I am going to be a father at a young age. Could use some advice...

[RIPSean]

Hello ES. I really don't have a better place to go so I am asking for any advice any of you might have.

I am 18 years old and just hours ago read the positive pregnancy test to my 19 year old girlfriend of only 3 months. I will be a father this time next year. We are pretty certain that we are keeping it and she said she'd like to get married.

I graduated high school in June. I am not in college and am unemployed as of 3 weeks ago. I am currently looking for jobs wherever I can find them but the market is tough here. All I have going is an interview at Wendy's today :/

I hoped to one day be a firefighter but fire school is going to cost me about $2,000 and I have no money. I am not sure what to do career wise since I know I need to support a family and I need money very soon, not in 4 years.

Also, I'm not sure how to tell my family. My parents are very good parents and will ultimately support us but they are rather conservative and will be a bit bitter at me. Also, I'm the 4th of 5 children and I'm going to be the 1st to have a kid, even though the older ones are 32, 27, and 20... so that kinda feels strange as well.

And before you tell me I should've been more careful, believe me, lesson learned. Of course that dosen't solve my problem.

And to all the other guys out there: BE MORE CAREFUL THAN I WAS.

So really I am asking for any advice or knowledge any one has to offer on any of this.

Thank you.

[SkinsOrlando]

Ever thought about changin your name and moving to Cali??

On a serious note, best of luck, my advice, don't get married, wait til after the child is born before making that decision.

[Midnight Judges]

I am not a dad so all I can offer is career advice. It's OK to take a job in food service to make ends meet for a little while but make sure you don't get stuck there. Work on you resume and your job interviewing skills. A simple google search can get you going on this stuff. Then send your resume in every concievable direction. Make it clear that you are looking for a long term career.

good luck dude,

-MJ

[BigMike619]

make sure you 2 connect as a couple because you will now know this woman for the rest of your life. you need to come up with a set plan of ways that you both agree when it comes to discipline, reward, etc when it comes to your child.

get a job that you can make a career, make sure you let her know how special she is and appreciate her. and if by some chance (God forbid) you 2 are not going to be together make sure you get half custody in writing by a judge. that is the most important thing.

outside of that, enjoy the ride brother because there is NOTHING else in the world like it.

[Meskeet21]

work construction. Good money and you can support the family. Does your girl have a job?

[Monte51Coleman]

What kind of family support do you have right now? What type of living arrangements are you anticipating?

[Zguy28]

Ever thought about changin your name and moving to Cali??

On a serious note, best of luck, my advice, don't get married, wait til after the child is born before making that decision.

Don't listen to this guy ^^ :doh: You know you messed up and now you're trying to make it right. Its good to hear that you are manning up to the responsibility where so many others do not today.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Perseverance and consistency are a must. No matter what, don't give up on your soon-to-be marriage and family.

It wasn't that long ago that 18 was normal for forming a family. :2cents:

And you're parents? They might get mad for while, but grandkids have a way of changing that. Be honest with them. Tell them you messed up, but that now the course is set and you have to be a man.

I have three kids myself, so I know a little about them. PM if you want to talk about anything.

[PeterMP]

Hello ES. I really don't have a better place to go so I am asking for any advice any of you might have.

I am 18 years old and just hours ago read the positive pregnancy test to my 19 year old girlfriend of only 3 months. I will be a father this time next year. We are pretty certain that we are keeping it and she said she'd like to get married.

I graduated high school in June. I am not in college and am unemployed as of 3 weeks ago. I am currently looking for jobs wherever I can find them but the market is tough here. All I have going is an interview at Wendy's today :/

I hoped to one day be a firefighter but fire school is going to cost me about $2,000 and I have no money. I am not sure what to do career wise since I know I need to support a family and I need money very soon, not in 4 years.

And before you tell me I should've been more careful, believe me, lesson learned. Of course that dosen't solve my problem.

And to all the other guys out there: BE MORE CAREFUL THAN I WAS.

So really I am asking for any advice or knowledge any one has to offer on any of this.

Thank you.

Start saving money. As soon as you can, go to school. Think long term. Despite what people say, you can still be successful.

My parents stated having kids when my mom was 19. She was older and my dad was around and had a good job, but they had 6 kids, when the youngest was in kindergarten, she took a job in a hospitial as a nurses aid at night and went to school part-time to get a nursing degree. Today she works as a nurse for the state of MD.

As a matter of fact, have you considered something similar. I know for a lot of guys being a nurse isn't something they get excited about (and you said you didn't want to got to college), but there is a nursing shortage, and they get paid pretty good. I know for my mom the hospitial even paid some for classes.

I'll give the flip side of that. I know a couple w/ no extra education. When the economy was going well, they were doing okay. She actually got a better job w/ benefits. He switched jobs because it would make their life a little easier (they have a daughter in kindergarten. his new job would allow him to be there to put her on the bus and when she got home), but realistically was making less (no benefits). She's now lost her job, and he is trying to go back to his old job. She has no real options.

If when things were going well, one of them would have gone back to school to get some real training, they'd be in better shape.

For the babay, they don't sleep much. It is hard on the mother, especially if she breast feeds because it is alot to be up. You need to do your share. We were in an apartment and after feeding if she wouldn't go back to sleep, I'd take her out to the car, drive around the parking lot until she went to sleep, and then sleep in the car w/ her until the next feeding time so my wife could get some uninterrupted sleep.

I also wouldn't force a marriage just because of a baby. Multiple studies show that a bad relationship between parents is as bad for kids as parents that are split as long as both parents are involved in the kids life.

[RIPSean]

What kind of family support do you have right now? What type of living arrangements are you anticipating?

My parents will support us as much as they can but they do not have much money. Her mom will support her as well but she dosen't have much money either and she lives in Pennsylvania (I'm in FL)

As far as living arrangements, we haven't really discussed it but I would prefer to stay in my parents house till I can save up some money. We have an extra room that no one uses.

[Monte51Coleman]

work construction. Good money and you can support the family.

This would ordinarily be solid advice. However there is basically no construction industry in Florida now.

[Destino]

1 - Do not look for jobs where ever you can find them. That is the fast track to failure. Have some confidence in yourself and look for a job that can lead to another job. For example you don't need experience to get an entry level office job answering phones or making copies, you just need to try to behave in a professional manner and learn from those around you. You also are less likely to be surrounded by a bad element in that setting.

2 - Keep a humble attitude. You don't know ****, trust me. You think you do and you have a whole bunch of pride. Just keep your ego in check and try to make moves that keep you going in a positive direction. All us males go through the same thing at your age IMO.

3 - Stay positive and start throwing negative people out of your life. If someone is telling you what you can' accomplish then tell them you can't be around them anymore. The right attitude and mental state can make absolutely all the difference in the world. This world is filled with negative people and it's best to stay away from them as much as possible.

4 - Write down your goals. Today, this week, this month, this year, and ten years. Every single day do something, anything, that moves you closer to one of your goals. Even if it's a tiny tiny thing it trains you to behave in way that keeps you focused. Sounds cheesy but it works and I'm pretty sure even Dan Snyder does this.

BTW - congrats on the news that you are being blessed with a child. It's all about how you look at things man and this could be the greatest thing to ever happen in your life if you want it to be.

[RIPSean]

work construction. Good money and you can support the family. Does your girl have a job?

She has no job, she's searching just like me.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

First of all, step forward so that I may smack you in the back of the head for being an idiot. Okay...now that's over. Let's move on.

Question 1:

How far along is she?

Question 2:

Are you 100 percent positive it is yours?

Question 3:

Do you love this girl?

All those questions matter, and the answers you give will have meaning only to you.

Now...a plan.

It's time to be an adult. You and she need to sit down and map out

1. All your options. (Adoption, abortion, marriage, living togeher, not living together, raising it separately, etc).

2. What you both want out of life.

3. What you both want out of each other.

4. How all this fits together.

Don't do it all, like, today, because both of you are probably in no rational mind. But you need to do it this week.

General advice.

1. Don't do anything to destroy the rest of your life this week. Don't run down to the Justice of the Peace on a whim. Don't move in together in a slum because of some sense of moral obligation. Don't take a job at freaking Wendy's because you are desperate and scared. Be rational. Have a plan.

2. Don't let others influence you. If some parent or relative says, "Well you have to do _________" cut them out of the conversation.

3. Don't eliminate any option off the bat.

God's speed.

[Zguy28]

1 - Do not look for jobs where ever you can find them. That is the fast track to failure. Have some confidence in yourself and look for a job that can lead to another job. For example you don't need experience to get an entry level office job answering phones or making copies, you just need to try to behave in a professional manner and learn from those around you. You also are less likely to be surrounded by a bad element in that setting.

2 - Keep a humble attitude. You don't know ****, trust me. You think you do and you have a whole bunch of pride. Just keep your ego in check and try to make moves that keep you going in a positive direction. All us males go through the same thing at your age IMO.

3 - Stay positive and start throwing negative people out of your life. If someone is telling you what you can' accomplish then tell them you can't be around them anymore. The right attitude and mental state can make absolutely all the difference in the world. This world is filled with negative people and it's best to stay away from them as much as possible.

4 - Write down your goals. Today, this week, this month, this year, and ten years. Every single day do something, anything, that moves you closer to one of your goals. Even if it's a tiny tiny thing it trains you to behave in way that keeps you focused. Sounds cheesy but it works and I'm pretty sure even Dan Snyder does this.

BTW - congrats on the news that you are being blessed with a child. It's all about how you look at things man and this could be the greatest thing to ever happen in your life if you want it to be.

Destino, I didn't know you were my Father-in-Law!

[Peeping Wizard]

1 - Do not look for jobs where ever you can find them. That is the fast track to failure. Have some confidence in yourself and look for a job that can lead to another job. For example you don't need experience to get an entry level office job answering phones or making copies, you just need to try to behave in a professional manner and learn from those around you. You also are less likely to be surrounded by a bad element in that setting.

2 - Keep a humble attitude. You don't know ****, trust me. You think you do and you have a whole bunch of pride. Just keep your ego in check and try to make moves that keep you going in a positive direction. All us males go through the same thing at your age IMO.

3 - Stay positive and start throwing negative people out of your life. If someone is telling you what you can' accomplish then tell them you can't be around them anymore. The right attitude and mental state can make absolutely all the difference in the world. This world is filled with negative people and it's best to stay away from them as much as possible.

4 - Write down your goals. Today, this week, this month, this year, and ten years. Every single day do something, anything, that moves you closer to one of your goals. Even if it's a tiny tiny thing it trains you to behave in way that keeps you focused. Sounds cheesy but it works and I'm pretty sure even Dan Snyder does this.

BTW - congrats on the news that you are being blessed with a child. It's all about how you look at things man and this could be the greatest thing to ever happen in your life if you want it to be.

All excellent advice. Another possible career track if you have the personality for it is sales. You can start in low-level positions selling copiers or whatever to gain experience. In time you can make big money selling for software companies, commercial real estate brokerages or a myriad of other products. Almost every large company has a sales department and they tend to be a little less picky about education than some of the other departments. However, in time, you really should think about going to night school to pick up a degree. It will make your life SO MUCH easier in the long run. Trust me.

While working all day then going to school at night can be a drag, it can be done, especially while you are as young as you are. That is how I got through law school and I had a wife and a daughter at home.

Bottom line is you have your ENTIRE life ahead of you. You can do anything you want.

[Monte51Coleman]

My parents will support us as much as they can but they do not have much money. Her mom will support her as well but she dosen't have much money either and she lives in Pennsylvania (I'm in FL)

As far as living arrangements, we haven't really discussed it but I would prefer to stay in my parents house till I can save up some money. We have an extra room that no one uses.

Living with family, at least until you get your feet set, should be a great help to you.

I would try to find a way to pursue your desire to become a fire fighter. You can make a very nice living in that field with salary, overtime, benefits and a pension. Staying with family should enable you to put some money away toward going to the school.

Are there any job opportunities over there with mass retailers like Home Depot, Lowe's, Target, Wal-Mart?

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

By the way, life often imitates a Springsteen song.

[McMetal]

I'm sure I will get flamed for writing this, but if you're only "pretty certain" you are keeping it, keep talking about it. Abortion and adoption are both viable options. Whatever you do, think twice about bringing a child into the world that if you can't commit 100% to the child AND the mother.

It is an UNBELIEVABLY hard job raising a kid. I had my first one at 35 and my wife and I were mature, set in our relationship, and ready and we still had no idea what we were getting into. It's a wonderful rewarding experience but the amount of time, patience, energy etc it consumes defies belief. I cannot even conceive of shouldering that responsibility when I was 18.

I don't mean to scare you, but better off going into it eyes wide open, because it will change everything for you. You really need to have your stuff together. I don't see anything in the OP about being in love with this woman, so that is probably the first priority - sort out your feelings for her. That should influence what to decide about the little person who will need you BOTH (not just her with some occasional visitations).

Good luck, brother. You are young and have plenty of time to have kids. Don't feel obligated to rush into it just because she got PG.

[Meskeet21]

ya I didnt think Florida had much construction... You gotta do some manual labor that pays. Landscaping comes to mind. Can you fix ****? Cars, electricity, something along those lines is your best option I believe. Gotta be labor though, you don't need education and the $ is decent. Keep us posted on your luck. Congratulations on the baby

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I'm sure I will get flamed for writing this, but if you're only "pretty certain" you are keeping it, keep talking about it. Abortion and adoption are both viable options. Whatever you do, think twice about bringing a child into the world that if you can't commit 100% to the child AND the mother.

I said the same thing essentially. I won't tell anyone to keep, put up for adoption or abort. That's a pesonal decision. I will tell you to seriously consider all three.

[Destino]

Destino, I didn't know you were my Father-in-Law!

I didn't know your father-in-law was such a great man.

[Zen-like Todd]

Destino gave you good advice on the job front. I also second Peeping Wizard in suggesting you look into sales as an opportunity given your lack of education.

And yes, if you have the opportunity to live at home for awhile, that's exactly what you need to do right now.

One thing I will add is that you should look for a position that offers solid health benefits.

[gbear]

Lombardi pretty much hit the nail on the head. The first question is important too. There are a lot of miscarrigages early in pregnancies. It's why they often tell women not to tell anyone until after 3 months unless they are willing to hear condollences when they already feel sad. Make sure the plan you set will be the right ones for all contingencies.

Don't rule anything out even if others find the choices reprehensible. They are your (plural) choices. Talk about it with her, your family, and everyone who will be your support network. Think about what's best for you, for her, and for your family (which from the sounds of things will include a little one).

Side note, Lombardi mentioned adoption. Remember there are multiple types. Some addoptions are open adoptions. I know as my wife and I try to addopt our foster kids we'd consider open addoption. That said we're far more open to it with the biological family members we trust. So being open about your expectations is a big thing right from the beginnning.

Remeber being a parent will be the biggest test of your disipline you've ever had. Start practicing patience. Get used to walking away angry. Should you end up being a father for the childs whole life, remember the little kids are usually acting their age when they piss you off. Ask other parents what they do.

[pjfootballer]

If you really want to be a fireman, there are ways to pay for it. With your age, you can look into grants and loans. I know student loans suck, but look for grants first, then do the loan stuff. My wife is getting her masters and we make too much money for grants, but my 21 and 19 yr old neices were able to get grants to go to school. Don't give that dream up if you really want it, because when you are able to make the decision to stay with the baby's mother or even if it doesn't work out, you still need to support that baby.

[RIPSean]

To those of you who are reccomending that we consider abortion/ adoption, I'm really not willing to go through with that. I know I made a mistake and things are going to be tough. But I don't think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control. I had my chance with birth control and I blew it. Now it's time to man up.

I just don't feel comfortable ending my childs life. I think that's understandable. And I don't feel comfortable giving the kid away either.

This is my kid, my responsibility and I am going to be the best father I can be.