Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 (edited) Friends, I'm shook. A good long time friend just called me up and told me that his sister (around 26 or 27), who lived with their parents, up and disappeared while the folks were out of town. Apparently, she moved all her stuff out, left a note asking them to take care of the dog, and expressed that she never wanted to see or hear from them ever again and to please never contact her. She took her car, but left all the valuables in the home, etc. She left the SIM card in her phone. We're 99% sure there's no funny business. And of course, this is a grown woman. If she wants to leave and cut these folks out of her life she's entitled to do so. But as far as they know, there was no fight, so inciting incident, no strange behavior suggesting anything was off, no warning sign. They're willing to respect her wishes, but understandably want to make sure that she's at least safe and actually making this decision in her own right mind, etc. Is there any realistic way for them to do so? They have basically no leads on where she might have gone. No contact info for her or friends or basically any clue. The police say it's not a missing person (it's not), and they're not going to chase down a grown woman exercising her autonomy (nor should they). Any ideas on a logical course of action to just verify "yes this person is safe and not being groomed by some online predator or something?" Edited October 24, 2022 by Vilandil Tasardur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Evil Genius Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Outside of hiring a PI, i got nothing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 Just now, The Evil Genius said: Outside of hiring a PI, i got nothing. Yeah, that's about where I'm at. That feels excessive. I'm trying really hard to be the voice that says "give her space, she obviously doesn't want to deal with you all. Leave her room to come back on her own terms if that's what she wants." But it's hard to argue with the parents saying "we at least need to know that she wasn't groomed and kidnapped by some internet rando." Meanwhile, even if she has, that's kind of her right to make that choice I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcsluggo Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 a little bit of time, perhaps? give her some space to figure things out for herself? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 3 minutes ago, mcsluggo said: a little bit of time, perhaps? give her some space to figure things out for herself? I think this is probably the answer. I think there was an initial panic, because it was so out of left field. There were a lot of conversations surrounding "could they be a suicide risk?" and other such topics that meant waiting felt awfully scary. But I think there probably isn't anything to be done besides wait and see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabbyrwock Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Just now, Vilandil Tasardur said: I think this is probably the answer. I think there was an initial panic, because it was so out of left field. There were a lot of conversations surrounding "could they be a suicide risk?" and other such topics that meant waiting felt awfully scary. But I think there probably isn't anything to be done besides wait and see. Good Luck. Sad as the situation is, best to support your friend, and make sure he supports his parents as I can't imagine how hard hearing something like that is for them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 1 minute ago, Jabbyrwock said: Good Luck. Sad as the situation is, best to support your friend, and make sure he supports his parents as I can't imagine how hard hearing something like that is for them. Thanks a lot. Yeah. In hindsight, I realize posting this was more for my own self than really anything else. It's quite a shock. And I definitely consider her my friend as well (albeit I didn't know her quite as well). I suppose I'll just breath easier in a few days; I assume no news is good news at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Califan007 The Constipated Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 I agree with the P.I. suggestion...when it comes to something as out of the blue and unusual as this I don't' think hiring someone to find out where she is and if she appears to be doing OK is excessive. It provides peace of mind, and in a worst-case-scenario it could stop something serious from happening. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hersh Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 No social media accounts to see if there are posts or friends to contact? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Why would they entertain the notion of respecting her wishes? They’ll never sleep again if they don’t do everything they can to ensure she’s safe. And if she not safe, if something is wrong and they did nothing, their quiet moments will never again be peaceful. It would destroy them. If she hates them for checking on her, so what? She’s already left and burned the bridges behind her, so what do they have to lose? Track her down, maybe in the least intrusive way if that’s their preference, and ensure she’s safe. Maybe there’s someone in the family, or a mutual friend, that can reach out. Maybe a PI as others mentioned. Don’t contact me, my ass…. I’d chase my sister down to the ends of the earth if she pulled this ****, and then call her an asshole for forcing me to do it. If she didn’t like it, tough ****. My sister would do worse if the roles were reversed. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abdcskins Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Agree with giving it time. People tend to do impulsive things when they are upset, which I can only assume she was considering the nature of her departure and note. I'd be interested to know what has been going on in her life the past couple of months. New boyfriend? Did she lose a job? Did she ever argue with her parents previously? Any mental health issues? That final question is the one I would be most interested in, because impulsive irrational decisions can sometimes be tied to that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 The problem with giving it time is that if there is an issue, time is of the essence. If they have any inkling to do anything, it has to be now. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Hersh said: No social media accounts to see if there are posts or friends to contact? All socials appear to have been mass deleted unfortunately. She was never one to use them too much in the first place, but they appear to be offline now. Thanks everyone for all the kind thoughts. If nothing else, it helps to see how clearer minds think. I'm gutted for my buddy of course; I just hope she resurfaces soon and can at least give him a little closure. Edited October 24, 2022 by Vilandil Tasardur 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbear Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Does she own the car or her parents? Low jack? I ask because it could be the quickest easiest way. The PI suggestion could work. Ever seen the show where they hire people to try and find contestants? It is really difficult to go completely off the grid these days. Sadly, as an adoptive parent of four, I expect one or more will do this to us. Primal wounds are visceral, and teen and early adult years are hard enough on a parent child relationship. Of course if one of ours did this, it would mean we raised them enough to leave the nest which would be huge! While I expect one will just cut us out (playing odds), I also don't see any of my kids being independent enough to do so any time soon... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 Update: sounds like she is safe and heading to my buddy. Seems like the plan was always to cut the parents out but loop her brother (my buddy) back in. What comes next I have no idea but at least she's safe. Thank you all for the kindness and for being a productive outlet for anxiety ❤️ 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan since a Fetus Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 I just want to say congrats on them finding her. I’m sure that was a bit of a jarring experience and I’m glad she is safe. I’ve thought about doing this is in the past, but I was mentally unstable. I didn’t want to have to deal with most people I know and a couple of them I didn’t want to have to deal with me. Looking back, I realize what an awful decision this would have been and I am not sure I would be alive today had I gone this course. It would have been extremely awful to the people who love me such as my wife. I’m really glad I never did that to a wonderful woman. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilandil Tasardur Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 53 minutes ago, Fan since a Fetus said: I just want to say congrats on them finding her. I’m sure that was a bit of a jarring experience and I’m glad she is safe. I’ve thought about doing this is in the past, but I was mentally unstable. I didn’t want to have to deal with most people I know and a couple of them I didn’t want to have to deal with me. Looking back, I realize what an awful decision this would have been and I am not sure I would be alive today had I gone this course. It would have been extremely awful to the people who love me such as my wife. I’m really glad I never did that to a wonderful woman. This is powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing, even though we're random internet strangers. I'm glad you're well now and have love and support. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now