The OFFICIAL Funny Joke Thread!

[PCS]

Well, since it's official and all .

One for the guys.

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving

together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his

apartment, she

notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft,

sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with

hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in

rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite

some

time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the

amount of thought he had Put into organizing the display. There were

small

bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length

of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along

the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to

have

such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to

him,

and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she

finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father my children?"

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her

in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each

other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she

responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever

known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over,

gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her

eyes, and says...........................................

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

One for the ladies

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT

THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and

Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---

Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places

And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum .

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and Role-playing .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,

diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Warpath81]

A woman gets up for work in the morning. As she's getting ready in front of the mirror she turns to her husband and says, "Look at me, I have a double chin, my waist line is huge and I have bags under my eyes - Pay me a compliment!"

The husband looks at her and says...."Your eyesight is damn near perfect"

[Popeman38]

THE CAT

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We

turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered

our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi

arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we

put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the

cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.

The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,

my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be

empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I

will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my

mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I

said, as we drove away. "That stupid ***** was hiding under the

bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She

tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to

wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it

worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the

back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

[jrockster21]

Here's one that I think I got from the last joke thread:

Two wives decide to take a break from their husbands and have a girls night out. They proceed to the bar and get completely wasted, and decide to walk home.

About halfway home, they realize they really need to pee. The closest place with any cover they see is a cemetary across the street. They both run over and find a private place to squat. One woman gets her drawers down a second too late, and pees all over them. Disgusted, she takes them off and throws them in the bushes.

The next morning their husbands meet up. "Man, I'm pissed. Suzy came home without her panties last night!" said the first husband.

"You think that's bad?" replied the second, "Mary came home with a card attached to her panties that read 'We'll never forget you. Love, Fire Station 45.'"

[skinsfan07]

THE CAT

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We

turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered

our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi

arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we

put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the

cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.

The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,

my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be

empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I

will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my

mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I

said, as we drove away. "That stupid ***** was hiding under the

bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She

tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to

wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it

worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the

back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[ozskin]

Goerge W. Bush is taking a walk on a snowy DC morning. On the side of the footpath some had written in the snow in urine. It said, 'Goerge W is a tool'. Understandably upset Goerge calls for the secret service and requests that they take a sample of the 'yellow snow' and find out who did it. The very next day they came back with an answer on the mystery. "Mr.President" said the agent, "we have good news and bad news". "Well, lets have it" replies Bush. "The good news is that we found out who did it and it was Al Gore. The bad news is that it was in Laura Bush's handwriting".

[DC_Skins]

For Sarge

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished

Giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where

He met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said,

"You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America?"

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can answer, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star

Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian,

Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but

No Arabs or Persians. My son is very upset and doesn't understand

Why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian

Ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes

Place in the future."

[jrockster21]

Murphy's Other Laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[E-Dog Night]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love with him for the first time

The boy is ecstatic, and he stops at the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

[Monkart]

Suppose to be a true story, but I have my doubts.....anyway

Subject: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

>

> HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

> The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington

> chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the

> professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of

> course, is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

>

> Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

> (absorbs heat)?

> Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas

> cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

>

> One student, however, wrote the following:

> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we

> need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at

> which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul

> gets to Hell, it will not leave.

>

> Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell,

> let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most

> of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,

> you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and

> since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that

> all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can

> expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look

> at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states

> that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,

> the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

>

> This gives two possibilities:

> 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls

> enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until

> all Hell breaks loose.

>

> 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

> Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

>

> So which is it?

> If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

> that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take

> into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two

> must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already

> frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen

> over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore

> extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine

> being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

>

> THIS STUDENT RECEIVED A+

>

[Monkart]

You got to admit this is funny, no matter what party you like.

THE POPE, THE DEMOCRAT AND THE REPUBLICANS

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

[Popeman38]

You got to admit this is funny, no matter what party you like.

THE POPE, THE DEMOCRAT AND THE REPUBLICANS

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

Anyone seen Chom? Anyone?

[notoriouslyKEN]

Here's some bad ones:

Q: Whats' the best thing about having sex with 25 year olds.

A: There's twenty of them.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes.

A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a sports car?

A: I don't have a sports car in my garage.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: What the hell is she doing out of the kitchen, and where'd she get those damn shoes.

Q: How do you get the neighborhood kids to stop playing on your front grass?

A: Molest them.

[IONTOP]

Just got this in an email from my dad.... Sorry bout the >>>> 's

The Doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

>

The bad news is that it will require castration.

>You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press

>on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

>The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

>

>Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to

>live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

>

>When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first

>time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part

>of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt

>like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a

>new life.

>

>He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a

>new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a

>new suit."

>

>The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."

>

>Joe laughed , "That's right, how did you know?"

>

>"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

>

>Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

>

>As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How

>about a new shirt?"

>

>Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

>

>The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

>

>Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

>

>" Been in the business 60 years."

>

>Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

>

>Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked,

>"How about some new underwear?"

>

>Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."

>

>The salesman said, "Let's see...size 36."

>

>Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18

>years old."

>

>The salesman shook his head , "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34

>would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and

>give you one hell of a headache."

>

>New suit - $400

>New shirt - $36

>New underwear - $6

>Second opinion - PRICELESS

[IONTOP]

Here's some bad ones:

Q: Whats' the best thing about having sex with 25 year olds.

A: There's twenty of them.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes.

A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a sports car?

A: I don't have a sports car in my garage.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: What the hell is she doing out of the kitchen, and where'd she get those damn shoes.

Q: How do you get the neighborhood kids to stop playing on your front grass?

A: Molest them.

Ouch... Tough crowd, tough crowd..... www.dead-baby-jokes.com

[PCS]

Back on track.

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?"

There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'yes.'"

Man and wife are in bed reading books. Suddenly, the man smiles to himself and rolls over and starts to rub his wife's arm. She turns to him and says " I'm sorry honey, not tonight. I have a Dr.'s appointment tomorrow and can't do that tonight."

Rejected and dejected he rolls back over and tries to go to sleep. He then smiles to himself, rolls back over and asks;" You don't have a dental appointment tomorrow do you? "

[skinsfan07]

Ouch... Tough crowd, tough crowd..... www.dead-baby-jokes.com

those baby jokes are wrong and not even funny. :mad:

[IONTOP]

those baby jokes are wrong and not even funny. :mad:

I know... Yet I didn't post any dead baby jokes on the thread, I just know of the website and let the previous poster to more ammo...

[peanut0862]

Q:What does an 80 year have between her tits that an 18 year old doesn't

A: A Navel

[cjcdaman]

those baby jokes are wrong and not even funny. :mad:

Ummmmmmmm, I completely agree.

Q: Whats' the best thing about having sex with 25 year olds.

A: There's twenty of them.

You're a sick ****.

[Seabee1973]

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Seabee1973]

Church Bells

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today

[PCS]

Oops............

A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ...

She is speaking in a cheery voice "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."

She hangs up the telephone,and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

" Oh", she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having with you on his fishing trip."

Talking Dog

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters & listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

[.Guy.]

A man on a business trip to Japan finds himself enjoying a night out making love to a Japanese prostitute. When she starts climaxing she starts to scream out "ding chow, ding show!" The man thinking she is saying "thats great" is very happy with himself. The next day he is playing golf with his Japanese boss and when he hits a hole in one, the business man tells his boss "ding chow". The boss gives him a confused look before replying "What do you mean wrong hole."

[Seabee1973]

New Rooster

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt.

So he buys a new **** from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard.

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster- I've got to do something about this! He walks up to the new bird and says, 'So you're the new stud in town?

I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet.

I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there.

We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself.'

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definately thought he was more than a match for the old guy.

'You're on', he said, 'and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!'

So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on.

After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little- but he's still hanging in there.

Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella.

By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens.

When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.

He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself.....

'Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month.'