skinsbuck Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 But at the same time ... will it really make a difference? Obviously he wasn't scared before he decided to go for it ... and you can't say that he didn't think "What if we get caught?" Any sane person would realize that there is an opportunity to be caught by girlfriends and husbands. I don't think that Tony is afraid of that.Brave should just go find out who Tony's woman is and pay her a visit ... let her know everything thats going on ... that would be a little bit more effective than a good old fashioned butt whippin. That's a good point Candace, never thought of that. Who knows how that would effect Tony though. Sounds to me like this guy could care less? Or, he may want to come after Brave? My main point is that Tony needs to be told he is no longer welcome in her life. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I think this is extremely important. Now, if a divorce happens then who cares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I'm not giving him a free ride. He'll eventually get whats coming to him The world doesn't work that way... karma doesn't exist, things just don't magically fix themselves. Maybe he will get what he deserves, but sometimes the *******s get away with it only to screw over someone else. Or if it does...maybe this is his turn to get what's coming to him? And you said exactly what I'm trying to get across ... I don't understand why you give him a free ride, unless he didn't know she was marrried then I would be sympathetic for Tony ... who knows what he's been told ... he could have been told anything in the world ... and you're going to go and flip on him because the other man's been told lies .... Ok, but I thought he knew, if he didn't then it really isn't his fault for this particular thing, but he should still be told to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skin'emAlive Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ok... i know im not of ageg to talk about this.... but i will talk about the child's standpoint. I know staying together for the kids is horrible. I was the load-bearing wall for about 8-9 years. I was torn between which parent i wanted to live with, and every night i was asked whether they should stay together. I knew that I ( and my brothers) were the only reason they were staying together. I was afraid of living with divorced parents, so i tried to keep them together so that they could eventually work things out. After about 8-9 years of constant fighting I now wish they had divorced, as it would have saved me and my brothers from the constant fighting and such. My advice is, if you cant reconcile and be loving, please divorce. Though the kids may not like it then, they will feel better in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Washington Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Right. I'm not saying he gets all of the blame - but he sure as hell gets some. This isn't a moral issue, it's a respect issue. Trying to steal a mans wife is as bad as it gets, as bad as walking up to him and slapping him in the face. being a man is about being in control; being in control of my emotions and actions. i don't feel the need to beat on my chest and beat someone's ass when they hurt me emotionally. also he's not stealing your wife...she's making herself available to him. i would kick his ass if my wife didn't want his attention and he's spttin game. if your wife doesn't want you, it doesn't matter if its tony, greg, tim or whomever as long as its not you. she'll get hers. i think the perception seems to be that women are so niave/gulliable/stupid that they can fall in love by giving them attention/persuing them. one of the first rules of attraction is that persuing someone makes YOU more attracted and the target LESS attacted or indifferent. what i'm saying she's after him just as much as he's after her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ok... i know im not of ageg to talk about this.... but i will talk about the child's standpoint. I know staying together for the kids is horrible. I was the load-bearing wall for about 8-9 years. I was torn between which parent i wanted to live with' date=' and every night i was asked whether they should stay together. I knew that I ( and my brothers) were the only reason they were staying together. I was afraid of living with divorced parents, so i tried to keep them together so that they could eventually work things out. After about 8-9 years of constant fighting I now wish they had divorced, as it would have saved me and my brothers from the constant fighting and such. My advice is, if you cant reconcile and be loving, please divorce. Though the kids may not like it then, they will feel better in the end.[/quote']Definitely, I tried to keep my parents together too, big mistake it only made it worse for me. If it can't be repaired then your kids will feel better in the end if the whole thing is abandoned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I think some people should reread this thread, and see just how much wives are being made to sound like property. She has a mind, a heart, a body, and a soul - just like the husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madman_Mike Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Originally Posted by Art You people don't understand anything. I understand quite a bit more than you apparently. You sound like a caveman. A marriage cannot work because you force it to. Both parties must make the choice of their own free will to work at it. And I have news for you, you cant force two people to stay away from each other if they want to be together, unless of course you have lost your damn mind and are willing to commit murder. It seems the only issue of any importance to you is personal ego and pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCsportsfan53 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 That's a good point Candace, never thought of that. Who knows how that would effect Tony though. Sounds to me like this guy could care less? Or, he may want to come after Brave?My main point is that Tony needs to be told he is no longer welcome in her life. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I think this is extremely important. Now, if a divorce happens then who cares. She right though. It has to come from the wife. It's kind of meaningless coming from Brave. He can say whatever the **** he wants to Tony, that has nothing to with whether or not his wife DECIDES to talk to Tony again. If she's willing to cut him off, fine, forget him and move on, if not :finger: :ciao: . Confronting him accomplishes nothing, especially if, like Candace said, he's been fed a bucket of lies by the wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HokieJ Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Yeah she has to be willing to break off contact with the other guy. If she refuses to do that, then you are done. That means he is more important to her then her husband, and there is no recovering from that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I understand quite a bit more than you apparently. You sound like a caveman. A marriage cannot work because you force it to. Both parties must make the choice of their own free will to work at it. And I have news for you, you cant force two people to stay away from each other if they want to be together, unless of course you have lost your damn mind and are willing to commit murder. It seems the only issue of any importance to you is personal ego and pride. I dont know which smiley to insert here ... I don't want to get chewed out ... but I think that this is the appropriate one :applause: I think some people should reread this thread, and see just how much wives are being made to sound like property. She has a mind, a heart, a body, and a soul - just like the husband. You're 100% right about this ... I've been getting the same impression as I've been reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I think some people should reread this thread, and see just how much wives are being made to sound like property. She has a mind, a heart, a body, and a soul - just like the husband. And she is at fault for ruining all four of her husbands..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 And she is at fault for ruining all four of her husbands..... I wholeheartedly agree. And she should be held accountable for actions as an equal-partner in their relationship, not as a piece of property. BTW - in my post you quoted 'she' was meant as a generic pronoun, not as Brave's wife neccessarily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 being a man is about being in control; being in control of my emotions and actions. i don't feel the need to beat on my chest and beat someone's ass when they hurt me emotionally. also he's not stealing your wife...she's making herself available to him. i would kick his ass if my wife didn't want his attention and he's spttin game. if your wife doesn't want you, it doesn't matter if its tony, greg, tim or whomever as long as its not you. she'll get hers. i think the perception seems to be that women are so niave/gulliable/stupid that they can fall in love by giving them attention/persuing them. one of the first rules of attraction is that persuing someone makes YOU more attracted and the target LESS attacted or indifferent. what i'm saying she's after him just as much as he's after her. I never said beat someone up. I agree with you about being in control - part of being in control is letting people know where you stand and not being too chicken to look challenges in the eye. Right now Tony doesn't know the husband and rationalizes things away like people are doing in this thread. So my course of action would be to break down that wall of seperation and let Tony know who I am, what I think about him, and where I stand on things going forward. After that the ball is in his court - if he chooses to ignore me then he made the personal choice to go that route.BTW - my perception isn't that women are "so niave/gulliable/stupid". I think people are too damn arrogant to acknowledge manipulation is possible. That applies to both male and females, and that notion that no one can get in your head is what makes people vulnerable to snakes out there that love nothing more then to cause trouble. Like I said before I've had friends that had this down to a science and did it all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I dont know which smiley to insert here ... I don't want to get chewed out ... but I think that this is the appropriate one :applause: You're 100% right about this ... I've been getting the same impression as I've been reading this. Why are you getting that impression? Just wondering...because that is not at all what I think of women. I don't think Destino does either. Art? Well I don't think he does but I wouldn't put anything past him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I wholeheartedly agree. And she should be held accountable for actions as an equal-partner in their relationship, not as a piece of property.BTW - in my post you quoted 'she' was meant as a generic pronoun, not as Brave's wife neccessarily. In mine its his wife.. and she is no longer equal in a relationship.. by default... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Why are you getting that impression? Just wondering...because that is not at all what I think of women. I don't think Destino does either. Art? Well I don't think he does but I wouldn't put anything past him. That's the thing - i'm sure you don't, but some posts have sure sounded that way (not necessarily your's - just over the length of the thread). There have been posts that have completely taken her decision making out of the equation, and some that have taken her feeling out of the equation. That, and there are some posts you could replace 'my wife' with 'my dog' or 'my car.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goaldeje Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I think some people should reread this thread, and see just how much wives are being made to sound like property. She has a mind, a heart, a body, and a soul - just like the husband. Rince, Art's way forces the wife to conciously make a choice. If she is confronted by him and reacts negatively, the marriage is (or should be) over. If she reacts with sincerity and love, the marriage has a chance. Art's idea of taking it to the wife and confronting her is for the husband's benefit. After that incredibly difficult conversation, he will know what needs to be done. THe alternative is to dance. You can dance around the subject and take blame for "not being a good husband" all you want, but it doesn't address the issue. Therefore, there is no benefit. Both sides have to be grown ups here and deal with some difficult things. They both have to talk about some serious issues, and they need to know where each other stands. And Art is right, the wife knowing that she is worth fighting for is worth a lot. No one is saying wives are property; however, this one did break the bonds of marriage. The situation has to be rectified in no uncertain terms. There is no room for ambiguity here. You don't want to have a difficult conversation with your wife about your faults without having clarification about her role in the situation and her role as your wife for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Why are you getting that impression? Just wondering...because that is not at all what I think of women. I don't think Destino does either. Art? Well I don't think he does but I wouldn't put anything past him.I do not in anyway shape of form undervalue women as individuals. My post history will prove that. The problem is I am not willing to let myself get stomped on because someone else might not like my approach. Clearly the wife in this thread wasn't too worried about her mans feelings so why should he suddenly choke on his anger just to preserve hers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsbuck Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I think some people should reread this thread, and see just how much wives are being made to sound like property. She has a mind, a heart, a body, and a soul - just like the husband. You should read some of Art's posts also. Not trying to be a dick. He is suggesting that Brave take immediate control of the situation by cutting Tony out and confronting his wife. From there, I believe, Art advocated focusing on their relationship. The control part was numero uno about the situation, not controlling his wife in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Don't know why everybody assumes i was talking about Art. :whoknows: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goaldeje Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 That's the thing - i'm sure you don't, but some posts have sure sounded that way (not necessarily your's - just over the length of the thread). There have been posts that have completely taken her decision making out of the equation, and some that have taken her feeling out of the equation. That, and there are some posts you could replace 'my wife' with 'my dog' or 'my car.' yeah, I'm gonna have to come down a little harder on this one. She ****ed up dude. Not him. Her. It was all her. She trampled and spit on their marriage. If I am the man, I am wondering if I want that insitution to continue now. If I do, I will care about her feelings ... AFTER we set some ground rules. If she can not agree to the ground rules, the institution will not continue. If she wants to "give it another shot", fine, but you have to prove it to me. I will not be totally ignorant of her feelings, but neither are they going to be first and foremost in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goaldeje Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Don't know why everybody assumes i was talking about Art. :whoknows: Then you probably should have clarified in your original post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 yeah, I'm gonna have to come down a little harder on this one. She ****ed up dude. Not him. Her. It was all her. She trampled and spit on their marriage. If I am the man, I am wondering if I want that insitution to continue now. If I do, I will care about her feelings ... AFTER we set some ground rules. If she can not agree to the ground rules, the institution will not continue. If she wants to "give it another shot", fine, but you have to prove it to me. I will not be totally ignorant of her feelings, but neither are they going to be first and foremost in my mind. Again - i should have used the term 'wives' and not 'her'. It was meant to be a generic pronoun. That being said - just because a person cheats, does not make them void of feelings and emotions, nor does it make them property. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Then you probably should have clarified in your original post. Why should I clarify? You guys made a GIANT assumption. I didn't want to call anybody out - especially since i was referring to posts by more than one member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goaldeje Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Again - i should have used the term 'wives' and not 'her'. It was meant to be a generic pronoun.That being said - just because a person cheats, does not make them void of feelings and emotions, nor does it make them property. Again, never said they were on either count. I simply contend that their feelings have to get put on hold while we sort out our lives. Mollifying them will only lead to more problems. Suck it up, fix it, or decide it can't be fixed, and get on with life. Then deal with feelings and so on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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