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The Ultimate Drunk Thread!


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I find the funniest drunk stories involve peeing in places that you are not supposed to pee in.

After every rugby game, we had a drink-up at the local pub. We'd get 2 kegs, and our team and the other team would get all effed up (they would do this if we were playing at their home field). Most of my drunk stories stem from these after-parties.

Anyway, one time I got kicked in the face during the game, and got a pretty nasty gash between the eyes. It didn't really hurt or anything, and wasn't bleeding that much, so I decided to go to the drink up first. So me and my gf at the time went, and of course I got incredibly drunk. On the way home, we stopped at a 24-hour Walgreens to get me some butterflies to patch up the gash. **Note: the rest of this story is as told to me, because I have no recollection of it** I really really really had to pee, and told everyone as much. I went stumbling around the store looking for the bathroom, apparently I knocked over a couple displays of stuff. So, while wandering around I'm asking everyone I run in to where the bathroom is, and then stumbling off before they can answer me. Finally, I find the bathroom, and pee. I turn around to leave, and the manager and 2 employees are standing there scowering at me. Apparently instead of a bathroom I had chosen a mop-bucket to pee in which was right in front of the photo department. :) They politely asked us to leave, which we quickly did.

After another party, my gf didn't stick around at the party. I called her to come pick me up, because I was drunk off my ass. She finally came, and took me back to her place. Her and her roommate at the time were watching a movie or something. Anyway, part I of the story was she took me into the bedroom to undress me (I literally couldn't do it) and as she was near my nether regions, I released the loudest fart I've ever had (again, this was repeated to me, I don't remember). Anyway, that did not please the gf. I laid down, and they went back to watching their movie.

Now, her bedroom was the master in a 2br apartment; so she had a bathroom. Apparently, I forgot this fact, and got up to walk to the other bathroom, going through the living room. Both my gf and her roommate were looking at me like :wtf:?? So, I went over towards her roommate's bathroom, but veered left into his room by mistake (:whoknows: :laugh: ) and went to the corner. They ran in screaming at me, and stopped me before I peed all over his wall. To this day I have no explanation for that.

Those are a couple of the more tame stories I have...I'll let others tell some before I get wilder!! :laugh:

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(Back at BGSU) -- Hooked up at a house party. While in bed girl started to get sick from multiple keg stands.....she stumbled across hall -- got to the bathroom and threw up for like 5 minutes. Then, she comes back and wants to finish. Drunk and horny I start in again...........THEN, my roommate (who was more intoxicated than me) walks right into my room (member in hand). He looks at us and says "is this cool?" The girl freaks out and I start laughing. I ended up walking out with him and playing Madden. Made the girl walk home alone.

I was HEARTLESS when it came to chicks in school. But I have come a long way.......;)

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Considering I was in the Navy, I have many a tale to tell for ye young lads. Depending on how far this thread goes, I'll keep it to my highschool days/daze which happened to be many moons ago.

Drunkin highschool party, we all know the sort. Everyone passed out after drinking way too much at a friends house. Well, nothing like seeing a fairly popular girl wake from her drunkin slumber, stumble around a bit and promptly drop her knickers in front of a footlocker thinking it was a toilet.

I'll save the Curacao, Panama, Australia, Bremelow (I mean Bremerton,WA) stories for a later date.

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So many to choose from, here's one of them.

I was at this comedy club with some friends. We'd been drinking well before we got there. We decide to sit at the table right next to the stage and have several drinks before the comedian comes on stage. He's about five to ten minutes into his routine when I start heckling the comedian, and I get a warning from the manager. I shut-up for about a minute and start heckling again. Here comes the manager again and says one more time and you're outta here. Well that warning kept me quiet for about two minutes. Third time, the manager comes up to our table and the comedian has stopped his routine and is looking at the manager and I. The manager says to leave, I say okay. I go to get up by pushing on the table to scoot my chair back. Well, the chair didn't move, but the table did. This table full of beer bottles and shot glasses crashed all over the stage. As I was being escorted (physically) out of the joint, the only I thing I could think of doing was to throw my arms up in the air and yell,"I ROCK! WOOOOOOO!"

I never went back there again.

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Ok, I'll play................

I was 18 at the time, and often hung out in Orange County NY with a friend who had moved from my neighborhood to that area. I had met this girl Jane who had a fondness for of all things, Boons farm Strawberry hill :doh: The legal age was 18 at the time, so I would often spend nights drinkin with her and having some good clean fun ;);) If I got too drunk, I would crash at Greggs house or just park the car off the side of the road by a corn field and sleep it off.

One night we were having a little party with Gregg and his girl, and a few other couples. I was fairly sloshed, and Jane asked me to take a walk back to the car. When we got to the car, she said she wanted to go to her house :) Of course I obliged............ Her dad wasn't home, but she insisted we stayed out of the house. After about 10 minutes or so, she said she wanted to run inside for a minute, and would be right back. I jump out to take a wizz while she was gone. A few minutes later here she comes in nothing but a teddy :wavetowel

In my drunken stuper, I'm having problems climbing into the back seat. She was already there which amazed me.......... but I wasn't about to complain ;) As I'm working on giving the worlds darkest hickey (hey it was in back then) I realized something wasn't right............there was a second set of hands on my back. I pull away from Jane, and look over my shoulder to find.....................Jane :yikes: Now, I shook my head a few times to try to shake away some of the buzz, rubbed my eyes and shook my head a bit more. Didn't help...............

I had been snookered, in a very kinkey way :D Jane had an identical twin, Marcy, that had been switching off with her on dates with me for a few weeks, and the two were looking for some fun..................... I was so drunk, I didn't realize Marcy slipped into the car right after I made it into the back seat. :doh: We drank and played ;) till the wee hours, and all passed out in the car.

With our three bodies tangled in that little back seat ( 67 Cougar) I wake to a knock on the window :( and a flashlight beam in my face. Outside the car is the biggest NY State trooper I had ever seen. As I'm getting out of the car, he grabbs me, and slams me onto the trunk face first and yells not to move. He then starts yeeling at the girls............."You two are a total disgrace"............"if your mother was alive to see this, she would be heartbroken"............. I'm starting to get real scared as I lay there on the trunk, and then I hear....................... " we're sorry DADDY....we're really sorry"......................."please dont hurt him, he's a real nice guy"

It was then I fell off the car, and started to barf..................and then passed out. I woke up in the back seat of the car, with a note duct taped to my farhead. The duct tape ran completely around my head twice to ensure it wouldn't fall off and be missed.

It read..........

Son.....If I ever see this car in this county, you will be arrested on the spot. If I ever catch you near either of my daughters, I will shoot you.

Signed Officer Mathewes...........

Gregg got a great laugh when I got to his place that morning, he knew all along what they were pulling. I had to either ride my motorcycle, or swap cars with my sister when I wanted to visit Gregg. I still would party with Jane............well I think it was Jane till she went off to college.

Another time, I was at a new years party. I had been party hopping all night with my bud Tommy, and we wound up a our friend Alex's house. I was trashed before I got there, and at midnight, we started passing around a magnum of some pink bubbley. Not too many of our group liked the stuff, so I killed about 2/3 of the bottle myself. At about 1am, I had about all I could take, and figured it was time to go home. My house was about 1/4 mile from Alex's place, but I didn't want to drive up straight up the hill, so I figured I would take the back street to be safer:doh:

I sat in the car, and got the spins, so I hung out the side and lost it :puke: A fewminutes later, I started the car, and pulled away. I made it about 20 yards and got the spins again. I put in park, and lost it again:puke: I lost count on how many times I had to stop to barf after the fourth time. When I finally parked it in front of my house, the clock read 4:35:doh:

I made it out the car, but didn't actually make it into the house. I woke up partly in a shrub by the front door with my dad yelling stuff decorum keeps me from posting.

I'm older now..................... :laugh:

I have many more stories, but not the time to post right now.............

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When i lived in South Jersey a bunch of us went to see the Allman Bros. in Camden - which of course is in Jersey, so we never had to leave the state. On the way home the kid driving took a wrong turn and in the process of trying to make a u-turn cut off a cop. Of course we get pulled over. The driver is COMPLETELY blitzed - as we all were - young and stupid ya know. Anyway, the cop asks the driver for his license, he goes to hand it to him and drops it on the ground. Cop is getting kind of pissed, asks him "just what do you think you were doing?" my friend answers "i'm sorry were lost, i'm just trying to find my way back to Jersey" :doh:

Everybody in the car lets out a "we're going to jail" sigh. Cop tells us to sit tight he'll be right back. Luckily, the driver's dad was a police officer and it said so on his insurance. The cop comes back, yells at us, tells us how to get back on the main road and takes off - the directions he gave us were bad though. We ended parking in a hotel parking lot for an hour or so trying to sober up.

The worst part for me was that i was sitting right over his cracked exhaust next to a window that wouldn't close - ended up with one of the worst headaches of my life.

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Ok, it's hard to tell allot of stories without hand jestures, body language etc...and there's elements of some drunk stories that are too painful to share with the general public. But I thought of one that most of you should indentify with.

At 13, I had recently changed schools, and being the new guy is tough, but has it's advantages if you play your cards right. So my friend and I found out about a party and upon arrival to the backyard beer party I was shown were the beer was located under a big evergreen tree, a dozen of which lined the perimeter of the back yard. Next to the 12 cases of beer, sat a neighborhood friend 'bobby'. He invited me to sit down a have a few.

Well I had drank a few beers before, here and there but never more than 2 or 3, and we proceed to put down 10 or so in about an hour and half. Needless to say at 90 lbs. I was feeling no pain, I decided to get up an socialize a bit when I bumped into a hot looking girl that was in one of my classes.

She was an "11", auburn hair, green eyes, just the right amount of freckles, trouble was I was too shy to talk to her at school and she had a huge BF who was in HS and at the party. At this point I wasn't shy anymore and had forgotten about her nortoriously bad@$$ed BF. So I asked her if she wanted a beer and she followed me. I grabbed a few beers and walked under another spruce tree, in the corner of the yard, and started making out with her.

It was going better than expected, and I was thinking this would be the big night, the first score, my initiation into manhood. Right about that time,

I heard these terrible noises comming from my stomach. I thought a little

gas from all the beer, no problem but what I didn't know that I was about to experience a bad case of "pukus interuptus". Moments later I was trying hard not to ralph, excussed myself and found some bushes to violently turn my insides out. All was lost I thought she must be gone by now.

Not to be denied, I chuged half a beer and gargled with the other half to

freshen up my breathe a little :laugh: and headed back to the girl who was still there, where I left her, half in a daze, she hardly missed me. The Gods were smiling, and I was greatful that all was not lost and this had only been a temperary set back. Five minutes later, we were hot and heavy again amidst of the numerous recurring thoughts of conqusts and bragging rights and manhood. I felt like I was the Elvis or the Fonz!

Then sadly the rumbling came back, and so did dispair as I excused myself again to call for ralph, a guy that i'd never meet. This time, like a boxer who had taken one too many, I was down for the count. I was just a sick boy thinking about how to crawl home in this twisted state and face a new challange, how to get past my mom when I couldn't walk.

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So I'm young, 16 I think. I go out with my friends and we drink a bunch of beers. I slammed the last one and a short while later became deliriously drunk. My friends kindly shepherded me home and into my bed. Sometime during the middle of the night I awoke having to piss badly. So I got up and went over to the door. It wouldn't open. So I tried it again, and it still wouldn't open. I was desperate to get to the bathroom so I put my shoulder into it. It gave way, a little. It was then that I realized that it wasn't the door and I had just put my shoulder through the wall. :doh:

I made my way to the bathroom and back to bed. The next day I noticed the big hole in the wall and put a poster over it to keep my parents from finding out. I don't remember how, but at some point many weeks later my father discovered the hole. He made me fix it myself. And that's how I learned how to repair drywall. :)

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Good drinking game=called hi/low

deck of cards needed,place 3 cards face down.With the deck you flip over card.Then you have to guess 3 times in a row will the next card be higher or lower.If you guess it 3 times the next players turn if not you pick one of the three cards that are down and whatever it is you drink that amount in seconds.The other players count for you also.

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A few months back me and a bunch of friends went out to a bar on a weeknight. I had to much to drink and woke up before work the next morning to hungover to do any good at work. So, as I'm lieing on my coach, I pick up the closest electronic device with numbers on it. Well, it turns out it was my remote, not my phone. Wouldn't have been that bad, if I hadn't been trying for a good 10 minutes to place a call with my remote. Everytime I pressed power, I expected to hear a dial tone but instead the TV came on and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I tried typing the number then pressing power, only to have to TV turn on again. It was a universial remote, so I pressed all of the command buttons expecting a dial tone. When the TV came on for what felt like the 100th time I got so upset I reared back to throw the damn thing when I felt a hand grab mine. I look back and see my roommate, dressed and ready to go to work. He told me what I had been trying to do and said it was great morning entertainment. He handed me the phone and I slept until 3.

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