Would you adopt a child?

[Springfield]

Do you ever see yourself adopting a child?

I figure it's a fairly simple question. However, given the abortion threads on ES lately, I'd bet it's not as simple as I think. My wife and I were talking about abortion as it relates to adoption after reading Larry's thread. I didn't want to intrude, so I figured I'd start a thread about adoption.

When it comes to adoption, I see three different options.

#1. No, I wouldn't consider adoption.

#2. Yes, I'd adopt but only after reviewing the mother and father.

#3. Yes, I'd adopt no matter the circumstances of birth.

[mardi gras skin]

We adopted our first child and were in the process of adopting our second child when my wife got pregnant. I'm looking at my adopted daughter right now and I can't believe how fortunate I am. Its like I won the lottery. She's amazing.

There were several things in her parent's background that caused other couples to pass on her because of health concerns...but she's fine. No problems that we've been able to tell so far.

[Burgold]

I'd consider it, but I'm with you intellectually. People who are virulently opposed to abortion, but anti-adoption, anti-welfare, anti-CHIP, anti-school lunch, believe that most foster parents are scamming the system and perpetrating fraud and stealing from the government and that pretty much all other supports for children need to be de-funded... baffle me. If you want every mother to bare the kid than the mother and kid ought to be supported.

[twa]

Possibly,though my wifes health is a issue now....I see no need to review the mother and father if we sid

be more likely to foster(which we have done unofficially over the yrs)

[mardi gras skin]

People who are virulently opposed to abortion, but anti-adoption...

Do you know many people like that? My experience is that people who are opposed to abortion are strongly pro-adoption personally and systematically.

Right now, the hurdles for adoption are unnecessarily complicated and often expensive. And I know of 2 couples who have adopted only to have the child taken away from them because the birth mother changed their mind. Those issues are massive hurdles to adoption (especially the second) and cause many who are pro-adoption in principal not to adopt personally.

[Burgold]

I know a few... at least they're people who are really anti-abortion, but absolutely would never consider adoption... and in that sense they are anti-abortion. It's someone else's problem. They don't want it impacting them or their pocketbook, but they might be okay with adoption for OTHERS. If everyone else is always waiting for OTHERS while never doing much themselves in my book that becomes another form of anti. If you really are anti-abortion you should be working towards solutions or preventions... education, fostering, adopting, donating to charities that support children and parents, esp. single, abused, or homeless parents, etc.

And I agree, the hurdles are difficult, red tape wise, but I do want prospective parents to have to fight for and show determination. Once you take a child into your home, you can't just change your mind. So, making the prospective adoptive parents really run a gamut helps weed out the ones who are less serious. One shouldn't adopt for frivolous reasons.

[twa]

Dear baffled .........do you support exterminating problem children,or those that could be a burden?

If you support abortion.....why not?

[Burgold]

Since I was a special ed teacher obviously not. I think they can be contributors and give us something valuable. Heck, most of our greatest geniuses from Edison and Einstein to Mozart and Van Gogh had what we would name a disability today. I find difficulty with the thought that you must have this child and you are totally on your own. If, you are going to force this mother to bare that child than a certain communal responsibility falls to each of us. Responsibility doesn't end at conception.

[twa]

But doesn't that communal responsibility start with supporting life?

Saying you believe I need to be fed,educated and cared for while endorsing someone killing me leaves me questioning priorities

[Burgold]

I'd say yes, but it shouldn't end there. For too many, it seems to.

I sometimes question the value of bringing a life into the world if it is not going to be cared for and subjected to torment, abuse, neglect, and be generally unloved and viewed as a punishment. For me, it's not a clean answer to ask what is better... that the child get back into its waiting line in heaven and await a family that wants it or to go through a terribly difficult life. Esp. knowing that struggle leads to the potential for greatness. On the other hand, since I choose to believe in the soul and that it's the soul that matters and that the flesh is dust... then, perhaps abortion is not such a bad thing. You can't kill a soul and besides, who knows when that soul enters the body.. when that dust becomes a person?

I should stop though at this point, because I'm getting us back into the abortion argument instead of into the adoption argument which is what the OP wanted to consider.

[Gibbs Hog Heaven]

Most certainly I'd adopt if it was the only avenue left open to myself and my partner. Presuming we were both in agreement on the subject.

I crave being a father and having a child of my own (side note: Is it possible for men to get 'broody?' ); but if there was no possible way through whatever reason to achieve that naturally with whomever, I'd definitely be open to adoption. Having been in a long term relationship when I had no kids, yet the other did; and fully accepting those two boys and loving them as if they were my own, I very much doubt I'd have any issues with adopting knowing that the child wasn't biologically my own.

Hail.

[twa]

I'd say yes, but it shouldn't end there. For too many, it seems to.

I think you are wrong and mistake opposition to waste and govt interference as a unwillingness to provide basic needs to the needy.....the level of charitable giving here supports my opinion

Mardi gave a example of just one of the hurdles....which if applied to abortion would clearly be considered a undue burden

Why make taking responsibility for a life harder than ending one?

[Burgold]

I think you are wrong and mistake opposition to waste and govt interference as a unwillingness to provide basic needs to the needy.....the level of charitable giving here supports my opinion

Mardi gave a example of just one of the hurdles....which if applied to abortion would clearly be considered a undue burden

Why make taking responsibility for a life harder than ending one?

And I think you're wrong to assume it's about opposition to waste and government interference. I'd say for the vast majority regardless of what they pulblicly say, it's about cheapness, self-interest, and selfishness. If they don't need it they don't think anyone should have it and more, that they certianly shouldn't have to pay for it.

I hear that argument over and over again in various manifestations.

[Thiebear]

I'd consider it, but I'm with you intellectually. People who are virulently opposed to abortion, but anti-adoption, anti-welfare, anti-CHIP, anti-school lunch, believe that most foster parents are scamming the system and perpetrating fraud and stealing from the government and that pretty much all other supports for children need to be de-funded... baffle me. If you want every mother to bare the kid than the mother and kid ought to be supported.

Wow!, thats not really a person, thats a monster.

any examples with some kind of proof that we all wouldnt consider insane?

TWA: But doesn't that communal responsibility start with supporting life?

Saying you believe I need to be fed,educated and cared for while endorsing someone killing me leaves me questioning priorities

This has to be too simple but i'd live by it if we keep it to the needy.

[twa]

And I think you're wrong to assume it's about (deleted:evilg:)government interference. I'd say for the vast majority regardless of what they pulblicly say, it's about cheapness, self-interest, and selfishness. If they don't need it (deleted:evilg:) they certianly shouldn't have to pay for it.

I hear that argument over and over again in various manifestations.

modified quote to reflect my opinion on non-medical necessity abortions

priorities are screwed up

[Burgold]

modified quote to reflect my opinion on non-medical necessity abortions

priorities are screwed up

One of those strange situations where I think we both may be correct. Having an abortion can be a selfish choice. Often, not wanting to fund child healthcare, welfare, or school based programs are a selfish choice. Two sides of a coin, you know?

[twa]

One of those strange situations where I think we both may be correct. Having an abortion can be a selfish choice. Often, not wanting to fund child healthcare, welfare, or school based programs are a selfish choice. Two sides of a coin, you know?

We enable only one as a right though (curiously the party that has choice is in that situation by choice) making it a two headed coin.

Perhaps those that oppose being burdened with anothers child morally and financially want equal rights?

[DRSmith]

We enable only one as a right though (curiously the party that has choice is in that situation by choice) making it a two headed coin.

Perhaps those that oppose being burdened with anothers child morally and financially want equal rights?

Hey those who wish to dictate to others what they do with that which they make should have no problem being dictated to when it comes to coming up with the money to care for that child, I mean why can't more of these single moms get themselves on tv or get paid to speak about not having sex or make ads with the Situation

---------- Post added June-12th-2011 at 09:26 AM ----------

[Skins_Fan82]

I was adopted, so obviously I would be open to adopting. It was sometimes difficult for me being black and my parents being white. I was confused sometimes at an early age and got made fun of a lot in elementary and middle school, which lead to a TON of fights and identity/ self esteem issues. I love my parents to death and I appreciate what they did for me every day.

My wife and I are going to adopt after we have our second child.

[PleaseBlitz]

If for some reason the wife and I werent able to have kids of our own (we havent crossed that bridge yet) we would definitely adopt. The kids background would not be an issue.

I realize that it's not even close to the same thing, but we adopted an abused dog and that has worked out great.

[Teller]

If I ever remarried and my wife couldn't have kids, I'd consider it. I'm not sure I want anymore children, but if it was important to her, I'd probably honor her wishes and make it happen. If that required adoption, then I'm not opposed to it.

[stupidmorals]

I was adopted, so obviously I would be open to adopting. It was sometimes difficult for me being black and my parents being white. I was confused sometimes at an early age and got made fun of a lot in elementary and middle school, which lead to a TON of fights and identity/ self esteem issues. I love my parents to death and I appreciate what they did for me every day.

My wife and I are going to adopt after we have our second child.

Huh. I've been wondering about how much this kind of thing happens and how serious/intense it is, and what are the long-term effects. My cousin and his wife (both white) are about to adopt their second baby (from the same black couple they adopted the first one, so they will have two children fully related to each other). They couldn't be more ecstatic and the entire extended family has embraced the first kid, and I'm sure that trend will continue. By no means will these kids be unloved (whether they like it or not! :pfft:), but I was wondering how much of an issue it will be (for parents and for kids) when other kids/people start making the differences in race an issue. Or, if the kids will have some problems establishing identities as they grow up. Or something, I don't know. There just seems to be some potential for... if not conflict, exactly, at least strife, or extra angst, or something. Like I said, especially when the kids start to establish extra-familial identities.

If you have any words of wisdom on the matter, I would love to hear them. You could shoot me a PM, if this is a little public (and I guess it's kinda off-topic). Or you can just tell me to shut up and mind my own business.

Back on-topic, I would be fine with adopting a kid or four. But I think my deeply ingrained genetic urges demand that I try to make sure I spread my own genes first (my genetic legacy didn't reach this point by NOT insisting on its own importance). If that should prove unsuccessful, I think the impulse to be a father would still be there, so yeah, adoption would be fine. I think I might have to get the kid as a baby, though. I dislike other people's kids so much, that I think I would need to start from scratch, as it were (basically, I wouldn't trust anyone else to even partially raise MY kid properly, even if the kid isn't mine when they're raising him/her).

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

We are in the process of it now.

[skinfan2k]

for those who think about adoption, at what age are you looking at? does race of the child affect your decision? is it due to personal problem that you want to adopt or just personal choice?

[Skins_Fan82]

Stupidmorals, I have absolutely no problem talking about it and I'd be happy talking to you about my upbringing in great detail, but im about to step put the door for the day . i'll shoot you a PM later.