Ryman of the North Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I've decided to accept that my life is a TV show for the gods, I cant decided if its more along the lines of Jackass or more like a Dark comedy because it involves a lot of things happening to me that sort of require the suspension of disbelief. case in point, anyone who knows me knows that I sort of have Midget phobia, I have no idea why although my third cousin Boyd is a midget and used to beat me up when I was much much smaller, as a young child I was extremely undersized and Boyd would pick on us all the time. either way Midgets creep me out BIGTIME to the point where even seeing them makes the hair on my arms stand up (seriously). Short people dont bother me at all just midgets. yes I know its bad but its the truth. Cue the Tv show idiocy Yesterday when coming home from sushi with friends, a very small man (as in under 4 feet)accosted me on my porch,at first he was friendly letting me know that he and his wife were moving in next door ,needed two spots out front which I said no worries to, but then he said he had been told by my other neighbour (The old jerk man in the hood) that my house is always quite loud on the weekend, he then proceeded to threaten me saying " if it gets out of hand I may have to come over here and get physical." Thinking he was joking I said " there is no reason to be short with me," he then glared at me and made a growling noise and walked away. I immediatley looked around for a Punked style camera as it was just too surreal, the fact that he was a midget, the fact that he threatened me, and the fact that my friends just drove away , well it was all just too much like a prank. however on my way to work this morning I saw the moving van (id like to make another short joke but it was normal size not a mini van) and I saw the wee man and his wife (who is normal size btw). he glared at me as I walked by lmao. seriously stuff like this happens to me all the time, Im reasonably sure that God hangs out watching the wierdness that is my life and just laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I think many of us sit back at times and think...You can't make this stuff up. Between my family, friends and own real life situations, it's a Tarantino movie. Twists turns and unexpected crap popping up out of no where. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 Thats what gets me, sometimes its just so far beyond the expected that I dont even really know what to say. I generally dont take life seriously but this was funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 And if I recall, you're a pretty big dude, aren't you Ryman? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Perhaps he is on that new show with the midget wrestlers ? Let's do a lineup... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Thinking he was joking I said " there is no reason to be short with me," he then glared at me and made a growling noise and walked away. . Best laugh I've had all day! ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 And if I recall, you're a pretty big dude, aren't you Ryman? Dude, I am 6-5 (6-4 and 3/4 actually) and about 330 atm (before I drop the kids at the pool) so having a guy who is 4 feet tall and perhaps 150 pounds actually threaten me is not something im acustomed to at all. Thats why I genuinely thought he was joking, I admit my choice of words was perhaps not very well thought out, but wtf man? I have never punched a munchkin before but if that little guy gets all up in my crotch , there is always a first time. what sort of pissed me off was Old man time (the other neighbour) is full of crap, I play football on the weekends and my roomate works nights so we are pretty quiet. Kosher that picture gives me the heeby jeebies no joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Dude, I am 6-5 (6-4 and 3/4 actually) and about 330 atm (before I drop the kids at the pool) so having a guy who is 4 feet tall and perhaps 150 pounds actually threaten me is not something im acustomed to at all. Thats why I genuinely thought he was joking, I admit my choice of words was perhaps not very well thought out, but wtf man? I don't know if your view on weight is skewed a bit because of your big frame, but a dude who's 4 feet tall who weighs 150 pounds has gotta be morbidly obese. I have never punched a munchkin before but if that little guy gets all up in my crotch , there is always a first time. what sort of pissed me off was Old man time (the other neighbour) is full of crap, I play football on the weekends and my roomate works nights so we are pretty quiet.Kosher that picture gives me the heeby jeebies no joke. You should just pick him up and baby-talk him. I'm sure that would hurt him more than a gut-shot to the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 I don't know if your view on weight is skewed a bit because of your big frame, but a dude who's 4 feet tall who ways 150 pounds has gotta be morbidly obese.You should just pick him up and baby-talk him. I'm sure that would hurt him more than a gut-shot to the face. I dont know hes not obese just compressed. im a terrible judge of that stuff. Oh my God, Ok even though that would require me touching him that would perhaps be the funniest thing ever, if he actually does get all up in my crotch Im totally gonna pick him up and talk baby talk. Good call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Oh my God, Ok even though that would require me touching him that would perhaps be the funniest thing ever, if he actually does get all up in my crotch Im totally gonna pick him up and talk baby talk. Good call. That has taken out of context all over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 LOL well its not like hes gonna get all up in my face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RammsteinSkins Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Ask him if he does tricks. They love it when it I ask them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatBuzz Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Dude, I am 6-5 (6-4 and 3/4 actually) and about 330 atm (before I drop the kids at the pool) so having a guy who is 4 feet tall and perhaps 150 pounds actually threaten me is not something im acustomed to at all. Thats why I genuinely thought he was joking, I admit my choice of words was perhaps not very well thought out, but wtf man? I have never punched a munchkin before but if that little guy gets all up in my crotch , there is always a first time. what sort of pissed me off was Old man time (the other neighbour) is full of crap, I play football on the weekends and my roomate works nights so we are pretty quiet. Kosher that picture gives me the heeby jeebies no joke. 330 atm? I used to know what atm meant....automated teller something???.....something-to-mouth??? I just can't remember.... And what does it have to do with your weight?? (and yea, I'm sure I'm missing something obvious but i'm still laughing, see--->) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Die Hard Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 330 atm? I use to know what atm meant....automated teller something???.....something-to-mouth??? I just can't remember.... At the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatBuzz Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 At the moment. ahhhh......well that just isn't as funny.... what does it say about me when someone says atm and my mind goes straight to......nevermind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jnhay Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 ahhhh......well that just isn't as funny....what does it say about me when someone says atm and my mind goes straight to......nevermind. haha... "330 what!... No that can't possibly be it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 if he actually does get all up in my crotch Anybody else get a mental picture of the little guy swinging on a vine and giving a Tarzan yell? No?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 So I got home from the gym just now and little buddy is glaring at me the whole way up the walk. I think I may have a nemesis. Old man time across the road was more of a bothersome grouch, this angry oompaloompa looks like he means business. Im a little concerned lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 So I got home from the gym just now and little buddy is glaring at me the whole way up the walk. I think I may have a nemesis. Old man time across the road was more of a bothersome grouch, this angry oompaloompa looks like he means business. Im a little concerned lol. watch out, he may put a curse on you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RammsteinSkins Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 He's coming for you, Ryman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Im about 10 percent concerned, 10 percent grossed out and 80 percent amused. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky21 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 he said he had been told by my other neighbour (The old jerk man in the hood) that my house is always quite loud on the weekend, he then proceeded to threaten me saying " if it gets out of hand I may have to come over here and get physical." What kind of fool threatens someone the first time they meet them? He must have short man's complex or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 That was why I thought he was joking, the overly dramatic glare combined with the strong language gave me the impression that he had a dry sense of humour (I thought). turns out that no he just has chihuahua syndrome and really does have no self preservation instinct at all. I think that living in the times we live in means that people say and do things that they never would have done previously, where I am from people still settled things with fistfights until the early 1980's and it was normal to see two people duking it out if one offended the other. Now you can say anything and usually not have to worry about consequences other than hurt feelings. case in point a couple years ago I was at a football game watching two other teams from my league playing. one of my teammates had been trying my patience all season and started yelling swearwords at the other team. a lady was sitting with her small children just in front of us and asked him to tone it down, in responce he got louder and worse. I finally told him to shut his yap. he then swore at me so I told him we could discuss it outside if he didnt wnat to tone it down and finally I took him outside and gave him a few lessons in percussive manner reinforcement. afterwards the team president actually said " I didnt think you would actually punch him out!" to which I replied " I said I was going to punch him if he didnt shut his yap, he didnt shut his yap." I got suspended for a game because of it but I am still irritated about that because I felt that if the team president had stepped up and told the douche to shut it, then I wouldnt have had to step up. the guy was shocked that someone would actually step up, and to me thats part of the problem. People feel like they can say anything because there are no repercussions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chachie Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Ryman- I have to ask... is the wife hot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchogs Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 man, the mental image of a midget talking ish and staring you down is cracking me up. definitely something out of a b-list comedy. or a movie with danny devito. keep the updates coming, ryman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.