Malapropismic Depository Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 18 minutes ago, mistertim said: I love how resigned the squirrel seems as he's sliding down the pole. In my mind I see a thought bubble with the squirrel contemplating the meaning of his existence and the nature of self. My favorite part was the ending, where it jumps off, and straight into a Heisman-like pose. Like it's sayin, "Nothing just happened here...move along, everyone !" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 On 6/20/2019 at 12:48 AM, China said: I'm not sure why this thread was ever archived: @China I know the answer to your question. There is an automated system that archives threads. Threads are archived exactly one year, after the thread has been inactive So it is not based on when the thread was started, but it's one year since the date of the last response in the thread. Hope this helps your future Threadology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide. The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do. But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 3 hours ago, China said: As a band of squirrels 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 I've pretty much given up with the grapes, I surrendered on the raspberries long ago. occasionally I can at least startle them into falling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted April 14, 2020 Author Share Posted April 14, 2020 An unlikely bright spot in a pandemic: A tiny picnic table for squirrels is a hit Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. Build the cutest little squirrel-size picnic table and the world will beat a path to your Etsy store. That’s what Rick Kalinowski discovered last month after a photo he took blazed across the Internet, garnering attention from Malaysia to the United Kingdom — and launching a second career during a global recession. Click on the link for the full article 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 I guess some might say that a story about rats relates to a squirrel thread Rats going to war and turning to cannibalism as food dries up during lockdown " As the lockdown shutters hundreds of the city's eateries, colonies of rats who depended on discarded food sources have had to look elsewhere - and in some cases have even resorted to cannibalism to stay alive. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted April 16, 2020 Author Share Posted April 16, 2020 Thieving squirrel takes candy from family's front porch April 14 (UPI) -- A family who suspected a care package outside their door had been raided by a porch pirate reviewed security camera footage and discovered the culprit was a thieving squirrel. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 When I see this thread, I keep thinking of that "Birds Aren't Real" thread. It actually seems more plausible that squirrels are all mechanically controlled devices, judging by their habits. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted April 21, 2020 Author Share Posted April 21, 2020 Clog Report: Students are out, squirrels are in as UC Berkeley becomes 1st ever squirrel university Despite classes now occurring online due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the UC Berkeley campus remains a center of higher learning; only, it’s no longer just for people. With all the students Zooming remotely from their homes, the masses of squirrels have descended from the trees and have started studying themselves. Unlike normal squirrels, the UC Berkeley squirrels actively seek out people on campus to provide them with nuts, or really anything that they can eat. Now that the campus is empty and the squirrels have no one to harass, they have evolved not only to be self-sufficient, but also to use the campus the way it was intended: for learning. Socially distanced onlookers watched as what looked like hundreds of squirrels wearing tiny backpacks and carrying little Hydro Flasks roamed around campus, heading into lecture halls, protesting on Sproul Plaza, eating at The Golden Bear cafe and skating on Lower Sproul Plaza. Some squirrels were seen scurrying around Southside, studying in coffee shops. The squirrels have even taken over the Campanile, making it their headquarters and storing all the nuts and acorns they’ve found on campus in it for safekeeping. Dorman squirrel on his way to Delta house Click on the link for more 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted May 5, 2020 Author Share Posted May 5, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Fascinating how they seem to be one of the animals with the best agility, speed, quickness, and athleticism. Can NextGen stats come up with some simulations on how they would perform on a football field or a combine ? Transpose those stats into what would be the 40 Time, or cone or shuttle drill, etc. ? Can science find a way to implant squirrel tissue into humans to make us faster ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 I think the quarantine is getting to @Malapropismic Depository. Next thing you know he'll be walking around like this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Nah, that cumbersome suit would hinder my speed. Remember, I'm trying to figure out ways to become faster. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malapropismic Depository Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) Possums must be related to squirrels. Equally weird Edited May 11, 2020 by Malapropismic Depository Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 11 hours ago, Malapropismic Depository said: Possums must be related to squirrels. Equally weird Possums are nasty, ugly, and keep eating my porch kitties' food. Squirrels just keep them entertained. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I think I would rather come face to face with a gator than a possum. There's just something about aggresive rodents that unsettles me... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llevron Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I cant think of squirrels without remembering this. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 16 minutes ago, Mr. Sinister said: I think I would rather come face to face with a gator than a possum. There's just something about aggresive rodents that unsettles me... Years ago when we had a big snow storm one winter I heard some rustling noises under our bedroom floor. Our bedroom at the time was over a storage area accessible only from an outside door. So since it was night and we were trying to sleep, I took a flashlight and went to check it out. The door to the storage area was ajar and when I went in I caught a pair of eyes in my flashlight beam. It was a possum, nestled up near the heating duct. I tried to get him out using a broom. I got him down on the ground, but he didn't want to go out. To keep him going the way I wanted I build a wall with some of the stuff in the storage area and tried to persuade him to go out along the path I made for him to the door. He was pissed, and he hissed and bared his teeth at me (sharp scary looking teeth kind of like a dog's, but on a giant rat). Finally he left, and his body language said he was none too happy as he waddled away slowly through the deep snow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 ^ See. That sounds incredibly ominous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llevron Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 16 minutes ago, Mr. Sinister said: ^ See. That sounds incredibly ominous. China is a better man that me. I would have seen the eyes and went back to my wife like "cant" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Mr. Sinister said: ^ See. That sounds incredibly ominous. And I had to beat the 💩 outta the one on my deck outta the tree next to the railing with the broomstick that goes in the sliding glass door...he clung to every limb on the way down, but I just kept swingin' like I was Tony Gwynn reincarnated. Edited May 11, 2020 by skinsmarydu Misspell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llevron Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, skinsmarydu said: And I had to beat the 💩 outta the one on my deck outta the tree next to the railing with the broomstick that goes in the sliding glass door...he clung to every limb on the way down, but I just kept swingin' like I was Tony Gwinn reincarnated. Again. Better man than me lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/7/2020 at 3:50 PM, Malapropismic Depository said: Fascinating how they seem to be one of the animals with the best agility, speed, quickness, and athleticism. Can NextGen stats come up with some simulations on how they would perform on a football field or a combine ? Transpose those stats into what would be the 40 Time, or cone or shuttle drill, etc. ? Can science find a way to implant squirrel tissue into humans to make us faster ? Chipmunks are quicker in short bursts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 13 minutes ago, Dan T. said: Chipmunks are quicker in short bursts. Not quick enough. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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