Dating Outside Your Race?

[70th Week]

Like I said my brother-in-law is dealing with this now with his parents and it is not that easy to just move cause it is a very close-knit family.But sad to say the segregation and racism still reverberates still in this part of the country and not that easy to forget for some.(especially set-in-their-ways old folk)

[Kosher Ham]

I used to exclusively date black guys through high school and college. I just wasn't attracted to white guys. I used to think I would marry a black guy. My views have totally changed within the past year. I don't know the reasoning for it, but I think I used to think dating black guys was the "cool" thing to do. I have nothing against dating black guys now and not saying I never would again, it's just that the "novelty" of dating them wore off. I know that sounds horrible but I'm just being honest. My parents were never too keen on my choices, but I wasn't doing it to rebel at all. I didn't think it was a phase. I know it sounds bad to say that it was a phase but it was. I've grown up so much since I started dating, and now my reasons for starting relationships with guys are different than they used to be.

I'm pro-interracial relationships as long as they're based on the right reasons..not for superficial reasons like the ones I used to follow. I was all about black athletes...but it was really about the coolness of it. It wasn't a big deal at all to date outside your race in my high school or college. It was expected.

My mom used to tell me there is a reason for everything you do. If I told her I dont know why, she would make me sit at the dining room table until I could think of the reason.

Something turned you on to different guys at this point in your life. Obviously you say you have friends and pressures when you were younger but what about now ?

I understand when people say it is the cool thing to do. I have met many people that have used that as a reason. And as you realized it is typically a peer pressure type of thing.

As a guy that people look at as a bad boy from time to time, a thug from time to time, a nice guy from time to time, etc.

My advice is to look for a guy that has those bad boy qualities that you are attracted to, but has some goals, education, and is driven and actually has a plan. Otherwise it becomes a vicious cycle.

[Mr. S]

The standard of beauty is blonde , blue eyed under thirty , size 2 female.Anything outside of that narrow box is not given a second glance.

I guess that is the standard here in the US or in Europe. I definitely like blondes, but I prefer to date brunettes/brown haired girls.

I'm Indian, but I'm strangely attracted only to white girls. Maybe it's cause of being born and raised in the US, I associate more with them due to the media or something. I've never been attacted to asians or africans, but I do find some exceptions.

As of late though, I have been thinking more about finding Indian girls. Indians and white people are still caucasian, so body type wise it is similar to me, and I've started to see more and more hot Indian chicks

Anyways, I am a firm believer in date/marry whoever you want, in whatever skin color he/she comes in. At the same time, I kinda of feel as of late that I should try and find an Indian girl to date. I find myself attracted to many now, especially the ones who grew up here as well. At the same time though, even if most have grown up here, they share a similar mindset, the same mindset I look for when I like a white girl anyways. The same mindset is derived from the shared cultural experience, IMO, and I think it would prevent many future problems that could arise, such as when kids are involved and whatnot. Many other races of girls can have this mindset, but having that shared set of beliefs makes things easier as well. Some Indian girls I talk to as of late, despite not knowing them for as long as some other girls, there is already a certain commonality.

Again, I don't believe in generalizations, and the right person can be in any skin color, but I guess I'm attracted to the way a girl thinks and not necessarily her skin color, and for me, a higher percentage of Indian girls think in the way I like.

[Kosher Ham]

Destino, I am with you.

I used to find that parents of girls outside of my race were always sleptical initially and ended up loving me and praising me.

If my family for a second didnt approve of a woman I was dating based on race alone, I wouldnt even pay them any attention. I wouldnt give them the satisfaction. Dont get me wrong, I have dated women that my parents didnt like but it had nothing to do with race.

[AJ_Skins]

What is all this talk about "right reasons"? Are we not supposed to hook up with say, a hot asian woman, unless we are madly deeply in love for fear of submitting to the wrong motivation? Screw that.

I can give you a list of a number of things from women from different races that I find to be crazy hot. Everything from accents to skin color. I offer no apologies for noticing these differences. Women are a great thing IMO and I have more time then I care to admit thinking about the wonderful differences between. I do find some women to be exotic and again I make no apology for this. It's not because they are "better" it's because they aren't the norm where I happen to live. I don't see the allure of difference to be a bad thing either.

What it really comes down to is "whatever floats your boat". I've never controlled my feelings of attraction to such an extent that I can input values and program myself to be pulled towards certain types of women. I see a hot chica and I'm like WOW! Sometimes it's because she's crazy hot and different from what I'm used to, other times it's because I think I see the spark of "freak" in her eyes, and other times I don't even know why becuase I can plainly see she isn't conventionally hot but there is something there all the same.

Point being race in this thread is being over blown. It's being held up as some crucial factor demanding great attention to potential complication like some million dollar business deal. Skin color to me as as important as hair color. Sometimes I think redheads are crazy hot, sometimes I like dark hair and light eyes, and I've never been made to feel guilty for this... but suddenly her skin color should be carefully weighed for fear of improper reasoning? No thanks.

There is an element of morality in what I'm saying, which no doubt is lost on you judging from your response. In fact, I think you're probably the perfect example of what I think is wrong in a lot of cases.

[skinfan2k]

there is a tremendous amount of pressure placed on you if youre Indian to marry inside your race...

[RedskinPride27]

I'm African-American and my girl is Mexican. I've never had a problem with interracial relationships. If the girl has a great personality, it shouldn't matter what race or ethnicity they are.

[The 12th Commandment]

there is a tremendous amount of pressure placed on you if youre Indian to marry inside your race...

Do you consider that racism? Certainly, many other groups share this desire to marry within as well, and it's not just in terms of race but religion as well.

[skinfan2k]

Do you consider that racism? Certainly, many other groups share this desire to marry within as well, and it's not just in terms of race but religion as well.

im not really sure... im indian, so i know that my parents would want us in the future teach our children our culture and religious values and other native things

[Mr. S]

there is a tremendous amount of pressure placed on you if youre Indian to marry inside your race...

agreed, I don't necessarily care, as you can read my last post, but I think that it might save some trouble down the road to marry within.

Do you consider that racism? Certainly, many other groups share this desire to marry within as well, and it's not just in terms of race but religion as well.

It's definitely not racism. It is just building on some common ground. I can definitely find examples of how this reasoning can be flawed though. My parents in school always asked me if I made any Indian friends or were gonna live with some Indian roommates. I always said no, the only Indians I knew at the time were people who drank and partied often and were always loud. My white friends on the other hand shared more in common with me in terms of living together.

I guess the same applies for marriage. Whoever you can see yourself sharing more of yourself with is ideal, just trends support one idea over another. I say in general though, the world is progressing to break these trends. 50 years ago, Marriage would be defined as 2 people of different sexes of the same race and religion. I think it's safe to say we can eliminate the "race and religion" clause more easily.

[skinfan2k]

My parents in school always asked me if I made any Indian friends or were gonna live with some Indian roommates. I always said no, the only Indians I knew at the time were people who drank and partied often and were always loud.

i was hoping to find indians who drank:laugh:

[AJ_Skins]

agreed, I don't necessarily care, as you can read my last post, but I think that it might save some trouble down the road to marry within.

It's definitely not racism. It is just building on some common ground. I can definitely find examples of how this reasoning can be flawed though. My parents in school always asked me if I made any Indian friends or were gonna live with some Indian roommates. I always said no, the only Indians I knew at the time were people who drank and partied often and were always loud. My white friends on the other hand shared more in common with me in terms of living together.

I guess the same applies for marriage. Whoever you can see yourself sharing more of yourself with is ideal, just trends support one idea over another. I say in general though, the world is progressing to break these trends. 50 years ago, Marriage would be defined as 2 people of different sexes of the same race and religion. I think it's safe to say we can eliminate the "race and religion" clause more easily.

For me, religion is the one non-negotiable element. We have to have that in common, or it won't work.

[ntotoro]

I can see how Parents sort of view things. Even though I'm not a Parent, I've come to understand things a little as I have gotten older.

My Mother has a few relatives who are unhappy my wife isn't Lebanese. My Paternal Grandmother is tickled that my wife is Sicilian, though. You can't make everyone happy. The first time I dated an Asian girl (Korean), no one said anything. The first time I dated a black girl, no one said anything, but I could feel the tension from my Parents.

Parents have certain expectations for their children. You (we?) are just ultimately expected to do certain things: go to school, get a job, marry someone within your same ethnic group and/or religion, have kids, etcetera and so on. When one of those things doesn't come true, the expectations for us (that they have put on themselves) go down in flames.

Nevermind one of their children being gay. Even if they ultimately accept it, it'll be a shock to the system initially, much more so than an interracial or interfaith relationship.

I don't have a problem with anyone doing anything, but it does seem to me that certain people do certain things because of image. White girls go with black guys for image. White guys go with Asian or Latina girls for image. Black guys go with Asian girls for image. It's sad in a way, but I think it all works itself out in the end and you ultimately wind up with whom you're destined to wind up. Some people are meant to be alone, also, and that's fine.

[diesel22]

Hey -- I thought I had already posted on here and was coming back to add pics -- but couldn't find it. So here is my original post w/ the pics added. Sorry if anyone already read this:

I dated a black girl in college (BGSU). Her name sounded distinctly black (Lacretia) but she was unusual. In her own way, she was a bit of a racist. She almost entirely refused to date black dudes (which was of course good for me).....I just found that odd. She was a beautiful girl...deans list every semester.....rarely partied at all....would even watch ESPN, Fox News and the History channel with me (when most girls only wanted to watch "Newlyweds:Nick and Jessica" on MTV) :laugh:

Just another example of one I shouldn't have let get away....

Didn't want to scan any old ones so here are two off her facebook page

[AJ_Skins]

I can see how Parents sort of view things. Even though I'm not a Parent, I've come to understand things a little as I have gotten older.

My Mother has a few relatives who are unhappy my wife isn't Lebanese. My Paternal Grandmother is tickled that my wife is Sicilian, though. You can't make everyone happy. The first time I dated an Asian girl (Korean), no one said anything. The first time I dated a black girl, no one said anything, but I could feel the tension from my Parents.

Parents have certain expectations for their children. You (we?) are just ultimately expected to do certain things: go to school, get a job, marry someone within your same ethnic group and/or religion, have kids, etcetera and so on. When one of those things doesn't come true, the expectations for us (that they have put on themselves) go down in flames.

Nevermind one of their children being gay. Even if they ultimately accept it, it'll be a shock to the system initially, much more so than an interracial or interfaith relationship.

I don't have a problem with anyone doing anything, but it does seem to me that certain people do certain things because of image. White girls go with black guys for image. White guys go with Asian or Latina girls for image. Black guys go with Asian girls for image. It's sad in a way, but I think it all works itself out in the end and you ultimately wind up with whom you're destined to wind up. Some people are meant to be alone, also, and that's fine.

I think homosexuality is entirely different issue, but that's off topic for this thread.

I think as a parent, it is probably even more than what you stated. It's probably not just a matter of their expectations not being met, but a sense of personal rejection. If I had a daughter, and she dated guys who are very different from me, I can see where I would probably feel as if she must hate me...that I must have done something very wrong for her not to be interested in somebody more like me...she would probably deny it, and I would probably never fully believe her.

[dfitzo53]

I think homosexuality is entirely different issue, but that's off topic for this thread.

I think as a parent, it is probably even more than what you stated. It's probably not just a matter of their expectations not being met, but a sense of personal rejection. If I had a daughter, and she dated guys who are very different from me, I can see where I would probably feel as if she must hate me...that I must have done something very wrong for her not to be interested in somebody more like me...she would probably deny it, but I would probably never fully believe her.

Making that judgement of similarity on racial characteristics is a shame.

[AJ_Skins]

Making that judgement of similarity on racial characteristics is a shame.

Racial differences usually carry significant cultural/personality/viewpoint differences with them, so it's probably hard in most cases to separate them.

[Johnny Punani]

Hey -- I thought I had already posted on here and was coming back to add pics -- but couldn't find it. So here is my original post w/ the pics added. Sorry if anyone already read this:

I dated a black girl in college (BGSU). Her name sounded distinctly black (Lacretia) but she was unusual. In her own way, she was a bit of a racist. She almost entirely refused to date black dudes (which was of course good for me).....I just found that odd. She was a beautiful girl...deans list every semester.....rarely partied at all....would even watch ESPN, Fox News and the History channel with me (when most girls only wanted to watch "Newlyweds:Nick and Jessica" on MTV) :laugh:

Just another example of one I shouldn't have let get away....

Didn't want to scan any old ones so here are two off her facebook page

Why did you let her get away? She is fine.

[Johnny Punani]

I fooled around with some black and hispanic women but never dated any.

[Mr. S]

i was hoping to find indians who drank:laugh:

:laugh: I mean, I used to drink heavily in college, now it's moderately. I'm just saying I didn't want to be around people that just partied and drank and therefore acted stupid all the time.

For me, religion is the one non-negotiable element. We have to have that in common, or it won't work.

that's the idea I see most people having. I'm assuming you are Christian of some sect. Do you want the girl to have the same exact sect as you, or can she be a different denomination? I am starting to adopt that idea as well, as I said before, it might prevent problems in the long run.

[skinfan2k]

another problem most indian people like to only hang out with their own, and not really any other race... i like to hang out with all types of people, dont matter what your race is

[twa]

Seeing as I am a mutt,I don't know if I could date outside my race.

Species maybe :laugh:

Is there some formula to determine just what race you are?

[SkinsNumberOne]

Dude, you don't know what you're missing.

Humans are Humans, but females from different backgrounds, races, nations, etc. Are the spice of life.

Ahhhh, the Cutie who was half Japanese/Half African-American from Western PA was so much fun!

I gotta admit, that's the case. Meeting someone who gives you exposure to a different type of life experience is awesome, and you get that in spades when you're talking about different races - and you get plenty in different nationalities as well.

[diesel22]

Why did you let her get away? She is fine.

Suffered from "grass is always greener" complex for most of my life....

[Destino]

There is an element of morality in what I'm saying, which no doubt is lost on you judging from your response. In fact, I think you're probably the perfect example of what I think is wrong in a lot of cases.

If there is morality in what you are saying it is lost on me... then again maybe there is no morality in what you are saying at all? Personally I don't consider race as a factor greater then hair color or any other physical attribute. My reasoning is simple, I don't think race plays as large a role in who a person really is... certainly not as much as where they are from and how they were raised.