Was the Destruction of the Death Star an Inside job?

[Sarge]

http://72.14.209.104/search?q=cache:TOdzhsC_WzsJ:www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/+%22Uncomfortable+Questions:+Was+the+Death+Star+Attack+an+Inside+Job%3F%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

[E-Dog Night]

Sure sign that the end is near? I like one of Sarge's posts.

[codeorama]

http://72.14.209.104/search?q=cache:TOdzhsC_WzsJ:www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/+%22Uncomfortable+Questions:+Was+the+Death+Star+Attack+an+Inside+Job%3F%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

Damn liberals... This stuff sickens me...

First, how a true patriot like Vader could be implicated is beyond be... Freakin moisture evaporator huggers.

Second, yes, it could have been handled better, but, the military had its hands cuffed for fear of being to "PC"... Clearly, Tarkin would have just blown up Yavin and then Yavin IV if it were not for the Eco Nazi's that would have protested a gas giant like Yavin being blown up... So instead, he had to wait until the moon was in the line of fire.

When will people wake up and realize that you can't treat terrorists, those blasted rebel scumbags like an honorable opponent with your hands tied behind your back. We have to fight them at their level. As long as they steal our plans, blow up our bases and attack our ships, they are targets and we need to unleash the dark side on them with NO restraint... :mad:

[rincewind]

What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!?!?

[EersSkins05]

This is a truly funny thread.

[Stophovr6]

Best Sarge thread ever!

[Dan T.]

What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!?!?

It was replaced by the Ford Fairlane back in '65.

[E-Dog Night]

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.”

Hey - Johnny Unitas learned to throw a football by endlessly tossing the pigskin through a tire hanging from a tree in his back yard. Bobby Jones learned to hit pitch shots on his father's farm into a garbage pail. Don't discount country learnin'.

Plus, Luke had The Force. Very convenient for the author not to make any mention of The Force. Typical.

[zoony]

:applause: that is great stuff. I especially like this one:

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

:laugh:

Oh yah, and the Star Wars nerd in me has to point out this mistake by the author:

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

Actually, Tarkin was #2

[/:geek:]

[rincewind]

Oh yah, and the Star Wars nerd in me has to point out this mistake by the author:

Actually, Tarkin was #2

[/:geek:]

Good catch. If it wasn't for Tarkin, Vader would have gone around choking people to death for insulting his dead religion.

[zoony]

Good catch. If it wasn't for Tarkin, Vader would have gone around choking people to death for insulting his dead religion.

Yah, I always wondered if that guy ever sent Tarkin a fresh baked apple pie that his wife made.... or at least bought him a beer after work.

[EersSkins05]

The Palpatine pic is my fav. part.

[Prosperity]

It was the Jooz

[SkinsOrlando]

LMAO................great thread.

[The Evil Genius]

It was the Jooz

Them and their damn Schwartz.

[Jaded-Dragon]

:applause: Excellent Thread!

[Teller]

The cameras in Skywalker's ****pit seemed rigged to me. It was almost like the Imperial government had to have something to be able to say "See! We told you he was involved!" Then once the "rebels" (or as I prefer to call them, terrorists) struck, Vader and his cronies had someone to blame it on. This would sway public sentiment, and allow them to invade Tattooine, Dantooine, or any other tooine with or with out just cause.

It should also be noted that "tooine" is Jawa-ese, and translates roughly into English as "istan."

[btfoom]

http://72.14.209.104/search?q=cache:TOdzhsC_WzsJ:www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/+%22Uncomfortable+Questions:+Was+the+Death+Star+Attack+an+Inside+Job%3F%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

...

Sarge, if you are going to post stuff like this, at least make it hard to reply. Here are the easy answers:

1. As clearly delineated in scene 24, the Death Star's defenses were designed to fight off a large scale attack, not a group of tightly bunched smaller fighters. Plus, they had the Force.

2. Clearly, the Empire were far too arrogant to feel a small attack force could do any damage. Plus, they were so focused on being able to destroy Tattoine. Plus, the rebels had the Force.

3. His escape was clearly a well designed rescue attempt. Did you not see the infamous 'garbage level' scene. Plus, Luke had the Force.

4. Umm, since the were all DEAD, who was going to conduct the investigation? The rebels had won (or did they???) - and they had the Force.

5. Have you actually SEEN the Imperial Empire "Guidelines for Large Weapon Systems Defense"? If not, how do you know they broke protocal when Vader went out. Personally, I think he was the best choice for defense (before that damned Han Solo). Vader also had the Force (just the dark side).

6. How can you even ask that. Bullseying a womprat is like the hardest thing, EVER? Luke could do this even before he had the Force.

7. These droids were plants, manufactured and delivered by said Obi Won Kenobi. They were taken in by a very gullible Vader. Later, they returned to the rebels using a universal GPS (Galactical Positioning System), who's locator beam was implanted on Lukes Uncle's farm. And you know, Luke had the Force - it was STRONG in him.

8. Oh, come on now, please show me ONE planetary sized death machine that WASN'T designed with an exterior exhaust shaft that lead directly to the core, containing walls strong enough to hold and guide a missle to the power core, and not well defended. They didn't even need the Force for this one - but they did have it.

See, when you look at it more closely, the answers just jump off the page at you.

[rincewind]

8. Oh, come on now, please show me ONE planetary sized death machine that WASN'T designed with an exterior exhaust shaft that lead directly to the core, containing walls strong enough to hold and guide a missle to the power core, and not well defended. They didn't even need the Force for this one - but they did have it.

See, when you look at it more closely, the answers just jump off the page at you.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Great post, I particulary like #8. :applause:

[codeorama]

2. Clearly, the Empire were far too arrogant to feel a small attack force could do any damage. Plus, they were so focused on being able to destroy Tattoine. Plus, the rebels had the Force.

The target was Yavin IV... Get it right fanboy... :mad: :mad:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[PokerPacker]

Hey - Johnny Unitas learned to throw a football by endlessly tossing the pigskin through a tire hanging from a tree in his back yard. Bobby Jones learned to hit pitch shots on his father's farm into a garbage pail. Don't discount country learnin'.

Plus, Luke had The Force. Very convenient for the author not to make any mention of The Force. Typical.

the author's a force-atheist

[btfoom]

The target was Yavin IV... Get it right fanboy... :mad: :mad:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Was it, REALLY??? Or was Yavin IV just a cover story??? I answer, you decide. :laugh:

[Sarge]

the author's a force-atheist

There's the real agenda, huh? :laugh:

[Larry]

Oh yah, and the Star Wars nerd in me has to point out this mistake by the author:

Actually, Tarkin was #2

[/:geek:]

Actually, the part I was waiting for the author to add was :

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, and (coincidentally?) the sole survivor of the attack, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?