I am going to be a father at a young age. Could use some advice...

[Redd]

Is joining the military only to be deployed to Iraq really a good option?

Sad thing is it's some peoples best option with only a high school experience looking to get great benefits and top notch training. Yeah he'll probably get sent to Iraq but that's not exactly a guaranteed death wish.

[jpillian]

Sad thing is it's some peoples best option with only a high school experience looking to get great benefits and top notch training. Yeah he'll probably get sent to Iraq but that's not exactly a guaranteed death wish.

If the military is an option, and if you're doing it mainly for the job/training/family -- definitely look at the air force. By far the most applicable jobs to the private sector, and the best quality of life. Plus, the least chance of being deployed to a sandy place in a significantly dangerous role.

[RVAbrendan]

There has been a lot of great advice in this thread...I can just leave you a resource that might help you find something.

Create a post a resume on USAjobs.com

Tons of government jobs that pay pretty decent. Good luck.

[Zguy28]

Sad thing is it's some peoples best option with only a high school experience looking to get great benefits and top notch training. Yeah he'll probably get sent to Iraq but that's not exactly a guaranteed death wish.

No, but it will leave his girl alone with a child at 19.

[28rdsknsfn28]

No, but it will leave his girl alone with a child at 19.

With a roof over their head, food on the table, and medical care...

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

To those of you who are reccomending that we consider abortion/ adoption, I'm really not willing to go through with that. I know I made a mistake and things are going to be tough. But I don't think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control. I had my chance with birth control and I blew it. Now it's time to man up.

I just don't feel comfortable ending my childs life. I think that's understandable. And I don't feel comfortable giving the kid away either.

This is my kid, my responsibility and I am going to be the best father I can be.

Not that I want to go too far down this path, but it's not entirely your call.

This is why you need to have a conversation with her where you lay out EVERY option you have, even unpalatable ones.

You don't want to marry her and find out two years into it that she has resented you all along for forcing her to do something she did not want.

[SkinsNut73]

I hoped to one day be a firefighter but fire school is going to cost me about $2,000 and I have no money. I am not sure what to do career wise since I know I need to support a family and I need money very soon, not in 4 years.

Well RIPSean, you've already received some good advice in this thread about your situation so I will not repeat it, but rather just touch on this (quoted) part of your post regarding firefighting and your career aspirations in this area.

Perhaps the area you live in has a volunteer firehouse? Either the town you live in or one of the bordering towns? Reason I ask is I am a volunteer firefighter who has had all of his training paid for by the local government. As a volunteer you are now required to be certified to certain levels (level 1, level 2, haz-mat). The town pays for it all. You just have to make the time to take the classes (and pass the test).

We've had about a dozen guys make the jump from volunteer to career jobs and every ounce of training/testing was paid for when they were volunteers. Then when they are "on the job" that town pays for all their training.

Obviously, your immediate future may not allow you the time to volunteer (before I was an officer the firehouse only took up about 2-4 hours per week of my time...not a whole lot), but if this is a goal of yours there may be a way to get the necessary training for free.

The Captain of my department found himself in the same boat as you 14 years ago. He got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 17. He had to grow up fast. He worked 2 jobs while his wife stayed home (delivered oil and stocked shelves at a grocery store). He started volunteering at the age of 19. Today, he is Captain of the Department and his normal job - Northeast Regional Safety Director for the same oil company. The guy put in some hard work and had some rough years...but has a great, great family now (added 2 more kids) and a pretty damn good life.

Hang in there...

[skinfan2k]

Talk to her again and talk about abortion. You may think its bad now, but years after you knew this year and waited, you realize its the best thing you did for the future of your relationship and the baby

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

My best friend in had his first child at 16. He had to work three part time jobs (fast food, late night warehouse, and construction/day labor) for a few years. In about 2 years he was able to get certified working heavy machinery and started to make good money. Unfortunately she left him for another guy pretty much right before he was going to ask her to marry him. She claimed that he was working too much. :doh:

This is what happens when teenagers have kids. You are forced to make adult decisions, but you are not adults. So, you end up doing rash things, because that's what teenagers do.

This is why you need to think, discuss, think, and discuss again before you plan at that age.

And yes, 40 years ago this wouldn't have been as big an issue on the financial side of things. But 40 years ago, you could walk into a mill or factory and get a well-paying union job that would be yours for 30 years.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Has anyone recommended the military yet? That would be the perfect decision for you and it will cover all your new family needs as long as you can pass the physical. You could also try being a sheriff if you don't want to go the military route but I would recommend Military because they give you training just in case you want out after you serve your time to get a better job.

And the mother who barely knows him is just going to wait patiently for him for two years while she raises his child by herself?

It's not bad advice, but it's not so easy considering the situation.

A lot of women would view him as running away from the situation in that circumstance.

[RedskinzOwnU]

My 2 cents...

Whether or not the two of you ultimately have the kid is up to you (well, it's actually up to her, you don't really have a say). If she really wants to have it, you have to man up and deal with the situation, and take care of the kid, but that doesn't mean you have to marry her - at least not yet... 3 months is never enough time to determine whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. At 18 or 19 years old, you have absolutely no idea what kind of person you want to be with, or how many great people there are out there that might make you a lot happier - so don't get locked into marriage now, because there's a good chance it will fail. Make sure marriage is right before you get married, regardless of the status of any potential kids. Tell her that if she wants to have the kid that you will be there to support it, but you still need to see how the relationship developes before marriage happens. Make sure she understands the situation before she commits to having a kid, because right now she may be relying on you to marry her. If she's not comfortable raising the kid outside of a marital relationship, then she shouldn't have it at all. So --- handle the kid situation first: figure out if both of you want kids right now? Handle the marriage situation down the road, because you'll quickly discover whether you guys are really compatible after facing a lot of the challenges that are about to present themselves.

[Boots]

anchors away my boy, anchors away..............

enlist in the navy. Free health care, base housing, paycheck, free on the job training.

Perfect solution.....NO, but then you're not exactly in a perfect situation now. With only a HS education, you really don't have the qualifications to get a job that pays much more than minimum wage. Go in a get a skill that will translate to the outside. Aviation mechanic, electrician or other some such skill. Do your four years, get a trade, and then get out. GO NAVY!!!

[RedskinzOwnU]

anchors away my boy, anchors away..............

enlist in the navy. Free health care, base housing, paycheck, free on the job training.

Perfect solution.....NO, but then you're not exactly in a perfect situation now. With only a HS education, you really don't have the qualifications to get a job that pays much more than minimum wage. Go in a get a skill that will translate to the outside. Aviation mechanic, electrician or other some such skill. Do your four years, get a trade, and then get out. GO NAVY!!!

I'd say that's a good option for a single and childless young man who only has a high school education. But he's trying to develop a family here with a woman he barely knows. A 3-month relationship will not survive military service. She's still a kid, she'll get impatient and most likely leave him for another man. 4 years is more than 1/5 of her life, I don't think anyone can bank on her waiting that long.

[Boots]

good point redskinzownu. Where else can a young man go, get paid, have his family taken care of, learn a trade? Anyway you look at it, it's a tough situation with only tough decisions.

[McMetal]

Mmm, I would think twice about the military, or the fireman thing for that matter. One of the best, most fundamental things you can do for your kid is stay alive to be there for them. Putting your life in jeopardy for a paycheck when you have people depending on you is a serious risk, IMO.

[RedskinzOwnU]

good point redskinzownu. Where else can a young man go, get paid, have his family taken care of, learn a trade? Anyway you look at it, it's a tough situation with only tough decisions.

You said it. I definitely don't have any better ideas. It's a bad situation and there are no easy solutions.

[Boots]

McMetal, we're all terminal, it's just a question of when. Besides, if he gets stationed on a support ship, far away from any fighting, the chances of his death are pretty slim.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

good point redskinzownu. Where else can a young man go, get paid, have his family taken care of, learn a trade? Anyway you look at it, it's a tough situation with only tough decisions.

You need to have a family before you have it taken care of. He and this girl are strangers.

And it's not like military families are exactly propsering these days.

[Toe Jam]

Both of you need to find decent jobs to start.

It is possible to work full time and take college classes at the same time. An education is something you really need to consider if you don't want to struggle the rest of your life.

[Riggins77]

A better question would be at age 18 what part-time jobs has he held? I started working when I was 15, went to a local grocery store at 16 and worked in the grocery business until I was 26 years old. Then I got my break and a real great job.

Being a former manager in retail and knowing pay scales, you should be able to get a job making $10 an hour or more stocking in grocery, dairy, or frozen food. If you are a good performer, advancement into departmental management is easy. Grocery, produce and market managers make decent money. I was making like $13.50/hr as a department head. Depending how good you are as a department head, getting assistant manager is pretty easy too. Then you get up to the 40-50k a year salary.

Trust me, if you can get a spot in grocery working 40 hours a week, you can advance quickly if you're worth a ****. The OP seems to be mature given the circumstances he's being faced with at such an early age.

[gray]

Pray about it and get your families involved. It will be alot for them to take in at first but I am sure they will rally around you. Take things one day at a time and it will work out for you. I have two daughters and nothing is greater than them running up to hug and kiss me after a day at the office!!! As other posters have stated, large retailers are always hiring and moving up should be an option. Also some companies will even help out with tuition for school. I am sure things will work out for both of you !

[SkinsFanAnt]

Want real advice?...DON'T Join the Military...BE WITH YOUR FAMILY!...and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, that Obama wins the Presidency and does what he says.

I have a bachelor's degree in music ed...been unemployeed the last 3 months, have been single all my life...live in an apt. at my FOLKS house (paying rent though) because rent is too high elsewhere AND CAN'T afford to pursue my Master's because the economy has been jacked up so bad by Bush.

Just remember that Family comes first...job second. Well...God really should come first but other then that...put your family first....you are responsible for them.

And beware of certain jobs...especially big corporate retail/fast food...they will try to enslave and exploit you because of your situation. Work hard but don't compromise your family ever. They are your responsibility now.

[28rdsknsfn28]

You need to have a family before you have it taken care of. He and this girl are strangers.

And it's not like military families are exactly propsering these days.

That may be true but even as an E-1 (which he should not be for more than a few months) he will make over $25,000 (if you include housing and meals) a year at a job with benefits. He will also more than likely get a bonus and be able to attend college on the governments dime.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

That may be true but even as an E-1 (which he should not be for more than a few months) he will make over $25,000 (if you include housing and meals) a year at a job with benefits. He will also more than likely get a bonus and be able to attend college on the governments dime.

So, he gets live in poverty with a high stress job, a new baby, and a wife he doesn't know.

That's a recipe for success.

[G-Prime]

Hello ES. I really don't have a better place to go so I am asking for any advice any of you might have.

I am 18 years old and just hours ago read the positive pregnancy test to my 19 year old girlfriend of only 3 months. I will be a father this time next year. We are pretty certain that we are keeping it and she said she'd like to get married.

I graduated high school in June. I am not in college and am unemployed as of 3 weeks ago. I am currently looking for jobs wherever I can find them but the market is tough here. All I have going is an interview at Wendy's today :/

I hoped to one day be a firefighter but fire school is going to cost me about $2,000 and I have no money. I am not sure what to do career wise since I know I need to support a family and I need money very soon, not in 4 years.

Also, I'm not sure how to tell my family. My parents are very good parents and will ultimately support us but they are rather conservative and will be a bit bitter at me. Also, I'm the 4th of 5 children and I'm going to be the 1st to have a kid, even though the older ones are 32, 27, and 20... so that kinda feels strange as well.

And before you tell me I should've been more careful, believe me, lesson learned. Of course that dosen't solve my problem.

And to all the other guys out there: BE MORE CAREFUL THAN I WAS.

So really I am asking for any advice or knowledge any one has to offer on any of this.

Thank you.

1. Don't get married if you don't love her.. Kid or no kid. In the long run you'll screw up 3 lives. If you really love her and think really hard about that before you move forward but if you do then there is nothing wrong with making an honest woman out of her ;p

2. Take care of the kid. If you're not going to stay with the girl you need to be financially and emotionally supportive of the child.

3. Be a man. (See 1 and 2 for reference). Be in the child's life. You will not experience anything that trumps the joy and excitement of watching a child grow. There is nothing that even comes close. If you miss out on that, you will regret it forever.

4. Financially I'd look to getting a Union job with the state.. A friend of mine just got a job as a 911 operator a year ago and she's 19.....She makes 45k a year and has tremendous benefits. But anything with the government even if it's mopping floors will be worth it simply because of the benefits.. Children get sick and it's so easy to get a state government job. I spent time working for the Montgomery County Police, and I think I paid 60 bucks a month for full family coverage. That's kick ass. Check out your state and county websites and apply for everything you even remotely have a chance at getting. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

5. I don't know you so don't take this as insulting at all but most 18 year olds I've encountered at still children despite their attempts to show how adult they are. It's time to grow up, start watching your dollars, put your child before yourself. If that means you work 2 crappy jobs so be it. When you see your child decently clothed, fed and happy it will give you a great sense of accomplishment.

6. Have fun man. Kids are the best. Sure everyone complains about their kids but in all honesty my kids are great and they keep me very young ;p They are so much fun.

It's going to be hard, you're going to worry about everything. Take it one step at a time. You may have to put your schooling off for a bit, but that's not the baby's fault, you made a choice and you need to deal with it. Before anything you need to get a job man. Once you start bringing in paychecks all the other problems will seem very small.