BRAVEONTHEWARPATH93 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Just learned that my grandpa passed away. Not sure how but he was 88 and he wasn't sick beforehand. The guy basically shaped me into who I am today and was the true "father figure" in my life. I at school in Philadelphia and will probably be headed home to the DMV pretty soon. Anyways (I honestly can't believe I'm doing this lol), is it kind of odd that I seem at peace with everything? I cried and carried on for about 15 minutes but I'm fine now. I kept all the old tickets of games we went to (Yankees, Orioles, Nats. He was a huge baseball fan and is the main reason why I am a Bombers fan. He was from Harlem) and went through them and reminisced. Whenever I came home, he would alway have finance/accounting articles (My major is finance) for me from the WP. I've been reading through those as well. I remember us watching the original Star Wars movies as well and I'm about to fire those up as well for old time sake lol. My eyes are still welling up every now and then. Anyway, I am scared that I may be holding something in and I know that that isn't healthy. I'm no doctor (and this is the first major death I've experienced in 20 years of life) so maybe this is how I cope? Our last encounter was Christmas and we had a nice, long convo and it was great. Any thoughts? (PS....I don't really want to go in-depth with my family because they are all very hysterical so I thought I'd turn to a bunch of random strangers that I've never met before lol). Thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d0ublestr0ker0ll Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Whatever happens naturally, can't force tears. A 15 minute session seems about right, then aftershocks here and there. Memorial service will probably give you another wave of emotion. Just deal with it how you deal with it. The way you speak of your grampa is a great honor to him, if only every man could earn that same praise. RIP to him, and I'm sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I don't think it's odd at all. You'll probably have moments for a while when you really, really miss him. You'll also have moments when you recall something and can't stop smiling. I think we like to rationalize and protect ourselves from pain. Holding onto things that will keep memories alive of your time together is an example of that. You will miss your grandfather, I have no doubt. But, from a personal standpoint what's probably more important to you is treasuring what you two shared previously, not what was still left. I think it's different for younger people who are taken from us before their time. With grandparents, especially close ones who helped raise us, we can know that they will live on through us. That's comforting. I'm sorry for your loss and glad that you are able to see the bright side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRAVEONTHEWARPATH93 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks guys. Appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chew Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I don't think it's odd at all. You'll probably have moments for a while when you really, really miss him. You'll also have moments when you recall something and can't stop smiling. Agree. Everybody grieves differently, so there's no right or wrong way. If you're sad, shed a few gangsta tears. If you think of something funny he always used to do, laugh to yourself. When my mother-in-law died of cancer at age 43, I basically became an alcoholic because I didn't talk to anybody about how I felt and kept it all inside. Not good. I'm sorry about your loss, and as others have said, whatever you feel, roll with it. Cry, laugh, tell a funny story about him...just concentrate on the positive. Not to put a timeline on anybody's life, but making it to 88 is pretty darn good. I'm sure you've got plenty of cool stories to share with your kids. Hope all is well with you man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spjunkies Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I was a mess after my grandmother passed in 2011 especially at the funeral where I couldnt control my tears no matter how much I tried not to show it. I guess everyone is different and it's perfectly OK not to have a huge breakdown and just let things come naturally for YOU. Good luck and RIP to your grandpa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRAVEONTHEWARPATH93 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Once again thanks to everybody responding. I hate to bring down the mood after the Gruden hire (even though some ppl are already pissed) but this is just really odd for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
balki1867 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Anyways (I honestly can't believe I'm doing this lol), is it kind of odd that I seem at peace with everything? I cried and carried on for about 15 minutes but I'm fine now. 1) There is no right way to grieve. I grew up in an Asian household and there is a definitely need in certain cultures to advertise how sad one is over a death. I don't believe in this at all. Based on your recap of your relationship, I don't see an issue. 2) This isn't completely real to you just yet. It might hit you at the funeral; it might hit you when baseball season starts up; it might hit you on a random day when you feel like calling him; it might hit you the NEXT time you come home when there are no WP cutouts waiting for you. I wouldn't worry about what you feel just yet. 3) My B-I-L lost his grandmother just over a year ago. It was definitely sad, but at the same time, she really suffered for the last 5 years and was a shell of the person she once was. I know the feelings had to be mixed for him, but somewhere he had to know that she was at peace, and that was all I could really think about when it happened. Her situation was a little different from your grandfather, but it sounds like the man had a long and very fruitful life. Again I'm just an armchair psychologist, but I don't see a concern. My condolences to you as you get through this, however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 as mentioned it will probably hit you more later, but celebrating what you shared is a good path. sorry for your loss,he seems a great man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoSkins0721 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 As many have said, there's no right answer. Do what feels right, keep an eye on the rest of your family so you can comfort them, and remember the good times. I have learned through my dealings with losing people close to me: time does in fact heal all wounds. Sorry for your loss. Peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostofSparta Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So my grandfather passed just over 2 months ago. He was 82 and was my "father figure" as well. I do know how he died (slipped in the bathroom, blow to the head), and just happened to be in town for the Skins/Chargers game the next day when it happened. Now, unlike you, I didn't break down right away. I was with my mom when she got the call, and we immediately drove up to my grandparent's house where my whole family was there. With most of my cousins being my age and female, I felt I had to keep myself together for their sake (as well as various other family members, including my grandmother), so I didn't get the initial tears out of my system until I got home a couple of days later. Then, I pulled the "tough guy" act back out for the viewing/funeral at the end of the week, but did break down once at the funeral. After I got home from that, I had a couple of days to myself and had a few highs and lows, but have been mostly at peace since. Sure, once in a while, I still hear a song or see something on TV that brings up some tears, but mostly I dwell on the happy moments we shared. Family helps with that, especially this past Christmas when we reminisced a lot, but for me it's been mostly good with a few bad moments here and there. You're not abnormal or broken or anything. Everybody grieves differently. You'll go through this your own way, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 My grandmother died unexpectedly as well, just over a year ago now, so I know what you're going through. Actually had to go to the house with my father to take care of the estate the same day she was found and removed from the house. Just seeing everything there (except her) hit me like a ton of bricks. Like everyone has already said, there's no one way to grieve. Everyone handles death differently, and every individual death is handled differently (friends/cousins/brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles mother/father/grandparents/child). It's completely natural for you to feel this way, especially since this is your first time dealing with it. At some point though, it will hit, and it could be the most mundane thing that reminds you of him (for most people, it's arriving and seeing all your family together, without him, or being at the house where he lived, or at the funeral). Just let things flow naturally, and don't feel guilty, or question yourself. Best way to get through it is to remember all the good times you had with him, and all the stories/knowledge he passed to you (seems like you have that part down), and try to carry on his legacy. As long as you do that, family members will never be completely gone/erased. The kind of lessons/memories you speak of are invaluable and will shape you as a man going forward. Condolences Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frostyj Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I am sorry for your loss, but you seem to be coping with it naturally, whatever that means. Like many have said, there is no one way, to each his own. When I lost my Grandmother I didn't cry when I found out. I wrote the eulogy and I was 18, I couldn't read it nor my aunt. It wasn't until then I cried. When my Mom passed, I cried more for my then 5yr old son than I did my mom, because he would not know her. Eventually I did break down, but it was much later than I expected. Remember the good times, especially last Christmas. Mourn for as long as you need, but after celebrate his life, and what you and your family remember. Keep doing things he did together with your family. I cook/bake things my mom and grandmother did and its just like what they did because they taught me. Save those clippings. pass them down, tell how they inspired you. The one's that have passed my not be with us now, but are forever. My condolences to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Sorry about your grandpa. He sounds like a wonderful man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDawg Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 When my Grandfather died, I was strong. It didn't crush me. I was the strong one while everyone around me crumbled. I was very close to my Grandpa (and my Grandma, who had died prior). I felt guilty that I wasn't grieving, to be honest, but something inside me said that I had to be strong, and I was. I didn't let his passing effect me... Until the calling hours. I went to pay my respects. It was an open casket. I walked up to the casket and looked at him, and said something like, "I know you're gone, but I will always love you!" And then I lost it. I went down to the ground and sobbed like a small child who had their favorite toy taken from them. My Mom (Grandpa's daughter), and Dad came over to me and got me up. My Dad took me to the lobby (I was 20) and sat down in a chair with me. He hugged me and I was a mess. I couldn't stand up. I couldn't stop crying. After awhile, it subsided. I got it out. I still miss him, and my Grandmother VERY much. (And my other Grandma/Grandpa too!!!). I keep pictures of them with me in my house. They mean the world to me. But people grieve very differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRAVEONTHEWARPATH93 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 I just want to thank everyone that posted in this thread. You have no idea how powerful your words were. Thank you guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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