China Posted August 12, 2023 Author Share Posted August 12, 2023 BREAKING: Mark Zuckerberg discovered dead in midst of squirrel orgy and you know this is from a real news source since it’s being blocked on Meta The Beaverton has just confirmed that the body of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has just been discovered in a pile of thousands of writhing, mating squirrels. The chairman and CEO of Meta Platforms Inc was thirty-nine years old when he died from an overdose of squirrel ****ing. According the Beaverton’s sources (who you can trust because the Beaverton is considered by Meta to be a real news site which they’ve begun blocking along with other Canadian news sites), a man who was once described as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire regularly indulged in gross and indecent acts of rodent-based bestiality and was known for keeping multiple “pets” in a room adjacent to his office at Meta Platform headquarters which contained a human-sized Habitrail and that he referred to as “The Mousehouse”. “I always knew this was how Mark would die,” said Zuckerberg’s widow, Priscilla Chan, who we talked to for this very real article published by our legitimate news site. “Mice, hamsters, guinea pigs, chipmunks, there wasn’t a rodent on Earth he wouldn’t drop his pants for. I once walked in on him doing something unspeakable with five porcupines. He was in agony for days, but that didn’t stop him. Apparently nothing could stop him from ****ing rodents except his own death from ****ing rodents.” One of the first responders who discovered Zuckerberg’s body described the scene as “the weirdest ****ing thing I have ever seen” and said they were unable to remove the body until the frenzied animals had finished copulating with it. The Beaverton has confirmed this by watching a video taken at the scene, and again, we’re a real news outlet according to Meta, so you can trust us when we say this is as true as it is horrifying. Click on the link for the rest 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted September 16, 2023 Author Share Posted September 16, 2023 A gold miner found a mysterious grapefruit-sized fur ball. It turned out to be a 'perfectly preserved' 30,000-year-old squirrel. At first, this brown, mangled ball of fur and claws was unidentifiable. But X-ray scans have revealed that this grapefruit-sized lump is a 30,000-year-old mummified ground squirrel from the ice age. A gold miner found the mysterious fur ball in 2018 in the Klondike gold fields near Dawson City, Yukon, according to the Yukon Beringia Interpretive Centre. Click on the link for the full article Unavailable for comment 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted September 19, 2023 Author Share Posted September 19, 2023 Squirrel blamed for weekend power outages in Missoula area Northwestern Energy reports a squirrel is to blame weekend power outages. Utility workers found a squirrel in one of the company's substations. The outages impacted about 14,500 customers. Crews restored power in roughly 45 minutes. Click on the link for the full article Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted October 29, 2023 Author Share Posted October 29, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CobraCommander Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 IMG_3450.MOV 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 Come on. A warning on that? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CobraCommander Posted November 25, 2023 Share Posted November 25, 2023 1 hour ago, Larry said: Come on. A warning on that? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooked Crack Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Every time I see a story like that, I think of the classic movie scene where New Guy arrives in lockup. And his cell mate says... "So. What are you in for?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 5 hours ago, Larry said: Every time I see a story like that, I think of the classic movie scene where New Guy arrives in lockup. And his cell mate says... "So. What are you in for?" And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'N' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me And said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I Said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, And we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the Bench. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Only slightly less quotable than The Princess Bride. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 7 Author Share Posted February 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TradeTheBeal! Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 Wake up babe, new City Fox just dropped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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