What do you do when you're in a rut or feeling down?

[Die Hard]

Personally, I live my life without regrets.

I don't understand when people have regrets.

Agreed. And I've never understood suicide either.

My backup plan.... if my life ever turns to complete ****.... is to hit the "reset" button.

If being the person who you were didn't work for you.... then why not try again being a completely different person?

Move to a new city... start a new life.... identify new goals (things that make you happy)... get out there and start doing the things you WANT to do. Everything else will fall into place once YOU get your OWN head straight.

[abdcskins]

Hey, thanks for the advice and motivation everyone. I just woke up and reading all your responses has given me some energy and positivity to the start of my day, and some humor, that was a funny response China. I agree that I should stay active, I try to to go to the beach and run a mile or two or go shoot some hoops. That at least keeps my blood running. Volunteering is a good idea, I've done that in the past, and sometimes that could lead to occupation opportunities. I've even been going to AA meetings, even though I hardly drink. I listen to these people's stories of overcoming gigantic hardships and I feel inspired. It's like, if this guy was living under the bridge and drinking a bottle of vodka a day, then I can overcome my obstacles. Eventually, if I can't find anything out here, moving somewhere else or even the Peace Corps might be a good idea. And as far as regrets and girls....eh I figure that is in the past, and it was my decision at that point in time that I thought was right, or made me feel good. Can't change it...although I really wish I had been more open and started a relationship with that one girl in college....whatever.

Thanks again people that was very encouraging.

[Oldskool]

abcdskins, sorry man literally fell asleep in my chair after I read your post last night.

To me it seems like that you need a support system around you and that may be something that you don't have in California right now. Have you thought about going back to Md? Or is that even a possibility?

[abdcskins]

^That's cool man, it was late. Support system..yeah I could use some more friends that's for sure. There is one buddy out here, who I went to high school with in Bethesda, that I know I can always talk to. Whenever I am feeling really down or discouraged, I call him and he gives me some encouragement. The thing is that he is somewhat philosophical, which sometimes loses me. Like he'll say, "Life is what you make of it." I'm like, "yeah, and right now I can't make anything." But he's a good friend. You're right though, that's honestly the only person I have to call. I've considered going to counseling, I actually started it but only went to one session. Moving back home isn't really a viable option. I love MD, but I'd have to have a reason to move back there. I wouldn't want to to just be sitting around home and my mom, that would be crazy. Anyways, I am hoping I'll get this job in the Valley then things will start to get better. If not then maybe joining the Peace Corps or some humanitarian organization, like UNHCR. Even just working at Foot Locker or something will at least give me something to do during the day, I know I can get a job like that, but I'll be wasting my BA.

[REDSKINZ-RIDEORDIE]

Still works after all these years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yftqegIka_w&feature=related

Dam, thanks, I needed that...........

[Teller]

So lately I've been feeling kinda discouraged and depressed.

Man, this post sounded like the entire past year for me in a nutshell. I'm now coming out of it and can see the light, and you can too.

First of all, see this time as an opportunity to improve yourself. Control the things you can control. Don't obsess over the things you can't.

For me, that's involved trying to get back in shape, competing for promotions at work, and trying to be a better -- albeit long-distance -- father.

I've also tried to spend more time in the company of my friends, and just trying to let my hair down so to speak, and have a good time.

The biggest thing I can tell you is to EXERCISE. I know it's a pain in the ass, and trust me, I took the easy way out for YEARS. But you really do feel better (and look better, which helps with the opposite-sex opportunities) when you're exercising -- especially cardio.

But look at yourself. Fix what YOU want to fix. Do what YOU want to do. Don't go out looking for a girlfriend, or anything else. Figure out who YOU are, and what YOU want to do, and then the person who will fit into that will come along.

Good luck.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

To be totally honest, when I'm feeling down, depressed, or frustrated I hit people in the head with sticks, shoot holes in things, or put 1000 lbs of animal between my legs. These things never fail to get my mind off of whatever it was that had me off-kilter.

[No Excuses]

I play guitar whenever I'm feeling down. Makes me forget about whats around me and after I'm done I feel a lot more relaxed.

[Mooka]

Yea LA can feel like that sometimes.

Advice? Move up north.

[veteranskinsfan]

So lately I've been feeling kinda discouraged and depressed. I haven't been able to find a job and I've been feeling kinda worthless. I keep trying but there isn't anything that seems to come up. I'm also pretty lonely, I can't seem to find anyone to be with. Not just with girls, I don't have many friends out here, and LA can be a very lonely place. I also constantly keep thinking about all the regrets that I have in my life, which are a lot. There's one girl in particular that I keep thinking about, I can't stop thinking about her, I loved her and I know I'll never see her again. It's really hard for me to forget regrets and missed chances, even though I know that's all I can do. I'm a reserved person and I've let a lot of relationship opportunities pass me by....and I didn't take advantage of career and educational chances that were available to me. I just feel like I'm getting older and older and my life is passing me by. I dunno...all I can do is stay determined but that hasn't been doing much. Sorry to sound all desolate...but I just feel like my life has no purpose. What do you guys do to cheer yourselves up? Any inspiration? Thanks.

At your age I moved out to LA and many years later I am in the Bay area. Both are super. I was tired of the East Coast. I agree that you need to stick with the exercise. Also I would get a dog and walk the dog in a park and suddenly chicks will appear. The dog becomes a magnet. Secure a job that pays the bills then get the dog or some other pet. Stay positive and just meet people in normal settings like a female bank teller etc. and talk to everyone. Got some more advice and will post it later today. In college I helped some AA people and attended their meetings. It was unreal to hear their stories as you have also heard them. Stay positive for sure! Also there are executive coaches that you can find on the Internet or through referral. Pick one and the coach can be someone you talk with weekly about work and non-work issues. The coach will help you create a plan for the next week, month, etc. of concrete things for you to pursue.

[LegionOfDoom]

I had it rough in my 20's also. I was able to volunteer at a church in my area and worked with the teenage kids there. Most came from single parent homes so it was a good outlet for me and it allowed for me to meet others in my age group who now are very close friends. I met my wife during this time and I enrolled in college.

So just find that place that can totally let you dive head first into and just get your head out of that depressive state. In time you will have made connections and probably made friends in the process you never now how things can turn out.

Never give your mind any idle time because all kinds of stupid things can creep in. Good Luck!

[abdcskins]

Hey thanks everyone; honorary_hog, veteranskinsfan, LegionOfDoom, that was very helpful and inspiring. I appreciate the responses from everyone. The two things I want most and lack: a job and a relationship, both stem from my apathy and lack of confidence. Basically I just need to be more outgoing, I tend to stay in the safety of my own home and don't put myself out there. I consider myself too shy, like if I see a girl that I think is cute I have to really gather up courage to speak to her. I was just at this AA meeting and there was a really cute girl that I wanted to talk to, but I just sat there looking at my cell phone during the break. Bah, what a fool I am. A lot of girls have told me that I am good looking, but get so nervous in social situations that I usually end up leaving and going home. Whatever, I am getting better at that.

I really admire determination, and I am determined to get a job that I feel is worthwhile, such as helping the less privileged. If I don't get this job I am waiting on, I am going to start volunteering somewhere until I do get a job. That way I can at least feel good about doing something. I am also interested in going back to school. I have been considering a Master's degree in sports management, I need to look into that further and put some effort into that. I just want to make sure that I really would like to do that, since the last time I was in school for a MA in School Counseling I quit after two semesters. And yes, exercise is something else I must do more of, as well as eating better. I've always been skinny and I've been noticing much more fat around my stomach! No good. Time for some crunches.

Thank you all for your encouragement, it means a lot. There are some good people here.

[veteranskinsfan]

Hey thanks everyone; honorary_hog, veteranskinsfan, LegionOfDoom, that was very helpful and inspiring. I appreciate the responses from everyone. The two things I want most and lack: a job and a relationship, both stem from my apathy and lack of confidence. Basically I just need to be more outgoing, I tend to stay in the safety of my own home and don't put myself out there. I consider myself too shy, like if I see a girl that I think is cute I have to really gather up courage to speak to her. I was just at this AA meeting and there was a really cute girl that I wanted to talk to, but I just sat there looking at my cell phone during the break. Bah, what a fool I am. A lot of girls have told me that I am good looking, but get so nervous in social situations that I usually end up leaving and going home. Whatever, I am getting better at that.

I really admire determination, and I am determined to get a job that I feel is worthwhile, such as helping the less privileged. If I don't get this job I am waiting on, I am going to start volunteering somewhere until I do get a job. That way I can at least feel good about doing something. I am also interested in going back to school. I have been considering a Master's degree in sports management, I need to look into that further and put some effort into that. I just want to make sure that I really would like to do that, since the last time I was in school for a MA in School Counseling I quit after two semesters. And yes, exercise is something else I must do more of, as well as eating better. I've always been skinny and I've been noticing much more fat around my stomach! No good. Time for some crunches.

Thank you all for your encouragement, it means a lot. There are some good people here.

What a great idea to go for a Master's in sports management. I have a Master's and looking back I wish I had gone for sports management myself but now I am too old so you should seize the moment and go for it. I got my Master's at night and worked full-time during the day doing a job not in my major so you could still do the counseling work during the day and go to school part-time at night getting your Master's degree. You will also meet women going to school at night in your classes more easily than trying to meet them in other social situations. Once you get your Master's no one will ask if you went part-time or full time to get it. They will only ask- Do you have your degree? Most people don't realize that going at night does not mean you have to go to class 5 nights per week too. I think you are headed in the right direction.

[Special K]

ABC- Hey bud, I just read through your thread and I want to just say hang in there. You sound like a very kind-hearted and sensitive person, someone who likes to help others. Yours is the type particularly prone to getting a bit down in life. I know, I'm very similar.

When I'm down on things I've always found comfort in reading my favorite passages in the Bible, exercising (like Henry mentioned), and really talking with my friends. Most of my best friends don't live near me either, but I've found a lot of comfort in bending their ears over the phone.

In addition, there is absolutely no shame in seeking the advice of a professional. Sometimes it helps to get the thoughts of an unbiased party. I did this when I moved down here to SoCal this past fall. I was really depressed moving away from my boyfriend, my family, my support system, and starting a difficult grad. program down here. My family suggested seeing someone about it and just a few simple sessions really, really helped me organize my thoughts and see all the positive I truly had going for me in life. I'm not ashamed to admit this and I'm a big advocate of seeking outside advice when you're feeling helpless and really depressed. Good luck.

[abdcskins]

Thanks guys. veteranskinsfan, you know I think I am going to pursue that MA in sports management. The application process takes time and effort(I need to take the GMAT I think), but I think I would enjoy working in the front office of a sports organization very much. I mean I love sports, it's one of the few things I enjoy a lot. I'm sure everyone here knows what I'm talking about. Imagine working side by side with Daniel Snyder!(I'm not banking on that, but you know...) Anywhere really, MLS, NBA, college, whatever....My father has encouraged me to do that, he says he can get me a job in the Titans front office because he know a guy who knows the owner. That's another thing I forgot to mention, my father is a really successful lawyer who has put a lot of pressure on me to do something that he considers worthy and successful. He keeps saying things like, "You need to make enough money to continue living the life to which you are accustomed." Like I'm living luxuriously...I'm really not. I might live near the beach and go to some nice restaurants every once and a while, but nothing extravagant. I'm a regular dude. Basically although he admires those who work in the social services, he doesn't think I can make much money doing so. I have explained to him that making money is not my #1 priority, helping the less fortunate is. I think he has relented a little bit, but is still hesitant shall we say....in the end he just wants me to be happy. I'm sure all our parents just want that. I control my life, his expectations are not that much to me, although I certainly want to make him proud.

Thanks keeastman, I appreciate your kind words. I've considered getting some counseling, I actually went to a preliminary screening, but then never followed up with my first session. I might do that, it helps to have someone to talk to.