How to cope with disappointment in a healthy way

[JamesMadisonSkins]

24 minutes ago, Bacon said:

Depersonalization is actually very common and a healthy part of stress management for the first few minutes/hours after something terrible happens. When I was involved in that car/pedestrian accident on Sunday, I felt extremely spaced out and unreal for about a half hour, and I'm sure many people who have experienced trauma have experienced a similar sensation, only they didn't know what it was. It's not scary when you know what it is, but simply numbing. It's a problem, however, when it hangs around longer than necessary, and can be debilitating if taken to an extreme. It's also associated with weed and psychedelics; I had a really frightening experience with an edible in February that set off a downward spiral into DPD. 

Yeah, my wife encountered a lot of those videos when she was trying to figure it all out and realized it was DP. Most of the folks talking about it had it start off with a bad high. Which didn't help her much because she wasn't doing drugs. But eventually it boils down to the same treatments. EMDR was almost like a meditation/hynotization where the therapist had her talk through traumatic experiences and used some sort of a vibration device to balance it all out. Honestly I don't understand it that much other than to say that it helped my wife come to grips with past events that she didn't even realize were hanging over her, and once she let those go and dealt with them, it made the stress/anxiety from school work itself out.

 

The stress and anxiety from her high-expectations in school were just the tip of the iceberg ... sent her into DP to protect herself from herself, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and it was 90% a result of past experiences she had even forgotten about. Pretty interesting stuff. The one driver though was a near sexual assault she encountered in HS that she had buried and moved on from but it had never been dealt with in any formal or informal way other than that she moved on from it. But she was clearly traumatized and it manifested years later, along with some other things. The brain is really really really fascinating and scary in some ways. But once you can figure out how and why things are happening, that's 90% of it. The brain is really really really fascinating and scary in some ways. But once you can figure out how and why things are happening, that's 90% of it. Oh, and she did it without every relying on big pharma or drugs. So it can be done.

[Bacon]

Because so many of you were kind enough to offer advice in my time of need, I want to give an update to this thread.

First of all, my wife is pregnant again. 5 weeks. Three home pregnancy tests and one blood test confirmed it and things seem to be progressing normally. Due date is between November 30 and December 4. My wife is healthy and very happy to be back in this situation again. It took her a couple of months to emotionally recover from the previous early miscarriage, but most of her self-doubt has been wiped away already. I dearly hope that things work out this time. Thank God we even have another chance.

 

Other news has been mixed or simply very interesting. I am continuing on my journey to a teaching credential, but because I am being classed as undergrad instead of graduate, I have been denied any amount of financial support beyond this point. All of a sudden, things have gotten a bit tight monetarily, and with a baby on the way, it's on me to help out. I have begun job hunting (more on that below). Things aren't too bad, as my wife received a substantial raise over the holidays and we are now in six figure territory. Once this program is completed and I am working full time with benefits, we'll be just fine. It's the period between November and March that has me somewhat concerned, but fear doesn't offer much help. Just gotta keep moving forward.

 

So, other stuff. I've perhaps mentioned in the past that I am a writer, which is ultimately what I want to teach. I write fiction and screenplays and, having been offered a month break from my program, I've been treating writing and searching for work in the field as a job. I've spent the past two years developing an animated television series with an artist friend of mine and it's become not only a serious creative outlet but something we're both aggressively pursuing. It's extremely well done on all fronts and I'm very proud of what we've accomplished. Industry artists have seen it and have had very positive things to say about the direction we're taking. Much of my free time has been spent finding opportunities to network and pitch and most of my job hunting has been geared toward finding entry level positions in film and television so I can pay my dues and get involved at the ground level. It's a lot of work, and a lot of rejection, but I really love what I'm doing. Even when I fail, I feel like I'm in the right place. My friend has also really hit his stride and is beginning his journey into animation. I've never seen him happier. 

 

Among the best pieces of news that I have to offer is that an old boss, a film producer, got in contact with me about a position copywriting, proofing and signing off on manuscripts for him, which is exactly the work I need to be doing right now. Of course, I said yes. It's been a couple of days since I heard from him, so the pessimist in me is starting to worry, but again, it doesn't do much good to ponder it. I'll hit up him Monday or Tuesday if I don't hear anything by then. And what if it doesn't work out? **** it, I'll keep going. I'm 27 years old, not 37, not 47. Every day is another chance to make something happen. 

 

My hopes and plans, the path to success...it all seems a bit tortuous on paper. I have a lot in the air, but my gut tells me that I'm doing the right thing and that everything is manageable. I want to write and create for a living and I live in the best place in the world for that, so I have no excuse not to try. If it doesn't work out, I have a M.A. and soon a credential to fall back on. I have a pregnant wife who is a successful television editor and has placed us in a good financial position through her effort and fearlessness. Sacrifices will have to be made and the clock is ticking on certain prospects, but I'm just going to keep striving and working harder. I've been given a lot in my life and, still, nothing whatsoever is guaranteed.

 

One last thank you to everyone who showed support when I was at a really, really low point. It didn't get any easier from there, mind. Shortly after making this thread, I stopped sleeping and nearly had a nervous breakdown a week later; I was really close to checking myself in somewhere. I started taking classes in meditation and pulled myself out of it, but those were a trying few weeks. I can't promise myself that I'll never get that low again, that nothing will ever hurt that bad, but I did survive some pretty rough stuff and came out on the other side, which is a lot to build on. I'm still a bit guarded over the pregnancy, I'll be honest, but I'm going to start letting myself enjoy it. If my wife can let go, so can I. 

[dfitzo53]

Awesome, glad to hear the update!  I hope everything works out!

[zoony]

11 hours ago, Bacon said:

Every day is another chance to make something happen. 

 

Preach!  

 

Great update

[LadySkinsFan]

Happy to hear about your present and future. It must be a relief to see positive movement in your life.

 

Here's to a happy life for you, your wife, and child!

[Dont Taze Me Bro]

Thanks for the update man, and congrats to you and the wife!  

 

Always remember, it’s not how many times you get knocked down that count, it’s how many times you get back up.

 

You got this man!

[Corcaigh]

Get outside and do something you enjoy.Certainly talk to a specialist if it helps.

 

We had 3 early miscarriages and actually found out the pregnancy that resulted in our first born in a meeting with a specialist.