Hunter44 Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two.........how they got in there, I'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two.........how they got in there, I'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sideshow24 Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 What did one tampon say to the other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 What did one tampon say to the other? :whoknows: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sideshow24 Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 :whoknows: Nothing. They're both stuck up b******. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE DAMN DISHES" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuler74 Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 There are two guys talking. One is a new resident of the town. The first guy says to the other, "Hey, man, this town is pretty rough. Everyone here know how to fight. So watch your back." The other dude replies, "I don`t need to worry, because I know Mexican Judo." The guy asks, "What`s Mexican Judo?" The second says, "Ju don`t know if I have a gun; Ju don`t know if I have a knife.. ." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
visionary Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave. ----------------------------------- There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup. ----------------------------------------- A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" ---------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' ----------------------------------------- An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old ...... I'm telling everybody!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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