JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 I'm a young buck, 22 years old, and I've only been in one serious relationship my entire life and it was only for a year. I'm curious as to what the older guys on here have to say about relationships, love, and how to deal with women. I feel as if it's wiser to take advice from older people who've been through it all before and to better prepare myself in case I'm moving in the wrong direction.So I pose this question, what are the three most important things you have learned in dealing with a relationships or a girl? Be constant... don't make decisions based upon isolated events, rather be steady and register behavior as relivent only after it becomes a patern or series.. I used to have a three strikes rule. If I was tremendously unhappy I would register a strike. If I got to three, I was gone. Be Cool.. Don't get angry or hurt if bad things occur. Don't even be emotional. Often times when folks treat you poorly it really has nothing to do with you. Understand that. Know who you are and like who you are. Don't change or overly moderate your behavior or values for your girl. I'm assuming you aren't a tool... I'm saying if you like to watch the skins game, watch it. If you like to wake up early or late do so. Decide what is important to you and don't sacrifice those things for peace, acceptibleness or even continuation of a relationship. Don't adopt or mold yourself to whomever you are dating. I think the object of dating is to find somebody you enjoy being around and spending time with and just as important is for them to see if they like being around you. If you don't bring yourself into the relationship and honestly present who you are, you won't accomplish this very important goal. Note... there are an entirely different set of rules for married life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenspandan Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 For those older folks now, how was your lifestyle when you were in your 20's (aspects such as partying, just hooking up with random chicks, etc) and is there anything you regret now? i was in a rock band and hooked up with plenty of girls. i don't regret any of it, except for one or two i think i should have treated with more respect. (i'm also lucky i didn't get into more trouble than i did, but that's another story...). it is definitely important to accumulate broad experiences and learn everything you can about life through trial and error, and do so while you're young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenspandan Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 a lot of guys will tell you it's all about deciphering some secret woman code but that is all hogwash. just relate to her as a person and you'll find there is no secret to understanding what she feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 a lot of guys will tell you it's all about deciphering some secret woman code but that is all hogwash. just relate to her as a person and you'll find there is no secret to understanding what she feels. It's not about the code... it's about the off switch...... Just kidding honey.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 NEVER marry a woman who does not have female friends that she sees regularly. bad advice man .. at least for me. i could never deal with my wife is she had a big group of friends ... you ever see "I Love You Man." This is my nightmare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 1 - Be honest with yourself. If you're a person that has so much pride that you think your wants, short and long term, are more important than what benefits a wife and children then family life isn't for you. Stay single. Families are about sacrifice if you have one then you know this is true. 2 - Small things and present day. People think too damn much in early relationships. Where is this going? What does this mean? blah blah blah. Just read the damn book for once instead of looking at the last three pages. Not everything that fails to last is wasted time. 3 months with the wrong person can be a great. 3 - Be a man. Don't get trampled and dominated like a punk unless that's the way you like it. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and demanding respect for yourself and your interests. If you want to watch football watch it. If you don't want to go somewhere tell her "no thanks". The best way to be miserable is to pretend that you aren't. 4 - Respect yourself and respect your girlfriend/wife. Most people understand that but many men and women don't understand this includes demanding respect from their friends as well. If they don't like who you are with they can speak to that point privately with you respectfully... never allow them to talk **** openly in front of you about them. It's not cool. Bros before hos is the recipe for men on "how to be everyones *****". 5 - Keep problems in house because your friends can't be trusted. This is true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elessar78 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 In regards to #3, can you give some examples? I've been hanging out with this girl from my class and I'm sure she likes me, but I just want to observe her to see if she pulls any of the visual cues you mention. So why do you think she likes you? Do you hang out outside of class? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hokie28 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 But if she has no female friends, then you never can get time to yourself. She's tied to you 24/7. When you first get in a relationship that's fine, btu after 15+ years, you definitely want some YOU TIME where all you have is you, the house and the tv remote or Playstation controller to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 bad advice man .. at least for me. i could never deal with my wife is she had a big group of friends ... you ever see "I Love You Man." I agree... why is it a bad thing if your wife ejoys the company of men mostly... I will note that a relationship with such a person can be isolating.. If she doesn't have girlfriends it might make it harder for you to hang out with the guys... Still that's not a deal breaker for some... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 But if she has no female friends, then you never can get time to yourself. She's tied to you 24/7. When you first get in a relationship that's fine, btu after 15+ years, you definitely want some YOU TIME where all you have is you, the house and the tv remote or Playstation controller to deal with. This falls back to my third rule... If you are honest up front and doing stuff with the boys, it won't be a problem. If you give that up for peace or because you think it's what she wants... then you will have a harder time introducing it on the back end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hokie28 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 But guys are never honest up front, most go along with what the woman wants cause they like the bedroom action too much or don't want to have the fights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MintHillSkinsFan Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 This falls back to my third rule... If you are honest up front and doing stuff with the boys, it won't be a problem. If you give that up for peace or because you think it's what she wants... then you will have a harder time introducing it on the back end. Big time. If all she has is you and the future kids, then she is going to hate the fact that you have guy friends and want to hang out with them. She will think that because your relationship is enough for her then it should be for you as well. Then she will proceed to make your life miserable any time you want to go out drinking/golfing/mountain biking or whatever activity it is that you enjoy doing with your friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 But guys are never honest up front, most go along with what the woman wants cause they like the bedroom action too much or don't want to have the fights. To quote, Robert Deniro in "Heat"... "That's the disipline.".. That's the sacrifice you make to give yourself a chance for future happyness.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMS Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Big time. If all she has is you and the future kids, then she is going to hate the fact that you have guy friends and want to hang out with them. She will think that because your relationship is enough for her then it should be for you as well. Then she will proceed to make your life miserable any time you want to go out drinking/golfing/mountain biking or whatever activity it is that you enjoy doing with your friends. That whole "making your life miserable thing" for "bad" behavior I really under appeciated. I've been married/dating for decades and even today my wife has to point out when she's activelly trying to make my life misterable.... It's really a gift to be able to go through life semi obliviously. When you have kids and a house to look after, your life really isn't your own anymore... You give so much of yourself your personal time really get's boiled down to an hour or two after bed time, or a few hours on the weekend. Making your life miserable, boils down to talking during your favorite program, or brining up existential relationship issues at inoprotune times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfWashington Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Joseph Ducreux has four words for ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vigilante Posted October 22, 2010 Author Share Posted October 22, 2010 So why do you think she likes you? Do you hang out outside of class? Yes.. A few times. Randomly she asked me on a "date" during lunch which caught me a little off guard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
btfoom Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 First, I think that you already have something that is very uncommon with younger people - wisdom and the ability to ask for advice/guidance from folks who have 'been there'. My three things (without trying to repeat lots of good stuff earlier in the thread): 1. Life isn't a movie. There are no 'perfect' mates, I don't believe there is only one right person for anyone, and I certainly don't believe that once you overcome that ONE thing that keeps you apart you will live happily ever after. There is no such thing. Real life is messy and boring sometimes. Deal with it and don't expect a wife/girlfriend will change all of that. 2. Meet/date lots of women until you find someone who makes you not want to date someone else. Get to know that person as well as you can and be open and honest with her. When you find someone who sees you for who/what you really are (and you see her in that was as well) and you still want to be with her, well I think you found the right one. Don't settle. 3. Know and accept that you (and she) will change over time. Your relationship will be different - hopefully better. Marriage means that you need to compromise on things (most wives don't want to see your posters of John Riggins and Kate Moss all over their bedroom) and enjoy some of the things she enjoys. If/when you have kids, you will really learn that you are no longer the most important person in your life (and you'll love it). You'll go from weekends of parties, sleeping late, and watching sports on the couch to nice dinners, yardwork and trips to different places, and watching sports in the afternoon PLUS watching a movie in the evening to pizza on Friday, sports on Saturday, and a big family dinner after football on Sundays. Good luck, bro, and really enjoy each phase of your life. Before you know it you'll be an old dude like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elessar78 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Yes.. A few times. Randomly she asked me on a "date" during lunch which caught me a little off guard. So what more of a sign do you need if she asked you on a "date" (please elaborate)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichmondRedskin88 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 I agree play the field when your young. I'm 22 and in college. However, if you do find someone you think you have a real future with then hold onto them and see if things mature right. Not to say if you don't think there's a future you should immediately break up. 22 is a fun age where you can hold a real relationship or just date around. Contrary to the college belief sex is not everything. I can tell you from my college that most students are happy with being in a real relationship and aren't just out to nailed. Like I said though in college sometimes people get into this idea of having to find a serious relationship. I almost got roped into the idea once. My friends gave me a nice chat and basically made me realize I was getting that narrow minded idea that I had to find a good girlfriend just because my friends were dating people. Now I just play the field. Should I find someone I think I might see some kind of future with I'll hold onto her but don't force the idea of "This is definitely the girl I want to be with forever", early into the relationship. It takes years to find that out. (My sister and bro law broke up multiple times and dated other people over a span of 4 years before they finally realize that they were truly meant for each other. Now they have a 6 month old and couldn't be happier). The thing I learned from two 2 year relationships and some other 1 years is that relationships your in that you know are doomed need to be ended because after a certain point you risk the friendships. That's the risk of serious relationships. They can cost you friends sometimes. Some of girls I dated I remained friends with afterwards and continue to be good friends with but others I loss forever and that sucks. Overall serious relationships is a complicated thing and every situation is different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Kaos Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 I have 2 pieces of advice that I have found are supremely valuable: 1. A relationship/marriage is NOT a 50/50deal, it is 100/100 or get the hell out of there NOW! 2. It is almost always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. hope they help in some small way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 i could never deal with my wife is she had a big group of friends ... you ever see "I Love You Man."You'll have to judge how many friends is good. But a girl (or anyone else for that matter) who has ZERO friends is bad news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kramdizzle Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 I got in a serious relationship with my wife that started when I was 22 (I am 26 now). We now have our first child due in November. Although I love my wife I wish I would have taken a few years out of college for myself. I see my buddies driving nice sports cars, getting drunk and having more than one lady in the last four years. My advice is don't rush into anything. If a long term relationship is what you want, that’s what you'll get eventually. You're young and *IF* you get in a relationship where you ain't happy GET OUT FAST!! Plenty of girls out there so if one makes you unhappy dump her. It's the right thing to do for you in the long run. Also make sure you don't date stupid chicks. Yes I know all girls are emotionally stupid but don’t get stuck with a common sense dumb girl, it's just asking for trouble. I believe that all men should be with women who they feel are as smart if not smarter than them (it keeps you grounded in reality). Just by asking for advice makes you smarter than most guys your age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoSkins561 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Calling BLTO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predicto Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Joseph Ducreux has four words for ya. Ugh. 4chan has no place in a discussion about adult relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoggLife Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 1. Make sure she gives BJs and likes to. A man can not live life without them. 2. Make sure you actually like to talk to her. Sometime in your life you 2 will get older and uglier so if you cant have fun conversating with the person now then you will be screwed in the future. 3. Live with her for 2 years before getting married. I dont ever concider it a relationship till you live together. And after living together for 2 years you will know all her bad habits and qualities and she will know yours. And then after 2 years you both will know if you can live with those bad qualities for life. 4. Im adding a 4th. You both have to trust each other 100%. You both need to change certain things in your life to be together but you cant change who you are. Communication is everything and she will like to do lots of communicating (aka b*tching) and you have to deal with it and act like you are listening and care Make her feel like the most special person in the world each and every day and give her many many compliment. You can never compliment enough. Oh and those jeans never make her butt look big. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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