How you feel about your last name, your wife, and your children?

[Leonard Washington]

I was in Panera today and a few guys were having lunch. One was pretty distraught and the others were trying to comfort him. I couldn't help from over-hearing as I was waiting for my order to be completed.

The guy was upset that his wife, who didn't take his last name doesn't want to give their about to be born son his last name as well. He said he was a little hurt that she didn't want his last name when they got married. He let it go because she was a medical doctor, already had a profession reputation, etc. With the kid, she is dead set on not giving their son his last name. She wants him to name it after a living relative (junior?), who already has sons with his last name. He says she refuses to hyphenate the name as well. He didn't understand since she a reasonable in all other facets of their marriage, and they were otherwise very happy. She's just a dictator over naming rights.

I didn't hear the rest of the convo b/c my order was up. What would you guys do in this situation? divorce? court?

I don't know what I would do. Maybe her family has a really rare Native American tribe name. :whoknows:

[stevenaa]

Uh. No. I wouldn't have married her in the first place.

[Buddy Dude]

This guy's a tool. Since they're married, it isn't her decision really. I have 2 kids, each time one was born, they brought me aside to fill out paternity papers. They checked my ID, and since my wife and I are married, they automatically wrote my last name down.

Besides, she's gotta be a Nazi to act like that, it's the man's god given right to have his children carry on his name.

[Leonard Washington]

Uh. No. I wouldn't have married her in the first place.

Well the guy said he was otherwise happy before this came up. I would assume there would have been signs, maybe not. Sometimes you don't know someone until you're married.

Besides, she's gotta be a Nazi to act like that, it's the man's god given right to have his children carry on his name.

I agree she is being unreasonable. I think it should be a bilateral decision.

You think it's man's God given right? I don't know if that's in the bible, but I could be wrong.

[Buddy Dude]

You think it's man's God given right? I don't know if that's in the bible, but I could be wrong.

I wouldn't know, I don't believe in the bible. It was a figure of speech, not a religious statement.

[SkinsOrlando]

This is nothing a backhand wouldn't fix.

[twa]

My wife can call herself whatever she wishes(she uses my last name)

The kids have mine,but we used her mother's line as a name for the firstborn as a compromise.

[edgun88]

This guy is a puss. Men need to set their wives straight sometimes. This guy obviously doesnt have any balls.

[dockeryfan]

If he's this torn up about it, and she still doesn't care then she's just a *****, plain and simple.

[Tastes Like Chicken]

This conversation came up before I got married. She was finishing med school as Dr. J and told me she was thinking about hyphenating. I told her that I wasn't marrying any hyphenator. You take me as your husband, you take my name as yours, or it's off.

She agreed, and is now Mrs. Dr. D.

I named the first kid.

She named the second.

[Teller]

This conversation came up before I got married. She was finishing med school as Dr. J and told me she was thinking about hyphenating. I told her that I wasn't marrying any hyphenator. You take me as your husband, you take my name as yours, or it's off.

You married Dr. J? That's friggin' awesome! Kinda ghey, but still awesome! He was my first-ever favorite basketball player. Wow. Can you get me an autograph? He can leave off the Mrs. part. :laugh:

LW, I have a semi-unusual last name. Not so much unusual as rare. All the people with my last name that I know of, I'm related to. So it was important to me that first, my wife take my name, which we never even had to talk about. More importantly, I wanted my kids to have my last name, which they do, again without discussion.

The only thing that kind of sucks about the situation is that my brother isn't having any kids, and I had two girls. So unless I remarry, and have a boy, my family name in this area dies with my generation anyway.

[skinsfan51]

Besides, she's gotta be a Nazi to act like that, it's the man's god given right to have his children carry on his name.

:doh: :laugh: :laugh: Only in America do we have such discussions!

[Bang]

My wife doesn't use my last name, and I'm fine with it. She uses her own name for professional reasons, she's a free lance Chinese translator and having a Chinese name opens doors.

In all honesty, I'm extremely happy and content in my second marriage, I find that things like that just aren't all that important to me. There's so much more that makes us married than the little rituals.

Kids aren't an issue, but if they were I would want them to carry my name. It is the way of the world, after all.

~Bang

[Blondie]

I am not being a *****. I dont understand the "I AM MAN....LET ME THUMP MY CHEST TO SHOW YOU" attitude that are in some of these answers.

Are you guys serious?

Why does it matter if the wife takes the name or not?

Really.

Kids last name.........should be discussed.....and as an educator......the dads last name makes more sense.

But....WHY must the wife take the husband's name?

I have 3 degrees....all of my professional written works are in my name. Should I decide to marry I will keep my name. No reflection on the man......if I marry I will love him but why does keeping my last name now make a difference?

I am looking for logical rational conversation. Not the testosterone.....I AM MAN. I WILL BACK SLAP THE ***** conversation.

[81artmonk]

Don't know the details of situation, but it sounds as if they didn't talk about this before marriage. I can see her reason for the DR. thing but the kids sounds ridiculous. I wouldn't have married a woman like that. He had to know she was like this, so I guess you get what you pick

[Die Hard]

My wife and I had to settle.

For me... I was perfectly content keeping our long-term relationship and never getting formally married. But being the traditionalist... she wanted to marry. Of course, she wanted to keep her last name too (she took women studies, where we met, in university).

So I laid it out straight.... if you want be formal and follow a traditionalist ceremony.... then you have to follow suit and take my last name as well. You can't just pick and choose what parts of tradition you want to maintain.... either you appreciate history/tradition or you don't.

She took my last name and never looked back.

And naming rights from the children? Here's a story.

Our marriage is a bit different. Instead of trying to compromise on EVERYTHING... which is a drain, we identify the things that are important to us individually, share it... and the other person backs of and accomodates (knowing full well, they will receive the same treatment).

For instance, do I have an opinion on the pattern of our living room furniture? Absolutely. Do I care enough to want to look through 1000 patterns until we agree on something? No. So I'll let her have this round

Beth wanted to have a baby before I was ready. She asked me what I was waiting for. I told her I didn't want to have a child before I had a few material things... because once I knew we had the baby she'd veto the purchases in the future because "we have a baby, how do you justify that". So, she agreed to let me make the purchases.... and 1 month later she was pregnant

Same thing with the naming rights.... we couldn't agree on any names (other than the fact that she was seriously considering Henry and I just couldn't live with that , sorry Henry). So rather than argue and draw it out.... I told her that I wanted a Clinton Portis authentic jersey... and she could have the naming rights. She agreed.

Turns out, she liked the name I picked all along (Liam) and ended up naming our child Liam anyways. She likes to remind me it was win-win... but I can't believe if she liked Liam why she made a big deal of getting naming rights to begin with. Women

Now, it's the same thing for our next child (girl).... I want Kate.... the closes variation she likes is Caitlyn (and "we'll call her Kate"). I don't like that name. So the naming rights are up for sale again I just haven't named the price yet.

[twa]

Blondie, I think it makes sense for a family to have the same last name.

You could argue which name you are gonna take ,but tradition comes down on the male side....but as I said it really don't matter to me.

Just as long as she comes running when I call her

[Teller]

Damnit, Die Hard. You're no friggin' help at all. I just called my wife and told her I'd be willing to come back for an autographed Theismann jersey, two cases of Coors Light and tickets to the Dolphins game.

***** hung up on me.

[edgun88]

Why does it matter if the wife takes the name or not?

Um, because it is tradition and it is a show of respect and love. It shows that you are a united family with one name. Thats why.

[Blondie]

Um, because it is tradition and it is a show of respect and love. It shows that you are a united family with one name. Thats why.

So.........all tradition is good.

And you cant be a family with separate names, right?

And if someone doesnt take the others name, they dont love them?

[ldysknzfn1]

My husband and I had kids before we got married..so both of my children have my maiden last name. When we were married I hyphenated my name w/his and left the kids' names as they were. It was less confusing to the schools that way. However, they did call my husband Mr. my maiden last name..which I thought was hilarious. I think the kids last names should be a mutual decision by both parents. And the wife not taking her hubby's last name isn't the end of the world.

[Blondie]

And the wife not taking her hubby's last name isn't the end of the world.

Im not sure lady.

It may not be the end of the world, but according to some of these posters the end of the world is in sight.

[ldysknzfn1]

Im not sure lady.

It may not be the end of the world, but according to some of these posters the end of the world is in sight.

Oh well..in that case..don't take anyone's name lest ye be judged on their merit or lack thereof:laugh: . j/k j/k. Do whatever floats your boat then I guess.

[edgun88]

So.........all tradition is good.

And you cant be a family with separate names, right?

And if someone doesnt take the others name, they dont love them?

I didnt say all tradition was good. I said the tradition of the woman taking the mans last name is good.

You can be a family with separate names, but I beleive that a family should all have the same last names. To show that they are a part of that family.

They could and should love them. But why don't they love them enough to take the other person's name?

I dunno. This is the kinda thing that is all personal opinion.

[Blondie]

I didnt say all tradition was good. I said the tradition of the woman taking the mans last name is good.

You can be a family with separate names, but I beleive that a family should all have the same last names. To show that they are a part of that family.

They could and should love them. But why don't they love them enough to take the other person's name?

I dunno. This is the kinda thing that is all personal opinion.

Your last sentence says it all.

It is all personal. No right or wrong. Each situation has merit......and each person will find what is right for them.

You did say "why dont they love them enough to take the other's last name". One COULD say...."you fell in love with me with WHATEVER as my last name...why do I have to change it?

It is all personal.