Larry Brown #43 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I'm interested in getting your thoughts on the phenomenon of guys being "whipped" by their wives. Let me start with a story. My brother-in-law will be getting married in July, and my wife and her folks are concerned that he's already completely whipped by this woman he's about to marry. My wife's parents are moving up here to the DC area from where they live, for what in all likelihood will be the last move they ever make. They're staying in our house as they look at houses for sale here in the area. Anyway, they asked my brother-in-law if he would like to come look at this one particular house that they really like a lot. Well apparently my brother-in-law went and asked his fiancee for "permission" to come look at the house with us, and this morning over the phone he reported back that his fiancee "said that it would be ok" if he came to look at the house. Well this really pissed me off. His parents are about to make the last move of their lives, and he has to get PERMISSION to come look at the house they want to buy? WTF? He lives here in the area, so he could quickly and easily come and check out the house. And this was not the first sign we've noticed of him being completely whipped. He often jokes that he's the boss "until she tells me I'm not the boss." We've even tried to talk to him about the situation, but he appears to be in denial that he's whipped. So let me ask you this. How in the hell does this happen? I've known other guys who are similarly whipped by their wives, and I just don't get it. How does this process of becoming whipped begin? It almost seems as though some women break their husbands down emotionally to the point where the guy feels worthless without his spouse, and thus he becomes willing to robotically take orders and become completely subservient to his wife. I just have a very hard time relating to this phenomenon of guys just willingly emasculating themselves, and when it happens to a friend or a family member, it pisses me off. My wife and I have an equitable relationship, and neither one of us "controls" the other. We make decisions together, and each of us is reasonable with the other in terms of each other's time, space, etc. I'd never get in the way of her spending time with her friends or family, and she'd never get in the way of me doing the same either. So again, how does this happen, and why do some guys allow it to happen to themselves? And is anyone here in a similar situation who can shed light on how or why they allowed it to happen? And is there a way to get through to someone to get him to realize that he needs to reclaim his self-determination? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 he allows himself to be put in this position. he is most likely a submissive personality and his wife is a dominant one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toe Jam Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I refuse to let my girlfriend dominate me. I'm not that type of guy. I don't care if she says she'll have sex with me all I want for the rest of my life. The woman is not always right, she can't ALWAYS have her way, and we understand that. She's okay with it, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubble Screen Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You would be surprised at the number of guys out there that are like this. Could be the result of a number of things. It sickens me to no end. Just curious. Is this your BIL's first real significant relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Brown #43 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 he allows himself to be put in this position. he is most likely a submissive personality and his wife is a dominant one. I absolutely agree with you, Mike. I just wonder why anyone would allow this to happen to themselves. I'd lose my firggin' mind if I had to ask permission every time I wanted to spend an evening with my parents or something. At the same time, I'd never want to control someone else to that degree either. I just think it's weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuler74 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 First off are you married ? Secondly that is a great question....I dont understand it myself ( being married ) there is nothing more annoying than a guys who is whipped. My brother in law is whipped to the extreme and is absolutely discgusting because his wife is a %&^$&^%^*^. Its one thing if the women is tolerable but to be whipped with a ^&*&* wife just makes me boil. I personally think guys who are whipped are... 1. Guys who dont like being alone 2. Guys who have been babied by their mommas 3. Guys who thnk if they dont do what is asked they will lose their woman This would never be the problem if guys took the time to know their partner before marriage. People tend to take the first thing available and make rash decisions to get married too fast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Brown #43 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 You would be surprised at the number of guys out there that are like this. Could be the result of a number of things. It sickens me to no end. Just curious. Is this your BIL's first real significant relationship? I know, it happens quite often and that's part of what makes it so baffling. Why do so many guys so willingly allow it to happen? As for your question...he has had other significant girlfriends, but I think he always tends to allow them to control him. This will be his first marriage though, and he's in his early 40s. Not sure if that has anything to do with the price of rice in China, but anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I absolutely agree with you, Mike. I just wonder why anyone would allow this to happen to themselves. I'd lose my firggin' mind if I had to ask permission every time I wanted to spend an evening with my parents or something. At the same time, I'd never want to control someone else to that degree either. I just think it's weird. I can tell you that I am the same way but I dont really mind too many things so I can just go with the flow. But I never "ask permission" first. And I can also say it is safe to assume that any woman that would be with us already knows that and is ok with it. He on the other hand attracts women who take charge and thats probably what he likes. And as strange and out of character it is for me I can understand it. Some guys just dont have that macho/take charge attitude that we do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRobi21 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Well if you're going out with the Princess of England, which I have been for about 8 months now, you're kind of obligated to do as she says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCSaints_fan Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I would take a page from Freud and look at the mother and father-in-law, and their relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Brown #43 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 First off are you married ?Secondly that is a great question....I dont understand it myself ( being married ) there is nothing more annoying than a guys who is whipped. My brother in law is whipped to the extreme and is absolutely discgusting because his wife is a %&^$&^%^*^. Its one thing if the women is tolerable but to be whipped with a ^&*&* wife just makes me boil. I personally think guys who are whipped are... 1. Guys who dont like being alone 2. Guys who have been babied by their mommas 3. Guys who thnk if they dont do what is asked they will lose their woman This would never be the problem if guys took the time to know their partner before marriage. People tend to take the first thing available and make rash decisions to get married too fast Yep, I'm married, and my wife doesn't control me, and I don't control her. But we do respect and love each other. Your list makes sense. This guy does seem to have a habit of getting whipped...this isn't the first time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsBry Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I'm not sure if I can explain it fully without getting banned because of the new rule the mods put out. Think of it as a drug addiction. Everything is great when you have the drugs and you just don't want to be without the drugs. It's like women who are in mentally and/or physically abusive relationships. No they don't like the abuse, but every once and a while, the guy does something nice for the girl that'll keep her coming back for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinfan2k Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think guys get whipped because they are afraid to be bold with the girl and afraid it might lead to problems in the relationship, thus its their way to ensure that the relationship stays strong. Also, it might mean that they cant find anyone else who likes them and by getting whipped ensure them a relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuler74 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Yep, I'm married, and my wife doesn't control me, and I don't control her. But we do respect and love each other. Your list makes sense. This guy does seem to have a habit of getting whipped...this isn't the first time. I guess this is one of his ex's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Brown #43 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I can tell you that I am the same way but I dont really mind too many things so I can just go with the flow. But I never "ask permission" first.And I can also say it is safe to assume that any woman that would be with us already knows that and is ok with it. He on the other hand attracts women who take charge and thats probably what he likes. And as strange and out of character it is for me I can understand it. Some guys just dont have that macho/take charge attitude that we do. I hear ya bro, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think it is all about self-esteem... If you have low self-esteem you put up with this crap because you think you won't be able to get anyone else. Also, I think some co-dependency plays into guys who put up with dysfunctional/abnormal relationships. They believe they show now much they "love" their partner by putting up with the control and mistreatment. Whipped guys are in the classic parent/child type of dysfunctional relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateCitySkin Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Yep, I'm married, and my wife doesn't control me, and I don't control her. But we do respect and love each other. Your list makes sense. This guy does seem to have a habit of getting whipped...this isn't the first time. i would add low self-esteem... a guy should never be afraid to walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redskinss Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 i dont know if its a fine line but there is definitly a line between whipped and respect, Like for example if i wanted to stop down the club after work for a couple of beers i wouldnt call my wife and tell her i was going down i would phrase it in the form of a question, something like hey you mind if i stop down the club after work. That could be construed as whipped but i think its more along the line of respect not just telling her what im going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoyler23 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I would only "ask permission" if it were to break plans I/we already had or if it was a decent expenditure of resources. I'd assume she would do the same, as I have a partnership with my wife. I think guys who are whipped get some kind of security (maybe not exactly the right word) in deferring to another person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenaa Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 If i'm going to do somehting unexpected, like make a prolonged stop somewhere on the way home from work, I call the wife and ask her if she mind. It's common courtesy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isle-hawg Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 It's like women who are in mentally and/or physically abusive relationships. No they don't like the abuse, but every once and a while, the guy does something nice for the girl that'll keep her coming back for more. I think that is an accurate analogy. And if and when the male or female leaves a controlling & or abusive relationship it is not uncommon for those "escaping" to just get into another at least from what I have witnessed (about 50/50). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 It's like women who are in mentally and/or physically abusive relationships. No they don't like the abuse, but every once and a while, the guy does something nice for the girl that'll keep her coming back for more. That is a classic example of co-dependancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chachie Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 My wife and I have an equitable relationship, and neither one of us "controls" the other. We make decisions together, and each of us is reasonable with the other in terms of each other's time, space, etc. Maybe your brother-in-law has the same relationship with his wife and she got equal say in whether he would go help look at the house. I'd never get in the way of her spending time with her friends or family, and she'd never get in the way of me doing the same either. She didn't get in the way of him going, so no harm no foul, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateCitySkin Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Whats the opinion of a girl thats in a relationship and is completely miserable in said relationship but doesn't want to take the steps to get out of the relationship? Using execuses such as he really loves me and i should be happy. And we live together so its really difficult. Is it whipped? Or just such a high level of dependency that one would rather be miserable than be alone? I can't begin to fathom this attitude. I watch this schlub spend all her money and fail miserably at everything he does. Yet she can't seem to get away from him. Then she blames everything on herself. It's so pathetic. And I feel bad for her but at the same time. I'm thinking in my head are you really that weak of an individual that you can't take baby steps towards making yourself happy? Course, I'd never say what I thought to her.... sometimes i wonder if I should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Tater Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I know, it happens quite often and that's part of what makes it so baffling. Why do so many guys so willingly allow it to happen? As for your question...he has had other significant girlfriends, but I think he always tends to allow them to control him. This will be his first marriage though, and he's in his early 40s. Not sure if that has anything to do with the price of rice in China, but anyway. One big reason is that the submissive person is not responsible. Finances go to ****? Not the submissive's fault as long as he/she did what they were told. Relationship going down the tubes? The submissive isn't responsible for fixing it. Fear is also a big reason. The pain of being alone, rejection or something they get from the relationship is greater than the pain of being "whipped". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.