Women and their weight issues

[Special K]

Katie, I don't think most of us disagree with you. I know I don't.

I agree with almost everything you said other than two things.

1 - "8 hours a day to focus on their diet"

2 - "myopically focused on weight and aesthetic"

You don't need 8 hours a day to focus on your diet. You only need to focus when planning your meals (ie at the store and in the kitchen) and frankly there is no excuse for eating junk food when you've passed a certain point in weight. There are a billion excuses out there to put your health on the back burner but when you're risking diabetes and other issues that affect your standard of living you have to be responsible about it. Obesity is as bad for you as smoking and if this thread was about smoking fewer people would be up in arms about spouses putting their foot down. Gaining weight happens. It's a reality of life in the US. Doing nothing about it and allowing habits to get worse and weight gain to spiral out of control is a choice. The science is out there now showing how bad of a choice it is and frankly it's not ok.

I think we are talking about different categories of overweightness...

I'm talking about overweightness, where health measurements like blood pressure, blood glucose, cholesterol, etc. are not being affected. I think you guys are talking about morbid obesity where the health of an individual is compromised. And I agree, that needs to be addressed when it reaches that point in a relationship, just as cancer treatment or diabetes treatment needs to be confronted and addressed. Both my parents are obese and there is a tendency for easy weight gain in our family genes. The only reason my siblings and I confront our parents about their eating habits and non-exercise habits is due to their deteriorating health. That being said, we (like many of the people in this thread are saying) do so in a supportive manner instead of an accusatory manner. Like on vacation, I brought extra tennis racquets and made my dad get out and play with me everyday. With my mom, I got a list of foods she likes and made meal plans for her incorporating those foods.

[ABQCOWBOY]

No -Its not. I'm not talking about someone that gains 20 or even 40 lbs.

But if your wife was 125 when you married her and 20 years later was 250lbs...you don't think something happened? You don't think something changed? It tells me that they stoped caring or selected a different lifestyle (Just like someone that decided to start smoking). Now - If she said to you and said "I know we have always been active and healthy...but I would rather stop doing that now" and you were good with it. More power to you.

BTW -Same in reverse. I know a guy friend of mine who told me his marraige was on the rocks and I flat out told him "thnk this has anythign to do with the 100lbs you've gained over the last 10 years? This is not you? What happened?"

I think that there is more to it then just putting on weight. Everybody has a different body and some people are going to gain weight. If you are trying to say that all your wife does is sit home and gain weight, no job, no parenting, no nothing, then the issue is probably not weight. Weight is a symptom. If your saying that your wife works, raises children, is a contributor to your relationship in all ways, then the weight is probably something that is genetic and not her fault. I'm saying that there is more to a wife or a husband then just physical appearance. I am lucky to have a woman who loves me. I think that my Wife feels the same.

[gortiz]

I'm 5'10" 130 pounds... I know I'm not going to find a woman who is skinnier than me... Honestly I'd rather have a girl who (as the black people say) "has curves" (but not overweight) and doesn't give a **** about it, than a girl who eats a cookie and complains about how she feels fat... Give me a woman who can eat whatever she wants and not give a damn but still stay fit over a girl who asks a server "How many calories are in this?"...

post of the day, maybe week? ....:ols:

[Destino]

I think we are talking about different categories of overweightness...

I'm talking about overweightness, where health measurements like blood pressure, blood glucose, cholesterol, etc. are not being affected. I think you guys are talking about morbid obesity where the health of an individual is compromised. And I agree, that needs to be addressed when it reaches that point in a relationship, just as cancer treatment or diabetes treatment needs to be confronted and addressed. Both my parents are obese and there is a tendency for easy weight gain in our family genes. The only reason my siblings and I confront our parents about their eating habits and non-exercise habits is due to their deteriorating health. That being said, we (like many of the people in this thread are saying) do so in a supportive manner instead of an accusatory manner. Like on vacation, I brought extra tennis racquets and made my dad get out and play with me everyday. With my mom, I got a list of foods she likes and made meal plans for her incorporating those foods.

We definitely are. Weight fluctuates, that's life. You monitor it because as all things when it gets out of control it can lead to problems and if you suddenly gain or lose weight for no reason it can be a sign of underlying health problems. I'm not leaving my wife if she gains some weight, I'd totally make up a better reason than that! lol :)Couldn't resist the easy joke.

I didn't marry her because she was beautiful (though that is the reason I annoyed the crap out of her at a club nearly a decade ago). I married her because she's awesome and awesome don't come around every day.

[pjfootballer]

so if your partner decided to start smoking and doing drugs....you would be ok with that because if you love them it doesn't matter?

Or would you try to see why they have suddenly become a different person and encourge them to get help?

Well, the original thought from the OP was that if his wife gained 50lbs, he'd leave her. Most of us replied that he should stick it out and help her, which is what you are saying with your examples of smoking and drug use. No one was saying he should be ok with her weight gain of 50lbs or more, it was the fact that he would leave her without even trying to help her. I wouldn't accept my wife gaining 50 or more pounds expecially when it could effect her health, but I won't just up and leave her. I'd find out the problem and see if we could solve it.

[pointyfootball]

I think that there is more to it then just putting on weight. Everybody has a different body and some people are going to gain weight. If you are trying to say that all your wife does is sit home and gain weight, no job, no parenting, no nothing, then the issue is probably not weight. Weight is a symptom. If your saying that your wife works, raises children, is a contributor to your relationship in all ways, then the weight is probably something that is genetic and not her fault.

I do disagree with the "genetic" part. Up until 30-40 years ago, there were very few overweight people. It is a fairly recent phenomena, and outside of a few people with glandular issues, we can't blame genetics for being fatter, IMO. Yes, some people (ME!) are predisposed to add weight easier than others, while there is my buddy who hasn't gotten his heartrate above 120 in 5 years, or lifted weights, loves to watch him some TV, and never gains weight. But when you are talking 40-50# overweight, I do think that the person who is overweight is at fault. No reason to dump that person romantically, but giving them a pass is not right either.

[Enter Apotheosis]

I do disagree with the "genetic" part. Up until 30-40 years ago, there were very few overweight people. It is a fairly recent phenomena, and outside of a few people with glandular issues, we can't blame genetics for being fatter, IMO. Yes, some people (ME!) are predisposed to add weight easier than others, while there is my buddy who hasn't gotten his heartrate above 120 in 5 years, or lifted weights, loves to watch him some TV, and never gains weight. But when you are talking 40-50# overweight, I do think that the person who is overweight is at fault. No reason to dump that person romantically, but giving them a pass is not right either.

Well said. If you really want to be a certain weight it is completely within your power to get there. How hard or easy it is for any given individual depends on a large and extremely varied number of factors. Even those with glandular issues do possess some ability to control their weight, although they have to fight a much more uphill battle than the rest of us and really have to know how to manage their condition.

[TMK9973]

Well, the original thought from the OP was that if his wife gained 50lbs, he'd leave her. Most of us replied that he should stick it out and help her, which is what you are saying with your examples of smoking and drug use. No one was saying he should be ok with her weight gain of 50lbs or more, it was the fact that he would leave her without even trying to help her. I wouldn't accept my wife gaining 50 or more pounds expecially when it could effect her health, but I won't just up and leave her. I'd find out the problem and see if we could solve it.

I agree with this 100%. I dont think you should up and leave...but it shouldnt be ignored.

[RichmondRedskin88]

I'm a thin 6'3 guy who works out about 4 times a week yet I'll admit I eat alot of crap. I've always been pretty active though between soccer, basketball, and football so it burns off pretty easy. Thus why I eat so much. I try to stay consistent with work outs cuz I know my eating habits will catch up eventually.

Having said that making this thread is like asking to die. I won't deny that I tend to look at skinny girls. I'm not shallow its just that's who I've dated throughout my life. Well that and the girls are generally pretty short. I'm not sure why short girls like tall guys(feel safer I guess?) Anyway totally off topic.

The point is this thread is just bad. You know that picture that says "I like where this thread is going" with a ship heading toward a storm? This ship is heading off Victoria Falls.

[PleaseBlitz]

Americans live in an environment where you are basically led by the nose to eat **** that is bad for you for every meal. Most people that don't consciously swim against that current are going to gain significant weight at some point, typically in their 20's and 30's. Is it ok to leave someone because they gained weight? No. Are you well within your rights to have a conversation with them and indicate that you find them less attractive than before? If thats how you feel, then absolutely. Their reaction to that will likely determine the nature of your ongoing relationship.

Edit: I just remembered that my first point is backed up by a story that ran in today's Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/industries-lobby-against-voluntary-nutrition-guidelines-for-food-marketed-to-kids/2011/07/08/gIQAZSZu5H_story.html

The food and advertising industries have launched a multi-pronged campaign to squash government efforts to create voluntary nutritional guidelines for foods marketed to children.

Basically, the FDA and CDC want to limit the abilities of company to market unhealthy food to kids, and the food industry threw a fit and spent $6.6 million in the last 3 months to squash the VOLUNTARY measures.

**** YOU KIDS! Drink Coke.

[RichmondRedskin88]

Americans live in an environment where you are basically led by the nose to eat **** that is bad for you for every meal. Most people that don't consciously swim against that current are going to gain significant weight at some point, typically in their 20's and 30's. Is it ok to leave someone because they gained weight? No. Are you well within your rights to have a conversation with them and indicate that you find them less attractive than before? If thats how you feel, then absolutely. Their reaction to that will likely determine the nature of your ongoing relationship.

Edit: I just remembered that my first point is backed up by a story that ran in today's Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/industries-lobby-against-voluntary-nutrition-guidelines-for-food-marketed-to-kids/2011/07/08/gIQAZSZu5H_story.html

The food and advertising industries have launched a multi-pronged campaign to squash government efforts to create voluntary nutritional guidelines for foods marketed to children.

Basically, the FDA and CDC want to limit the abilities of company to market unhealthy food to kids, and the food industry threw a fit and spent $6.6 million in the last 3 months to squash the VOLUNTARY measures.

**** YOU KIDS! Drink Coke.

Atleast their telling them to drink Coke and not the other thing. Its a start.

[PleaseBlitz]

I'm not sure why short girls like tall guys(feel safer I guess?)

All girls like tall guys.

[ABQCOWBOY]

Well said. If you really want to be a certain weight it is completely within your power to get there. How hard or easy it is for any given individual depends on a large and extremely varied number of factors. Even those with glandular issues do possess some ability to control their weight, although they have to fight a much more uphill battle than the rest of us and really have to know how to manage their condition.

No, this is not entirely true. I will speak for myself here as it is easier for me to use myself when talking about weight or what have you.

As a kid, I was never what I would consider tall but I was not short. I was never skinny but I was not fat. I am 5'10 and have been since I was about a Jr. in HS.

In HS, I weighed about 185 - 190 when I graduated. When I went into the military, I stayed at about 195 to 200 till I was about 25 or so. I got up to 210 after I got out and now I am at 225. I am not fat in my estimation but I could be in better shape if I worked out right. I played athletics in HS, I stayed in excellent shape in the Service but still, if you look at what a Dr. says I should have weighed, it would probably say something around 160 to 180 lbs. I was 160 pounds as a Soph. in HS. I will never be 160 again. I could work out hard, everyday, eat right, you name it and I'm not going to be that weight again. I wouldn't want to because it would nto be healthy for me. I should be right at 205 if I were in what I would consider peak health right now. That's a lot more then what most medical charts say. Some people are genetically predisposed to be larger human beings. Some people gain weight but they don't have issues gaining that weight. It's just how they were made.

I think that men feel like it's easy because typically, we have the opportunity to lead a more active life in our day to day if we choose to do that. I'm not trying to make a blanket statement but I know that it's easier for me to go out and be active day to day then it is my Wife. We have 4 kids and they do keep up both busy but you know what? My Wife is the one who does more to keep the house going then I do. Sure, I do things around the house and I keep the yard but my wife has a professional career, she is an Accounting Manager for one of the largest health care firms in the Country, she keeps up with the house, she makes sure that we all have supper and she generally makes things go in our home. She is not 125 pounds anymore like she was when she was a young lady. To be honest, I have no idea what she weighs right now and I don't really care. We have four kids and a lot of water has passed under the bridge for both of us. I am not trying to say that you can't be in perfect condition at our age because you can but the things in our lives that are important are not looking like we did when we were 25. Right now, she is doing the things that are important in our lives. She has built a successful career, she is raising 4 good kids and she is taking care of all of us.

What's important here? I think you have to understand what you want out of life. We were not born in the era that never went outside to play or played video games all the time. If you have a good husband or wife and you have a good life, it's hard for me to understand why you would not accept that person 20 or 30 years down the road because they have gained weight. It's not even like we are talking 50 pounds here, according to the original poster. Yeah, you can be in top physical health but is that the most important thing in your marriage? If it is then you've answered your own question. It is not for me where my Wife is concerned.

[Destino]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/industries-lobby-against-voluntary-nutrition-guidelines-for-food-marketed-to-kids/2011/07/08/gIQAZSZu5H_story.html

The food and advertising industries have launched a multi-pronged campaign to squash government efforts to create voluntary nutritional guidelines for foods marketed to children.

Basically, the FDA and CDC want to limit the abilities of company to market unhealthy food to kids, and the food industry threw a fit and spent $6.6 million in the last 3 months to squash the VOLUNTARY measures.

**** YOU KIDS! Drink Coke.

The government should just list issues on ebay and let he with the most speech win. It wouldn't change anything but at least they'd be up front about how the system works.

[RichmondRedskin88]

All girls like tall guys.

Then I've had some really *****y luck lately.:doh:

[PleaseBlitz]

The government should just list issues on ebay and let he with the most speech win. It wouldn't change anything but at least they'd be up front about how the system works.

I usually fall on the side of the "personal responsibility" crowd, but most adults don't know dick about nutrition, kids have no chance.

---------- Post added July-11th-2011 at 04:46 PM ----------

Then I've had some really *****y luck lately.:doh:

Maybe you're just a douchebag.

:jk:

[pjfootballer]

What's important here? I think you have to understand what you want out of life. We were not born in the era that never went outside to play or played video games all the time. If you have a good husband or wife and you have a good life, it's hard for me to understand why you would not accept that person 20 or 30 years down the road because they have gained weight. It's not even like we are talking 50 pounds here, according to the original poster. Yeah, you can be in top physical health but is that the most important thing in your marriage? If it is then you've answered your own question. It is not for me where my Wife is concerned.

Great post. You fell in love with the person, not the body (unless you really are shallow). And let's face it, men are very visual. When we see a woman, the first thing we look at is her body. It's sad, but true. It's the way we are wired. But somewhere along the line, you fall in love with the person. When you get into your 40s, 50s etc, it all changes with regards to looks. Not saying they aren't important, because you still have to have that physical attraction, but it's not the most important thing like it was when you were 22.

[RichmondRedskin88]

Maybe you're just a douchebag.

:jk:

:finger::finger::ols:

[mcsluggo]

i have enjoyed this thread much more than the standard "battle lines drawn political snipefest" that is the tailgaite norm....

perhaps it is because this issue has no pre-defined political affiliations, and I enjoy seeing myself "allied" with a different set of posters than normal for a change !

---------- Post added July-11th-2011 at 09:54 PM ----------

No, this is not entirely true. I will speak for myself here as it is easier for me to use myself when talking about weight or what have you.

...<continued>......

good over all capture of what I think as well.

[Enter Apotheosis]

No, this is not entirely true. I will speak for myself here as it is easier for me to use myself when talking about weight or what have you.

Alright...

As a kid, I was never what I would consider tall but I was not short. I was never skinny but I was not fat. I am 5'10 and have been since I was about a Jr. in HS.

In HS, I weighed about 185 - 190 when I graduated. When I went into the military, I stayed at about 195 to 200 till I was about 25 or so. I got up to 210 after I got out and now I am at 225. I am not fat in my estimation but I could be in better shape if I worked out right. I played athletics in HS, I stayed in excellent shape in the Service but still, if you look at what a Dr. says I should have weighed, it would probably say something around 160 to 180 lbs. I was 160 pounds as a Soph. in HS. I will never be 160 again. I could work out hard, everyday, eat right, you name it and I'm not going to be that weight again. I wouldn't want to because it would nto be healthy for me. I should be right at 205 if I were in what I would consider peak health right now. That's a lot more then what most medical charts say. Some people are genetically predisposed to be larger human beings. Some people gain weight but they don't have issues gaining that weight. It's just how they were made.

This is a poor refutation of what I said. If you wanted to be in the 160-180 range, you could be in the 160-180 range. In fact, you could get down to below 140 if you so saw fit but that could very well be about as bad of an idea as choosing to get up to 300. The reason why you're not lighter is a combination of habit and, as you said, personal preference. Genetics has less of an influence than you seem to indicate; predispositions can't defy physics.

[Destructis]

No one is arguing that....

But if you think that because a women had a baby that she is destined to be obese - that's just silly.

the point is - EVERYONE is different. But with FEW exceptions - people that exercise and live a healthy life style, tend to look like they....wait for it....exercise and live a healthy life style.

Those that DON"T exercise and eat crap....Tend to...you guessed it...look like they don't exercise and eat crap.

So are you going to get up at 2 am, 4 am, 6 am, for the feedings so your wife can go to the gym at 6 am to try to regain her figure? For a new mother, a baby IS her life pretty much. Heaven knows that most of us guys don't help a lot.

[ABQCOWBOY]

Alright...

This is a poor refutation of what I said. If you wanted to be in the 160-180 range, you could be in the 160-180 range. In fact, you could get down to below 140 if you so saw fit but that could very well be about as bad of an idea as choosing to get up to 300. The reason why you're not lighter is a combination of habit and, as you said, personal preference. Genetics has less of an influence than you seem to indicate; predispositions can't defy physics.

In your opinion, it is a poor effort. I could never be that small unless I was unhealthy. Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing about nutricion, cutting weight, physical conditioning or any other form of training or weight loss you can tell me. I am not a person who is going to be 140 or even 160 to 180 pound weight. I would have to lose muscle mass and I'm talking natural mass and not gained mass. However, this gets off the point of the discussion.

This is not about physical training or even fitness. This is about what you want in a relationship. All of this, IMO, just sidetracks what is a much more important discussion.

[McD5]

Ah, the joys of marriage....kind of like the joys of home ownership. Neither should ever be taken lightly.

[Enter Apotheosis]

In your opinion, it is a poor effort.

I called it a poor refutation because you didn't address the point I was making. Instead, you have opted to argue a point that is, at best, tangential to that point. It is a point that I have not yet offered much in the way of commentary on thus far: what constitutes the "right" weight for a given individual.

I could never be that small unless I was unhealthy. Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing about nutricion, cutting weight, physical conditioning or any other form of training or weight loss you can tell me. I am not a person who is going to be 140 or even 160 to 180 pound weight. I would have to lose muscle mass and I'm talking natural mass and not gained mass. However, this gets off the point of the discussion.

I said that 140 would probably be unhealthy. Whether 160 to 180 would be healthy for you depends on a number of factors which I am not in a position to judge. Weight is a pretty crappy measure of health completely on its own and what weight suits a person depends on what their personal values and aspirations (both athletic and aesthetic) are. Most normal people actually have a pretty large range of potentially healthy weights but only a much narrower range would be considered healthy given a particular lifestyle.

This is not about physical training or even fitness. This is about what you want in a relationship. All of this, IMO, just sidetracks what is a much more important discussion.

I have intentionally stayed away from the relationship aspect of this thread. Instead, I've just tried to address the scientific, theoretical side of a couple of things that have cropped up. A lot of misunderstandings occur when you read into any of what I say past that point or try to apply the theory on a strictly personal level, ignoring the fact that I'm speaking in general terms for a reason.

[Barney B]

As far as what happens to a woman's body before babies and after them ... well I guess I just disagree with you if you think childbearing doesn't have and permanent affect.

Henry, it's rare enough that I can find anything in your posts to disagree with, but the odds that we'll disagree, and I'll actually be the one with the stronger argument, seem pretty darn remote, indeed. So, when the opportunity presents itself, I'd better take advantage.

Worried about post-baby weight gain? Don’t be

By Dr. Judith Reichman

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22328463/ns/today-today_health/t/worried-about-post-baby-weight-gain-dont-be/

Some of my patients ask if their internal weight-control mechanisms (or their basal metabolic rates) undergo a permanent change after they have had their babies. The current data does not support this seemingly fitting excuse. Instead, there is ample evidence that once a woman has had a baby her activity lessens and her diet usually worsens as she raises her child. The latter is especially true if she eats what she feeds her progeny (and the unfortunate truth is that our kids are eating french fries and chicken fingers).

Now, when you say that the weight sometimes tends to get distributed differently, well, I can't argue, but I'll ad that that sometimes can be a good thing.

And now for something completely different:

Let's put it this way. If my wife gained an unusual amount of weight I would take it as a sign that something was bothering her, and I would (tactfully ) try and help her through it. I wouldn't immediately take it as an affront to my ideals of what she should provide me in our marriage.

I do agree that finding one's spouse attractive is important in a marriage. But I would be wary of demanding my wife make herself attractive for the sake of pleasing me, as opposed to wanting her to keep herself healthy because it's the right thing for both of us.

See what I mean? Not a thing there to disagree with.

Now with yours and Casey Jones' permission, I'll wipe my nose off and bow out of this thread.