AsburySkinsFan Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 No, he was being disrespectful again. +1 If a 14 year old spoke to me in that manner the last thing I'd thing he had was a "strong personality". If my son had said that he'd be lucky to not have a special trip over my knee, and he'd be really lucky to see a TV or a friend or any toys for a week or more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stugein Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 1. Your kid was being disrespectful. Especially seeing as how it was a family friend. I might feel differently if it were some random stranger on the street interjecting into your family business, but that isn't the case. Your son doesn't have a "strong personality"; he's just a jackass. I would hope that you would've already disciplined him further before coming to borderline brag about his behavior on an Internet message board. And while I am ignorant as to your specific situation - If you don't discipline him because you are trying to be his buddy or in order to make him like you more, you aren't doing him any favors. 2. My kid is 10 and has a cell phone. Has had it since he was 9. We let him ride his bike several blocks away to his friends' houses. He can call us if he is going to be running late coming home, if there is a change of plans, to ask permission to do other things, etc. We taught him early to be responsible with it and have had long conversations on what cell phones are for and proper etiquette. I figure that by the time he's a teenager cell phone use will be old hat to him and won't have quite the potential to be abused as it would be if it were a shiny new toy given to him in high school, ya know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenaa Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Is your son refusing your demand that he apologize to the neighbor? In either case he needs a serious attitude adjustment. He's testing his boundaries, it sounds like, which is normal. You need to firm up those boundaries. Smart mouthing an adult is never acceptable from a child. If he has an issue with an adult, he should be discussing it with you and letting you handle it. As to cell phones, my 11 and 12 year old have them. They have strict usage rules and I wouldn't change the piece of mind the wife and I get when they are away from us. They start to do more things away from home at this age and we like being able to keep up with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxBuddy21 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Yea regardless of how the adult was acting, a 14 year old shouldnt disrespect an adult that way. I would have definitely had my punishment extended if I said that at 14. And definitely what does a 14 year old need a cell phone for? Do you really not know where your kid is at 14 that you need to call him on a cell phone? I didnt get a cell phone until after my freshman year of college but I can definitely see a kid getting one once they drive (or when most of their friends drive. Other than that, I dont see the point but thats just me. One of our friends 9 year old kids has a cell phone and she keeps trying to convince me I will see things different when I have a kid. Somehow I doubt it. I will probably see it like my mother did. "I better know where you are and who you are with at all times and you better be close enough to a phone that I can reach you if I need to!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Well, since you asked... Everyone in this story is disrespecting you. Your friend calls out your parenting skills in front of your son. Then your son REFUSES you when you tell him to apologize. Finally, your friend puts you on the spot by claiming the roll of victim. I don't know how you became so marginalized, but I think you're a few conversations away from re-establishing your place in this story. Your friend needs to know that, in the future, he can address discipline advice directly towards you. He is not going to undermine you again. And he is not the victim of a disrespectful child. Grow up. If that's too much for him to handle, he's not welcome to interact with your son anymore. Your son needs to know that when he refuses your request to apologize to your friend, he is disrespecting you. It is a personal affront. Whatever grievance he feels he has with your friend pales in comparison to the disrespect he's giving you. He is placing himself against YOU, and you are not peers. That's how I'd deal with it...And I don't care about the cell phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweedr01 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Well, since you asked...Everyone in this story is disrespecting you. Your friend calls out your parenting skills in front of your son. Then your son REFUSES you when you tell him to apologize. Finally, your friend puts you on the spot by claiming the roll of victim. I don't know how you became so marginalized, but I think you're a few conversations away from re-establishing your place in this story. Your friend needs to know that, in the future, he can address discipline advice directly towards you. He is not going to undermine you again. And he is not the victim of a disrespectful child. Grow up. If that's too much for him to handle, he's not welcome to interact with your son anymore. Your son needs to know that when he refuses your request to apologize to your friend, he is disrespecting you. It is a personal affront. Whatever grievance he feels he has with your friend pales in comparison to the disrespect he's giving you. He is placing himself against YOU, and you are not peers. That's how I'd deal with it...And I don't care about the cell phone. Exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 What Mardi said. After having a talk with the son about his comments and lack of respect,I'd damn sure be talking to the friend about his comments to MY son. If I wanted their opinion about it,I'd give to them. I'd also be waiting for an apology from them about comment to MY son. Now that said,I'd also take a little time for some thought as to why such a comment would be made. Just in case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattFancy Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I'm not sure why anyone under the age of 16 needs a cell phone. I can see getting one when you're 16 because you could be out driving and have an emergency. But I'm not sure why teenagers need cell phones. I've seen like 10-12 y/o kids with them. I just don't see the need in that. Maybe if you are doing alot of after school stuff where you have to figure out rides, but I dunno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midnight Judges Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Apologizing is for weak people, so is admitting you're wrong. Real men know they are always right. That's the lesson here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 The fixation on teen cell phone ownership amazes me. Who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 The fixation on teen cell phone ownership amazes me. Who cares? Yep ,depends on the need and your own judgment as a parent. Kinda like disciplining your kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 as far as what the neighbor said, i can't tell from the op if it was a shot at him OR the overall performance of parents today. it IS refreshing to see a kid get some discipline, because you see so many that receive zero. kids should respect adults and should be taught to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt Rich Fla Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Your son is 14, and his hormones are raging. At that age, a lot of boys do start questioning authority and showing some disrespect. To me that's normal; not necessarily ACCEPTABLE but NORMAL. As long as little petey isn't disrespecting his family or teachers, I'd just have a sit down with him.Everyone complaining about a 14 YO with a Cell Phone? So what, my daughter and nephews have had them since they were 12, and my daughter is 17 now. BFD. To me, having that extra communication link to her is worth the $20 a month. Your right, but that is when 14 yo boys need to be reminded that they are not bullet proof and look, their bodies can break sheet rock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rdskn4Lyf21 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 +1If a 14 year old spoke to me in that manner the last thing I'd thing he had was a "strong personality". If my son had said that he'd be lucky to not have a special trip over my knee, and he'd be really lucky to see a TV or a friend or any toys for a week or more. +Another. If my son spoke to an adult like that he wouldn't be able to "speak" to anyone for a while :slap: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RLeVan Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Your right, but that is when 14 yo boys need to be reminded that they are not bullet proof and look, their bodies can break sheet rock. I don't care who ya are. Now that is funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Mike Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 OK, I'm going to come out and say it... The OP says the *mother* took the phone away be cause the kid was disrespectful. I'll trust that it was true. It further tells me that the OP has a disconnect with this or he would have said *WE* took the phone away. That tells me there is a bias by the OP that likely colors his presentation of the facts. Meaning it was probably worse than he makes it sound. I'm going to assume, based on the above, that the friends comments were not totally baseless. In fact, based on the above, it sounds like such discipline was long overdue and probably a serious problem if he was that compelled to say something about it. And finally, anyone who thinks that a 14 year old talking back to an adult is good because it shows the kid has a strong personality... How do I say this?..... http://www.google.com/search?q=parenting+books&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuraitengai Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Was it a conversation between you and your neighbor? Or was it between your son and neighbor?...This sounds like exactly why he was punished in the first place. exactly... you punish the kid for being disrespectful to his mother. but then when he is disrespectful to another adult, its a sign of a 'strong personality'? no, its just being disrespectful again. basically you showed him it was ok to be disrespectful to people not related to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Just my opinion- but your son is correct, that is none of this adult's business. He should just STFU and not say anything. If it were my son, though- I would tell him that as he goes through life he will be in a situation lots of times where someone acts rudely and disrespectfully towards him. The proper way to deal with that is to not return serve. In this case, your son did. He sunk right down to this "adult's" level. So, I'd have my son apologize. But I'd make it clear why. And I would probably have a separate conversation with this "adult" and tell him to kindly drink a nice hot cup of STFU any time he feels the need to comment on my son's personal life publically. .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chopper Dave Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Both are in the wrong. Sounds like your kid needs a hell of a lot more discipline, and it sounds like your friend needs to mind his own ****ing business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 What Mardi said. After having a talk with the son about his comments and lack of respect,I'd damn sure be talking to the friend about his comments to MY son. If I wanted their opinion about it,I'd give to them. I'd also be waiting for an apology from them about comment to MY son. Now that said,I'd also take a little time for some thought as to why such a comment would be made. Just in case. Then why did the father tell the family friend in the first place if he didn't want his opinion? Sounds like he did. Oh, and this kid falls right in line with every other kid nowadays. He'll join everyone else in being a complete douche when he's an adult. Add one to the pile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Just my opinion- but your son is correct, that is none of this adult's business. He should just STFU and not say anything.If it were my son, though- I would tell him that as he goes through life he will be in a situation lots of times where someone acts rudely and disrespectfully towards him. The proper way to deal with that is to not return serve. In this case, your son did. He sunk right down to this "adult's" level. So, I'd have my son apologize. But I'd make it clear why. And I would probably have a separate conversation with this "adult" and tell him to kindly drink a nice hot cup of STFU any time he feels the need to comment on my son's personal life publically. .... Both are in the wrong. Sounds like your kid needs a hell of a lot more discipline, and it sounds like your friend needs to mind his own ****ing business. Again, why did he tell the "family friend" in the first place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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