NYT: What is it with 20-somethings?

[zoony]

And for the record, ain't no shame in living with your parents so long as you are working, going to school, or helping out at home (financially or physically).

I actually tend to agree with this, believe it or not. Especially if you are going to school. Work, I'm torn on. Overall you should have some sort of plan.

Again, my main problem is the "I just bought a sweet ride" thing.

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[TD_washingtonredskins]

I actually tend to agree with this, believe it or not. Especially if you are going to school. Work, I'm torn on. Overall you should have some sort of plan.

Again, my main problem is the "I just bought a sweet ride" thing.

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Same here. Hell, I lived with my parents for almost a year after college, but I knew it was temporary and a home base while I found an apartment. I pitched in, had a job, even paid them some money until I moved out.

That's different than someone STILL living with their parents indefinitely for years at a time and either not helping out or, worse, not even working. That is happening too.

[McD5]

Again, my main problem is the "I just bought a sweet ride" thing.

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Don't hate on the fresh rims. It has a MP3 player too.

[Peeping Wizard]

I just don't and will never understand this mindset. Where's your pride man?

It's why you see tons of 20-somethings with entry level jobs driving a Lexus or an Infiniti and wearing designer clothes.

[Skinz4Life12]

It's why you see tons of 20-somethings with entry level jobs driving a Lexus or an Infiniti and wearing designer clothes.

i drive an infiniti but also own a place

[Raub]

you PURPOSELY phrase the "question" in the form of a confrontational insult. Obligated to WHOM? They are YOUR adult kids. Perhaps you should have an adult conversation with them.

Personally, I am glad that my parents and I (god rest their souls) had a much warmer, and more human relationship. THey did not feel OBLIGATED to work hard to help provide a nest that my siblings and I could start off with... and yet they did just that. Conversely, I didn't feel OBLIGATED to come back when they were sick and dying, and yet I did. And you know what....? My parent's children CONSTANTLY urged them to SPEND more money on themselves, and not to save it up for us. ALL of their children did. Shocking.

I honestly think that the NON-20-somethings in this thread are the ones acting childish and petulant, for the most part.

Are you serious? I've sacrificed and worked harder for my kids than you know anything about. Don't try to paint me with a broad brush you picked out of thin air. You know nothing about me. I've had plenty of conversations with my children about the topic since they were old enough to understand. Neither of them has ever wanted for anything. They both know they have school paid for them if they want. They have every opportunity I never had at that age...because I've worked my ass off to give it to them. However, I think it is not too much to ask for them to provide for themselves once they reach adulthood so I can take a break after 20+ years.

Good day sir.

[skinfan2k]

I actually tend to agree with this, believe it or not. Especially if you are going to school. Work, I'm torn on. Overall you should have some sort of plan.

Again, my main problem is the "I just bought a sweet ride" thing.

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Well I am going to school, and working fulltime. I did buy a sweet ride because I am giving my car to my sister so she doesn't have to buy a new one. Also i like to help around the house, i helped my parents finish the basement by putting down almost 40% of the total costs, bought them a number of things they need around the house.

[mcsluggo]

Are you serious? I've sacrificed and worked harder for my kids than you know anything about. Don't try to paint me with a broad brush you picked out of thin air. You know nothing about me. I've had plenty of conversations with my children about the topic since they were old enough to understand. Neither of them has ever wanted for anything. They both know they have school paid for them if they want. They have every opportunity I never had at that age...because I've worked my ass off to give it to them. However, I think it is not too much to ask for them to provide for themselves once they reach adulthood so I can take a break after 20+ years.

Good day sir.

you are absolutely correct, i know nothing about you or your relations with your children. i ONLY know what you put on these pages.

i ALSO know that if you did what you said you did above (in THIS post) then guess what? ... you have done what you signed up for as a parent.

the problem i have is the bitterness with which you seem to view the overall question. YOUR posts make it seem like you have been gritting your teeth as you bust your ass day-to-day to provide for these parasites, and you are (or have been) just counting the minutes until you can get their bloodsucking tubes removed from your ass. and NOW... "they" say you owe MORE? sheesh!!

(and yes, i know that i go over the top in making my point... its part of my charm? )

my points are two-fold. to you specifically... if the parent-child relationship is all about what is "owed" or obligated... you are doing it wrong! Family really IS communism. I provide for my kids not because I ought to, but because i care for their wellbeing infinitely more than i do for my own.

on a more practical level... grown children need to grow up. Yes, this involves them becoming self sufficient. That is tnot the same thing as sayin "at, or by, age X, they better be effing gone!"

If my BROTHER had to leave his family behind for three months in his home city for some training in MY city for three months... you can be damn sure i would invite him to stay with me. And you know what? I would enjoy it. Shocking, I know. (particularly given what a prick he is )

[skins1206]

I lived with my parents though school (to save money on tuition) and then lived at home about 4 years after graduating (while working). Enough time to save up enough money to by my first house at 26 and still have money left for an emergency fund/investing, etc. I also bought a nice car while living at home which is now paid off. To me, there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is when you are being a leach to your parents.

As long as there is a good REASON and GOAL it makes plenty sense.

That being said, I know tons of people who could give a crap about doing anything at all. It is sad.

[Sikbug]

How much of this has to do with housing prices I wonder?

If I were raising kids in California, DC, NYC, Chicago... I'd go ahead and count on them living with me until they inhereted the house.

$600k for a starter home. Hmmm... are they paying college graduates $300k in California?

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I work with people who are in their 30's still living with their parents. Making over 60k a year too.

I moved out when I was 19 and never looked back. I think its a pride thing, I'd never move back. I moved to NYC on my own 5 years ago and I made it on my own, that makes me feel good to know I did that.

[Ryman of the North]

the truth is that unless its an ethnic thing (my best friend is lebanese and has tried to move out several times but until he actually gets married his mother guilts him into moving home lol) this really is a thing that is all about entitlement. nobody wants to work and earn anything anymore, why should you live on macaroni and pay your own way when you can move home and have mom and dad pick up the slack and on top of it mom makes fielt mignon at least once a week? only a dummy would live on their own if thats the choice lol.

[Ryman of the North]

II actually lived at home after grad. school too, lol. It was because my roommate's and my lease was up after I finished all my on-campus classes and I had 4 months before getting married. Stayed at the parents', saved on rent, helped with ranch stuff that my parents, who are getting older, have a hard time keeping up with.

IMO, there is a big difference between a young adult living at home after college to save some money and help around the house and people living at home with no plans for future progression. Big difference.

I dont have a problem with that and its why where im from most people live close to their parents (to help on the farm or ranch) but the majority of young people I know who live at home, do it so they can have "sweet rides" and fancy clothes, they have no idea that the reason their parents have stuff is because when they were young they BUILT A LIFE. yeah its crappy that when you finally have enough money to really enjoy life, you are almost too old to do anything about it but thats the way it is.

[Skinsfan1311]

I agree with that. Its different if you're living at home and helping with stuff around the house. That could be rent, bills, chores, etc. But as long as you're helping out your parents, that's not a big deal.

That's true, to a point.

It is a big deal.

Guess what?

Even if you're pitching in around the house, "20-somethings" need to realize that that their parents are people too. They should appreciate the fact that we have the same needs, wants, desires, passions and the need for privacy as that the the younger have come to expect.

We haven't always been the old farts that we may resemble today.

We also have the life experience to know enough to appreciate those things too.

We love our kids, but we're not getting any younger. Get on with your life, get the **** out, and let us enjoy our lives together while we're young enough to do so.

Seriously.

I haven't lived w/ my parents since the summer before senior year of college nor have I really had any interest to up until this summer. Now that I'm back in school, I wished they lived in a more ideal location so I could live with them and go to school. It also would have been nice to be able to live with them this summer while I interned. I was pretty jealous of my coworkers who could just live with their parents in DC for the summer, saving a ton of cash that I was spending on rent.

And for the record, ain't no shame in living with your parents so long as you are working, going to school, or helping out at home (financially or physically).

As for McD5, he clearly has some issues of his own, otherwise he wouldn't be hating so much.

I disagree.

You need to get out as soon as you are financially able. Parents did their jobs. Time to cut the apron strings, which includes living at home, and get out on your own. (not you specifically, renn, just quoting your post as an example). Let them live their lives and have some fun while they're young enough to do so.

Renn, you should be proud of yourself. You got out on your own, and didn't have to depend on your parents.

It's why you see tons of 20-somethings with entry level jobs driving a Lexus or an Infiniti and wearing designer clothes.

That's wrong, on every level.

Are you serious? I've sacrificed and worked harder for my kids than you know anything about. Don't try to paint me with a broad brush you picked out of thin air. You know nothing about me. I've had plenty of conversations with my children about the topic since they were old enough to understand. Neither of them has ever wanted for anything. They both know they have school paid for them if they want. They have every opportunity I never had at that age...because I've worked my ass off to give it to them. However, I think it is not too much to ask for them to provide for themselves once they reach adulthood so I can take a break after 20+ years.

Good day sir.

Goddamned right!!!!

Family really IS communism.

on a more practical level... grown children need to grow up. Yes, this involves them becoming self sufficient. )

Wrong.

Family is a Dictatorship.

It's not about the common good.

I am in charge, (well...my wife and I are co-dictators,s;)), but you get the idea.

We gave them the tools and abilities to grow up and be on their own, and that's what we expect.

It was good enough for me and my wife, and it's good enough for them.

I'm not talking out of my ass either. I've been out and on my own since I was 19 years old.

For the record, our oldest son is 27 years old. He's a veteran and has been living on his own since he was 18.

He just got his Masters degree and has a great job with a good company. He bought his first house 2 years ago. He's now renting it out and he and his fiance will be moving into the house that they're having built, in a couple of weeks.

That's no accident. It's the result of his hard work, determination, and our good parenting, part of which includes our stressing that he be self-sufficient.

Our youngest son is 20 yrs old, and is getting ready to start his 3rd year at Towson. He works part-time in the fall, as an instructor in Tae Kwan Do, and full-time in the summer. He's earned a couple of scholarships, and has taken on some student loans. We also help with his tuition.

We expect him to get his degree, get a job, and get out on his own, and we're confident that we've helped give him the tools, and direction, to do so.

[ChocolateCitySkin]

i started a multi-million dollar business -- get butt from floozies all the time and have no interests in girlfriends or kids right now.

oh yeah and i started the business cuz i couldn't get a job with my "higher education."

one other gripe -- over educated with a poor work ethic. i don't give a flying **** how well educated -- i'll take someone that has experience over education any day of the week. to think that a degree translates in anyway to being a good employee is laughable to me. its a ****ing piece of paper that said you were able to make it to a class and convince a teacher to assign an arbitrary letter to it.

[[[ghost]]]

I'm in my 20s...

[Sticksboi05]

i started a multi-million dollar business -- get butt from floozies all the time and have no interests in girlfriends or kids right now.

oh yeah and i started the business cuz i couldn't get a job with my "higher education."

one other gripe -- over educated with a poor work ethic. i don't give a flying **** how well educated -- i'll take someone that has experience over education any day of the week. to think that a degree translates in anyway to being a good employee is laughable to me. its a ****ing piece of paper that said you were able to make it to a class and convince a teacher to assign an arbitrary letter to it.

Depends on the job. Sounds like you're bitter.

[mcsluggo]

......

Wrong.

Family is a Dictatorship.

It's not about the common good.

I am in charge, (well...my wife and I are co-dictators,s;)), but you get the idea.

We gave them the tools and abilities to grow up and be on their own, and that's what we expect.

It was good enough for me and my wife, and it's good enough for them.

I'm not talking out of my ass either. I've been out and on my own since I was 19 years old.

For the record, our oldest son is 27 years old. He's a veteran and has been living on his own since he was 18.

He just got his Masters degree and has a great job with a good company. He bought his first house 2 years ago. He's now renting it out and he and his fiance will be moving into the house that they're having built, in a couple of weeks.

That's no accident. It's the result of his hard work, determination, and our good parenting, part of which includes our stressing that he be self-sufficient.

Our youngest son is 20 yrs old, and is getting ready to start his 3rd year at Towson. He works part-time in the fall, as an instructor in Tae Kwan Do, and full-time in the summer. He's earned a couple of scholarships, and has taken on some student loans. We also help with his tuition.

We expect him to get his degree, get a job, and get out on his own, and we're confident that we've helped give him the tools, and direction, to do so.

in case you haven't noticved... communism is a dictatorship as well

My point is mostly a reaction to the grumpy old man routines I have heard constantly through this thread. I think its overblown, and mostly ridiculous.

at the successful family level, it is a communist dictatorship that actually WORKS, if (and this is a big if) the dictators are actually benign and looking out for the best interests of their "subjucts". The end goal is to create adults that are happy and well adjusted and can survive on their own in the cruel uncaring world. but that doesn't make any broad statements about "you must have set them into a sink or swim situation by the time they are X years old or you are creating a spoiled waste of human flesh"

When they grow up, the role of parents and kids changes, and the kids become close to being peers.. but they are ALWAYS your kids. You never get paid back, EXCEPT by the understanding that they will raise THEIR kids, ad infinitum. I don't want my kids to provide for me in my old age, i want them to provide for THEIR kids in my old age, and occasionally let me glob on. I wouldn't have it any other way, and i didn't truly understand the relationship (nor how it felt for my parents) until i had kids.

My kids (currently 8, 7, and 5) will ALWAYS be my kids as long as I am alive... hopefully i will still be able to ruin their self-sufficiency and spoil them and contribute to their general uselessness when they are 60, 59 and 57. We will have to see. Unfortunately my parents are no longer around to continue spoiling me (and their grandkids) and yet somehow we continue to remain fed and housed. ... and yet in spite of all that, I really miss 'em.

[hockeysc23]

Without reading through every post ... if parents really don't want their kids leaching on after graduating then just kick them out.

My parents told me the day I finished college I had 2 years after graduating to get situated then I would be out. I paid rent as soon as I graduated to my parents as well.

Bought a house in 08 and moved out after 1 year and 6 mons. Yeah I'd love to have more income because I live at home but it wasn't an option.

[Skinz4Life12]

CSS, how much you pullin in a year?