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Email from HRH Queen Elizabeth II - An important announcement regarding the USA (Spoof mail, but humoroUs as all heck.).

Gibbs Hog Heaven

By Gibbs Hog Heaven
in The Tailgate

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Gibbs Hog Heaven

Gibbs Hog Heaven

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This spoof mail rather amused me, and uncannily wrung true when it comes to the English language. (The key is in the ENGLISH part. ;).). #11 though I think we should fight. This would NOT be a good new rule.

Ahhh, the subtle differences between two great allies.

What can I say except, uhmmmm ..... I lubs you all. :cool:

Email from HRH Queen Elizabeth II - An important announcement regarding the USA

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and neighbour. ' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) or India ( World Champions ) first to take the sting out of their deliveries and batting .

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Hail.

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Gibbs Hog Heaven

Gibbs Hog Heaven

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I tried to laugh. I really did.

The youth of today are so darn cynical.

You know, I'll take it. Great Brittain can have stewardship of America for two years... but she must absorb all our debts and create a penal colony for Eagles' fans. And no, I wouldn't do that to Austrailia.

I was thinking we could just remove PA totally and give it to China. Two birds, one stone.

And seriously, no British cuisine. For all the grief we get exporting McDonald's, junk food is the ONLY humanly palatable British food.

Ten years ago, I'd of been with you. But over the last ten years, the British culinary scene has made a revival to the point it's now recognised as having some of the most diverse and best restaurants the World over. I believe there's more Michelin star' restaurants here than any other Country on earth. And a good few serve traditional English food.

Plus we gave you Ramsey. So quit ya' ****ing. :silly:

We get to keep our dentists, right?

I second this motion. You guys do have some sparkling white teeth. Doing this will also help sales of US sunglasses, in turn helping pay off your back taxes, It's a win win. :D.

Hail.

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Predicto

Predicto

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Umm, not to be a party pooper, but this forwarded email has been popping up in newly edited versions ever since the internet began.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

It's been posted on ES several times, as I recall.

---------- Post added October-3rd-2011 at 03:15 PM ----------

I believe there's more Michelin star' restaurants here than any other Country on earth. And a good few serve traditional English food.

Err... no.

The UK has but 122 Michelin starred restaurants. France has 455. Italy has 233. Even Germany has 205.

Heck, San Francisco alone has 39, which is just one less than the 40 London has (despite San Francisco being approximately one tenth the size of London). :)

. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelin_Guide

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Gibbs Hog Heaven

Gibbs Hog Heaven

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TY Predicto.

This was what I was recalling from back in January: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/6998093/Michelin-Guide-2010-UK-has-more-starred-restaurants-than-ever-before.html . My memory got a lil' fuzzy on the most Britain's ever had to the most anywhere. My bad. But it goes to the renaissance of the British culinary scene over the last ten years. And one which by general concensus stands comparison with most anywhere in the World. Which is one heck of a turnaround from a place most Europeans would avoid like the plague when it came to fine dining.

Hail.

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Predicto

Predicto

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TY Predicto.

This was what I was recalling from back in January: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/6998093/Michelin-Guide-2010-UK-has-more-starred-restaurants-than-ever-before.html . My memory got a lil' fuzzy on the most Britain's ever had to the most anywhere. My bad. But it goes to the renaissance of the British culinary scene over the last ten years. And one which by general concensus stands comparison with most anywhere in the World. Which is one heck of a turnaround from a place most Europeans would avoid like the plague when it came to fine dining.

Hail.

Absolutely better than it once was.

But it's no Paris (or San Francisco :poke: )

(sorry, I can't help hyping the SF food scene when I get a chance. It's a weakness of mine.)

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nonniey

nonniey

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Absolutely better than it once was.

But it's no Paris (or San Francisco :poke: )

(sorry, I can't help hyping the SF food scene when I get a chance. It's a weakness of mine.)

What is that famous French Restaurant you have there (SF)? The Chef I believe was on one of the Chef competition shows. Ate there two years back, best restaurant I've been too (But it did cost over $200 just for me).

---------- Post added October-4th-2011 at 03:14 AM ----------

You can take my fireworks when you pry them from my (partially-melted) fingers!

Shouldn't be a problem - Use them on Guy Fox day.

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Predicto

Predicto

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What is that famous French Restaurant you have there (SF)? The Chef I believe was on one of the Chef competition shows. Ate there two years back, best restaurant I've been too (But it did cost over $200 just for me).

Masa's? Fleur de Lys? La Folie? Fifth Floor? Jardinaire?

Or was it French Laundry (up in Napa)?

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HailGreen28

HailGreen28

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Ten years ago, I'd of been with you. But over the last ten years, the British culinary scene has made a revival to the point it's now recognised as having some of the most diverse and best restaurants the World over. I believe there's more Michelin star' restaurants here than any other Country on earth. And a good few serve traditional English food.

Plus we gave you Ramsey. So quit ya' ****ing. :silly:.

(bold mine) See, you were doing so well until that last bit. :ols:

Poor Toronto. Now they're going to have to quit pretending that they aren't American already.

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nonniey

nonniey

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Masa's? Fleur de Lys? La Folie? Fifth Floor? Jardinaire?

Or was it French Laundry (up in Napa)?

Thanks, it was Fleur de Lys. I figured they were going to be stuffy but they turned out to have great customer service, to go along with the great food.

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