Wearing Masks...a catharsis...you've been warned.

[AsburySkinsFan]

I guess everyone is due a cathartic thread on ES at least once, so here's mine.

I get tired of wearing masks; masks that hide my true feelings, masks that hide my pain, masks that give the illusion that things are ok and that I've go this whole thing together and worked out. I get tired of feeling like I need to wear these masks lest I lose everything. I feel like so often my life is about pretending, smiling and nodding at all the right times, saying the right things even while from behind this mask I just want to scream. Most days I just want to be the normal guy who is allowed to screw up, to be allowed to have things that aren't so perfect in my life without the whole deck of cards coming crashing down around me. How in the hell did my life become about keeping up appearances?! My faith says that there is no one perfect, no one without sin and yet for some reason I feel this pressure to have a life that is contrary to that reality.

Oh to have a life of open authenticity, to be able to speak, and live in grace without the ever present and immediate judgment, to truly be able to live as human without this disembodied notion that everyone else around me is allowed to be imperfect and yet I feel that I am allowed no margin for error, no authenticity, no openness.

[DButz65]

Just don't give a flying **** what any one else says or thinks, no need for a mask :point2sky

[Teller]

ASF, I don't always agree with you, but I feel like I know your heart, and that being the case, I know your (read: our) God is proud of you. I've often wondered how men (and women) of the cloth could seem so completely composed when I know they suffer the same slings and arrows as the rest of us. I hoped, and prayed, it wasn't an act. And I don't think it is. But don't let your humanity make you question yourself. Ever.

You're not perfect. You never will be. I think according to our belief there was only one Man who was. Take whatever trials you're experiencing right now as what they are....a test. And I know you well enough to know that whatever it is, it's a test you'll pass.

You're not a fake. You're not a phony. We've both seen, and immediately recognize, those who are. You're just human. A great, educated, well-meaning, dedicated human. But human nonetheless. The fact that you recognize this speaks to what kind of man you are.

Frankly, if things were perfect for you, I wouldn't want to come to you for spiritual guidance or counseling. Your humanity makes you more valuable to the flock, not less.

[Destino]

You can't live life attempting to make everyone happy all the time. It's a great way to ruin a life. A great way to start building your own momentum and being happy is to sit down and think of all the things you've wanted to do and haven't.

Then simply start doing them.

Once your focus is more on yourself and the improvement of what you find a lot of the other stuff starts to appear more clear. At least it did in my life.

[Teller]

You can't live life attempting to make everyone happy all the time. It's a great way to ruin a life. A great way to start building your own momentum and being happy is to sit down and think of all the things you've wanted to do and haven't.

Then simply start doing them.

Once your focus is more on yourself and the improvement of what you find a lot of the other stuff starts to appear more clear. At least it did in my life.

Yessir.

And regardless of your faith or creed, or lack thereof, that's phenomenal advice for the human in all of us.

Wise post, Des.

[TimmySmith]

Perhaps ASF to go back and reread all of his political threads to see all of those he has judged and condemned. Of course it does not matter, this thread is no catharsis, it's a testing ground for a sermon.

[Ryman of the North]

sometimes we need to wear masks for society to work and for us to fit in, but the trick is finding the times when you can strictly be yourself. I find I have far fewer friends now but the ones I do have are more accepting of who I am rather than who people want me to be.

When I worked for my government I had to pretty much toe the line, even now I have to sometimes wear a mask but I can be myself much more. btw being a christian doesnt mean being christ My thought is that God accepts us even when we are being asshats.

[Rudechain]

I know where your coming from ASF and keeping up appearances seems the norm in today's day and age.

However, I try to reflect on my actions at the end of the day. What thoughts, words and deeds I committed and how they affected both me and those around me.

If I feel I have erred, I forgive myself and vow to imrove.

We are not perfect, but I do believe we shold strive to be the best we can be. We will screw up and hurt both ourselves and others. Being human means we can be swept away by emotion and/or irrational thinking or behavior.

We all have to put on a mask for one reason or another. It's not always a bad thing. Sometimes we don that mask to give comfort or aid to others who may not be as accepting. Sometimes we put on a mask to brighten a childs day even when we are feeling a little gloomy ourselves.

God, your family and close friends know you and accept you as you are. Give yourself a little break and forgive yourself. Your impact is more positive than even you realize.

[HailGreen28]

We have that here, kinda, with the anonymity the Internet provides.

Not sure it's a good thing.

[757SeanTaylor21]

You're not perfect. You never will be. I think according to our belief there was only one Man who was. Take whatever trials you're experiencing right now as what they are....a test. And I know you well enough to know that whatever it is, it's a test you'll pass.

well nothign is impossible. thats where alot of people fall short is they just think that they cant be perfect. but as born into sin we all have that chip on our shoulder that tells us we cant be perfect. being forgiven of what you have done means you have that clean slate and from that point on its your choice.

you dont have to pretend something your not, or whats happening and make it seem like its ok. its ok to not know whats gonna happen...cause frankly none of us do. thats why we live life and make rash decisions. mistakes in life is what makes us grow. see life is like a plant, and all trials and everything in life is dirt. as u go through ya trials, you grow from them, thats the dirt thats needed in your life for you to grow as a person.

James 2:2-3 - my brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

[AsburySkinsFan]

I'm still trying to figure out if I wear masks because the pressure that I feel to present the right appearance and the right face is self imposed or if it is an external pressure from others around me. The good news is that if it is self imposed then I'm much more free to let down my mask, however if it is externally imposed then that changes things for sure, I guess the trick is to find out which it is.

I want to thank everyone for your words today, I've really been struggling with this for awhile and I have to find some way to express it. In my position good friends are very hard to come by due to numerous reasons; moving, pastoral position, and lack of general exposure to people whom I am not actively serving as pastor. I can't put this kinda thing on facebook because heck half my congregation can read it, not to mention many of my colleagues are on my facebook not to mention my District Superintendent and Conference leaders who hold authority positions over me within the church. So if I complain about my wife, or my job all of that comes right back on me, as such I am left holding this stupid mask trying to figure out how to live.

I never thought it would be possible to have so many people around me and yet to still find myself alone.

BTW, Timmy I preached on Revelation 22 this morning not this...wanna know why? Because how do I preach about taking off masks when I am unable to take off my own? Just go ahead and let me know when I can come along and kick you when you're down...k? How's that for taking off the mask?

[Ryman of the North]

Its hard to make friends as an adult even without having an occupation like yours, adding that to the mix is really tough. My suggestion is to find people who have the same interests (outside the religious stuff). Book clubs as nerdy as it sounds, sports teams,etc etc.

I have made a couple very good friends through playing Football and playing basketball, a couple buddies I met at the shooting range some I met through work but I have been very lucky in that most of my friends are from my childhood.

The thing is that you sound like you feel the need to portray yourself a certain way to fit the expectations of your congregation, but have you ever considered that perhaps you may reach people you might not simply by showing them that you yourself are flawed? I admit I dont know if that would work because I dont know them.

Growing up , my favourite priest was Father John, he sometimes swore, he at times lost his cool (working at a school for problem students must have been trying) but when he didnt know an answer he would admit it. He played sports with us, he talked about books.

[mardi gras skin]

Don't play the game, ASF. Its rigged.

A church is supposed to be a safe place to experience and express the grace of God. But if the system doesn't allow the pastor to experience that grace, that means he isn't invited to be a part of the church he's leading. That's absurd. Why would I want to be a part of a church that's so judgmental they won't even treat their own pastor with generosity and compassion?

Step out of the game. Be yourself. If they aren't comfortable with you as their pastor, get out and find honest employment.

[chipwhich]

ASF, in all seriousness, and this is not meant as an insult in any way...but I find that people who so outwardly wear religion on their sleeve...wear the most masks and have some underlying "issues" that are unresolved. When a person can't engage in any activity without wearing jesus on their sleeve, there tends to be problems.

Now there is no measure to authenticate my feelings.

I wont bore you with stories of my sleeve wearing religious coworkers and things that were discovered about their activities.

In all honesty, it's sort of what keeps me away from most organized religions these days.

[mardi gras skin]

have you ever considered that perhaps you may reach people you might not simply by showing them that you yourself are flawed? I admit I dont know if that would work because I dont know them.

This is great stuff Ryman. Its a matter of ignoring the bullies. Many people would love to be a part of a church that's more kind and gracious, but you have to decide that the judgmental minority (usually big tithers) can take a hike.

[AsburySkinsFan]

Don't play the game, ASF. Its rigged.

A church is supposed to be a safe place to experience and express the grace of God. But if the system doesn't allow the pastor to experience that grace, that means he isn't invited to be a part of the church he's leading. That's absurd. Why would I want to be a part of a church that's so judgmental they won't even treat their own pastor with generosity and compassion?

Step out of the game. Be yourself. If they aren't comfortable with you as their pastor, get out and find honest employment.

I agree the game can be rigged, I think working in the church is a lot like working with lions; you want to train the lion but you must always remember than a lion is still a lion. Maybe I need hazard pay.

Someone once told me that ministry was lonely, maybe I was just fooling myself in thinking he was wrong.

[Jumbo]

There's some wisdom in this thread (the OP, mardi, Ryman) and at the risk of being trite (and being always, unabashedly, a big fan of the bard) I have long held this one close:

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Your role as minister is just one of those that seemingly puts extra binds on being open about one's individual shortcomings and personal trials. My profession can similarly inhibit, but it also becomes an opportunity (sounding trite again) to challenge that "importance of image" instead of perpetuating it. Reveal the limitations of image as you reveal your own personal limitations (however you perceive them).

As has been noted, there are "masks" of varyingly legitimate justification and times when it's appropriate to don them and we are well served to develop the best social judgement we can muster. But when such things involve matters near and dear to your heart, or important to your character, or to your peace of mind (or soul if you like ), the bard said it well. Good luck, amigo.

[aREDSKIN]

Just don't give a flying **** what any one else says or thinks, no need for a mask :point2sky

Me too. F em all!!!! :finger: :finger:

As an aside I'm not in the ministry or any religious organization.

[Smoot Point Really]

Here are my thoughts... I may be misreading the situation. ASF is in a tough situation. His church needs him to keep people in the seats in order for the congregation to survive. He is paid to keep the church growing and prosperous. The congregation would not be content if he were merely there to administer sacraments and care for their spiritual needs. Many Protestant (and other) denominations encourage a "cult of personality" that leads to this very problem. You've seen the signs and advertisements where Sunday morning has become as commercialized as any day. It's a change in our culture for the worst... I cannot offer any solutions other than recommend a more traditional congregation or denomination.

The worship of most Protestant denominations centers around the pulpit and the preacher... The worship of more traditional/sacramental Christian denominations centers around the altar (or should at least). It's less entertaining, but I believe it's more healthy for everyone (and more orthodox).

[mardi gras skin]

I agree the game can be rigged, I think working in the church is a lot like working with lions; you want to train the lion but you must always remember than a lion is still a lion. Maybe I need hazard pay.

Someone once told me that ministry was lonely, maybe I was just fooling myself in thinking he was wrong.

A shepherd doesn't train lions, he beats their brains in and protects the herd.

[mardi gras skin]

The worship of most Protestant denominations centers around the pulpit and the preacher... The worship of more traditional/sacramental Christian denominations centers around the altar (or should at least). It's less entertaining, but I believe it's more healthy for everyone (and more orthodox).

I have friends that are ministers in non-traditional churches and very traditional churches. This separation between clergy and church member (including the resulting unhealthy expectations ASF is dealing with) infects congregations across the spectrum.

As for which congregational practices are more orthodox, that would be a great conversation for another thread.

[Ryman of the North]

I have friends that are ministers in non-traditional churches and very traditional churches. This separation between clergy and church member (including the resulting unhealthy expectations ASF is dealing with) infects congregations across the spectrum.

As for which congregational practices are more orthodox, that would be a great conversation for another thread.

This is very true, IM RC and my Grandmother refused to believe me when I told her that some of the fathers and monks at my school actually SWORE because priests dont swear lol.

we put unreal expectations on those who help us with our spirituality and we forget that they are people sometimes. My hope is that ashbury remembers that while people may have unreal expectations GOD loves us with a flaws an all. (especially me). I hope he manages to find at least one good friend that he can be open and honest with , there was an old saying " a man who has one good friend in his lifetime is truly blessed."

Jumbo is right to thine own self be true is great advice, but I understand that sometimes you gotta toe the line.

anyway ashbury, good luck.

[Major Harris]

well, just be like my wife. her smiley mask is on most of the time, but when it's just me, she gets to take the mask off and yell and scream.

[The 12th Commandment]

I'd bet all I have that your parishioners appreciate what you go through for them more than you know. I think I have a fair reckoning of your heart just from the limited exposure I get here. That's a gift, to be able to so clearly represent yourself and you're in rare company on this site in being able to do so. Maybe you already do what it is your afraid your not doing and can't see the forest for the trees? Maybe you just need a vacation.

Your a good, caring and passionate man ASF I know they see it too.

[zoony]

Can you give an example of this asf?