How you feel about your last name, your wife, and your children?

[Riggins77]

If it's a boy, the kid should be named after the father, if it's a girl, the mother. That's a fair medium. Other than that, the guy has a sugar mama and should STFU

On a side note, my wife took my last name, so there is no issues in our marriage, so I can't say how I would have reacted when we first started dating 15 years ago if that came up.

[Tastes Like Chicken]

You married Dr. J? That's friggin' awesome! Kinda ghey, but still awesome.

Yeah, it comes in handy when I can't reach the light fixtures in the basement or family room. You can get an autograph when you come to my place. Would you like your ball signed?

I was the one that broke up with her when she was in vet school. During her vet school years, she kept reminding me that I needed to go ahead and marry her before they handed her the DVM, if I wanted her to use my name professionally.

I was an idiot, broke of the relationship because I missed bachelorhood, and by the time I came to my senses, she had graduated and built a very nice practice using her name.

My wife's medical degree has her maiden name but she uses my last name professionally, because we got married 2 weeks after she graduated. She's not going to miss out on anything professionally by changing her name. If it's that important to you, talk about it with her, seriously.

[stevenaa]

I am not being a *****. I dont understand the "I AM MAN....LET ME THUMP MY CHEST TO SHOW YOU" attitude that are in some of these answers.

Are you guys serious?

Why does it matter if the wife takes the name or not?

Really.

Kids last name.........should be discussed.....and as an educator......the dads last name makes more sense.

But....WHY must the wife take the husband's name?

I have 3 degrees....all of my professional written works are in my name. Should I decide to marry I will keep my name. No reflection on the man......if I marry I will love him but why does keeping my last name now make a difference?

I am looking for logical rational conversation. Not the testosterone.....I AM MAN. I WILL BACK SLAP THE ***** conversation.

Is there a reason you can't take your husbands name and not use your maiden name professionaly?

For me, it's a symbolic thing I guess. From the time we get married, we face life together as one. And it is a long standing tradition. I don't think either way is right or wrong in any societal sense. It's just right for me.

[illone]

Whoever has the money has the power.

She is obviously the bread winner.

See, guys, there are downsides to marrying a rich *****:laugh:

[jrockster21]

Marriage - she can keep her name if she really wants it. To me, it seems like kind of a slap in the face, but I can understand keeping the name for professional reasons.

Kids, however, are getting my name. End of discussion.

[PleaseBlitz]

Whoever has the money has the power.

She is obviously the bread winner.

See, guys, there are downsides to marrying a rich *****:laugh:

QFT! :laugh:

[codeorama]

My wife and I had to settle.

For me... I was perfectly content keeping our long-term relationship and never getting formally married. But being the traditionalist... she wanted to marry. Of course, she wanted to keep her last name too (she took women studies, where we met, in university).

So I laid it out straight.... if you want be formal and follow a traditionalist ceremony.... then you have to follow suit and take my last name as well. You can't just pick and choose what parts of tradition you want to maintain.... either you appreciate history/tradition or you don't.

She took my last name and never looked back.

And naming rights from the children? Here's a story.

Our marriage is a bit different. Instead of trying to compromise on EVERYTHING... which is a drain, we identify the things that are important to us individually, share it... and the other person backs of and accomodates (knowing full well, they will receive the same treatment).

For instance, do I have an opinion on the pattern of our living room furniture? Absolutely. Do I care enough to want to look through 1000 patterns until we agree on something? No. So I'll let her have this round

Beth wanted to have a baby before I was ready. She asked me what I was waiting for. I told her I didn't want to have a child before I had a few material things... because once I knew we had the baby she'd veto the purchases in the future because "we have a baby, how do you justify that". So, she agreed to let me make the purchases.... and 1 month later she was pregnant

Same thing with the naming rights.... we couldn't agree on any names (other than the fact that she was seriously considering Henry and I just couldn't live with that , sorry Henry). So rather than argue and draw it out.... I told her that I wanted a Clinton Portis authentic jersey... and she could have the naming rights. She agreed.

Turns out, she liked the name I picked all along (Liam) and ended up naming our child Liam anyways. She likes to remind me it was win-win... but I can't believe if she liked Liam why she made a big deal of getting naming rights to begin with. Women

Now, it's the same thing for our next child (girl).... I want Kate.... the closes variation she likes is Caitlyn (and "we'll call her Kate"). I don't like that name. So the naming rights are up for sale again I just haven't named the price yet.

LOL... That's hilarious... Cause I did the same thing... I got a guitar though... :laugh: :laugh:

[Munchkin76]

If you guys are so hell bent on the entire family having the same name, why couldn't the family go by the wife's last name? Meaning, the man also changes his last name.

Whether you all want to realize it or not, there are some situations with families and such where the man's last name isn't all that important and the woman's last name is the one that should be carried on. But I guess that makes the man a puss or whatever other names you want to call someone that actually respects his wife and her family, particularly when his family is less than stellar and the name needs to just die off.

He should get a set of balls, right?

[Skinsfan1311]

Whoever has the money has the power.

laugh:

It's not the money....

[Die Hard]

He should get a set of balls, right?

Someone sounds like a little insecure Nancy Jane.

If you're a guy, you might want to get yourself a set of balls. Big ones.... so they'll last you longer.

[jrockster21]

If you guys are so hell bent on the entire family having the same name, why couldn't the family go by the wife's last name? Meaning, the man also changes his last name.

Whether you all want to realize it or not, there are some situations with families and such where the man's last name isn't all that important and the woman's last name is the one that should be carried on. But I guess that makes the man a puss or whatever other names you want to call someone that actually respects his wife and her family, particularly when his family is less than stellar and the name needs to just die off.

He should get a set of balls, right?

I'm sure there are scenarios in which you might want to take the wife's name. If you happen to have the name Dahmer, for example, you might want to take your wife's name. However those would be very rare. The only other scenario I could see would be if her name is powerful, like Gates or something like that. Even then, I would hyphenate. Your name is your legacy...you know?

Someone sounds like a little insecure Nancy Jane.

If you're a guy, you might want to get yourself a set of balls. Big ones.... so they'll last you longer.

Munchkin is a chick.

[Die Hard]

Munchkin is a chick.

Well that explains a lot now doesn't it

Again, I say why get married... which is nothing more than a traditional ceremony (obviously, the vows don't mean crap anyways since there's a 50+% divorce rate).... and then change tradition as well?

Heck, why even wear white? I mean, that's nothing more than tradition anyways right? Obviously, most fiances aren't virgins any more anyways... so it's just ridiculous to follow that tradition as well.

Wait, why aren't couple waiting to have sex until their married.... since that's breaking tradition as well.

And why are couples moving in together before they are married... that's breaking tradition as well.

And truth be told.... who's always pushing for a wedding to begin with? The woman.

So obviously, women don't care much for keeping tradition for the most part.... but they still want the white dress and the ceremony.

So if you want to keep up with that farce... then you play by the rules and go the whole 9 yards. If you don't like playing by the rules... then don't play the game. If you like your last name.... don't get married. And keep it.

Trust me.... no man is going to attempt to guilt you into marrying him... or say he'll leave you if you don't marry him.

[Munchkin76]

Look, I'm not trying to have a pissing contest here. But let's say that the woman is the last one with her last name and would like to carry on HER family's legacy, since that can be just as important as any man's legacy. Give me one reason why a woman's family is less important that some man's. Woman are no longer traded to a man's family for a goat and a cart in exchange for their daughter.

And there are some men that never knew their dad or very little of him and that namesake, so why keep it just because it's his last name? When that's the case, it's not legacy as there were little or no ties to that person whom he inherited the name from, little meaning and little feeling about it. So he's supposed to snub people that have been good to his wife and himself just to be "a man"?

Ridiculous.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

Well this has definitely been an interseting discussion. I'm sorry I missed the beginning of it.

Personally, I've never seen the sense in this whole arguement. If she's so in love with him that she's willing to marry him, why is it such a huge problem to take his surname? I mean this was the standard for several hundred years, where it wasn't even a point of discussion. Then all of the sudden, these Women decide that the way their female ancestors did things was totally wrong and now want this to be a point of discussion. She is becoming part of his family. She is becoming his wife. There is no reasonable reason for her NOT to take his surname, so far as I'm concerned.

The whole idea of the hyphenated surname thing drives me even nuttier. That's the way my roommate's last name is and it just boggles my mind. Especially since she's got credit cards, bank accounts, and other things in all 3 potential versions of her name.... first name/maiden name; first name/husbands surname; & first name/hyphenated last name. She can't even make up her mind which one she wants to use (though she's always got an excuse for why she uses each one in each different situation). We had a discussion several years ago that if she'd married me rather than her husband, she wouldn't have gotten the option. THAT lead to an interesting conversation.

On the topic of the children.... since her surname should be the same as his, that's not an issue. On the given name end of things... that's something they need to come to a reasonable agreement on. Then again, they've got 9 months to come to an agreement so they should be able to do that.

[Munchkin76]

And for the record, I've always been very much the traditionalist and have had no problem knowing that I would take my husband's last name. But you have to sometimes come out of the cave and realize that not everyone's situation is as simple as some of you like to think it is.

[Henry]

The bottom line here is that both the husband and wife should be happy with whatever arrangement they come up with. If the husband is unhappy, as is the case in the OPs example, then THAT is the problem. Not the details. The wife doesn't apparently care that the husband is unhappy, and that is also a problem. A problem the husband should be dealing with rather than whining to his buddies about it.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

But you have to sometimes come out of the cave and realize that not everyone's situation is as simple as some of you like to think it is.

I would tend to disagree. I really think that the situation the vast majority (well over 95%) of people are in is nowhere near as complicated as some people want to make them out to be. Those situations that are complicated are generally so because people aren't doing what they should be doing to begin with, so I don't feel a huge amount of sympathy for them.

[Munchkin76]

I would tend to disagree. I really think that the situation the vast majority (well over 95%) of people are in is nowhere near as complicated as some people want to make them out to be. Those situations that are complicated are generally so because people aren't doing what they should be doing to begin with, so I don't feel a huge amount of sympathy for them.

I actually agree with you that alot of people piss and moan about stuff being so complicated when it shouldn't be.

But let me give you an example so maybe you guys will see where I'm coming from. This woman and this man were planning to get married. The man's father used to beat his mother, along with him and his sister. He eventually left and was no longer around. The woman's parents were high school sweethearts that had been married for 40+ years and she was an only child.

Who's family would you rather have your name identify you with? Some wife beating ****, just because he was the man that happened to rear a son?

[McMetal]

I think it's ridiculously pretentious to hyphenate your last name.

The only women who should be worried about giving up their last names are celebrities, politicians or published writers.

Rant over.

[Popeman38]

I am not being a *****. I dont understand the "I AM MAN....LET ME THUMP MY CHEST TO SHOW YOU" attitude that are in some of these answers.

Are you guys serious?

Why does it matter if the wife takes the name or not?

Really.

Kids last name.........should be discussed.....and as an educator......the dads last name makes more sense.

But....WHY must the wife take the husband's name?

I have 3 degrees....all of my professional written works are in my name. Should I decide to marry I will keep my name. No reflection on the man......if I marry I will love him but why does keeping my last name now make a difference?

I am looking for logical rational conversation. Not the testosterone.....I AM MAN. I WILL BACK SLAP THE ***** conversation.

Blondie, sorry I am late to the discussion.

In all honesty, it is a commitment thing as well as a tradition. For me, the beliefs that shaped me was that as a man I "left" my family and started a "new life" with my wife. How are families identified? By the last name. On our address label, it says "The Pope Family". My wife took my name, and it wasn't a huge issue.

To look at it from the slightly more cynical side, if a woman refuses to take my name, what are the reasons? Why is she so against changing her name to identify as part of me? Of course, my step-mom did not take my dads name, and I have no problem with their decision.

But for me, and how I feel, this subject is a huge issue. :2cents:

[Popeman38]

I actually agree with you that alot of people piss and moan about stuff being so complicated when it shouldn't be.

But let me give you an example so maybe you guys will see where I'm coming from. This woman and this man were planning to get married. The man's father used to beat his mother, along with him and his sister. He eventually left and was no longer around. The woman's parents were high school sweethearts that had been married for 40+ years and she was an only child.

Who's family would you rather have your name identify you with? Some wife beating ****, just because he was the man that happened to rear a son?

Neither. When you marry and change your name to that of your husband, you are joining to him, not his father. And 99.99% of the people in this world won't know whom begat who, so familial history isn't really a big issue. Yes, you will know what happened, but the people you meet will not have a clue.

[Chachie]

Marriage is slowly becoming an obsolete institution. This name issue is only one of the symptoms.

Until 25 years ago, women were not permitted a truly independent professional life. Marriage was designed to make men breadwinners and women homemakers. This has simply changed with the onset of equal rights and womens' liberation. Women can essentially support themselves or even support children with professional freedom and salary equality. There is no need for them to take a husband to keep them sheltered and fed in the new society.

This is a good thing for females and is the right thing to do. Every individual should be able to pursue happiness and independence. However, it is NOT condusive to life-long marriages. The family as a concept is going the way of the dinosaur. With women being much more independent, there is no need for either partner to "stick it out" in times of trouble or difficulty. If one partner becomes "unhappy," they can simply get a divorce. The two individuals become happier, but the family concept breaks down over time.

The name issue is simply another step away from marriage being necessary or even relevent in today's society.

BTW- I'll feel even sorrier for this guy when, after not taking his name, she leaves and takes everything else.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

I actually agree with you that alot of people piss and moan about stuff being so complicated when it shouldn't be.

Munchkin, I'm not sure how much you've read on my beliefs regarding relationships, the proper roles of men and women in society, and other items of the like. While I thank you for the sentiment I'm not so sure we'd agree on that as much as you might believe.

But let me give you an example so maybe you guys will see where I'm coming from. This woman and this man were planning to get married. The man's father used to beat his mother, along with him and his sister. He eventually left and was no longer around. The woman's parents were high school sweethearts that had been married for 40+ years and she was an only child.

Who's family would you rather have your name identify you with? Some wife beating ****, just because he was the man that happened to rear a son?

Personally, I'm of the opinion that a man's surname reflects more of who HE is, in that case rather than who his father was. My roommates come from a situation very similar to what you describe. My male roommate basically considers his father to be dead and has no contact with him whatsoever. However, the idea of changing his last name has never even crossed his mind. There are too many wonderful people in his family for him to even think about it.

On the other hand, I come from a wonderful family and were I even thought about taking the woman's surname if I got married... I'd be disowned. Immediately and completely.

[Munchkin76]

Neither. When you marry and change your name to that of your husband, you are joining to him, not his father. And 99.99% of the people in this world won't know whom begat who, so familial history isn't really a big issue. Yes, you will know what happened, but the people you meet will not have a clue.

Agreed. But what if the husband is the one that doesn't want to have his children carry on that name because of the above mentioned situation? That still make it wrong or is it fine because it's his call?

[Leonard Washington]

10-year-old girl punches her suit father in the arm.