in so he'll just keep dropping hints until he can't take it anymore and then just tell me what's going on.  He's texted at length about his self confidence issues and his issues with the way his body looks.  Now of course there's also the requisite group chat with Dave, Howard and me and while we're chatting on there, Howard will also be texting me directly at the same time.

 

But as annoying as he can be, I keep coming back to the fact that he's SO NICE, which makes me feel bad about how annoyed I am.  He wanted us to go to dinner to celebrate our marathons (he ran his 6th solo about a month before Dave and I did) and kept telling us that "Santa has a present for you guys!" which, again, is ****ing WEIRD.  What grown man tells other grown men that Santa has presents for them?

 

But when we get there, Howard each gave us a picture frame to commemorate our first marathon, complete with the date and time which we ran our marathons engraved and inside the frame was a picture of each of us crossing the finish line.  He explained that his wife gave him one after he finished his first marathon and he's got it proudly displayed in his office.  Like, damn.  He didn't have to do that...just too nice.  He's talked to us about how much we've helped him and how thankful he is for the friendship.

 

At the same time, he'd asked me to lunch twice this week already and wants me to circle a date in December that Dave and I can come over to his house for drinks.  The text messages about wanting to improve his self confidence are a lot and it's just getting to be too, too much.   Repeated "I'm booked up" and "sorry, that date doesn't work for me" would end up hurting his feelings.

 

If I had to paint a picture, he's like a cross between Bill Murray's character in What About Bob and Zach Galifinakis's character in The Hangover.  If he busted out with "And we're the three best friends!" song, I would not be surprised.

 

Part of me just wants to be direct with him but I also recognize that he's pretty fragile, he looks up to Dave and me (he's admitted as much) and I don't want to hurt the dude's feelings.  Part of me likes him a little bit because he's, again, way too nice and ultimately I recognize that he means well...last week the three of us ran 13.1 miles one morning and for the first time he didn't stop and walk and we didn't leave him behind.  I was proud of him.

 

Anyway, if any of you guys have any advice on how to get rid of a 40+ year old stage 5 clinger, let me know.  Thanks for reading.

 

 

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TheGreatBuzz

TheGreatBuzz

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39 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

Anyway, if any of you guys have any advice on how to get rid of a 40+ year old stage 5 clinger, let me know.  Thanks for reading

 

I just explain to people that I got way too much emotional baggage of my own to take on theirs. People usually get the hint. If not, I can always share a story or two.

 

Something along that line would be my advice.

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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7 minutes ago, TheGreatBuzz said:

 

I just explain to people that I got way too much emotional baggage of my own to take on theirs. People usually get the hint. If not, I can always share a story or two.

 

Something along that line would be my advice.

 

That's not bad.  But I also really DON'T have any emotional baggage so if he calls my bluff I'm ****ed.

 

I will try that though.

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TheGreatBuzz

TheGreatBuzz

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Just now, Spaceman Spiff said:

LAY IT ON ME 

 

Around the time I joined this board, I found out I was the product of a rape.  I had always known I was adopted but the rest of the story came out when my biological father started calling me.  It was a whole deal.  Buzzette finally talked to him and got a mailing address. I wrote him a letter with my feelings and said if he had anything to say, he could write back.  I prepaid for a PO Box for one year (I didn't want him to have my address).  Just like the first half of my life, I never heard from him.  I heard he's dead now but I had been told that before.

 

That really makes it hard to have emotional conversations with others. You just can't process it appropriately. And it doesn't end well for anyone.

 

Feel free to tweak it to make it your own. 

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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10 minutes ago, TheGreatBuzz said:

 

Around the time I joined this board, I found out I was the product of a rape.  I had always known I was adopted but the rest of the story came out when my biological father started calling me.  It was a whole deal.  Buzzette finally talked to him and got a mailing address. I wrote him a letter with my feelings and said if he had anything to say, he could write back.  I prepaid for a PO Box for one year (I didn't want him to have my address).  Just like the first half of my life, I never heard from him.  I heard he's dead now but I had been told that before.

 

That really makes it hard to have emotional conversations with others. You just can't process it appropriately. And it doesn't end well for anyone.

 

Feel free to tweak it to make it your own. 

 

JFC.  Well, it sounds like you've handled it very well, all things considered.

 

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Captain Wiggles

Captain Wiggles

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15 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

 

That's not bad.  But I also really DON'T have any emotional baggage so if he calls my bluff I'm ****ed.

 

I will try that though.

 

13 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

LAY IT ON ME 

 

Now you're coopting fellow message board members tragic origin stories to get out of having drinks with someone who's flaw as you see it is they're "too nice"?

 

michael-jordan-get-some-help.gif

 

I now know the answer to the question posed in the thread title.  🤣

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TheGreatBuzz

TheGreatBuzz

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2 minutes ago, Captain Wiggles said:

 

 

Now you're coopting fellow message board members tragic origin stories to get out of having drinks with someone who's flaw as you see it is they're "too nice"?

 

michael-jordan-get-some-help.gif

 

I now know the answer to the question posed in the thread title.  🤣

 

This made me laugh REALLY hard.

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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1 minute ago, Captain Wiggles said:

 

 

Now you're coopting fellow message board members tragic origin stories to get out of having drinks with someone who's flaw as you see it is they're "too nice"?

 

michael-jordan-get-some-help.gif

 

I now know the answer to the question posed in the thread title.  🤣

 

Well, yes, yes, I am.  But in fact Buzz offered and I thought he was kidding a little bit.  I wasn't prepared for that.  

 

Now go back to making me think I'm funny by leaving laughing emojis at every given opportunity...sheesh.  

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bearrock

bearrock

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6 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

 

Well, yes, yes, I am.  But in fact Buzz offered and I thought he was kidding a little bit.  I wasn't prepared for that.  

 

Now go back to making me think I'm funny by leaving laughing emojis at every given opportunity...sheesh.  

 

I left a laughing emoji too and I'm ashamed.  But I'm even more ashamed to remove it and pretend it didn't happen.  Sorry @TheGreatBuzz, damn....

 

At the risk of eternal damnation, AITA for wondering, even if for a brief moment, whether Howard would back off after that story?  

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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3 minutes ago, bearrock said:

 

I left a laughing emoji too and I'm ashamed.  But I'm even more ashamed to remove it and pretend it didn't happen.  Sorry @TheGreatBuzz, damn....

 

At the risk of eternal damnation, AITA for wondering, even if for a brief moment, whether Howard would back off after that story?  

 

I don't think he would.  He doesn't seem to understand some social queues.  If anything, I think it'd backfire and he'd try to use it as a way to, like, show he can be a good friend or something.

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bearrock

bearrock

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1 minute ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

 

I don't think he would.  He doesn't seem to understand some social queues.  If anything, I think it'd backfire and he'd try to use it as a way to, like, show he can be a good friend or something.

 

Just tell him @TradeTheBeal! got too jealous of your new soul mate and you can't see him anymore.  

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TheGreatBuzz

TheGreatBuzz

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39 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

 

I don't think he would.  He doesn't seem to understand some social queues.  If anything, I think it'd backfire and he'd try to use it as a way to, like, show he can be a good friend or something.

 

Have you seen my story about humanitarian relief work in Thailand?  That usually good for getting rid of those types.  Add some details and share it over a spaghetti with sausge dinner.

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PleaseBlitz

PleaseBlitz

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Well, this went in a very different direction than I was expecting, which was TTB accusing Spiff of contriving this 800 word post with these many twists and turns just so Spiffy can sneakily inform everyone that he runs marathons now.  

 

Nice people > free picture frames > people with confidence issues > marathon runners > Tool

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LD0506

LD0506

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2 hours ago, TheGreatBuzz said:

 

Around the time I joined this board, I found out I was the product of a rape.  I had always known I was adopted but the rest of the story came out when my biological father started calling me.  It was a whole deal.  Buzzette finally talked to him and got a mailing address. I wrote him a letter with my feelings and said if he had anything to say, he could write back.  I prepaid for a PO Box for one year (I didn't want him to have my address).  Just like the first half of my life, I never heard from him.  I heard he's dead now but I had been told that before.

 

That really makes it hard to have emotional conversations with others. You just can't process it appropriately. And it doesn't end well for anyone.

 

Feel free to tweak it to make it your own. 

A: That's ****ed up

B: I'd totally trade with you

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Spaceman Spiff

Spaceman Spiff

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33 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

Well, this went in a very different direction than I was expecting, which was TTB accusing Spiff of contriving this 800 word post with these many twists and turns just so Spiffy can sneakily inform everyone that he runs marathons now.  

 

Nice people > free picture frames > people with confidence issues > marathon runners > Tool

 

This is jealousy.  

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