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The stupidest husband and wife arguments of all time.


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I can't believe some of the dumb useless arguments that me and my wife have had...

Me; "Honey, you didn't clean up to day, what happened?"

Her; "I was too tired."

Me; "uh, from what?"

Her; "Picking up after everybody."

Theres LOTS more...

"I bought you a dog!"

Uh... why didn't you call me first?"

"I tried!"

"well, if you couldn't get a hold of me, why did you buy the dog?"

"she's a full breed..."

"really? how much was she?"


"where are the papers?"

"there were none, thats why she was so cheap..."

(this dog was five different colors!)

Well, let me hear about your stupid fights!

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No matter how small any argument we have is, it invariably involves anything ****** up that I have done over the past 10 years.

Me; "Babe, we don't have that kind of money... "

Her; "Well at least I didn't hook up with some hoochy momma when we were separated!!!"

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No matter how many new kids shorts we own, my wife insists that we send our kid out to play in torn up pants.

Me; "Sweety I love you very much, but if we send our kid to school in those pants, I will be in jail for child neglect and our kid will have new parents."

Her; "You're just paranoid... are you taking your medicine?"

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Found this while online...


My fiance has to leave for work about half an hour before I do, so I like to snooze while she is in the shower etc, and then get up as she leaves the house. So she comes in straight after her shower, and is looking for the car keys because she needs to get something out of the car. I tell her they are either in my work bag next to the bed, or upstairs (we live in a house with three others). She skims through my bag, doesn't find them, and the tells me to go upstairs and get them for her because she doesn't want to walk around the house in a towel (no pics, so dont bother asking). I tell her to put on a dressing gown and get them herself, and roll over to enjoy the last 15 mins of snoozing before the real day starts.

Somehow, this sparks her off, and she lets rip with a rant so filled with rage and anger that I am just left speechless. Seriously, this is how I would expect her to react if she found out that I had killed her mother, skinned her, and then used the skin to commit some sort of heinous crime that her mother was now getting blamed for. During her diatribe she accuses me, amongst other things, of being the laziest, most selfish, cheapest, nastiest, inconsiderate, immature, dishonest and messiest person in the world. Basically, she called me everything under the sun other than a war criminal, which I'm sure she would have gotten to if she hadn't have knocked over my work bag causing the car keys to spill out. Before I even get a chance to laugh, she bursts into tears and goes storming out of the room and locks herself in the bathroom.

Anyways, 5 minutes later she comes out and apologises and blames her "edginess" on something at work, or her family, I dont know I wasn't really listening anyway.

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Thank god I just have a cat.

Well, i imagine that can get pretty heated as well.

Cat: Hey Mistertim, we're out of MEOW MIX. Do we have an extra bag in the pantry?

Mistertim: No, sorry don't think we do.

Cat: Well you went to the grocery store yesterday, didn't you?

Mistertim: Yeah, but you didn't tell me we needed more MEOW MIX.

Cat: Well why the hell didn't you ask? Why didn't you check? Do you think I can just open the damn pantry on my own?

Mistertim: Well, no, but...

Cat: You sick son of a *****, how dare you. How the **** am I supposed to eat for the next 3 days till your fat *** gets back to the store?

Mistertim: Well, I can go tonight after work..

Cat: Tonight? TONGIHT? What the **** am I supposed to eat until then? Forget it, I'll go myself.

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My husband and I get into ridiculous arguments over Jeopardy and Scrabble. To the point where we're legitimately pissed off at each other.

These arguments could be easily avoided if my husband just admitted that he was delusional and took meds for this.

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My wife and I just got in an argument about whether or not she needed a napkin after eating corn smothered in butter...she claims she didnt, as she licked her fingers *clean*...and wiped them on her pants...I claimed she did, and said she was like a child I was trying to teach good hygiene to.

Needless to say...she is now laying in bed with a headache, mad at me.

Dun Dun Duuuun

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Thank god I just have a cat.

All good ******* know when to purr and rub up against you. :laugh:

Dumb fights, all of them. Money #1. Wife likes to act like were Warren Buffet and not a Jimmy Buffet listener. Kids #2. No matter what I say the opposite is occuring just out of eye sight. Decorating #3, I hate Pink, YEllow and love Burgundy, Gold and Gray. Bathrooms #4, The most hotly contested room in the house: usage procedures, amount of time, and overall maintenance.

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...if you get into a fight over the last beer with her...I would recommend giving it up:

Woman Accused of Fighting Boyfriend Over Last Beer (Florida)

'Breeden ripped the Natural Light can in half, spilling the lager on her boyfriend, his chair and the floor, a report states. The boyfriend stood up. Breeden slapped him in the face. Then she kicked him in the groin, authorities said.'


...Nothing good comes from Light Beer...

...or worse...

Woman kills boyfriend for drinking her beer (Chicago)


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We're about to get in to an argument. She's going to come home in a bit and wonder why I've been wasting my time rather than cleaning up.

Well, it probably won't be a fight. She'll ask, I'll grin. She'll say "well?" and I'll grin. Then, no telling what happens.

Yes, I could avoid this, but I don't want to. I like it when she gets a little irritated at me. :)

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I know a lot of y'all hate him but this is pretty funny:

Edit: Language, NSFW

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