Elementary school policy rant

[#98QBKiller]

Ugh!!!!! I hate that people are so concerned with kids getting their feelings hurt. Everyone's a winner!! Hate it hate it HATE IT! Kids need to learn to fail, need to feel disappointment. This PC world we are living in is detrimental to those growing up in it.

I agree. What does this teach kids? When the OP's son is a grown up and wants to throw a get-together he's not going to invite everyone in his office. He's gonna send an e-mail to the people he likes and tell them to keep it on the DL so the weird guy in accounting doesn't show up and ruin it for everyone.

[stanleys]

This is an example of one of the major problems with our educational system. While I don't agree with it, the school has a policy. Your child broke that policy. Instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs, on the slick move your child tried to pull, you're raising hell with the school.

Sometimes children have to learn that breaking a rule has a consequence. If that consequence is no birthday party this year, maybe he'll learn a lesson he'll remember long after he's forgotten a party.

I understand the seemingly insane rules that some district's operate under, I wasted an hour this morning going old school cut and paste with scissors and glue because a form I turned in was kicked back to me because being typed was required and my scanner is on the fritz but I did it because that's what the policy said.

[LaxBuddy21]

I agree with you that it was wrong on his part and even told him that he should apologize to him. I just think that it isn't the teachers place to decide to allow who can and can't pass out invites. I even suggested that along with the apology that he personally invite the boy.

Why is it wrong to not invite someone you dont like? Is it any different in the adult world? I dont invite people to my parties that I do not like. What if that kid was a jerk to your child? Should your child still be required to invite them? Maybe that other little kid needs to learn a lesson in how to be nice to people. Im just guessing but the point is your child should be able to invite whoever they want to their birthday party.

For those who said getting phone numbers is the solution, yes it is the solution to this particular case. Im the kind of person though that would be thinking about others in the future and I would do everything I could to solve this problem overall. I would get the school board and news involved and fight the underlying issues. I would create such a stink that they would never want to see me again.

The issue, as someone else stated, is that we have adopted these stupid hippy liberal ideals that everyone should be winners and no ones feelings should get hurt. Its absolutely ridiculous that instead of teaching kids about winning and losing, we are teaching them to complain when they dont win. If they dont succeed at something, its someone elses fault. I was talking about this with my in-laws this weekend. The school system has become such a joke. The funny thing is they are all die hard liberals. They were talking about how they could never agree with anything from the conservatives yet they go on a rant about how the school systems used to be and how bad they have become. I just had to casually remind them that the liberal movement from the 60's and 70's is what forced things in this direction. The viewpoints they were taking as far as disciplining kids and how the school systems are now were pretty conservative view points. Another point how the political parties in this country warp peoples view points and why they should be eliminated.

[LaxBuddy21]

This is an example of one of the major problems with our educational system. While I don't agree with it, the school has a policy. Your child broke that policy. Instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs, on the slick move your child tried to pull, you're raising hell with the school.

Sometimes children have to learn that breaking a rule has a consequence. If that consequence is no birthday party this year, maybe he'll learn a lesson he'll remember long after he's forgotten a party.

I understand the seemingly insane rules that some district's operate under, I wasted an hour this morning going old school cut and paste with scissors and glue because a form I turned in was kicked back to me because being typed was required and my scanner is on the fritz but I did it because that's what the policy said.

The child does need to learn to follow the rules but if the rules should be changed then that needs to be addressed as well. He said he told his child what they did was wrong, now he needs to tell the school what they are doing is wrong and do something to get it changed.

[stanleys]

The child does need to learn to follow the rules but if the rules should be changed then that needs to be addressed as well. He said he told his child what they did was wrong, now he needs to tell the school what they are doing is wrong and do something to get it changed.

While I agree with your premise, the OP isn't trying to get school policy changed, he's trying to salvage a birthday party. Major difference.

The child broke the rules....dad rides to the rescue....dad spends hours saving the party...child suffers no consequences for his actions.

And we wonder while we live in such an entitlement society.

[LaxBuddy21]

While I agree with your premise, the OP isn't trying to get school policy changed, he's trying to salvage a birthday party. Major difference.

The child broke the rules....dad rides to the rescue....dad spends hours saving the party...child suffers no consequences for his actions.

And we wonder while we live in such an entitlement society.

If the child does not get the party, the school suffers no consequences for being boneheads in the first place. Yes, the child should get talked to about following school rules but I do not think the child should be punished for not inviting someone they do not like to their birthday party. That is just ridiculous!

[hockeysc23]

Kid screwed up, father punished the child and told them to apologize so what's left is to correct the action which he is trying to do but the school is too dense.

I'm just surprised there is no school directory. We always had ones at our school and it was great for contacting friends and getting homework help if needed.

Too many pointless laws/administration from the school overreaching their bounds.

[GibbsFactor]

Yeah I've had this problem before. Best bet is to just get the parents contact info.

[81artmonk]

My kids school has sort of the same policy with a twist. He(my son) can either invite the whole class or just ALL the boys.

IMO the teacher over reacted. This whole thing could have been solved by telling your son the rule and than giving the invite back to the kid who he didn't like. Or allowing him the choice to take back all the invites.

On the other hand, your son is ten and knows how to reason and he knew the rule and tried to subvert it. The school overrreacted, but your son also tried to get away with breaking the rules. just saying

[Sniffler]

I just think that it isn't the teachers place to decide to allow who can and can't pass out invites.

As an elementary school teacher... I wish I could agree with you. However, I could come up with some extreme situation (but I won't) where a child passes out something inappropriate to all of the children in the class... who are you gonna place the blame on then?

I understand that this is not the point. In response to your qualm, anything passed out within the classroom represents the school, as well as the county/district, therefore; due to the fact that ALL children are to be treated fairly/equally, the school/district/teacher cannot allow any child to be excluded.

I think the administration is being a little unreasonable by not allowing your child to make up for his actions but they clearly stated the policy and your child decided to not adhere to the rules. Lesson learned! I'm sure he/she will never break that rule again. (sorry if it sounds insensitive)

With that being said... find the loophole. There are many of them out there!... send a list to gather phone numbers of students you want to attend... or have your child give out your phone number and have the other children's parents call you to "get the invitation". There are many ways that you can go about getting your way without kicking up an unneccessary fuss. The policies are in place for a reason... regardless of how unreasonable you or anyone else may think they are.

[Grizz]

Thanks for everyone's input. It good to see I am not off base here. In fact it appears most people agree that the school is wrong.

[motorhead]

I would say invite they all.I have 3 kids 29 to 24.

My reason?Do you remember a couple kids that you didn't like in school?

And then 1 day you said dang I like this kid!

He most likely will not come any way.

And then one day.Best friends!

[Sniffler]

Why is it wrong to not invite someone you dont like? Is it any different in the adult world? I dont invite people to my parties that I do not like.

Although I agree with you...

If you decide to send invites to friends at school... this is what happens. If you do not wish to invite someone you do not like then don't send the invites from school. Its simple...

[NoCalMike]

I'm dealing with a similar situation right now. My stepdaughter's birthday party is this coming up saturday, and she hit us with the "my teacher says everyone has to get an invitation" thing.

So I basically told her to give the invitations after school gets out when everyone is walking to the front of the school. Technically that is after school, and I checked with some other family with children the same age and they said that has been acceptable at their schools in the past. It is more about the invitations being passed out "in class" than "in school"

The problem with not only this policy but many school policies is that they try to make these policies so black & white that there is no room/time to take each individual situation and examine it for what it is. This is also why I am very against zero tolerance policies because to me it is just a way for the school not to have to make tough decisions.

[TMK9973]

Your lucky... You don't want 30 kids at a B-day party!

[Grizz]

Your lucky... You don't want 30 kids at a B-day party!

No kidding!! However kids parties don't seem to be like they were when I was young. Now you invite 30 and your lucky to get 5. When I was young everyone went to birthday parties. It was rare to be at a party with less than 10 kids.

[TMK9973]

Also - Just my 2cents - But I don't really disagree with the policy. Just that the school over reacted.

You son should be able to pass out invites during recess, or lunch to anyone he wants. But if he wants to pass it out during class, then it's a all or none.

look - Teaching a child that its not nice to publicly not include someone does not mean they will grow up crying to the dean if they don't get into college. It teaches them social norms. To the person who said "in the real world you wouldn't invite everyone in the office to a party" you are correct. But you also wouldn't have a company wide meeting where you then announce you are having a party and only the following people are invited.....

The policy itself if fine. But the school over reacted. The OP had the right solution. Apologize to the kid and give him back his invite.

[SolidSnake84]

The exact reason why we are going to HomeSchool our children. Not to offend anybody, but the school system today is too flawed and failed in its policies to be changed now.

It's the PC world we live in. No such thing as rejection, failure, disappointment, or anything like that. My school had that same rule when i was going there. I remember it best because i stopped giving out valentines when they said that i had to give one to everybody.

[TMK9973]

No kidding!! However kids parties don't seem to be like they were when I was young. Now you invite 30 and your lucky to get 5. When I was young everyone went to birthday parties. It was rare to be at a party with less than 10 kids.

Maybe the other kids just dont like your son? :hysterical:

I kid...I kid...

[Sticksboi05]

As an elementary school teacher... I wish I could agree with you. However, I could come up with some extreme situation (but I won't) where a child passes out something inappropriate to all of the children in the class... who are you gonna place the blame on then?

I understand that this is not the point. In response to your qualm, anything passed out within the classroom represents the school, as well as the county/district, therefore; due to the fact that ALL children are to be treated fairly/equally, the school/district/teacher cannot allow any child to be excluded.

I think the administration is being a little unreasonable by not allowing your child to make up for his actions but they clearly stated the policy and your child decided to not adhere to the rules. Lesson learned! I'm sure he/she will never break that rule again. (sorry if it sounds insensitive)

With that being said... find the loophole. There are many of them out there!... send a list to gather phone numbers of students you want to attend... or have your child give out your phone number and have the other children's parents call you to "get the invitation". There are many ways that you can go about getting your way without kicking up an unneccessary fuss. The policies are in place for a reason... regardless of how unreasonable you or anyone else may think they are.

He's 10 years old! My god what do they expect him to be a Secret Service Agent? People make mistakes, kids make alot of them. At that age you don't understand the reason behind stuff like that.

[Sticksboi05]

No kidding!! However kids parties don't seem to be like they were when I was young. Now you invite 30 and your lucky to get 5. When I was young everyone went to birthday parties. It was rare to be at a party with less than 10 kids.

Yeah in elementary school we had whole class birthday parties. It was the norm.

[motorhead]

I'm dealing with a similar situation right now. My stepdaughter's birthday party is this coming up saturday, and she hit us with the "my teacher says everyone has to get an invitation" thing.

So I basically told her to give the invitations after school gets out when everyone is walking to the front of the school. Technically that is after school, and I checked with some other family with children the same age and they said that has been acceptable at their schools in the past. It is more about the invitations being passed out "in class" than "in school"

The problem with not only this policy but many school policies is that they try to make these policies so black & white that there is no room/time to take each individual situation and examine it for what it is. This is also why I am very against zero tolerance policies because to me it is just a way for the school not to have to make tough decisions.

See my post.

http://www.extremeskins.com/showpost.php?p=6447593&postcount=37

Why?

Because you never know.

[Sticksboi05]

The exact reason why we are going to HomeSchool our children. Not to offend anybody, but the school system today is too flawed and failed in its policies to be changed now.

It's the PC world we live in. No such thing as rejection, failure, disappointment, or anything like that. My school had that same rule when i was going there. I remember it best because i stopped giving out valentines when they said that i had to give one to everybody.

It's disappointing but not all school district's are this ridiculous. We didn't do any nonsensical stuff like not keeping score to make everyone happy back in my elementary school days. We were all decent people and didn't really care. We were happy we won but that was it, time to move on, no need to make fun of others.

[Koala]

If the child does not get the party, the school suffers no consequenes for being boneheads in the first place. Yes, the child should get talked to about following school rules but I do not think the child should be punished for not inviting someone they do not like to their birthday party. That is just ridiculous!

What punishment? He wasnt sent to detention or anything. There's no punishment, your child does not have a god-given right to use school hours to promote his party. Everyone keeps forgetting that kid choose school property, during school hours, to promote his party. The school has every right and obligation to regulate the actions of schoolchildren who are on their property during school hours. Being exclusive has been deemed inappropriate for schoolchildren. I dont necessarily like that idea, but the law was set in order to prevent this PRECISE situation -- one child getting singled out while everyone else is invited. Think about it -- we've all not been invited to parties, but who here has ever been the ONLY person not invited to a party? That would suck, an adult would have difficulty dealing with that psychologically, never mind a 10-year old kid.

As far as the lesson learned -- its a good lesson for your kid. Keep things on the DL, and you can do whatever you want. Things get out in the open, and suddenly youll be very restricted in what you can and cant do.

[Sniffler]

He's 10 years old! My god what do they expect him to be a Secret Service Agent? People make mistakes, kids make alot of them. At that age you don't understand the reason behind stuff like that.

I can see your point... so then.... when do you draw the line??? When he is 11 yrs old? 15 yrs old?... I think he knew that he was trying to get around the rule... as for understanding why the rule is in place, not so much...

So... are you condoning that a 10 year old should not have to follow rules if it does not benefit them?