MissU28 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 ok...so i know this isn't really the type of board for this type of question, but considering that 99% of this board consists of men, i thought I'd give it a shot. So there's this guy I met when i was in california last summer (of '04)... friend of my older brother's, there was attraction there but we didn't hook up bc he was scared my brother would come downstairs and get pissed...didn't exchange numbers or anything with him, flew back to VA and didn't talk to him for a year. Went back to Cali this summer to visit my brother, found a way to get ahold of the guy, went to this party with him and some of my bro's other friends, but my bro didnt come along (he's engaged and doesn't party anymore)...and we ended up hookin up. While I was with him, he called his own cell phone with my phone to check his voicemail (why he didn't use his own phone- was right there and wasn't dead or anything- i don't know)...i took that as a sign that he wanted me to have his number and wanted mine on his phone but didn't want to tell it to me or ask me for mine. So anyway... i had his number for a while, and I guess he had mine, and I guess a month after my cali trip I texted him...and he responded, and we talked on the phone for a lil. Butterflies in my stomach and everything. Didn't start talking daily, but he would usually respond to my texts and we'd end up on the phone, sometimes talking for long amounts of time. One night he texted me first (to actually tease me about how the redskins lost the scrimmage to the panthers)... So anyway, we've talked a lot lately. Not daily, but a couple times a week. Saturday night I was on the phone with him for 5 hours. Literally 5 hours. We have what I think are meaningful conversations, and he told me to come visit him for the weekend when he comes back to the east coast for leave in late sept. and we've pretty much made plans for that to happen... ok so here's the issue. thanks for bearin with me if u've read all this. I am usually the one calling him, texting him first, etc. One day he didn't respond to a text message so I didn't hit him up for the next few days...and maybe 4 days later i get a text from him saying "where are u"... Now...the other night we were on the phone all late together, had talked for a couple hours (and this is hard bc he's on cali time and i'm on eastern time so i'm going to bed a lot later than he is) and he told me to call him when i woke up to go to this orientation thing. I was like, "but that's like at 3am your time"...and he has to get up for work at like 5 or 6...but he told me he wanted me to anyway, and that he'd try to wake up. So i wake up, call bf i leave (bout 7), he doesn't pick up, i leave a message...along the lines of "g'morning sunshine, have a good day, hit me up later or i'll hit u up" .... then called him 'round 11 here (8pm there)...and ended up having to leave a message. Haven't heard from him and debating on texting him tonight. Now I know all about "He's just not that into you" and i know i shouldn't be the one initiating talking all the time, even though when i do he totally acts like he wants to talk and calls me back if he has to get off the phone when he says he will. Should i take the fact that he rarely initiates talking as a bad sign? i mean i'm not lookin to marry the guy but i really don't want to scare him off if i'm callin him too much or anything. Granted, he did call me on sunday out of the blue which was TOTALLY unexpected. But in that book it says that guys will call you if they like you plain and simple. And if he's not calling..."he's just not that into you"... i mean is that totally true in every circumstance? are there any guys out there that have really liked a girl but haven't called her for one reason or another? have i made him lazy bc he expects me to call or contact him? i guess if i don't contact him for a few days i'll hear from him eventually, but would it be bad if i texted him tonight? advice please.... (sorry for the length, i am a wordy person obviously) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monte51Coleman Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I think that you might have made it easy for him by almost always being the one to initiate the contact. Cool it some and let him make the next connection. If he likes you, and it sounds like he does, he will. Make him work a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Washington Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 maybe the dude doesn't have free nights and weekends and your 5hr talks are killing his minutes! sounds like it makes sense, since he had to use your phone to check his voicemail. this guy has serious cell phone minutes management issues. advice: if you want to talk to him text/call him. nothing wrong with going after what you want. just let him know you're feeling him and want to get to know him better. tell him its not about anything serious right now, just some convo and convenient dating. if the guy starts to igg you, then he's done with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissU28 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 maybe the dude doesn't have free nights and weekends and your 5hr talks are killing his minutes! sounds like it makes sense, since he had to use your phone to check his voicemail. this guy has serious cell phone minutes management issues.advice: if you want to talk to him text/call him. nothing wrong with going after what you want. just let him know you're feeling him and want to get to know him better. tell him its not about anything serious right now, just some convo and convenient dating. if the guy starts to igg you, then he's done with you. no, he definitely has free nights and weekends. and i'm not the only one who wanted to talk for 5 hours, i told him i'd let him get some sleep and he told me no, that he wanted to talk to me....his minutes arent affecting this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dks1240 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 IMO, he is in california?! find something closer to home! BUT if you really really really like the guy and think there is a potential relationship in the future then just lay low for awhile and let him come to you. if he doesnt, then oh well, plenty of other guys (and tons of male skins fans) out there :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo21 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 IMO, he is in california?! find something closer to home! BUT if you really really really like the guy and think there is a potential relationship in the future then just lay low for awhile and let him come to you. if he doesnt, then oh well, plenty of other guys (and tons of male skins fans) out there :yes: What DKS said. :applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheREALJBird Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 long distance relationships just don't work, too many things to take into consideration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I wouldn't persue this so hardcore. You are miles away from the guy and putting yourself in a position that could get complicated. Just try to approach it as a fling. Dudes out west, your right coasted and maybe you all will see each other once in a blue moon. Have fun, don't get too caught up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I wouldnt NECESSARILY look at it as bad if he doesn't initiate. Depends on what's going on in his life right now or his outlook. I've been like that recently. I can like a girl but put forth little initiative in communicating with her. That said, if you were looking for a little more than a fling, hooking up with the quickness was probably not the path to take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateCitySkin Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Amazing. You've done some thinking on this one. I think he just doesn't want to be on the phone for 5 hrs a day. Oh, and you have a picture of yourself as a sig too?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spanishomelette Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 IMO, he is in california?! find something closer to home! BUT if you really really really like the guy and think there is a potential relationship in the future then just lay low for awhile and let him come to you. if he doesnt, then oh well, plenty of other guys (and tons of male skins fans) out there :yes: Great answer...You're 23..IMO it's too early to settle for one guy, and you should never settle for one guy who is not even in the same area code. Have fun when you visit him and forgetaboutit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muskrat Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Here's mytake: My brother used to text message and talk to women he met on Cupid.com all the time. I saw behavior similar to your friend whenever he didn't really want to talk to her. He would text them because of 'minutes' or whatever... One thing I do know is that if he REALLY wanted to talk to them, he would call them either on the cell or on my phone (it was always pretty local). The telling sign to me is that YOU are always initiating the contact and he is not reciprocating this in any way. Either way you are dealing with opposite coasts so my advice would be to chalk this up to experience and try to find someone a little closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTalon Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Red flags all over here. You spent a total of how much time with him in person? The first time? What you do is your business, so I'm not trying to tell you what to do here. But let me tell you what I get from this. You saw a guy, friend of your brother's, who you thought was attractive enough to "hook up" with (what exactly do you mean by that in this context?). But you thought your brother might be pissed if he found out if you had "hooked up". (My first thought --what does your brother know about him that might piss him off about you "hooking up" with him?) You knew absolutely nothing about this guy, other than you were attracted to him, for a year. You went back, and hooked up. He did something that made you guess at what he was doing and/or why he was doing it. You've spent many hours talking on the phone, most conversations being initiated by you, and his conduct regarding these calls and conversations have you guessing at what he's doing and why he is doing it. This is NOT HEALTHY!!! I don't think the guy is maybe/maybe-not interested in you. I think the guy is playing you. If all you want is a fling while you are in California, then this guy is probably a good candidate (unless he's a psychopath/sociapath, in which case you might become a headline. But I doubt that's the case.) But if you want any sort of relationship, dump this guy like a hot rock and find someone else (preferably a bit closer to home). Think about it -- do you want to spend however-many years guessing at what the guy is doing or why he is doing it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 don't read in to guys too much. there is no manual to our behavior. it is erratic, unpredictable, and often without regard to those around us. we don't mean it, it's just us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 DKS Edit: Confusious say, infatuated girl can not see. In 6 months we will get the We keep hookin up and i spent a week there etc. We SEEEEM like we really want to be together but its hard to tell. We talk all the time, but he doesnt come out here for more than a couple days, and the talk of getting together all the time somehow always gets a subject change... He says he's all for it but never follows through... Should i visit him for a month during Summer break orrr I'm moving out there during summer break and will get/have a school lined up there. *I wish you well, but its been proven on the boards that the advice that is asked for is hardly ever taken with rose colored glasses* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shallow1 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 A guy talking on the phone for 5 Hrs,.......hes probably gay. Sure you guys "Hooked up" but if you had that Redskins jersey on he probably pretended you were D. Green and he could'nt pass on the chance to get with a hall of famer. Im not saying it could never work Im saying it will never work...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I'm kinda in the same situation that you are ... only met him on different terms .... I never call him. I make him call me. I figure that if he's genuinely interested then he won't be afraid to pick up the phone and call. Sure enough - he's calling, emailing, sending text messages, sending flowers. I'd recommend backing off of him and making him initiate communication with you for once! It definitely works! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonJeremy Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 IMO, he is in california?! find something closer to home! BUT if you really really really like the guy and think there is a potential relationship in the future then just lay low for awhile and let him come to you. if he doesnt, then oh well, plenty of other guys (and tons of male skins fans) out there :yes: yeah, what she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rictus58 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Instead of making a game out of it, just ask him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoCommiesGo Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 DKS has got this one. Like another person said we have no manual. We all get sidetracked easily and the fact that hes a couple of time zones away makes it a tad more difficult. Lay low and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTalon Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Dump him. You don't need the headache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissU28 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 haha damn, i go off to orientation today and i come back to all these replies! a few things: 1) he's in the marines, he gets out in a year and a half and he's moving back to the east coast when he's done- he only gets leave a couple of times a year so that's why he's not comin out that much 2) I have a "crush".... meaning at the moment i'm not really thinking about being his girlfriend or anything or having a long distance relationship... i'm actually not that concerned if he has a romantic life over in cali or any of that.. i'm just looking towards future possibilities and really my post was more about the whole "should i call, not call" aspect rather than whether i should pursue him 3) to Rictuf58: i HAVE asked him straight up...like asking him if i bother him by calling, and that i would stop if i was, and he was shocked, saying "do you really think that?? you shouldn't think that at all"... 4) it's not like i'm over here in VA holding out for him or anything... i have a social life including someone important to me...definitely not pining away for him. I'm only 23, not trying to be that serious right now on either side. 5) i'm DEFINITELY not going to have some "relationship status" talk with him bc i for one do NOT want to talk about that and i am not even trying to go that distance with him. He's just a guy that I'd like to see when I'm in Cali and when he comes here, and if things progress as time wears on, that's cool. 6) my brother really doesn't have much to do with this....we don't really want to tell him (though he knows i like his friend) that we talk as much as we do or anything because...hello...he's his friend. For dudes with younger sisters, do you like your friends dating your sister? i just wanted to give u guys background so u could assess my situation to tell me whether or not I should call him or not! Thanks for all of your input, even those of u telling me i'm basically dumb for this whole situation. I think BlueTalon read a tad too much into it But I think I'll hold out and let him do the calling, lay low, like GoskinsGo said. Not really a headache for me, i just like the feeling i get after i talk to him thanks guys (and the females that contributed as well ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cskin Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Candace is right.... he's being lazy because you initiate everything. He likes the fact that you are "pursuing" him.... who wouldn't? The thing is.... you're starting to feel that you aren't being pursued. You have to change that.... and the way to do that is to quit initiating conversations and force him to contact you. Act like you're busy.... doing whatever.... and don't have the same time to pursue him that you used to have. That will get him thinking.... man... she's probably being pursued locally.... so I should step up my game and pursue her myself. I know...it's all a game.... pretty much a waste of time and energy... but it's how alot of relationships work these days. As for long term relationships, they work if you are up to working hard to make them work. And...if you're not willing to put the work in with him.... I'm right here in Richmond and I'll pursue you all you want... :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty P For The Pulitzer Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Back up a sec, what team is this guy a fan of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedskinsNation Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 plain and simple...if a dude is in to a girl he will make the effort. It doesnt get much more complex than that when you break everything down. We may try play things cool by waiting a day or a few days in between calls so things are even (him calling you and viceversa) but either way if we are into a chick then we make the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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