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They call me Homer McFanboy

themurf

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themurf

themurf

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Homer McFanboy

By Brian Murphy

HoboTrashcan.com

I would like to start by saying that we’re only three weeks in, and everything people thought they knew about football (and the Washington Redskins in particular) was wrong. Preseason prognosticators spouted such drivel as “The Saints and Jets are terrible” or “Chris Simms will finish the season with a spleen.” To that I say, “HA!”

One of the biggest targets in our nation’s capital has been George W. Bush. But after him, quarterback Mark Brunell has had a similar approval rating. Critics say he’s too old and that spending a ton of money on every offensive position but quarterback is foolish. Well, as usual, I have to disagree with conventional thinking.

Just last week, Brunell set an NFL record by completing 22 consecutive passes to start off the game against the Houston Texans. And sure, his yards per completion are less than some running back gain per carry, but as Grandpa Gibbs is quick to point out, “he’s super smart and he fights his guts out.” That’s how he can find eight different receivers to throw completions to when the offense is only allowed 11 men per play. Now that’s impressive.

About the record, Brunell surpassed former Redskins quarterback Rich Gannon’s mark of 21 straight completions. Sure, some may argue Gannon was “technically” an Oakland Raider when he broke the record against the Denver Broncos, but I would argue that once a Redskin, always a Redskin. And for those who don’t believe me, just talk to Brad Johnson who continues to wear his burgundy and gold jersey whenever possible.

Speaking of the passing game, I know some people might think that tight end Chris Cooley needs to become more involved in the passing game after recorded only seven catches for 38 yards in three games. To that I say – hogwash! Just look in Cleveland and New York, where the Browns and Giants respectively have done their best to involve their tight ends in their offense. Do you see what it’s gotten them? Nothing but crying and moaning from Kellen Winslow II and Jeremy Shockey. Tight ends are the new diva, and we have to keep Cooley under control – even if cheerleaders can’t.

I read several articles in the local newspapers that point out that the Redskins are “shooting themselves in the foot” by leading the NFL with 30 penalties for 298 yards in just three games. This is not a negative; it’s a sign of toughness. The team is letting opponents know that they will not hesitate to hit them in the mouth – even if they have to get a false start penalty called on them to do so. And besides, there was a time, not too long ago, when only guard Derrick Dockery got penalties called on him. Thanks to the newfound team unity the offensive line now shows, all five “Dirtbags” get called for penalties this season. No finger pointing. No weak links in the chain. In the immortal words of Tenacious D, “That’s ****ing teamwork!”

There was a time when punter Derrick Frost was the most hated man around (you know, the preseason). I actually asked Frost in an interview after the Ravens preseason game if he had blackmail photos of someone in the front office. That was the only explanation that made sense to me after the Redskins cut a punter the same day they brought him in to compete with good old Frosty. Now, he’s second in the entire league with a 49.3-yard punting average. It’s never too early to campaign Frosty for the Pro Bowl, I’d like to get him some love before he lame-ducks one of his signature 12 yarders.

And we’ve made it all the way to week four so far without kicker John Hall hurting himself attempting to tackle someone – that’s his longest streak in more than three seasons. If he keeps this up he may even be able to make field goals from more than 45 yards.

Which leaves us with the Redskins defense.

After being a top 10 defense in each of the last two seasons there are clearly some issues in need of a remedy. Defensive back Carlos Rogers has morphed into the Rod “50/50” Gardner of defense and Shawn Springs has missed three games while taping the next season of “Whose line is it anyways?” And I haven’t even mentioned safeties Sean Taylor (who, because of his reputation, can’t get within 10 yards of a wide out without getting whistled for a 15-yard penalty) and Adam Archuleta (who can’t get within 10 yards of a receiver, period).

If not for the talented trio of linebackers – Marcus Washington, Lemar Marshall and Warrick Holdman (who has filled in admirably while LaVar Arrington continues to freelance) – this team would have to consider playing “Iron Man” football and keeping the offense on the field throughout the game. After all, Clinton Portis showed the Cincinnati Bengals he’s a heavy hitter, and in 60 minutes of football Brunell might actually look more than 10 yards down the field. But what do I know? This is a defense that hits so hard that Terrell Owens may or may not have attempted to take his own life a week after playing the Redskins.

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BKSkinsFan

BKSkinsFan

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About the record, Brunell surpassed former Redskins quarterback Rich Gannon’s mark of 21 straight completions. Sure, some may argue Gannon was “technically” a Denver Bronco when he set the record, but I would argue that once a Redskin, always a Redskin.

Good article, however, Gannon was actually technically a Raider when he set the record lol.

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themurf

themurf

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What a nice doctrine Homer. Whats next your thesis? Time to put the keyboard down and check out the single bars bro!!
Anyone that can work in a Tenacious D reference gets a :thumbsup:
Amen... that cracked me up.
Homer, very nice article. I especially liked your assessment of our secondary. I thought it was spot on. And who would thought Chris Simms wouldn't have his spleen by week 4? :whoknows:
Good stuff Homer.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. And special thanks to the Waldorf cheerleader (which says a lot about you). Sorry to break it to you though, I'm married. You can still be my biggest fan though. :cheers:

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MurrayH81

MurrayH81

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absolutely hilarious post, keep them coming!

additionally, I would like to say that Frost must have actually been on personal leave somewhere else and we had a double punting during pre-season and the first game. I think we have the original back now, or else we now have a double in and Frost is hanging out incommunicado at the official Joe Gibbs doghouse in central Greenland. Not sure which scenario it actually is, after all, who knows what the guy actually looks like?

:dallasuck

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XxSpearheadxX

XxSpearheadxX

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:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :jump: :thumbsup:

Call your friends and tell them to read this funny!:phone:

And besides, there was a time, not too long ago, when only guard Derrick Dockery got penalties called on him. Thanks to the newfound team unity the offensive line now shows, all five “Dirtbags” get called for penalties this season. No finger pointing. No weak links in the chain. In the immortal words of Tenacious D, “That’s ****ing teamwork!”

That is priceless. Thank you for making me smile tonight.

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