I need your prayers and advice

[Capt Rich Fla]

All of a sudden my wife has had it. I don't know what to do. Her feelings for me have changed and she resents me now and I don't know where this is coming from.

My work keeps me traveling alot so she is home alone with the kids (3 & 1). She is a stay at home mom. I'm come home as often as I can, but the money has to come from somewhere. The past 4 months have been especialy tough. I had a job that paid alot, but in the fishing industry job security does not exist. Your here today, on the streets tomorrow. I was at home with the wife and kids and my boss called and said he wanted me to take Him fishing. I ran up to N.C., got the boat ready and he showed up with another woman. He forgot his money so he used my work credit card for fuel, food, his chicks cloths, and everything else. A week later his wife blows up. I'm fired and being acused of stealing and wrong doings. She made sure that I was gone that day. They owed me alot of money from tournament winnings weeks of pay, etc. I'm on the streets with no income and two children at home. Money has been hard to come by lately and things are falling behind, but I know I will bounce back soon. I'm just trying to hold on. The boss rolled over on me and sided with the wife for fear of losing millions of dollars. It's my word against theirs and you better believe money is going to protect itself, and I don't have it.

My wife has grown frustrated, and tired. She says I don't appreciate her. She is tired of taking care of the kids ALL OF THE TIME, by herself. She feels the need to be herself. She wants to be independant. She's sick of cartoons, bottles, and poop. I understand her work load is tough, I do. Maybe I didn't show it all the time cause My mind was clouded with trying to keep the money coming in. Family is everything to me. I love my wife and kids more than anything. I've told her I will try to work harder and be more attentive to her womanly needs. She says, "you'll do that for a while and then you'll be back to ignoring me." We were everything together. Companions, lovers, and most of all best friends. I never abused her, or made her feel small. I'm losing everthing in my life and I don't understand where this is coming from. The thought of splitting up the family sickens me. I haven't been able to eat for four days now.

Do you think post pardom depression could have something to do with her complete personality change, overnight? Another man? I don't know. I just want my love back.

Now on to of everything my mon has had heart failure. She's probably got about a month or so.

My life is **** right now and I need your prayers. Please help.

[70th Week]

I will pray for you, brother. This is most likely due to having children and her thinking that her life has been taken from her (work, freedom) She sees you going on with your life and she feels left behind. A woman's self-esteem can hit rock bottom after having kids.I think what would help is for you to sit down and reassure her about some things and maybe take a vacation away from the kids for a while, just the two of you.

[skinfan2k]

maybe allow her to start work and u stay at home? maybe a change?

[ldysknzfn1]

I will pray for you and your family. It most certainly can be post partem depression sitting in w/her. Or it could be lack of sleep, lack of rest, lack of feeling appreciated, frustration or any other thing that seems to loom large when you're overwhelmed and feel like you have no help.

I agree w/70th. Try somehow to finagle some alone time for her or some time for the just the 2 of you. Talk w/her and tell her how you feel about her and the prospect of losing her and your family. Help as much as you can w/household stuff and parenting stuff. Maybe try and find a job that keeps you closer to home or like SF2K said...maybe offer to allow her to work and you stay home for a while. That may help in getting her sense of worth back.

Good luck w/however you decide to proceed. I hope everything can be worked out for you.

[swisha]

Honestly, you not seeing this coming may be a problem itself. I am not saying it's your fault, but it shows that there is a problem in the marriage. Work with her to get to the roots of the problem and try to work it out with her. If you love her and she still loves you, things will work out. Bests of luck, man.

[The 12th Commandment]

Wow, just goes to show.

When you started posting here I though to myself, geez that's gotta be the luckiest guy alive. I even referenced you in my sig for a while. To fish for a living would be a dream come true for me. But nothing comes without a price and I think you may be realizing that, as awesome as it is, the price is too high. If that turns out to be the case, know that for a number of years you got to live the dream of many of us. Much as I like fishing in the end family is more important. Actually, it's not even close.

Best of luck to you brother. I hope it works out.

[turtle]

I wish you the best. Hopefully everything will clear up and go right.

[Capt Rich Fla]

Thanks for the advice guys. Tonight I dropped the kids off at a friends and took my wife out to a local restaurant and just had some wine. We talked for a couple of hours. We talked about her getting a job. She has to. Even if it just covers the cost of day care. I don't care. If it makes her feel important and self confident I'm all for it. The talk alone was good. We got alot off our chests. Her problems with me and my problems with her. She felt bad about not being the prototypical stay at home mom. She's been at it for over three years now. I have no problem with her going back to work. We'll just take it one day at a time and try to pay attention to each other more.

Someone's prayer's did something. I had a captain of another boat walk up out of no where and offer me his job on the boat he is running. He is moving on to another boat and needed someone to take over for him. I haven't seen him for 3 years. Want to hear something spooky? He said he didn't know why he came to the boat yard today. He just thought he'd stop by to see if there were any other captains around who might know someone to take over his job. I was there helping a friend do slave work on his boat (sanding). Also when I got home my cell phone rang with another job offer to run another boat. UNREAL! Both are great boats (60 HATTERAS') and are local with great pay. Thank you for your prayers and wish me and my family luck.

[Tastes Like Chicken]

Glad to here that the tide is turning. Just don't become complacent- surprise her with some flowers tomorrow, or offer to watch the kids so she can have some 'me' time. Best of luck to you.

[Ellis]

That's really great to hear things are turning back your way. I never got a chance to pray for ya! LOL! But I would have. Ah what the heck, I still will.

Women are funny man. It's good that you two talked it out. You two will get through the tough times, I'm sure. Keep your faith up and all will work itself out. Sometimes when things get rough in my life, I read the book of Job in the Bible. It puts things back in perspective for me. Maybe you could take a look at it. Even if you're not a religious person, it's a great story.

[Zguy28]

Man, you've had some bad stuff happening to you lately. Remember this, trials develop perserverence.

Hopefully this isn't to forward of me, but I would suggest to you a book that changed my marriage tremendously.

Its called the Five Love Languages.

Its also available on audio book.

Make a deal with your wife to read it together. It won't take very long. Trust me.

[rdsknbill]

Captain. That is GREAT news. I'm glad to hear that it is working out for you. My wife and I have hit rough spots over the years..Unfortunately, most couple find divorce any easy way out (if you can call divorce easy)

[zoony]

I wish you and your family all the best. Sounds like you really love her, and sounds like you are dedicated to making it work. I'm sure that good things will happen.

As for advice, I really don't have any. Except love your wife and love your kids and do the best you can.

[DeanCollins]

Hey Capt. sorry to hear about your troubles. It piles up on occasion, you'll get thru it.

You might consider a landside job for awhile, like till one of the kids goes off to school.

With your great knowledge of boats, consider sales at a yacht brokerage firm. Might lead to some short haul delivery sails as well. Good luck man

[Leonard Washington]

good luck Capt!

it sounds like you got things going in the right direction. pay more attention to your wife and your kids. money is important but be sure you think of your relationship with them first.

[wshngtn1]

My wife and I just had our first 5 months ago..and wow, did life ever change. Her job was going to let her work from home so she could also watch the little one. I thought everything was great. My wife on the other hand was going insane. She didn't talk to me about it because she thought I wanted her to be the stay at home type. Finally she snapped and broke down. At that point there was only one option and that was for me to give my wife and daugher my undivided attention. The best thing I did was quit scheduling any of my time during the week...no more "I need to fix the door", "I need run to the store", "I need to mow the grass", etc. We put the little one in daycare and my wife just started working at work again. The daycare bill sucks...but it's worth every penny knowing my wife is less stressed. At night during the week we tackle everything together - playing, feeding, bathing and putting down the little one. On the weekends, I watch my daughter all day Saturday and she watches her all day Sunday..that lets us out of the house (or to watch football). And than once a month she has a girl's night out and I have a guys night out. Surprisingly, chores still get done and everyone is happy...but for a while there, it was not pretty. I know this is a ramble, but it sounds like our wives were feeling the same way....so far our approach is working.

[Capt Rich Fla]

My wife and I just had our first 5 months ago..and wow, did life ever change. Her job was going to let her work from home so she could also watch the little one. I thought everything was great. My wife on the other hand was going insane. She didn't talk to me about it because she thought I wanted her to be the stay at home type. Finally she snapped and broke down. At that point there was only one option and that was for me to give my wife and daugher my undivided attention. The best thing I did was quit scheduling any of my time during the week...no more "I need to fix the door", "I need run to the store", "I need to mow the grass", etc. We put the little one in daycare and my wife just started working at work again. The daycare bill sucks...but it's worth every penny knowing my wife is less stressed. At night during the week we tackle everything together - playing, feeding, bathing and putting down the little one. On the weekends, I watch my daughter all day Saturday and she watches her all day Sunday..that lets us out of the house (or to watch football). And than once a month she has a girl's night out and I have a guys night out. Surprisingly, chores still get done and everyone is happy...but for a while there, it was not pretty. I know this is a ramble, but it sounds like our wives were feeling the same way....so far our approach is working.

Bingo! The mood swings from good to me being the devil are enough to put me in a nut house right now. There's got to be some chemicle **** going on here. I'm doing as much with the kids as I can right now. If a person sleeps 15-16 hours a day, is that exhaustion or is there something to see a DR. for? When I bring up Post Partem Depression I might as well be poking her with a stick. It's like trying to get an alcoholic to admit they need help. Every time I bring it up the claws come out.

[Riggins77]

Bingo! The mood swings from good to me being the devil are enough to put me in a nut house right now. There's got to be some chemicle **** going on here. I'm doing as much with the kids as I can right now. If a person sleeps 15-16 hours a day, is that exhaustion or is there something to see a DR. for? When I bring up Post Partem Depression I might as well be poking her with a stick. It's like trying to get an alcoholic to admit they need help. Every time I bring it up the claws come out.

I would think sleeping 15 hours a day would be depression, from what my friends told me. Her getting a job and going back to work should solve that though, less time to sleep.

[dchogs]

Man, you've had some bad stuff happening to you lately. Remember this, trials develop perserverence.

Hopefully this isn't to forward of me, but I would suggest to you a book that changed my marriage tremendously.

Its called the Five Love Languages.

Its also available on audio book.

Make a deal with your wife to read it together. It won't take very long. Trust me.

my wife and i read that book. imo, it didn't help our relationship that much. my wife realized that she needs all 5 love languages. nice. we already knew what my main language was... :laugh:

capt, good luck to you and your wife, brother. marriage with kids isn't easy for sure, especially for the spouse that stays home with the kids (if they do). that spouse will need some mental stimulation way beyond what the kids' lives can provide. my wife has done one hell of a job; the kids are now in school, and she's working part time so that she can 1) be at home when the kids are home 2) bring in some cash and 3) interact with adults. it's been nice for everyone!

keep your head up, keep fighting for your marriage, keep making your wife happy. congrats on the job offers! if you're in a position to negotiate your benefits/travel/salary, keep in mind that the travel (or lack thereof) may be worth more than a higher salary...especially to your wife.

[LD0506]

Capt, read this is all and I can genuinely understand where you are at. Realize that you have one of the most powerful tools at your disposal to change these circumctances- the awareness that your family and love for your wife is the #1 priority.

Often a change of perspective can make a difference. If you just "do" for her it will taper off after a while and that will only make things work. You should try to see that time together with her and your children is positive, healthy and fun for ALL of you. Your children benefit as well from having their parents happy. Find a way that works for you to get more involved in a way that you're sincerely happy to do.

My marriage has changed a lot since we had our son, and there are many things we used to do together that have simply disappeared from our lives but we are way ahead of the game in that we all spend time together with him, sharing the chores, playing the games, etc. Your job is your job and you need to be attentive to that but your family is your life. No matter what that trumps everything else.

Keep the faith bro, and if you honestly believe in the value of prayer and think it helped already then don't throw that away, make the most of that opportunity.

[Capt Rich Fla]

Man, you've had some bad stuff happening to you lately. Remember this, trials develop perserverence.

Hopefully this isn't to forward of me, but I would suggest to you a book that changed my marriage tremendously.

Its called the Five Love Languages.

Its also available on audio book.

Make a deal with your wife to read it together. It won't take very long. Trust me.

I haven't read that yet, but the title leads me to believe that at the end I might realize that everything is my fault, just for being the husband. I am a die hard republican and I don't want to go FAG after reading this. Please, tell me this was writen by a retired Marine. I've had alot of good advice from this **** that hit he in the face and I don't want to offend you. I'm going to read it. REALY I AM! And I thank you for it, BUT I GO FAG, YOU DIE.