embarrassing Moments....

[AsburySkinsFan]

"the wall"?

KB....how does that happen?

[Skinz4Life12]

KB, the wall?

[Koolblue13]

I don't know. It amazed me too. I had a bad onion ring at BK once, while driving to SC to meet my new girlfriends dad and it was late. We planned on driving through the night. Everything was great. Then I got sick. I threw up first.

We pulled into the nastiest trucker hole of a gas station and I destroyed that too. Some dude stopped me as I did the old pinch and quick walk to get in, because he liked my shirt and was also from Philly.

I had to wipe that wall too. I eat a lot of fiber and usually eat super healthy. I love fast food though. I don't know why. I just shouldn't eat it without a diaper on.

[NAZology]

Holy hell. Am I the only one who cries at bathroom stories like this? I am literally crying in laughter. I barely have myself together. Amazing stuff. @Koolblue13, I have no idea how anything gets on the wall. You should enter a competition.

[Mr. Sinister]

That's why when I know I'm going to be out for an extended period of time, I take it easy on the foods/drink.

One of my biggest fears (no joke) is to have to drop a bomb in a ****hole gas station, the kind where you walk in, and immediately get the feeling that someone is getting chopped up somewhere in the back.

[Koolblue13]

I guess from leaning forward and it sprays up? Got me. It wasn't all over the wall, just behind the toilet.

I've worked in restaurants most of my life and I've cleaned plenty of public toilets and I never understood how it could hit the under side of the lid. Now I know. Kind of.

I have a good friend who was a nasty drunk. Just terrible to be around. He came to visit me in Vegas and when I went to his hotel room, the shower walls had **** sprayed all the way up them. It was just disgusting.

[renaissance]

I guess from leaning forward and it sprays up? Got me. It wasn't all over the wall, just behind the toilet.

I've worked in restaurants most of my life and I've cleaned plenty of public toilets and I never understood how it could hit the under side of the lid. Now I know. Kind of.

I have a good friend who was a nasty drunk. Just terrible to be around. He came to visit me in Vegas and when I went to his hotel room, the shower walls had **** sprayed all the way up them. It was just disgusting.

My old coworker once came back from the bathroom, swearing she didn't do the crime she just happened to be the first to see it, and asked who we call to clean **** off the bathroom floor. Someone literally took a dump right beside the toilet. Didn't even hit the bowl at all.

I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the day, and was SOOOOOOOO happy I wasn't the one to walk in and see that.

[Koolblue13]

My old coworker once came back from the bathroom, swearing she didn't do the crime she just happened to be the first to see it, and asked who we call to clean **** off the bathroom floor. Someone literally took a dump right beside the toilet. Didn't even hit the bowl at all.

I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the day, and was SOOOOOOOO happy I wasn't the one to walk in and see that.

There is no way you say you didn't do that and have a single person believe you.

[Mr. Sinister]

Try working in a warehouse ( 7 years ago) and having a coworker who is a few stressful days away from commiting mass murder, smear it on the wall in the bathroom.

True story. I'm glad I didn't get to see it though. I never went in that bathroom again.

[Koolblue13]

Shouldn't this thread be titled "Embarrassing Movements"?

[twa]

at a public pool my daughter worked at the kids would throw at the ceiling

[Vilandil Tasardur]

My sophomore year in college my dorm room had "printing privileges" revoked.

Some kids meticulously disassembled the printer, took turns taking **** after **** into the insides, and then painstakingly reassembled the machine. Then they ran a script on the computers so that the next time someone printed something, it automatically printed 10,000 copies. You cannot imagine the mess. It was the most vile thing I have ever experienced.

I remember thinking "what a bunch of drink jerks" but then realizing that it was so planned, so carefully executed, that they had to have been 100% sober.

[Skinz4Life12]

My sophomore year in college my dorm room had "printing privileges" revoked.

Some kids meticulously disassembled the printer, took turns taking **** after **** into the insides, and then painstakingly reassembled the machine. Then they ran a script on the computers so that the next time someone printed something, it automatically printed 10,000 copies. You cannot imagine the mess. It was the most vile thing I have ever experienced.

I remember thinking "what a bunch of drink jerks" but then realizing that it was so planned, so carefully executed, that they had to have been 100% sober.

wow that prank could win an award

[thebluefood]

My sophomore year in college my dorm room had "printing privileges" revoked.

Some kids meticulously disassembled the printer, took turns taking **** after **** into the insides, and then painstakingly reassembled the machine. Then they ran a script on the computers so that the next time someone printed something, it automatically printed 10,000 copies. You cannot imagine the mess. It was the most vile thing I have ever experienced.

I remember thinking "what a bunch of drink jerks" but then realizing that it was so planned, so carefully executed, that they had to have been 100% sober.

Moral of the story: don't make nerds angry. We will get revenge in heinous, creative ways.

[Vilandil Tasardur]

Aww man, that's for sure. I remember it was all anyone could talk about for weeks. I couldn't decide if I was disgusted, or impressed. Truth was, it was a hell of a feat.

[CAPT_CHAOS47]

lol...those are funny stories!!

A few months ago i was on the bus that takes you around the FOB and i was in the back and a bunch of indian guys and a few other soldiers were sitting up front. I had my ipod in and listening to music when i leaned over and let one RIP...I of course didn't hear it but underestimated my fart... Soon as i let it go everyone in the front of the bus turned around and looked at me. I was stuck...No one to blame as i was all alone...So i just looked out the window like nothing happened!

[renaissance]

lol...those are funny stories!!

A few months ago i was on the bus that takes you around the FOB and i was in the back and a bunch of indian guys and a few other soldiers were sitting up front. I had my ipod in and listening to music when i leaned over and let one RIP...I of course didn't hear it but underestimated my fart... Soon as i let it go everyone in the front of the bus turned around and looked at me. I was stuck...No one to blame as i was all alone...So i just looked out the window like nothing happened!

When I was in middle school (already the most awkward years of a child's existence) I was sitting in a silent classroom when I realized I really had to let one rip. I was able to hold it in no problem until **** me I had to sneeze. The rest of the day all anyone could talk about was the fart-sneeze. LOL. Nobody ever said who it was, but I'm pretty sure they all knew it was me.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Driving home from college, it hit me and it hit me hard. I had to pull over asap. Unfortunately it was one of those exits where the fast food/gas stations aren't immediately off the exit ramp, I had to drive like a mile or so until some shopping center appeared on my left.

Flew into the shopping center and for some reason the first thing I saw there was a tanning salon. Walked in and the only person there was the girl behind the counter, reading a magazine. Asked to use the bathroom, she said sure, obviously didn't care. Flew to the back, my cheeks barely made it to the porcelain, but I made it. Went to flush and....the water slowly started rising to the top... I hightailed it faster out of there than I made it in there and said to the girl on the way out... "uhhh, thanks! I think there's something wrong with your toilet..." and bolted out the door.

---

Couple years ago, I'm driving along and it just hits me again. Out of nowhere, I just suddenly have to go and I have to go bad.

Whip into a 7-11 parking lot off rt 7 and go inside. Ask the guy behind the counter if I can use his bathroom and he goes "We don't have a bathroom," which is a ****ing lie. Of course they have a bathroom, they just don't want anyone off the street to use it.

I said, "Dude, it's your bathroom or your floor. Make a decision."

"Straight through the door in the back."

[Popeman38]

12/3/2012. MNF. RGIII on a national stage. Roll outta work at 11:30. Hit the cash lot at 2:30. Best friend's in town from Tennessee to watch game. Get all the tailgate stuff out and set up. Pop a top on first beer of the day. Sit down to enjoy the afternoon, and it hit me. For the next 4 hours I alternated hitting the portajohn and grabbing the fence and projectile vomiting. I could hear people laughing and making comments about being hammered. Sober as a judge. I wasn't sure I was going to make it to game. The dreaded norovirus. Couldn't keep water in my body. Didn't make it outta bedroom/bathroom for next 2 days. Do you know how nasty a portajohn gets in the parking lot after 4 hours of tailgating? And trying to use it in the dark? ****ing sucks.

But I made it to the ame, and kept my decade plus streak of Skins games going!

[AsburySkinsFan]

But I made it to the game, and kept my decade plus streak of Skins games going!

Well, when it omes time to talk o he CDC at least we'll be able to direct them to patient zero.

[elkabong82]

dropped that payload a little early, eh?

[Bubble Screen]

That's why when I know I'm going to be out for an extended period of time, I take it easy on the foods/drink.

One of my biggest fears (no joke) is to have to drop a bomb in a ****hole gas station, the kind where you walk in, and immediately get the feeling that someone is getting chopped up somewhere in the back.

I used to be like this, but once all (or most) the restrooms started installing those sanitizers things, I got over my fear. Now I don't think twice about going just about anywhere. Just make sure you wipe the toliet seat down with some of the sanitizer and then get to work. I feel so much better now than waiting til I got home or whatever like I used to do. That's not good for you, anyway.

[Koolblue13]

lol...those are funny stories!!

A few months ago i was on the bus that takes you around the FOB and i was in the back and a bunch of indian guys and a few other soldiers were sitting up front. I had my ipod in and listening to music when i leaned over and let one RIP...I of course didn't hear it but underestimated my fart... Soon as i let it go everyone in the front of the bus turned around and looked at me. I was stuck...No one to blame as i was all alone...So i just looked out the window like nothing happened!

Should have grinned, shook your head and flexed.

---------- Post added December-7th-2012 at 03:57 AM ----------

I took a huge **** on the doorstep of the Amarillo Texas welcome center on I-40 and waved at the camera.

[benskins26]

I have a really good funny embarrassing story, but it's pretty long. Should I post it?

Ok, this is really long, but worth the read if you have a moment:

There is one universally accepted question which you should never pose to a woman, in any circumstances, no matter how confident you are: "How far along are you?"(or any variation of such). I've always known that. However, a few years ago, I learned there's another phrase which you should never utter in conversation.

I worked last night at the Angus Barn, my on-again off-again employer of 5 years. Last night was 'supposed' to be a busy night, so they had called in reinforcements. Some of whom I hadn't seen in the better part of 2 years. One of them reminded me of this story, which had long since become a part of Angus Barn lore, at least among those who had been around to hear it. But I realized that it's been a long time since I told it. Now some of you, perhaps most of you, have heard this story before. But this will be my first attempt to transcribe it. I know some of you have never worked in a restaurant, so I'm attaching an appendix at the bottom to refer to whenever I use terms that you may be unfamiliar with. I know, lazy writing.

So in honor of the Angus Barn's 50th anniversary this month, submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story...... (raise your hand if you get THAT reference)

"Scary Monster Teeth"

For those of you unfamiliar with the Angus Barn restaurant, it's a 'fine dining' (I use that term loosely) establishment that prides itself on the best customer service possible. No one leaves that place unhappy, no matter what the costs. I've had entire large parties comped(*1) for ridiculous reasons, none of which were my fault, naturally. Well, this is the story of the one exception.

It was a middle of the week night, not too busy, and I had relatively little to do. My 6-top (*2) had just been sat with a normal looking young family, consisting of Mom and Dad, Grandma, and something like a 12 year old girl and 8 year old boy. They seemed happy enough, all smiles. I went over and watered the table(*3). After I set the water pitcher down, I walked over to the table to introduce myself.

You must understand that whether it's the Angus Barn conditioning, or just my personality, but my usual greeting and introduction to a table isn't your basic server reading off the board the list of specials. I really get into it. I look at is as a chance to practice my delivery and annunciation. After all, I do want to be on the radio someday (although technically I already have hosted a couple of shows. didn't need to interject this here, just felt like bragging). Not only that, but I feel as if those servers who merely perform their basic duties as a waiter by filling sweet tea glasses and making sure the correct order makes it to the table are shortchanging themselves. Obviously, not every customer wants to make chitchat with the waiter. Many view themselves as way too important to be bothered by some lower form of human. *Cough* *******S *Cough*. But most like to talk. Many of our customers come to the Angus Barn to celebrate their special occasions, everything from 50th wedding anniversaries (these people usually never say a word to each other the whole meal), to high school graduation parties. So they are usually excited and upbeat, and as the first real point of contact, you as the server are the facilitator of the journey they are about to embark on that evening. (What a nice way of saying: eat some steak, have some free cake)

With all that in mind, I went to greet my table. "Good evening folks, welcome to the Angus Barn! It's a pleasure to have you here with us tonight! Are we celebrating anything special this evening?"

"Why yes", they answered. "It's our daughter's 5th grade graduation." (People actually spend 200 dollars on a meal commemorating elementary school graduation. I know, either people have way too much money, or we celebrate mediocrity way too often)

I looked at the daughter, who was all smiles. In my most courteous way, I said, "Congratulations! That's a huge deal! I can see you're excited about it!". And this was when the shoe fell, as they say (why do they say that anyway?).

Sidenote: To preface my next line, I think I need to make one thing clear. The Angus Barn, while serving 50 dollar steaks, tries it's best to pander to the youth. We go out of our way as a restaurant and servers to make sure that the youngin's are enjoying their 12 dollar hot dog, and generally having a good time. One of the tools we use to bring smiles to their little faces is the toy chest we have in the front of the lobby. It is filled with all kinds of little junk toys, like rubber band bracelets, those stupid wood games with the golf tees, basically all the junk you would buy at a dollar store. But, the kids seem to like it. Now, I have never really rummaged through the box for toys myself, but for some reason, in that particular moment, I felt very confident there was this one particular toy in that box.

So there I am, looking at this smiling, confident 12 year old girl, normal looking by any description, when I notice something amiss. Her teeth look like something out of a hillbilly horror movie. Now my brain works fast most of the time, and it must have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5, but I processed quickly that a family having dinner at the Angus Barn, prepared to spend that kind of money, must easily be able to afford braces, and that this horrible display of dentistry could have only come from one place- the toychest- in the form of the wax teeth you see kids wearing on Halloween.

So I said the most playful, pandering to a child, thing I could think of. "Wow, those are some cool scary monster teeth!"

Oh my GOD! It hit me instantly as the words came out of my mouth. All those smiles at the table I told you about? Gone. And I knew at that moment that I had just done something so heinous, so evil, and I was in some deep ****. Look at it from the outside, or at least how they must have seen it: I, the waiter at one of the more expensive restaurants in the area, a place that prides itself on customer service, had just told this poor little girl that her grill was totally FUBAR (*4).

At this point, I wasn't sure what to do. I started breaking out into cold sweats. I could feel their angry eyes staring me down. I knew my job was possibly in jeopardy. I still hadn't told them about the specials or anything, and I wasn't sure whether I should just walk away and pretend it didn't happen, or try to gather my composure, and rattle through the now meaningless features of the evening. I did the latter. But it definitely wasn't fluent. I choked for things to say, stumbling through the words that had been ingrained in my head for the better part of 2 years. I somehow managed to finish, and promptly ran off.

I was lucky that night. The manager was a family friend of mine, and I went straight to the manager's office, and gave her a full rundown, just as soon as the blood rushed out of my head. She decided to promptly go by the table, and feel it out. See where they were at. I stayed in the office. When she returned, you know what the first thing she said to me was? "I could see how you might think that." So, at least one person agreed with me that those were some pretty messed up teeth.

Anyway, she told me that the table didn't seem upset, and to just go out there and do my job, which I did. The kicker is, when I returned to the table, they handed me this little card, called an R.O.C. (*5)

I finished the service, and when I say service, I mean, I went all out with these people. I used every trick in the Angus Barn manual. I even took the kids to make ice cream sundays (something I LOATHE doing). By the end of the meal, they seemed to be all smiles again. Obviously I didn't make the same mistake twice. In fact, I just pretended like nothing ever happened. They apparently did not, however. Their check was 230 dollars. Their gift card was for 200. So the paid 30 dollars on a credit card. My tip? 8 dollars.

I still feel bad to this day that I may have ruined a poor little girl's confidence in a simple act of kindness ironically. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, honestly. Or maybe I did her a favor? Maybe her parents finally recognized that their daughter's teeth required a bit of attention. Who knows? What I do know is that this was one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to me. I laugh about it now though, as it gets retold to me time and time again. I've been introduced as the "scary monster teeth" guy to new employees. One time, I was standing in line at a pizza hut or dominoes, and started chatting with the guy in front of me. We had some common friends in the restaurant industry, and after a few minutes of placing common links, and after he found out I worked at the Angus Barn, he said "Wait, are you the scary monster teeth guy?" Why yes, I am. But you can call me thundering redwoods.

Shuga

1.)comped - When a person or table has a portion or entirety of their meal complimentary given to them because they ****ed about one thing or another. At many restaurants, it takes significant ****ing to have anything comped. However, at the Angus Barn, they'll comp anything for just about any reason you can imagine. For instance, I once had a customer, who at the end of his meal (which he completed- not a speck of food on the plate), within earshot of a manager, said "it just didn't do it for me- I don't think I should have to pay for it". My manager comped not just his meal, but also bought him a free desert, and a bottle of wine to take home with him, accompanied with numerous apologies. I, of course, received no tip from the gentleman, and later, that same manager asked if I would consider paying for the meal. You can't make this stuff up

2.) 6-top- A fancy way of saying "table with 6 seats". Very creative, I know.

3.) watered the table- Pour water into the customers' glasses. Usually the very first step of service. I would hope common sense would dictate your understanding of this, but based on one of the basic facets of writing (pan to your lowest common denominator- i.e. make it easy to read for the stupid), some of you will probably be reading this right now. If you are, you should feel ashamed.

4.) FUBAR- a military term, not used in the restaurant business, but I think it's cool, and I use it when I can. Stands for ****ed Up Beyond All Recognition.

5.) R.O.C.- Return On Complaint. These are the people I told you about before. They complain about something-anything- and usually not only do they get their current meal free, they receive a letter in the mail along with a coupon for ANOTHER FREE MEAL! It still kills me that Mr. "it just didn't do it for me" is probably on his 5th straight R.O.C. meal in a row. Scam artist. These letters also essentially denote VIP. Meaning to all employees- don't mess this one up.