Is this adultery?

[Art]

Art this is the part I agree with. I just disagree with seeking out Tony for a goo ol ass whuppin. It is the wife who broke the trust not Tony. If Tony is a friend of the couple or relative etc then he deserves what he has coming. In this situation the wife is 100% to blame and her first course of action to save this marriage is to end the relationship with Tony. If he continues courting her then Brave has every right to step in. I just think you are trying to "blame" Tony in some way.

I think you're trying to absolve Tony of all blame and I don't get it. Tony's blameless in getting involved with a married woman if she doesn't tell him she's married and he doesn't know. But, here, he clearly knew and knows and doesn't care. He fears no reprisal, largely because somehow we've allowed some portion of society to believe the man going after a married woman isn't responsible if he makes headway. Of course he is. It takes TWO to tango. If Brave's wife was masturbating alone thinking of Tony, then Tony has no part in this. But, she's not. She's doing it WHILE talking to Tony. Tony is challenging the husband to stop him by not stopping himself. If Brave does nothing, Tony will feel he can continue trying because he will feel no concern about consequence.

[AlexRS]

So explain how it would be different for this scenario then?

The difference is doing the same thing and having the cycle repeat vs breaking the cycle.

[Thiebear]

The difference is doing the same thing and having the cycle repeat vs breaking the cycle.

nevermind your way to vague in a very sensitive thread..

[zoony]

Possible explanation for the clue:

People who tend to say certain things also tend to form relationships where "this happen" is more likely

That's your opinion.

And judging by 99.99999 % of the people who have ever engaged you in any kind of debate, your opinion is basically worthless. :2cents:

But it's everyone else... right? YOU'VE got it all figured out AlexRS... the rest of the world needs to catch up.

Do Brave and everyone else in this thread a favor... don't post in here anymore. Because you're past giving advice, you're past adding to the discussion. All you're doing at this point is looking for some poor sap to get into a war of attrition with you about how if everyone were as enlightened as you, we would have peace and harmony thru-out the galaxy.

...

[DCsportsfan53]

I think you're trying to absolve Tony of all blame and I don't get it. Tony's blameless in getting involved with a married woman if she doesn't tell him she's married and he doesn't know. But, here, he clearly knew and knows and doesn't care. He fears no reprisal, largely because somehow we've allowed some portion of society to believe the man going after a married woman isn't responsible if he makes headway. Of course he is. It takes TWO to tango. If Brave's wife was masturbating alone thinking of Tony, then Tony has no part in this. But, she's not. She's doing it WHILE talking to Tony. Tony is challenging the husband to stop him by not stopping himself. If Brave does nothing, Tony will feel he can continue trying because he will feel no concern about consequence.

While I don't necessarily agree with Art's suggested methods, I agree wholeheartedly that Tony cannot be allowed to go blameless. A man who actively courts another mans wife over a period of time, knowing there are kids involved is nothing more than a worthless piece of :pooh: in my book. Scum. That's just really the best word I can think of to describe someone like that. While I'm not a violent person and I think there's the danger of displacing your anger onto this guy and in the process not dealing with your problems (wife), this lowlife deserves a beat down. At the very least, I think Art is right that this ****er needs to know in no uncertain terms that continuing to talk to the wife WILL have consequences. This type of person is a predator and a dickless wimp. I'm not trying to absolve her role in this but it's just disgraceful for a man to try and steal someone's wife like that. A drunken fling is one thing but actively pursuing a married woman for months in this way is just reprehensible.

[DCsportsfan53]

That's your opinion.

And judging by 99.99999 % of the people who have ever engaged you in any kind of debate, your opinion is basically worthless. :2cents:

But it's everyone else... right? YOU'VE got it all figured out AlexRS... the rest of the world needs to catch up.

Do Brave and everyone else in this thread a favor... don't post in here anymore. Because you're passed giving advice, you're past adding to the discussion. All you're doing at this point is looking for some poor sap to get into a war of attrition with you about how if everyone were as enlightened as you, we would have peace and harmony thru-out the galaxy.

...

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :applause: :applause: :applause:

[Major Harris]

That's your opinion.

And judging by 99.99999 % of the people who have ever engaged you in any kind of debate, your opinion is basically worthless. :2cents:

But it's everyone else... right? YOU'VE got it all figured out AlexRS... the rest of the world needs to catch up.

Do Brave and everyone else in this thread a favor... don't post in here anymore. Because you're passed giving advice, you're past adding to the discussion. All you're doing at this point is looking for some poor sap to get into a war of attrition with you about how if everyone were as enlightened as you, we would have peace and harmony thru-out the galaxy.

...

are you saying he needs a spanking?

[AlexRS]

That's your opinion.

And judging by 99.99999 % of the people who have ever engaged you in any kind of debate, your opinion is basically worthless. :2cents:

But it's everyone else... right? YOU'VE got it all figured out AlexRS... the rest of the world needs to catch up.

Do Brave and everyone else in this thread a favor... don't post in here anymore. Because you're passed giving advice, you're past adding to the discussion. All you're doing at this point is looking for some poor sap to get into a war of attrition with you about how if everyone were as enlightened as you, we would have peace and harmony thru-out the galaxy.

...

I am merely offereing a perspective, a way to look at things.

If you are interested we can discuss.

[Thiebear]

I am merely offereing a perspective, a way to look at things.

If you are interested we can discuss.

Please go away.... you will not help here..

If you want to stay at this point.

Explain how you fixed yours...

I would have never ended up in his position. He made matters much, much worse by spying on her.

You have no idea what your talking about.... to troll somewhere else..

[DCsportsfan53]

are you saying he needs a spanking?

More than one. Many more.

:whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin:

[CandaceM23]

Hmmm ... but if we're interested in trying to fix the marriage, then Tony should not be bothered by either the husband or the wife. The focus should be upon husband and wife. Of course Tony knows that he's done something wrong ... anyone with half of a brain would know not to mess with anyone's wife. But to physically go after Tony or threaten him, thats only going to make things worse.

I've been dealing with this for the last month and a half. One of my best girlfriends husband cheated on her. My girlfriend has anger towards the other woman ... but the thing is that there have been MANY other women. I think that my friend has a right to be angry at the other woman ... but ULTIMATELY IT WAS HER HUSBANDS FAULT. HER HUSBAND WAS THE ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP WHO MADE THE OATH BEFORE GOD. My girlfriend has more anger at the other woman than her husband. I've tried explaining that it's not completely the other woman's fault ... that the majority of the blame lays with her husband.

You never know what could be happening in these situations. The committed person could be telling the others that they're separated, that they're just living together for the kids, etc.

If you're going to go after someone and be furious and want to place blame, you place it on the one who's married and strayed away.

[DCsportsfan53]

Hmmm ... but if we're interested in trying to fix the marriage, then Tony should not be bothered by either the husband or the wife. The focus should be upon husband and wife. Of course Tony knows that he's done something wrong ... anyone with half of a brain would know not to mess with anyone's wife. But to physically go after Tony or threaten him, thats only going to make things worse.

I've been dealing with this for the last month and a half. One of my best girlfriends husband cheated on her. My girlfriend has anger towards the other woman ... but the thing is that there have been MANY other women. I think that my friend has a right to be angry at the other woman ... but ULTIMATELY IT WAS HER HUSBANDS FAULT. HER HUSBAND WAS THE ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP WHO MADE THE OATH BEFORE GOD. My girlfriend has more anger at the other woman than her husband. I've tried explaining that it's not completely the other woman's fault ... that the majority of the blame lays with her husband.

You never know what could be happening in these situations. The committed person could be telling the others that they're separated, that they're just living together for the kids, etc.

If you're going to go after someone and be furious and want to place blame, you place it on the one who's married and strayed away.

That's why I said he should be careful not to displace all his anger on him. In this case, though, it seems like Tony is rather predatory and some kind of message should be sent. Ideally, that would be that the wife tells him to **** off and it's over. If not, how fixable is the marriage? At some point she's going to have to decide who she wants, who's more important to her.

[Major Harris]

More than one. Many more.

:whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin: :whippin:

i'm just seeing who will get the reference. :cool:

[skinsbuck]

That's your opinion.

And judging by 99.99999 % of the people who have ever engaged you in any kind of debate, your opinion is basically worthless. :2cents:

But it's everyone else... right? YOU'VE got it all figured out AlexRS... the rest of the world needs to catch up.

Do Brave and everyone else in this thread a favor... don't post in here anymore. Because you're passed giving advice, you're past adding to the discussion. All you're doing at this point is looking for some poor sap to get into a war of attrition with you about how if everyone were as enlightened as you, we would have peace and harmony thru-out the galaxy.

...

I wholeheartedly agree!!! :notworthy:applause::laugh:

[AlexRS]

There seem to be people here who are simply unable to remain calm in presence of opinions that differ from their own. I am surprised to see growups display such childish behavior. I feel responsible for others having to read their hate spew. I'll stop.

[CandaceM23]

That's why I said he should be careful not to displace all his anger on him. In this case, though, it seems like Tony is rather predatory and some kind of message should be sent. Ideally, that would be that the wife tells him to **** off and it's over. If not, how fixable is the marriage? At some point she's going to have to decide who she wants, who's more important to her.

If the husband and wife want to work things out, then the wife should be the one who relays the message to Tony. She needs to make the call and let her husband know that it has been made.

[Mooney]

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Also been down this road with my 1st wife. I figured out that she was "communicating" with her college professor. Being the hot-head that I was in my youth, I easily found where the guy lived and went to confront, and he hid behind his apartment door. There was a restraining order put out and every cop in Annapolis supposedly knew who I was.

Echoing what many have said here, each situation is different, but my ex-wife is going on husband #4 in July.

Brave, good luck brother, but whatever eventually happens between you two, and it probably goes without saying, always put the children first.

[DCsportsfan53]

i'm just seeing who will get the reference. :cool:

Of course, I wanted to shoot my computer while reading that thread, it drove me nuts.

If the husband and wife want to work things out, then the wife should be the one who relays the message to Tony. She needs to make the call and let her husband know that it has been made.

Yeah, you're right. She should be the one the doing it. It's not really worth him confronting Tony. He needs to confront his wife and tell her to make a choice. I just really despise guys like that so I get a little carried away. I'd still love to hear that he got his ass beat, though, even though it probably wouldn't do anyone any good. Just from a get what you deserve standpoint but I guess it'll come back around to him in the end, anyways.

[skinsbuck]

I think Tony would get the message better if Brave did it with his wife. Get on instant message etc and do it together. If the wife does it, Tony will simply sit back and wait. I myself would go to Tony's work b/c I believe I could talk sensibly with this guy. Bottom line is Brave needs to be unvolved so Tony gets the message...the message being, their will be a beat down coming if Tony reaches out to her in the future.

[CandaceM23]

I myself would go to Tony's work b/c I believe I could talk sensibly with this guy. Bottom line is Brave needs to be unvolved so Tony gets the message...the message being, their will be a beat down coming if Tony reaches out to her in the future.

I dont get this ... it's like you guys are placing all of the blame on the other man. It's not his fault. It's the wife. The need for a beatdown? Not necessary. And what's gonna happen if the wife says that she won't contact Tony anymore and then she reaches out to him later? Are you gonna kick her @ss then?

[Leonard Washington]

wow what a thread....

personally i wouldn't take art's approach of threatening tony.

#1 what if he ends up kicking your ass

#2. if you do kick his ass and he wants to escalate the violence/press charges, then you've got a bigger problem.

#3. you can't keep someone who doesn't want to be with you. its definately more rewarding for someone to love you on their own volition than through an iron fist/manipulation. this doesn't compare to raising a child who doesn't know any better. this woman is an adult and she makes her own decisions. if she doesn't think enough of our relationship to make good decisions, i can easily be happy alone.

tony is just handling his business but obviously a shady character since he already has a pregnant gf@home. i feel no need to apologize for tipping out on me. i would definately confront her and tell her i know what's up and the ball is in her court to take steps to repair our relationship or its over.

finally i think being a man is being in control; being in control of my emotions and actions. i don't feel the need to beat on my chest and assert my strength when someone hurts me. :2cents:

[Destino]

If the husband and wife want to work things out, then the wife should be the one who relays the message to Tony. She needs to make the call and let her husband know that it has been made.

Maybe it's because you aren't a guy but I can't disagree more with your take on this. I see Tony as having gone after a guys wife knowing he was married, that's as real and direct an insult as it gets. It's like saying that there is nothing wrong with going after a mans wife. I don't buy it. The very least Brave needs to do is let this Tony punk know the secrets out and that he is not going to sit on the sidelines.

[rincewind]

wow what a thread....

personally i wouldn't take art's approach of threatening tony.

#1 what if he ends up kicking your ass

#2. if you do kick his ass and he wants to escalate the violence/press charges, then you've got a bigger problem.

#3. you can't keep someone who doesn't want to be with you. its definately more rewarding for someone to love you on their own volition than through an iron fist/manipulation.

tony is just handling his business but obviously a shady character since he already has a pregnant gf@home. i feel no need to apologize for tipping out on me. i would definately confront her and tell her i know what's up and the ball is in her court to take steps to repair our relationship or its over.

Echoing these statements - could someone please explain exactly what good could come from threatening violence or going through with it? If anything it makes Tony look more sympathetic.

Oh, and Brave - i'm sorry to hear about your troubles, i hope it all works out for you.

[Destino]

tony is just handling his business

When did it become ok for a man to go after another mans wife? Screw that.

[Prosperity]

Hmmm ... but if we're interested in trying to fix the marriage, then Tony should not be bothered by either the husband or the wife. The focus should be upon husband and wife. Of course Tony knows that he's done something wrong ... anyone with half of a brain would know not to mess with anyone's wife. But to physically go after Tony or threaten him, thats only going to make things worse.

I've been dealing with this for the last month and a half. One of my best girlfriends husband cheated on her. My girlfriend has anger towards the other woman ... but the thing is that there have been MANY other women. I think that my friend has a right to be angry at the other woman ... but ULTIMATELY IT WAS HER HUSBANDS FAULT. HER HUSBAND WAS THE ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP WHO MADE THE OATH BEFORE GOD. My girlfriend has more anger at the other woman than her husband. I've tried explaining that it's not completely the other woman's fault ... that the majority of the blame lays with her husband.

You never know what could be happening in these situations. The committed person could be telling the others that they're separated, that they're just living together for the kids, etc.

If you're going to go after someone and be furious and want to place blame, you place it on the one who's married and strayed away.

Well there are two seperate offenses

The first one is that this ass hole Tony went after a guy's wife. This is an offense against the husband and must be dealt with.

The second one is of the wife who failed in her obligation not be a sneaky ***** behind her husband's back.

Which is worse? Well imo the second is worse, but it wasn't my wife or my gf so I can't gauge that. The first deserves an ass whooping or atleast a stern "get the **** out of here."