What Adopting a White Girl Taught One Black Family

[Special K]

Interesting story. I'm going to forward it to one of my professors who teaches Health Disparities, I think she'll be interested. We talk about this type of stuff all the time in that class, racial generalizations, ethnicity, etc., etc. She put up an interesting timeline on the board yesterday to kind of put things in perspective.

From 1640-1863 Slavery (244 years, approx. 63.4% of our history)

From 1863-1965 Reconstruction & Jim Crow Laws (102 year, approx. 26.5% of our history)

From 1965-present Post Civil Rights (39 years, approx. 10.1% of our history)

* Obviously the timeline from our book is a little outdated and the numbers have changed a little bit.

However, the point remains the same, the time we've had in the post Civil-Rights era is just a flash in the pan compared the hundreds of years of oppression of blacks and minorities. We've made great strides in the small time we've existed since the civil rights were passed, but we still have a long way to go. The election of Obama is another indicator of the strides that have been made, but again, there's still a long way to go. I do have hope that we will continue to progress as our younger generations grow up and influence cultural attitudes and policies.

As for adoption, parents who do good to help others in need absolutely have the right to choose whoever they want to adopt. Bless them for their kindness.

[81artmonk]

Good for them. But to rebut, I don't think it's racism. It's out of the norm and people tend to notice stuff like that. As well they should. It didn't sound from the article that anyone did anything inappropriate, other than ask the little girl questions or be alert.

Honestly, I think it's a good thing, since most people now days seem to be apathetic. Since it's so out of the norm, you can't expect people not to notice.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Its racism to stare because you are trying to figure out if the child could have been abducted?

That's a weird goddamn thought to have in any circumstance.

A) Most abductions are performed by parents in a divorce situation.

Most adbuctors don't take the kid to Applebees for dinner.

[mcsluggo]

I cannot overstate my admiration for a family that would take in a daughter of a prostitute that had so much emotional baggage that she was basically deemed unplace-able in the foster system.

Awesome selflessness and beautiful dedication to the betterment of mankind.

I wish I had that sort of courage... but I don't think I do. My wife has expressed interest in adopting a troubled, older kid (an "unadoptable" kid)... but i am too scared. I am not sure I would have enough devotion or strength. I am not sure I would be able to really love them as much as my current kids. I have some fears that the situation could be detrimental to my existing children. Basically I am scared of teh situation all around.

Putting REALLY SERIOUS thought into the situation just makes me that much MORE in awe and appreciative for what this family is doing. kudos.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Probably. Nothing against you, you just dont see the white/black child that often. Its the same for a white/asian kid too. Once you figure the relationship out, you go on your way.

Not for nothing, but why is it up to you to figure the relationship out?

I kind of see where you are going with this, but if everyone followed your approach, the white family with the Asian child is going to be followed around the mall. Meanwhile the kindly man who looks like Santa Claus can abuse all the white children he wants with no one raising an eye.

This is a touchy subject for me, because my wife and I have been discussing adopting in the next few years and have already decided that the race of the child is irrelevant...and in some ways we would prefer a child of color just because they face such a difficult time in getting adopted.

I really don't want to spend the next 18 years convincing people I'm not a kid toucher because I have Lil' Usain in my shopping cart.

[ljs]

My sister is white, my bro in law Latin American. They have 3 biological kids, who obvioulsy look Hispanic. One adopted born in Mexico, but she looks as white as my sister. They recently adopted two girls from Ethiopia. (1yr and 3 yrs). My sister has already come across people giving her weird looks when she is out with one or both of the girls.

Through their adoption process, I've realized how many "white" families are adopting kids from Africa. There was even a recent article of a North Idaho family adopting two boys from there. I think that with all of the biracial families, and the adoptions, that this shouldn't be as much of an issue as it was even 10-20 years ago.

[gbear]

My wife and I have 2 foster kids we are in the process of adopting. My daughter is Black. My son is El Salvadorean, and he tans if he happens to look at the sun. I am fish belly white.

My favorite story is being approached in a restaraunt when I had them by myself for the weekend while my wife was working. I guess one of the other customers heard my daughter call me "dad." She came over and asked "Are those 2 your kids?" My answer was "Yup. Different mothers. Could you tell?";)

Being a dad or a mom has little to do with the having sex. If these people are willing to put in the time and effort, good for them. A child's race is just another facet of the kid you learn to love. We try to make sure they have some sense of their race's culture, but how successful we will be at that remains to be seen. It's not our culture...so who knows how we will mangle it...and truth told I'm not sure it matters how much of a hybrid culture they end up with. I hope they pick the parts they like best.

[dockeryfan]

I guess I don't get it.

It's a rare event, for a black family to adopt a white child. Of course it's going to get some attention. I'm sure I would notice it myself. It's different. It's uncommon.

When I was in Taiwan, people would come up and touch the blond hair of some people, because they hadn't ever seen it. Just randomly walk up and touch someone's hair.

Is the extra attention sometimes tainted with a judgment? Such as someone being concerned about possible abduction, etc? Sometimes I'm sure. But I hope that's a minority of opinion. I know for myself, that would be the last thing I would be thinking. If it looks like healthy father-daughter interaction, it probably is. I'm sure I wouldn't give it a second thought.

[Califan007 The Constipated]

Probably. Nothing against you, you just dont see the white/black child that often. Its the same for a white/asian kid too. Once you figure the relationship out, you go on your way.

The reality, though, is that white kids tend to get taken by white abductors, and black kids tend to get taken by black abductors. There's an extremely low instance of crossing the racial lines in crimes like this...so the white adult escorting the crying, screaming white child is, in reality, FAR more likely to be an abductor than if it were a black adult.

[InsaneBoost]

Of course its racist :doh:

[desioreo87]

What do these parents expect? You can't just assume that a white girl is gonna have two black parents jsut as you cant assume a black girl is gonna have two white parents. Unless you know that couple you are gonna be skeptical just because biology says black parents make black children, and vice versa.

I am half-white/half-indian, but I am completely brown. When I walk around with my dad (totally white), people get confused, its only natural.

[Mooka]

Probably. Nothing against you, you just dont see the white/black child that often. Its the same for a white/asian kid too. Once you figure the relationship out, you go on your way

You obviously don't come out to California very much.

[IbleedBnG83]

I think this is pretty eye opening stuff. We should all think about this article and take a long hard look in the mirror. I'm sure many of us can find room for improvement on how we think, including myself.

[stevenaa]

I think this is pretty eye opening stuff. We should all think about this article and take a long hard look in the mirror. I'm sure many of us can find room for improvement on how we think, including myself.

Why. For having concern? I have 3 children. Since having them, I've become accutely aware of adult/child interactions. I subconsciously pay attention. If I hear a child throwing a tanrum, I pay attention. It is very clear, very quickly what the situation is. I saw a Mexican lady pushing 3 kids in a shopping cart in Walmart yesterday. One child was white. It caught my attention and I watched for a moment to see the interaction. Was that racist? If you think so, you can explain my racism to my Hispanic wife.

[TheItalianStallion]

One of my close friends is asian; he was born in South Korea and spent the first few years of his life there. He was put up for adoption and was taken in by a white couple here. I've almost never seen anyone raise an eyebrow at that.

[WVUforREDSKINS]

when they did the piece on Michael Oher during the draft, his adoptive family said they recieved some of the same looks as was described in the piece

The speech he gave was very emotional. This guy is a warrior...I wouldn't have minded if we got this guy at all.

Edit: can't find good link but most of you who watched the draft know what im talking about.

(not meant to hijack)

[NavyDave]

hmm this is hard to respond to

and yes given the disproportionality of african american children in foster care and up for adoption i am scratching my head at this

on the other hand a child is a child and they are doing a great deed

I remember the outrage at white couples adopting black children since the ignorant were more concerned about the kids becoming Oreos than being in a happy home with an opportunity to contribute positively to society.

[NavyDave]

When my little princess was between 1 and 5 yrs old and I'd take her out, on my weekends away from the ship, people would stare at her very light complexion and waist length hair then the tall golden brown good looking but modest guy and wonder what was up with her saying daddy I want this and that, then they saw her mother.

I'm sure they all thought of the Elephant in the hole and the baby chick with the Mercedez joke.