Henry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 At rationalization of what? That if my partner gets fat I think we have issue? No rationalization needed. If I got fat and stoped caring about my looks without discussing things then I would expect issues and same in reverse. Let's put it this way. If my wife gained an unusual amount of weight I would take it as a sign that something was bothering her, and I would (tactfully ) try and help her through it. I wouldn't immediately take it as an affront to my ideals of what she should provide me in our marriage. I do agree that finding one's spouse attractive is important in a marriage. But I would be wary of demanding my wife make herself attractive for the sake of pleasing me, as opposed to wanting her to keep herself healthy because it's the right thing for both of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 One last point - I hate, HATE, when "unhealthy" people will look at someone like me and say something like "Your lucky - you have good genes" or "You don't understand because its easy for you".Why would you assume that? Maybe I'm not lucky, or maybe its not easy. MAYBE ....I work at it, make it priority, MAKE time for it (Even when I'm beat and would rather go crash on the couch). Maybe I arrange the time - even if it means taking a long lunch to get to the gym (done often), running after my sons baseball around the field for 30 mins after practice while he continues playing, or getting up a hour earlier to force my self to work out. Dont say its too hard for you and easier for others until you actually make a big effort. That bothers me too. It USED to be easier for me when I was 17 and couldn't put on weight to save my life. Now, it's a constant commitment. I've dropped 35 pounds over the past couple years to go from 195 to 160 (5'9"), so obviously it didn't come to easy for me given where I was 2 years ago! Now, maybe once I busted my ass, changed my lifestyle, increased my activity, and replaced sitting around with going to the gym or doing pushups or doing cardio...maybe THEN it came off easier for me than it would have for others. I don't know and neither does anyone else. I also get annoyed with the people who see the result of the changes I've made and say things like "wow man...do you ever eat anymore?" or something like that. I do...I eat what most people would recommend someone of my size and weight eat, not 6 pieces of pizza or a huge meal 3x per day. My lifestyle now is so different than it was just 2 short years ago. But, as you alluded to, I'm more energized, in great shape, have more confidence, etc. Oh, and I might be around longer to play with my kids and have the ability to chase them around now that they are getting more active. I don't mean to sound preachy...we all (or many of us) go through phases where health and nutrition fall down the priority list. We had a 20-month old and a newborn and I felt like the kids finally went to sleep and I wasn't even out of my work clothes yet. The LAST thing I wanted to do was change into gym clothes and go work out for an hour. But, when it finally came to the point where I was sick of how I looked and felt, I made the choice to do something about it. Everyone can find time to do more. If you're happy with your current situation (as I am now), you don't look for those opportunities. If it's a big enough deal to you to improve your current situation (as it was for me a couple years back), you change your lifestyle and exhibit a little will power. It's always possible to improve and even losing a few pounds is helpful if you're heavier than you should be. You never know, it also might be the positive results and motivating factor to propel you to losing a few more...and a few more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 This entire country has a weight problem, and it's not relegated to just one gender. http://www.medpagetoday.com/PrimaryCare/Obesity/27478 Some of the posts in this thread are definitely cringe worthy. From the link: Among the findings: In 1991, no state had more than 15% of its people classed as obese, with a body mass index of 30 or more.In 2011, 38 states have obesity rates higher than 25% percent – more than one out of three. Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 As far as what happens to a woman's body before babies and after them ... well I guess I just disagree with you if you think childbearing doesn't have and permanent affect. I agree with this! My wife only gained baby weight, didn't even look pregnant from behind, and lost her baby weight within a couple months of having both our kids. Still though, it has a permanent impact on their bodies in a lot of cases...my wife has an issue where her abs never joined back together. It's something that can slowly correct itself over time (and appears to be doing so), but it's uncomfortable and she has to be careful about certain things to avoid a hernia. I have so much respect for how women handle having babies. Big Edit...I AGREE with that...not disagree. I'm too used to being combative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Yea, maybe. But, like I said, if she gets to that point, I've failed completely and really shouldn't be anyone's husband. If my wife were to be 50lbs heavier, she simply would not be the same person I married. She would be unable to do 90% of the things she loves to do. How about if you "failed" her, why not support her in losing the weight and maybe, gee I don't know, exercise with her, encourage her and stick to your vows. You have alot to learn about loving someone. If you love her and she is at her worst, it is not the time to abandon here. What if she became a quadraplegic? You gonna run too, because it would be too "hard" to deal with a cripple? Your original post sounds bad, real bad. You don't marry the body, you marry the person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matty dread Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 How about if you "failed" her, why not support her in losing the weight and maybe, gee I don't know, exercise with her, encourage her and stick to your vows. You have alot to learn about loving someone. If you love her and she is at her worst, it is not the time to abandon here. What if she became a quadraplegic? You gonna run to, because it would be too "hard" to deal with a cripple? Your original post sounds bad, real bad. You don't marry the body, you marry the person. sums it up right there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Some of you think you know, but you really really don't. Jim Mora? Is that you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABQCOWBOY Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 In the running for the single stupidest thread I've ever seen posted on this board. Bottom line for me, yeah, we were all much better looking when we were 20 or 30. Time gets everybody and that's just life. If you love the women and she loves you, then it doesn't matter because there will be other things that make you happy and you will eventually figure that out. If it's all superficial, then it's not about how much weight she has put on or you have put on. It's about you or her specifically and the fact that you were never into the thing for the right reasons to begin with. JMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Big Edit...I AGREE with that...not disagree. I'm too used to being combative. Yeah, you scared me for a second, but I figured it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I was always a "real" skinny kid. Bone thin. Ribs showing. I had a voracious appetite and no matter how much I ate, I couldn't gain weight. I was always active and played sports. I'm 5-9 now. I was 135 out of high school (always on the go with school, work, band, sports) I was 145 out of college (even though I walked everywhere on campus) I was 155 around 25 years old. I started lifting weights around 30 years old I was 175 around 30 years old, but in shape from the lifting. I stopped lifting around 35 about a year before I got married. I ballooned up to 205. I've been going to the YMCA on Tuesdays and Thursdays and take 2 classes each evening from 6-7 and 7-8 doing Aqua Exercises including deep water exercises. It works my stomach great. I've dropped down to 185-188 range and gone from a 38 to a 36. When we move into our new house, I want to put a treadmill in to do some running on the days I don't go to the pool. It's hard to exercise at 43. My wife is almost 10 years youger than me. She's 5-7 and about 135-140. She carries her weight well for her height. She was up to 165 when we both joined the Y. We've also cut out eating out (we used to eat out about twice a week- not fast food) because of financial reasons and we only eat out about once a month. We've added more veggies and cut down on red meat. We eat more chicken, fish, pasta now and have steak/hamburger about once a week. We switched to turkey burgers. We don't drink soda (I have a coke zero once every 2 weeks). We go and get lots of nuts and seeds and make our own trail mix to snack on. It can be done. I'd love to exercise more. I want to get down to 170-175. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Here's a hint for guys arguing about women and baby weight from a chick who hasn't had a baby herself, but has had sisters, best friends, coworkers, and tennis partners bear children...and worked in an OB/Gyn clinic for several months... ALL WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! When some women get pregnant, they only gain in their stomach, some gain weight all over, some women gain 20 lbs, some women gain 80lbs, some women swell, some don't, some have serious complications with pregnancy that cause them to be at high risk, some don't... You can't just use your wive's or your sisters as your anecdotal evidence as to what happens to a woman's body during pregnancy and post-partum. Heck, if I used my sister in law as an example, I would think all pregnancies are a snap...little miss-1 hour-labor-2-pushes-walking-around-maternity-ward-30-min.-later-with-newborn-back-to-6pack-abs-within-4-weeks. She's a total freak of nature. Then you've got one of my best friend's who is larger and is still struggling to lose her baby weight. I saw many patients walk into our clinic struggling not only with baby weight post-partum, but hormonal changes, brain chemistry changes where they became so depressed, they would sob when they were talking to me and said they had no reason to be sad, but just were. They had no will to get up off the couch. It had nothing to do with their husband, it had nothing to do with the new baby "pissing them off," etc. Things change with babies. Kudos to the women who are in the fitness industry and have 8 hours a day to focus on their diet and workout after having a baby. But hello reality, most people cannot do that. Not saying they can't strive to be healthy, but men or women who are so myopically focused on weight and aesthetic issues in an individual deserve to marry someone who "disappoints" them as far as I'm concerned... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 In the running for the single stupidest thread I've ever seen posted on this board. Bottom line for me, yeah, we were all much better looking when we were 20 or 30. Time gets everybody and that's just life. If you love the women and she loves you, then it doesn't matter because there will be other things that make you happy and you will eventually figure that out. If it's all superficial, then it's not about how much weight she has put on or you have put on. It's about you or her specifically and the fact that you were never into the thing for the right reasons to begin with. JMO so if your partner decided to start smoking and doing drugs....you would be ok with that because if you love them it doesn't matter? Or would you try to see why they have suddenly become a different person and encourge them to get help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Here's a hint for guys arguing about women and baby weight from a chick who hasn't had a baby herself, but has had sisters, best friends, coworkers, and tennis partners bear children...and worked in an OB/Gyn clinic for several months...ALL WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! When some women get pregnant, they only gain in their stomach, some gain weight all over, some women gain 20 lbs, some women gain 80lbs, some women swell, some don't, some have serious complications with pregnancy that cause them to be at high risk, some don't... You can't just use your wive's or your sisters as your anecdotal evidence as to what happens to a woman's body during pregnancy and post-partum. Heck, if I used my sister in law as an example, I would think all pregnancies are a snap...little miss-1 hour-labor-2-pushes-walking-around-maternity-ward-30-min.-later-with-newborn-back-to-6pack-abs-within-4-weeks. She's a total freak of nature. Then you've got one of my best friend's who is larger and is still struggling to lose her baby weight. I saw many patients walk into our clinic struggling not only with baby weight post-partum, but hormonal changes, brain chemistry changes where they became so depressed, they would sob when they were talking to me and said they had no reason to be sad, but just were. They had no will to get up off the couch. It had nothing to do with their husband, it had nothing to do with the new baby "pissing them off," etc. Things change with babies. Kudos to the women who are in the fitness industry and have 8 hours a day to focus on their diet and workout after having a baby. But hello reality, most people cannot do that. Not saying they can't strive to be healthy, but men or women who are so myopically focused on weight and aesthetic issues in an individual deserve to marry someone who "disappoints" them as far as I'm concerned... No one is arguing that.... But if you think that because a women had a baby that she is destined to be obese - that's just silly. the point is - EVERYONE is different. But with FEW exceptions - people that exercise and live a healthy life style, tend to look like they....wait for it....exercise and live a healthy life style. Those that DON"T exercise and eat crap....Tend to...you guessed it...look like they don't exercise and eat crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Katie, I don't think most of us disagree with you. I know I don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 No one is arguing that....But if you think that because a women had a baby that she is destined to be obese - that's just silly. the point is - EVERYONE is different. But with FEW exceptions - people that exercise and live a healthy life style, then to look like they....wait for it....exercise and live a healthy life style. Those that DON"T exercise and eat crap....Tend to...you guessed it...look like they don't exercise and eat crap. BTW - I posted my sister but she does not have 8 hours a day to work out. She is a sales manager at a big firm. she works 70 hours a week and raises her daughter and SOMEHOW found time. My other sister has type 1 diabaties and was bed ridden....She lost it same way. My Ex wife (who is not the ex for these reasons) gained and struggled a lot more....but finnally said enough was enough and has lost 25 lbs in the past 18 months (I STILL tell her great job). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABQCOWBOY Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 so if your partner decided to start smoking and doing drugs....you would be ok with that because if you love them it doesn't matter?Or would you try to see why they have suddenly become a different person and encourge them to get help? Smoking and doing drugs is a conscious decision. Gaining weight is a metabolic thing. The reason I love my wife is not because she was 125 pounds when I married her. The reason I love my wife is not because she smoked or did drugs when I meet her. The reason I love my wife is because she is a good women. She will be a good women when she gains weight or loses weight. I don't love smoking but if my wife took it up, I would try to figure out why because after 40 years, your not just going to start smoking. Same with drugs but drugs are illegal so that would even be more difficult but again, weight gain or lose is not illegal so this has no context. If your Wife has taken up smoking and drug usage then I'd say you have a bigger problem then just weight gain. This is not hard concept to get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Katie, I don't think most of us disagree with you. I know I don't. I think most of the guys on here don't disagree with me. This was pointed toward a few of the "slower" gentlemen on here. No one is arguing that....But if you think that because a women had a baby that she is destined to be obese - that's just silly. the point is - EVERYONE is different. But with FEW exceptions - people that exercise and live a healthy life style, tend to look like they....wait for it....exercise and live a healthy life style. Those that DON"T exercise and eat crap....Tend to...you guessed it...look like they don't exercise and eat crap. Lol, I didn't say having babies cements a woman's destiny as an obese individual. I said some of the guys in this thread act like it's relatively simply for women to regain their pre-baby body...which is just so ignorant, it's sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Smoking and doing drugs is a conscious decision. Gaining weight is a metabolic thing. The reason I love my wife is not because she was 125 pounds when I married her. The reason I love my wife is not because she smoked or did drugs when I meet her. The reason I love my wife is because she is a good women. She will be a good women when she gains weight or loses weight. I don't love smoking but if my wife took it up, I would try to figure out why because after 40 years, your not just going to start smoking. Same with drugs but drugs are illegal so that would even be more difficult but again, weight gain or lose is not illegal so this has no context. If your Wife has taken up smoking and drug usage then I'd say you have a bigger problem then just weight gain. This is not hard concept to get. No -Its not. I'm not talking about someone that gains 20 or even 40 lbs. But if your wife was 125 when you married her and 20 years later was 250lbs...you don't think something happened? You don't think something changed? It tells me that they stoped caring or selected a different lifestyle (Just like someone that decided to start smoking). Now - If she said to you and said "I know we have always been active and healthy...but I would rather stop doing that now" and you were good with it. More power to you. BTW -Same in reverse. I know a guy friend of mine who told me his marraige was on the rocks and I flat out told him "thnk this has anythign to do with the 100lbs you've gained over the last 10 years? This is not you? What happened?" ---------- Post added July-11th-2011 at 11:29 AM ---------- I think most of the guys on here don't disagree with me. This was pointed toward a few of the "slower" gentlemen on here.Lol, I didn't say having babies cements a woman's destiny as an obese individual. I said some of the guys in this thread act like it's relatively simply for women to regain their pre-baby body...which is just so ignorant, it's sad. I must have missed those posts. Personally - I dont think its easy....I think it's hard. But I also think its hard to ANYONE to keep their body fit after age 35, harder at 40, harder still at 50...etc.... But yes - I think women have a uphill battle after having kids.... But I also think overweight and obese are different things. Child baring is a reason some women get overweight, its not a excuse on being obese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDawg Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 You know, I will always want my girl to put in the work in the gym... I do it, and it would be great if she did too... But, if you really think that's the most important thing you have a long road ahead of you in life. If you break up with someone, break up for a good reason. People can lose weight, people go through fluctuations on weight. I live a certain lifestyle, I want my girl to live that same lifestyle, but almost purely because it's an immediate piece of common ground. A common interest. But if you're purely just looking for arm candy, good luck to you. And I hope you're a damned good looking dude, too, because most arm candy girls are just as shallow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 You know, I will always want my girl to put in the work in the gym... I do it, and it would be great if she did too... But, if you really think that's the most important thing you have a long road ahead of you in life. If you break up with someone, break up for a good reason. People can lose weight, people go through fluctuations on weight. I live a certain lifestyle, I want my girl to live that same lifestyle, but almost purely because it's an immediate piece of common ground. A common interest. But if you're purely just looking for arm candy, good luck to you. And I hope you're a damned good looking dude, too, because most arm candy girls are just as shallow. Now that's a great post. I think we can close the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I said some of the guys in this thread act like it's relatively simply for women to regain their pre-baby body...which is just so ignorant, it's sad. it's hard enough for ME to regain my prebaby body, and I'm a father! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcsluggo Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Here is a little clue for you.That works easily when you are 24. When you are 40 it takes more than that. Your metabolism isn't so graceful. But I am glad you are making an attempt. At 40, simply tweaking your diet wont quickly drop the weight like when you are 24. At 24, it's a piece of cake. Call me in 15 years. Thanks. Not to mention you aren't even a 40 year old woman who has had multiple children which is harder. in my 20s when i got the feeling that my metabolism was starting to slow down, or that i was starting to put on ANY fat.... i basically had to go out for ONE really intensive long range run. ONE. and I could feel my metabolism snap back into line. that metabolism is lost forever <snif> now i have to bike 25 miles a day just to SLOW the inexorible creepage (of weight up and metabilism down). its a pisser!! ---------- Post added July-11th-2011 at 05:56 PM ---------- Smoking and doing drugs is a conscious decision. Gaining weight is a metabolic thing. The reason I love my wife is not because she was 125 pounds when I married her. The reason I love my wife is not because she smoked or did drugs when I meet her. The reason I love my wife is because she is a good women. She will be a good women when she gains weight or loses weight. I don't love smoking but if my wife took it up, I would try to figure out why because after 40 years, your not just going to start smoking. Same with drugs but drugs are illegal so that would even be more difficult but again, weight gain or lose is not illegal so this has no context. If your Wife has taken up smoking and drug usage then I'd say you have a bigger problem then just weight gain. This is not hard concept to get. clap clap clap!!! agreed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Kudos to the women who are in the fitness industry and have 8 hours a day to focus on their diet and workout after having a baby. But hello reality, most people cannot do that. Not saying they can't strive to be healthy, but men or women who are so myopically focused on weight and aesthetic issues in an individual deserve to marry someone who "disappoints" them as far as I'm concerned... I agree with almost everything you said other than two things. 1 - "8 hours a day to focus on their diet" 2 - "myopically focused on weight and aesthetic" You don't need 8 hours a day to focus on your diet. You only need to focus when planning your meals (ie at the store and in the kitchen) and frankly there is no excuse for eating junk food when you've passed a certain point in weight. There are a billion excuses out there to put your health on the back burner but when you're risking diabetes and other issues that affect your standard of living you have to be responsible about it. Obesity is as bad for you as smoking and if this thread was about smoking fewer people would be up in arms about spouses putting their foot down. Gaining weight happens. It's a reality of life in the US. Doing nothing about it and allowing habits to get worse and weight gain to spiral out of control is a choice. The science is out there now showing how bad of a choice it is and frankly it's not ok. It has nothing to do with looks for me. My wife is an awesome person that I married because I'd never met anyone that was such a effortlessly caring person. I will not allow her to self destruct because it's easier for me to avoid an argument and she's already done the same for me. Life is easier when you have someone keeping you on track from a position of support and trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcsluggo Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 No -Its not. I'm not talking about someone that gains 20 or even 40 lbs.But if your wife was 125 when you married her and 20 years later was 250lbs...you don't think something happened? You don't think something changed? It tells me that they stoped caring or selected a different lifestyle (Just like someone that decided to start smoking). Now - If she said to you and said "I know we have always been active and healthy...but I would rather stop doing that now" and you were good with it. More power to you. something has happened all right.. A LOT has happened! she is 20 freaking years older! (and you have 20 more years of loving loving and supporting each other binding you closer and closer together). A lot has changed... but hopefully not the important stuff (except that those get stronger) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 it's hard enough for ME to regain my prebaby body, and I'm a father! :applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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