artmonkforHOF Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 well Ive had one hell of a month so far, my twin brother comes home from Calagary, high on meth (first time we know he has done it) and 3 days later is taken down by 7 cops, & 3 taser shots in front of my parents house for trying to break in and get his car keys. He goes into ICU for a week (with breathing tube) and is out now, but nothing is sinking in. He tells me and my parents he will get clean, but then I find out he tells my friend who drove him home last night that he had one hell of a time when he was on his bender. He tells me he remembers most things, but cant figure out how he got the meth in his system, which I now see as a lie. I can not trust him and an intervention is his last and only resort. I am planning to do this soon, as soon as I know there is a detox place that has a bed to take him, but this is completely new to me and I barely know where to start. time is of the essense as he is still weak from getting out of ICU (got out Monday) and I have a feeling as soon as he is healthy to walk, he might leave my parents house and start on another bender, and possibly endanger my parents, his child or somebody else. Does anyone have any advice or experience in interventions? a good website to go to or know of any general guidelines for the intervention? He is my twin and only brother and I need him in my life. I know I can be an opinionated prick on this site but I really need some help right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 7 cops and 3 tasers. Damn. First time...yeah right. He can only help himself. It is not up to you or your family. I realize that you want to help and do everything you can. But he has to choose to change. Good luck bro. I have friends who had similar situations with their family, but never a personal one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Here you go. http://www.intervention.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Whatever you do, you must not trust him. Addicts will lie, deceive, do whatever it takes because they are no longer in control. Its all about the addiction and you are now talking to the addiction Get a large group of people that you know he trusts and love him. You must surprise him. You must take him to the detox place right away (I suggest you take him out for lunch or something, have someone you trust pack his things and have a suitcase ready to go for him). Once the intervention is "over" he must immediately head to the detox center Best of luck, I have been through 2 of these and they suck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxBuddy21 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 No experience with interventions but good luck with this! I dont know what I would do if I was dealing with the same situation with my brother. Im sure I would be just like you trying to do everything I can to get him cleaned up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I've got no advice to give, but I'm sorry to hear about this. I agree with SHF. I have a friend who was going through some issues, though hers don't sound as bad as what your brother is going through. She couldn't be trusted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicious Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I think you need to get a professional to organize the intervention, I'm not too sure, I've never been a part of one. Meth is a nasty drug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artmonkforHOF Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 No experience with interventions but good luck with this! I dont know what I would do if I was dealing with the same situation with my brother. Im sure I would be just like you trying to do everything I can to get him cleaned up. well we are trying, but it has to be up to him at this point. He has gotten into such a pattern of lying and secrecy, it's hard to tell what is real anymore. He tells me & my family he will get clean, but then turns around and says he still has the $500 he got from selling his TV "stashed" away somewhere. He tells me that he is going to stay at my parents house for a month, then tells my friend that he is going to hook up with his former coke dealer (the only silver lining, he had a coke problem a long time ago, but kicked it and there was no coke in his system when he went into ICU- but everything else was), so he can "move some stuff". What is getting scary now is it looks like it might take a week or so to properly set up an intervention and get him a bed in detox for a few days. even after he is out of detox (3 to 5 days only) it might take another 8 weeks to get him into a rehab program. He has to do this himself, and I have already made the tough decision that if he is not open to this, that he will no longer be a part of my life and I will do everything in my power to keep his son away from him, no need to ruin two lives. It's not easy to say or type but it is what is needed. He is not being charged by the police, not even for destruction of property, possession (had a few pills on him), or resisting arrest, and I was wondering if telling the cops to give him the ultimatum of jail or rehab is even worth the effort. the cops might not even want to come down to my parents house, they seem to just want to wipe their hands clean of the whole situation. anybody with experience in interventions know if the police ultimatum would be a good approach? I will only get one shot at this and I dont want to screw it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artmonkforHOF Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 I think you need to get a professional to organize the intervention, I'm not too sure, I've never been a part of one. Meth is a nasty drug. unfortunately that is not option, no "intervention specialists" exist in our area. the closest I think I can find is a rep from Narcotics Anonymus who might help, but they might want him to get into that program if we ask for their help. this is looking more and more likely it will just be family & friends in the room, which is why I am reaching out here to anybody who has any knowledge or info on interventions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 anybody with experience in interventions know if the police ultimatum would be a good approach? I will only get one shot at this and I dont want to screw it up. No, police ultimatums are awful. My 2 interventions were with the same family. My best friend (who ended up passing away about 10 months later from his heroin addiction) and then his younger sister 2 years later (who is doing quite well now) The first one we had no clue what we were doing, and he didn't get into rehab until 3 days later when he basically fell apart at home. The 2nd one, we had her on a flight that night across the country to a center which specializes in what was wrong with her. What I learned from both is that you cannot, under any circumstance, threaten with ultimatums or trust them. You gotta show compassion, but be firm in that they must do this (rehab, detox whatever) and that you will not leave or get up until they agree to do it, RIGHT NOW. Drop all plans, appointments, etc, get in the car and lets go. The police card just doesn't work, they will feel threatened and panic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chachie Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I dated a girl for about a year who was a raging alcoholic. Don't ask me why I stayed after it became apparent within a month. I just thought I could change that. I put her in 5-6 detoxes and one 30-day rehab over that year and finally had to give up and move on. She is still in and out of the hospital monthly. Her liver is junk and she's lost custody of her child. She steals, lies, backstabs, and manipulates in order to keep drinking. I have also had 2 roomates in the past whowere on various forms of cocaine, eventually just straight-up crackheads. One of them is still on the stuff 7 years later. Eek. Best of luck to you, man. It's going to be a long haul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chachie Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 No, police ultimatums are awful.My 2 interventions were with the same family. My best friend (who ended up passing away about 10 months later from his heroin addiction) and then his younger sister 2 years later (who is doing quite well now) The first one we had no clue what we were doing, and he didn't get into rehab until 3 days later when he basically fell apart at home. The 2nd one, we had her on a flight that night across the country to a center which specializes in what was wrong with her. What I learned from both is that you cannot, under any circumstance, threaten with ultimatums or trust them. You gotta show compassion, but be firm in that they must do this (rehab, detox whatever) and that you will not leave or get up until they agree to do it, RIGHT NOW. Drop all plans, appointments, etc, get in the car and lets go. The police card just doesn't work, they will feel threatened and panic. Family ultimatums are better. Watch the tv show "Intervention" on A&E. It will give you a good foundation to work from. (Mondays at 8pm and 9m.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Family ultimatums are better. Watch the tv show "Intervention" on A&E. It will give you a good foundation to work from. (Mondays at 8pm and 9m.) I watched one episode and it brings back awful memories. I am hoping the 2 that I did are the only 2 I ever have to do in my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artmonkforHOF Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 I watched one episode and it brings back awful memories.I am hoping the 2 that I did are the only 2 I ever have to do in my life thanks for the advice, this is really a horrible thing to go through and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. my only hope now is that this works. the saving grace is that his behavoir in the past 3 months have not indicated heavy drug use for long periods of time, so hopefully he is not a full blown meth addict, but really that is beside the point. he needs help and needs to realize that he is the onyl one who can help himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buenosdiaz Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 5 o clock free crack giveaway ok seriously i have no experience with interventions but the best of luck to you man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Mike Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Wow. I just cant imagine... Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Weirdo Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Never use the police ultimatum. That's a sure fire way to get them to walk right out. Expect your brother to get highly defensive. Thats the nature of the beast. My only advice is try to come from it at a personal level and let them know that you care about them and you're worried about them. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Kaos Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 First off, I am very sorry to hear that you and your family are going though this ordeal. Secondly: This "advice" is coming from an ex-addict so it may seem harsh or hurtful, I do not intend it to be so. The number one thing to know about addicts is quite simply "if his mouth is moving, he is lying" There is no nice way to put it. Addicts will lie, cheat, steal, beg and borrow from anyone and everyone. the worst part is that the closer you are to them the more hurtful they will be to you. The second most important thing to know is that if he doesnt want help there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can talk to your blue in the face, you can threaten, you can bribe, you can do anything and everything you can think of and it will do no good. He may go to the rehab/detox center but without true desire to kick the addiction it will be a short term victory. As far as talking to him, you mentioned he has kid(s) - I know for me that was the only thing that saved me. it was the one thing in my life I wasnt willing to give up for my next high. Good Luck and if you need to talk feel free to PM me, I will help as much as I possibly can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ax Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Have no idea about how to do an "intervention", but have plenty of experience with addicts of all kinds. And every time I/we "intervened" has proved to be quite worthless. Unless, or until, the addict is willing to do the work, there is nothing anyone can do FOR him/her. It sucks, but that's the way it usually is. Successes are the exception, not the rule. Your priority - Try to protect your parents. They are at risk, if only financially, every second he is in the house. Watch him like a hawk, and as others have already said, don't trust him. Assume everything he says is a lie, until absolutely proven otherwise. Unfortunately, the emotional costs are even greater. Best of luck to you, and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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