Peeping Wizard Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 To those of you who are reccomending that we consider abortion/ adoption, I'm really not willing to go through with that. I know I made a mistake and things are going to be tough. But I don't think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control. I had my chance with birth control and I blew it. Now it's time to man up.I just don't feel comfortable ending my childs life. I think that's understandable. And I don't feel comfortable giving the kid away either. This is my kid, my responsibility and I am going to be the best father I can be. You are already showing that you are a man of charachter. I applaud you for that. I don't know you but I have a hunch that you will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I gotta go with McMetal on this one. You have multiple options so you have to consider each one long and hard. Kids having kids is an extremely difficult row to hoe. Raising a kid at your age is gonna be tough. Some things to consider: If you guys don't get married then you'll be responsible for child support for the next 18 years. It will be very difficult, if not impossible, to go to school full time (if that is your goal). Talk to your parents immediately. Even if they get upset, take it like a man. They'll come around but the initial shock is always tough. I know because I've been there. Make sure they know you would greatly value their support. Abortion and adoption are valid alternatives but remember that the impact of both is always greater on the woman. Even if it's the right thing to do, she could have regrets for the rest of her life. You will have to be extremely supportive of her if that's the way you both decide to go. If she's not an emotional wreck right now, she so could be. I may be difficult for a while but stick by her and support her. It will be better for you both in the long run, no matter what happens. If she decides to have your child then check into support groups for those in your situation. They are probably free and will give you valuable tips, advice and help as you go forward. Others are going through this too so the more support you can get, the better off you'll be. Good luck bro and God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggins77 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 To those of you who are reccomending that we consider abortion/ adoption, I'm really not willing to go through with that. I know I made a mistake and things are going to be tough. But I don't think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control. I had my chance with birth control and I blew it. Now it's time to man up.I just don't feel comfortable ending my childs life. I think that's understandable. And I don't feel comfortable giving the kid away either. This is my kid, my responsibility and I am going to be the best father I can be. My baby girl is 6 months old and they are a handful let me tell you, but nothing compares to coming home and picking her up. As others have said on here, I would not recommend getting married yet, you have only dated her for 3 months. Unless you know you love her and had that "gut feeling" she was the one before you found out she was pregnant. Twenty years ago, people married when they got pregnant to make parents happy, no need to jump into marriage in todays world unless you know she is the one. As far as jobs go, have you considered retail or grocery? I went to college, graduated and could not find a job and had to continue to work in the grocery business (Food Lion). Are you in good shape? In grocery, you can advance fast depending how fast you can stock shelves and get into management fairly quickly. I was an assistant store manager 9 years ago and was making around 40k per year and that was at Food Lion where they don't pay that great. Assistant store mgrs at Harris Teeter make around 50-70k a year (I think) and store managers make something crazy like 80-100k a year. Grocery has a lot more options for you long term as well, all of the companies allow you to transfer if there are openings in your desired location. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fletch_Lives59 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Dont worry bro, your family will have your back. I had a daugther at 19, you will miss out on alot but it will pay off in the long run. Just handle your business and things will work out for the best...I feel way old now being 34 and having a daughter starting 10th grade this year... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zguy28 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 To those of you who are reccomending that we consider abortion/ adoption, I'm really not willing to go through with that. I know I made a mistake and things are going to be tough. But I don't think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control. I had my chance with birth control and I blew it. Now it's time to man up.I just don't feel comfortable ending my childs life. I think that's understandable. And I don't feel comfortable giving the kid away either. This is my kid, my responsibility and I am going to be the best father I can be. You can do it. Work hard and you will reap the rewards down the road. :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buenosdiaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 first of all good luck man, you sound like you are maturing already. Life loves curve balls...I'm not that old but I have gotten myself into a slew of bad decisions and I thank my parents for helping me learn from them and not repeating them. I think you have gotten some great advice on the questions that you asked and for the situation that you are in. All I can say is keep on pushing man, nothing in this world is impossible and you are going to make it through this and raise a wonderful kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECU-ALUM Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I agree with just about everyone else...talk to your parents not to mention (and this could be the hardest part)...talk to her parents as well. Take a couple of day and read over the advice that everyone has offered. A lot of is good advice and the way you are stepping and taking responsiblity for this..says a lot about you. Good luck & God be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FanboyOf91 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Question 2: Are you 100 percent positive it is yours? Question 3: Do you love this girl? ^^^ These are good questions to ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggins77 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 on a another note, my mom and dad got married and a year later had me. My mom was 21 and my dad was 23, so my mom wasn't much older than your girlfriend. While my mom was pregnant, they laid her off from the plant she worked at. Both mom and dad had no jobs with my mom like 5 months pregnant. Everything turned out ok. Both found jobs and are successful. I thought of some other options. There is one technical degree you can earn fairly quickly, auto-cad and you can make some decent money that way. Community colleges offer those programs and are cheaper than going to a 4 year university. I myself went to one two years before transferring to a 4 year university. You can surely get student loans or grants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Expect a call from the Maury Povich shows producer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 1 - Do not look for jobs where ever you can find them. That is the fast track to failure. Have some confidence in yourself and look for a job that can lead to another job. For example you don't need experience to get an entry level office job answering phones or making copies, you just need to try to behave in a professional manner and learn from those around you. You also are less likely to be surrounded by a bad element in that setting. 2 - Keep a humble attitude. You don't know ****, trust me. You think you do and you have a whole bunch of pride. Just keep your ego in check and try to make moves that keep you going in a positive direction. All us males go through the same thing at your age IMO. 3 - Stay positive and start throwing negative people out of your life. If someone is telling you what you can' accomplish then tell them you can't be around them anymore. The right attitude and mental state can make absolutely all the difference in the world. This world is filled with negative people and it's best to stay away from them as much as possible. 4 - Write down your goals. Today, this week, this month, this year, and ten years. Every single day do something, anything, that moves you closer to one of your goals. Even if it's a tiny tiny thing it trains you to behave in way that keeps you focused. Sounds cheesy but it works and I'm pretty sure even Dan Snyder does this. BTW - congrats on the news that you are being blessed with a child. It's all about how you look at things man and this could be the greatest thing to ever happen in your life if you want it to be. Very good advice to pass on. Congrats on your future addition RIPSean parents usually will be initially disappointed (only because of the thought of being called grandpa or grandma,lol) but will then be there for their children. The challenge will be being their for each other when outside forces so called friends, etc create background noise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buenosdiaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 another piece of advice...you mentioned being scared of telling your parents... family (in most situations) will ALWAYS be there for you... it sounds like your parents are going to have your back and just remember that they brought you into this world, they love you, and they will be there for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECU-ALUM Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 RIPSean...what has the mother-to-be said or done so far? As much as we are giving you advice she is going to be needing a lot of love and support right now as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggins77 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Also, look into getting into officiating sports like junior high or high school, it's a part-time job that actually pays pretty good. My dad got into that when I was 6 years old because we needed referees for soccer and he is still doing it today. He gradually got into to junior high, then high school and did some womens college softball which paid really well. He's done it all, high school football, baseball, girls softball, volley ball, basketball, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackest Eyes Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Granted I am only a few years older than you, but most of the advice given so far has been pretty good. But I would absolutely make sure this girl is the right on for you. Don't flat out say you don't want to get married, but both of you need to make sure you are the right ones for one another and don't feel obliged to get married just because of the child. It could work out well if you do get married right away, but you should absolutely make sure you are right for one another so your marriage and family will be a loving one. As for the job, do whatever it takes to support yourself, your girlfriend and your child. Don't let your dream be put to rest because of a curve in the road. If there is one thing that I hate hearing about is lost dreams. Don't give up. Once you get on your feet, there are plenty of student and continuing education or career training loans available that you could take advantage of. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buford T. Justice Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 My best friend in had his first child at 16. He had to work three part time jobs (fast food, late night warehouse, and construction/day labor) for a few years. In about 2 years he was able to get certified working heavy machinery and started to make good money. Unfortunately she left him for another guy pretty much right before he was going to ask her to marry him. She claimed that he was working too much. :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoyaSkins28 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You've certainly gotten yourself into a tough situation but my advice to you is to wait on marriage. You need to wait until after the baby is born to do that because if you find out that you do not love your girlfriend you sure don't want the baby growing up in a house with parents that fight constantly. The next thing to do is tell your parents, though they will be upset with you they are parents and can help you more than you know. You should also consider finding a small maybe night college that is cheap where you can take classes so that in a couple years you can get a good paying job to support a child. Tell your parents, wait on marriage, and don't worry its going to work out fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarkin09 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I feel for you, really. My oldest daughter was my 19th birthday gift being born 2 days after and havent looked back I have 4 kids now and an exwife (first 2 with her, dont go getting married cause of the kid though.)Make it clear to her that just because of this child does not mean you are going to get married, she might be mad at first, but oh well. But do let her know you will do everything you can to be a good dad. Anyone can make a kid takes someone speacial to raise one. About you wanting to be a fire fighter. Well look into pail grants with a child it will be a lot easier to get one now. That and you can go the way I did. That is look into the EPA. They offer classes (atleast here in Utah and a few other states) that will get you collage courses in environmental, and a 40 hour endorsment (hazmat) and a few others (this helped me get my degree in envion tech by the way). Some fire departments will take and train you cause you now have some credintials that a some fire men dont and if not you can get a grant for that as well. Not only that but you can go down to an airport and get on with their crew and make more money. With the EPA thing you would be able to clean up meth labs, hazerdous waste spills and get haz pay while doing it. So that would be my advice to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterMP Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Two more things: Get her to a doctor (most states have something for prenatal care for people that can't afford it so look into TODAY) and get some prenatal vitamins. http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/prenatal-vitamins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Grow up fast. What that means is instead of being what you would naturally be at this age,, ie: stretching your legs, feeling your freedom and budding adulthood.. you have to put that on hold now. The child needs you 100%, and the natural urge of a man your age is to be a bit self centered. Kids are hard. the baby is noisy, it won't let you sleep, it will cause you and your girl a lot of stress. They cost an unbelievable amount of money. They create ghastly smells, they don't give a damn you haven't slept, they couldn't care less that you're busy. In fact, that is usually the time they choose to need you the most. there's a reason why so many marriages fail when the kids are young,, because they do put a ridiculous amount of stress into your life. You've got to be able to get past it. No matter how you'll feel, that child needs you above all else. Simple as that. By the same token, the child will be grown before you're 40. That gives you PLENTY of life when you can actually afford to enjoy it. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redd Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Has anyone recommended the military yet? That would be the perfect decision for you and it will cover all your new family needs as long as you can pass the physical. You could also try being a sheriff if you don't want to go the military route but I would recommend Military because they give you training just in case you want out after you serve your time to get a better job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggins77 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Is joining the military only to be deployed to Iraq really a good option? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
28rdsknsfn28 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Think about the military. Salary, housing, food, health care. If you do please come here for advice after you talk to a recruiter. Most of them are straight but just like any other proffession there are some crooked people out there. Here is some info on the Army for 21M: Firefighter (the other services may have the same) http://www.us-army-info.com/pages/mos/engineers/21m.html Redd beat me to it and Riggins there are worse things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wsniper1 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 sometimes stocking shelves at night in supermarkets can pay well(sometimes not). Is there any local companies that may have a decent union that you could try to get into? Welding jobs, if you know how to, or know someone that can teach you some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artmonkforHOF Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 My twin brother became a father when he was 17, girlfriend turned 17 two weeks after she gave birth. I am not going to lie to you and say it was easy, but you can make this work. you need to be committed to it though and put your baby's needs before your own. My suggestion is DO NOT GET MARRIED. At least not now. To marry just because you have a kid together is the wrong thing to do. Kids can tell when their parents actually do love each other and studies show it is better for a kid to have their parents living apart than living together and being unhappy. As for a job, get whatever you can for now and save as much as you can. If your family can afford it, I am sure they might help you with the money for firefighting school as long as you are serious about it. Remember, your life is not the only one that will change, hers will too and you need to support her in anyway you can. One thing I have noticed with young mothers is that they tend to be overprotective and a little bit idealistic so get ready to deal with that. She might get frustrated that you are not able to provide enough for her and the baby in the beginning, but it is not a personal attack on you, its just a mother looking out for her baby. In the end, my brother and his gf realized they where not meant to be, but have worked things out to a point where they still work together to raise their son. My nephew is now 12 turning 13 in December and is a great kid. It's not the ideal way to raise a child but he is surrounded by both families that love and care for him very much. that is the most important thing. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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