Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 By now most of you probably know that I have a full facial birthmark. It's been discussed many times around here. Well, in the last couple of weeks I've noticed an interesting change in the way that the parents of children that I run into in public react when their children have a less than positive reaction to seeing me for the first time. Now, dealing with the reaction of children the first time they see the birthmark is something I've dealt with for my entire life. It really doesn't bother me anymore. Interacting with kids and explaining what it is to them is one of the very few times I actually get some enjoyment out of dealing with kids. When I was growing up I can vividly remember people coming to me and/or my parents and apologizing for their kids pointing, laughing, or having other less than totally acceptable reactions to seeing the birthmark. We'd thank them for their apology and move on with life. That's the way I've dealt with it as an adult for years as well. Recently I've noticed more parents coming up to me in these situations and porfusely apologizing for their kid's actions as though they thought I was really upset about it, or that I was going to react by threatening to sue them or something ridiculous like that. Has our society changed so much that parents feel it necessary to constantly and repeatedly apologize for the childish actions of their children to the point where they're almost blubbering or am I missing something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 that situation might be almost normal to you by now, but to the parents, it is not. it puts them in an awkward spot. i don't know how i'd react in that situation. leaving church last sunday, i had my 4 year old on my shoulders. an elderly lady came up and said to me "you couldn't disown that boy if you wanted to." eli's reaction? "well, you're too old for me to talk to!" funny as hell now, embarrassing at the moment. i got him down off my shoulders and made him apologize. the best part was, as i was making him apologize, she looked at me and said "i'm hard of hearing, i don't know what he said." now, someone quote me so msf can see this post. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youngestson Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Recently I've noticed more parents coming up to me in these situations and porfusely apologizing for their kid's actions as though they thought I was really upset about it, or that I was going to react by threatening to sue them or something ridiculous like that. Has our society changed so much that parents feel it necessary to constantly and repeatedly apologize for the childish actions of their children to the point where they're almost blubbering or am I missing something? Obviously you're experiences will be different from mine, however I am slightly releaved to hear about parents admitting that their child did anything wrong. I have heard so many nutty excuses for children's behavior... anything but admit their kids are actually wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redskin-one Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 As a parent, I would try to make it a learning experience for my child. I would apologize for my child's actions because it puts you in an awkward position. :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeknows Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 i dunno .... my boy is now 16 and yeah he may have said soemthing and yes i would have made HIM apologize my duaghter who is 10 would probably have looked and said something to me at which point i would have explained it to her i doubt she would have said anything embarrassing. all in all...... br greatful despite maybe some embarrasment.... that parents are actually accepting responsibility for their kids actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 Obviously you're experiences will be different from mine, however I am slightly releaved to hear about parents admitting that their child did anything wrong. I have heard so many nutty excuses for children's behavior... anything but admit their kids are actually wrong. When it's obvious and blatant most of the parents will at least have the good grace to look totally embarassed. Not all of them are willing to approach me and apologize verbally, but most realize that their child has made a social faux pas. Most of the time that it happens I try to assess the situation and see if there's the potential to approach the child (while their parent is there), introduce myself, and explain what it is to them. I always try to assess the body language of the child AND the parent. More often it's the parent's apparent attitude that determines if I'm willing to try and interact with the child or not. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But recently I've had more like the one I had at a Home Depot yesterday. The young man (probably about age 5 or 6) was walking with his dad when they came upon me in one of the lumber aisles. The child pointed and announced. "Dad, look, it's a monster." They appeared to be in a hurry so I just smiled and continued on. About 5 minutes later the father approached me in another aisle and proceeded to repeatedly apologize for his son's actions and comment. I told him that I understood that kids will be kids and that I was thankful for his apology and not to think any more about it. He continued to apologize, and his wife joined in doing the same thing. You would have thought I'd threatened to harm the kid or to sue them they were so apologetic. Eventually I had to move on and told them to have a nice evening; but it was almost over the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 You should draw down on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stwasm Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I think because today's kids are more frank than we were, parents may feel the need to amp up their apologies for misbehavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Was that in the personal ad? Full Facial upon meeting, don't be suprised? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corcaigh Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 The behavior of the parents is proof that we live in more caring, considerate times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 that situation might be almost normal to you by now, but to the parents, it is not. it puts them in an awkward spot. i don't know how i'd react in that situation. I agree with this most definitely. FWIW, I doubt I'd apologize for my son if he was old enough to apologize for himself, however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 I think because today's kids are more frank than we were, parents may feel the need to amp up their apologies for misbehavior. The thing is they're kids. Trust me, they're not saying anything I haven't heard in the past and won't hear in the future. It's not like I'm going off on the kid or the parent. Most of the time I'll just smile and wave as I move on. But nowadays the parents seem totally in fear that I'm going to react in some terrible manner and they need to molify me before I threaten to sue them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sith lord Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 How old are these children? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dictator Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I've done it. Most recently when my "daughter" pointed to a buffalo of a woman on a motorized scooter and said: "Look at the fat lady!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 I agree with this most definitely.FWIW, I doubt I'd apologize for my son if he was old enough to apologize for himself, however. The thing is that a lot of these kids are of an age where once mom or dad points out their "mistake" they really don't want to increase their "punishment" by having to come over and apologize. I understand why it is you'd want him to apologize himself, but at some times it's almost counter-productive to force that on them. Now obviously you know your son better than I do. In my mind it also depends on whether I've heard it and the age of the child. Older kids and those who were obviously doing it to be nasty I'd prefer to see the kid apologize. Younger ones who don't have "filters" yet, it should be up to the parent. How old are these children? Anywhere from age 4 through age 10-12. Older than that and they're generally smart enough to at least try and hide their smart-ass comments and earlier than that they just generally try to hide from me if they're scared of it. I've done it. Most recently when my "daughter" pointed to a buffalo of a woman on a motorized scooter and said: "Look at the fat lady!" All kids do things like that. Hell, I'm sure that I did it at times when I was a kid; and if anyone should know better, it's me. If it's obviously just a kid being a kid, then I really think the parent needs to decide if it's going to be a positive or a negative to bring the child over to apologize, or just to deal with it themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 nowadays the parents seem totally in fear that I'm going to react in some terrible manner maybe it's the sword, shield and full body armor? :whoknows: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRSmith Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Wow if I did something as stated in the first post, my dad's apology would have been sorry my son is crying on your shooes after beating me, followed by apologize now and quit crying before i give you a reason to cry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoot Point Really Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I am slightly releaved Were you rebranched as well? Just curious I'm kind of on a roll with stupid posts like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 Wow if I did something as stated in the first post, my dad's apology would have been sorry my son is crying on your shooes after beating me, followed by apologize now and quit crying before i give you a reason to cry In my experience that's not the best way to do things. If you're going to beat them (which I have nothing against), don't then try to make them be polite and apologize. If you're going to make them apologize, don't beat them (at least not until afterwards). It works much better that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I definitely would have made my kids apologize had they said something inappropriate about someone loud enough that they could hear it. If they didn't say it loud, I explained to them why they shouldn't say such things about people...usually by saying something like this.."suppose that was you and someone said what you just said about you, how would that make you feel? Wouldn't you feel bad?". I stopped using this phrase after I said it to my son one time after he called a lady "big & fat" in the grocery store, she didn't hear it(at least I don't think she did) and I used the above and he looked at me and said.."No..I wouldn't feel bad b/c it would be true". He was 4y/o at the time. I also realized at that point that he got that kind of talk from his father whom I was always telling..."don't say that about ppl..it's not nice and the kids will repeat it". He said.."no they won't". ( *see above* to find out who was wiser in that circumstance). I would have probably also apologize after making them apologize as well and make sure that you were ok w/their apology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Were you rebranched as well? Just curious I'm kind of on a roll with stupid posts like this. :rotflmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoSkins561 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 The thing is they're kids. Trust me, they're not saying anything I haven't heard in the past and won't hear in the future. It's not like I'm going off on the kid or the parent. Most of the time I'll just smile and wave as I move on. But nowadays the parents seem totally in fear that I'm going to react in some terrible manner and they need to molify me before I threaten to sue them. MSF, it is hard not to apologize when people seem frustrated. With that being said, I get upset when people say "it's okay" when thier behavior is either results in me diciplining them or them having to say sorry. I am guilty of this as well, I try to catch myself before saying "it's ok" " don't worry about it". It is hard to draw a line in childrens behavior while still understanding "kids will be kids". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 I definitely would have made my kids apologize had they said something inappropriate about someone loud enough that they could hear it. If they didn't say it loud, I explained to them why they shouldn't say such things about people...usually by saying something like this.."suppose that was you and someone said what you just said about you, how would that make you feel? Wouldn't you feel bad?". I stopped using this phrase after I said it to my son one time after he called a lady "big & fat" in the grocery store, she didn't hear it(at least I don't think she did) and I used the above and he looked at me and said.."No..I wouldn't feel bad b/c it would be true". He was 4y/o at the time. I also realized at that point that he got that kind of talk from his father whom I was always telling..."don't say that about ppl..it's not nice and the kids will repeat it". He said.."no they won't". ( *see above* to find out who was wiser in that circumstance). That's why I think that many times the apology isn't as important as the chance to explain to the child what the birthmark is. I've gotten very good over the years of describing it in terms that most young children understand pretty well, and in trying to make it as "safe" and not scary for them. Just knowing that they said or did something wrong is one thing, but if the parent can really turn it in to a "teaching moment", I think it would go a long way. Quick story.... When we moved to Spencer almost 7 years ago we started shopping at a Price Chopper grocery store. I met a young lady in there (probably about 6 or 7) who very shyly approached me and asked what was on my face. I explained it to her, and even let her touch the skin so she could see that it wasn't any different feeling than her own. Her mother was very pleased at the response. About two or three months later I ran into her mother in the same grocery store. She stopped me and thanked me again. It seems her daughter's class at school had a young man in a wheelchair transfer into the class and her daughter had been the one to intervene when some of her classmates started picking on the boy for being "different". I would have probably also apologize after making them apologize as well and make sure that you were ok w/their apology. I'll be honest, and I know this is one thing that I'm probably very different on than many people in my situation..... I'd almost rather have you ask the child to come over and ask me what's wrong with my face, than to just have them come over and apologize. Or do both if you feel the apology is necessary. While I'm sure that some parents know what it is, I know that many do not. I'd almost rather have that "teachable moment" than the apology; but I understand that not everyone in my place shares that opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 MSF, it is hard not to apologize when people seem frustrated. With that being said, I get upset when people say "it's okay" when thier behavior is either results in me diciplining them or them having to say sorry. I am guilty of this as well, I try to catch myself before saying "it's ok" " don't worry about it". It is hard to draw a line in childrens behavior while still understanding "kids will be kids". There's a difference between apologizing and nearly genuflecting, GoSkins. I don't have a problem with the apology. What I have a problem with is these parents who seem to feel three or four or five more apologies are necessary, long after I've thanked them and told them that it isn't that big of a deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paige3girl Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 When my husband's nephew came to America from Ireland for the first time he walked off the plane in Boston and yelled "MOM! Look at the brown man!!" My Sister-in-law said she had never been more humilated in her life. I am sure she apologized many times over! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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