Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Fortunately my ex is a teacher as well, which I think contributes to her excellent parenting skills. (Other than not letting me see the kids. I don't think she has any clue how much that's hurting them.) H_H, I'm sorry for you having to deal with that. I watched my mom do the same to my father Luckily, when I was of age, I understood exactly what was going on and decided not to keep my father out of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 H_H,I'm sorry for you having to deal with that. I watched my mom do the same to my father Luckily, when I was of age, I understood exactly what was going on and decided not to keep my father out of my life. I pray to God my girls will do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redskins Diehard Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Fortunately my ex is a teacher as well, which I think contributes to her excellent parenting skills. (Other than not letting me see the kids. I don't think she has any clue how much that's hurting them.) What is your custody arrangement? It seems like the children's mother does not fit into the "drug addict"/"axe murderer" category laid forth in the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I pray to God my girls will do the same. If you're in their life as much as you can be, or as much as your ex will allow, in the end... I'm sure they will. My best friend has had similar issues with baby momma drama. His perseverance is FINALLY paying off!... Keep your head up... it'll happen.:2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 What is your custody arrangement? It seems like the children's mother does not fit into the "drug addict"/"axe murderer" category laid forth in the OP. While I'm not speaking for H_H, I believe the "drug addict/axe murderer" category can be also associated with women who have serious personality flaws and are vindictive, spiteful, and thoughtless ****es.:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 What is your custody arrangement? It seems like the children's mother does not fit into the "drug addict"/"axe murderer" category laid forth in the OP. She's not. Not at all. She's a good person (which is difficult for me to say) and she's a very good mother. In the OP, I was speaking in broad terms. I've never dealt with the abortion thing either, thankfully. Our agreement was finalized before my 6-year old entered school in September, and before my 2-year old began her strutctered pre-school. It calls for me to see them Mon-Wed from 1-5 p.m. Obviously, the kids are in school during those times, and I now usually work during those times. Our agreement calls for other visitation at "mutually agreeable times and locations." She just chooses not to agree to anything else. I'll be honest. My stomach is physically killing me I miss my kids so bad. I'd rather someone just shoot me sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 While I'm not speaking for H_H, I believe the "drug addict/axe murderer" category can be also associated with women who have serious personality flaws and are vindictive, spiteful, and thoughtless ****es.:mad: OMFG does ALL of that apply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redskins Diehard Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 She's not. Not at all. She's a good person (which is difficult for me to say) and she's a very good mother. In the OP, I was speaking in broad terms. I've never dealt with the abortion thing either, thankfully.Our agreement was finalized before my 6-year old entered school in September, and before my 2-year old began her strutctered pre-school. It calls for me to see them Mon-Wed from 1-5 p.m. Obviously, the kids are in school during those times, and I now usually work during those times. Our agreement calls for other visitation at "mutually agreeable times and locations." She just chooses not to agree to anything else. I'll be honest. My stomach is physically killing me I miss my kids so bad. I'd rather someone just shoot me sometimes. Yeah, "mutually agreeable times" doesn't work for people that can't agree. Is there any recourse to revisit the agreement as times/the situation change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Our agreement was finalized before my 6-year old entered school in September, and before my 2-year old began her strutctered pre-school. It calls for me to see them Mon-Wed from 1-5 p.m.Obviously, the kids are in school during those times, and I now usually work during those times. Our agreement calls for other visitation at "mutually agreeable times and locations." She just chooses not to agree to anything else. WOW... Whoever assigned those days and times is a complete moron. :mad: I suggest talking to someone/lawyer and getting a better defined agreement that is more considerate of you as a father. WTF can you do in a 4 hour window when the kids/you are preoccupied for the majority of that time. And, of course, if you are fulfilling your fatherly obligation of working to provide financial security for your children during the alloted visitation time and are unable to see them... then you are the one considered the "deadbeat Dad" :doh: I'm sorry/inspired that you miss your kids that bad... It shows me that you at least care. Unlike some fathers in this world...:notworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Yeah, mutually agreeable times don't work for people that can't agree. Is there any recourse to revisit the agreement as times/the situation change? I could take her back to court, but like I said, one check goes straight to child support. The other pays the rent, car, gas, food, insurance, etc, etc. I can't afford to take her back to court. This isn't about me though. I truly have designs on being able to do something with my life, to somehow make a difference in this area, that will prevent this from happening to someone else. :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 OMFG does ALL of that apply. in a nutshell... that was my mother. having matured and being able to look at the situation for what it was... my father had it VERY rough (understatement) BUT persevered and, in the end, I'm in his life and I have WAY more respect for him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 WOW... Whoever assigned those days and times is a complete moron. :mad: That's not quite the word I use to describe her, but this is a family board. I suggest talking to someone/lawyer and getting a better defined agreement that is more considerate of you as a father. WTF can you do in a 4 hour window when the kids/you are preoccupied for the majority of that time. And, of course, if you are fulfilling your fatherly obligation of working to provide financial security for your children during the alloted visitation time and are unable to see them... then you are the one considered the "deadbeat Dad" :doh: Oh I know. The presumption is that I'm a piece of ****. No matter what I do, she frames it, and the court accepts it, as some dastardly scheme on my part. It's just a horrible situation all around, and most unfortunately, it's NOWHERE NEAR unique. I'm sorry/inspired that you miss your kids that bad... It shows me that you at least care. Unlike some fathers in this world...:notworthy I'm not blowing smoke when I say you inspire me. If I can get out of the financial mess, I'm going back to school to become a teacher. Not only will I straighten out things with my own kids, I'll help a helluva lot more too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Tell me how this works.How can a female take a child away from a father, move to another state and the father still has to pay support. Doesn't seem fair does it. took until post 5 before this fully hit home. the judge didnt even try to think about me when my ex took my son to indiana. i dont do drugs i have no felonies i have a good job i have a roof for him i have a vehicle i have a support system lined up out here i am not a perfect man but i didnt deserve to have my son basically taken from me and given to her. i get to see him every summer and every other christmas. it literally almost kills me when he leaves and i am sad for about a month after he leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniffler Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I'm not blowing smoke when I say you inspire me. If I can get out of the financial mess, I'm going back to school to become a teacher. Not only will I straighten out things with my own kids, I'll help a helluva lot more too. Thanks... If there's anything you need to know about becoming a teacher...PM me... I'm more than happy to help. There are programs to make the transition/ schooling into the profession much easier, as well as, financially ideal than in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Yes, I think Stevie Wonder could see that there is a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Thanks...If there's anything you need to know about becoming a teacher...PM me... I'm more than happy to help. There are programs to make the transition/ schooling into the profession much easier, as well as, financially ideal than in the past. Thanks much. I may just end up doing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 i am not a perfect man but i didnt deserve to have my son basically taken from me and given to her. i get to see him every summer and every other christmas. it literally almost kills me when he leaves and i am sad for about a month after he leaves. I am very sorry to hear that, really. There is no bond like a father and son share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I am very sorry to hear that, really. There is no bond like a father and son share. thanks man. she tries her best out of jealousy but she cant break it. we talk every day, send random text messages and have a bond that reaches but it gets hard on my soul when at the end of summer i have to let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I am very sorry to hear that, really. There is no bond like a father and son share. Ditto BigMike, I felt the same way every other weekend when I dropped him off. It hit harder when he left for college. It was actually right when I joined ES, hence the obsessive game thread partisapation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Our agreement was finalized before my 6-year old entered school in September, and before my 2-year old began her strutctered pre-school. It calls for me to see them Mon-Wed from 1-5 p.m.Obviously, the kids are in school during those times, and I now usually work during those times. Our agreement calls for other visitation at "mutually agreeable times and locations." She just chooses not to agree to anything else. Can you not get the agreement amended since circumstances have changed since this agreement was put in place? Why not make a request based on the fact that your girls are in school and you work during those hours and you'd like to have the agreement amended? Tell your attorney this is no longer satisfactory and have him bring it before the judge..I'm sure an amendment can be made. Or perhaps I'm just naive and wishful thinking. FWIW, I do think fathers get the shaft the majority of the time when it comes to these issues. And no, most ppl don't realize the importance of having a father in a child's life until it's too late. I don't understand any mother not wanting their child's father in their child's life...it's just plain stupid IMO. My husband has other children by previous relationships and wasn't made to be responsible for those kids while they were growing up. He sent money when he felt like it but was never a physical presence in their lives..only 2 of them come around now that he's older and not in good health. Our kids were the 1st kids of his that he even lived under the same roof with for any length of time. He's not a perfect father...but I would have never kept them from him. In fact the 2 of us separated back in 1991 for about 6 mos(we weren't married at that time tho)and I told him then that he was free to see them as often as he wanted and he did that on a regular..then we reconciled and the rest is history. I'm sorry any of you are having this problem b/c it's just not right and I hope things will turn for each of you. I just don't know where you fellas find these type of women...perhaps your women picking skills are a bit off or you're blinded by their beauty and other things(ahem). Pick your women w/your big head..not your smaller one the next time [/j/k trying to lighten the mood here] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Can you not get the agreement amended since circumstances have changed since this agreement was put in place? Why not make a request based on the fact that your girls are in school and you work during those hours and you'd like to have the agreement amended? Tell your attorney this is no longer satisfactory and have him bring it before the judge..I'm sure an amendment can be made. Or perhaps I'm just naive and wishful thinking. No you're not naive, I just don't have the $ to take her back to court. I just don't know where you fellas find these type of women...perhaps your women picking skills are a bit off or you're blinded by their beauty and other things(ahem). Pick your women w/your big head..not your smaller one the next time [/j/k trying to lighten the mood here] There is much truth in them thar words. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 No you're not naive, I just don't have the $ to take her back to court.There is much truth in them thar words. :laugh: Well there is that issue..no one works for free anymore..:laugh: I wish I had the money to give to you to get this done..but I'm just a working class person like the rest..but I bet it would be a good investment. What about legal aid...can you go thru them or some type of father's advocacy group or someone on here that can tell you how to do it yourself? I am dreaming pie in the sky today (dang for the love of god can we get the ols back?...it would be perfect for this). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Well there is that issue..no one works for free anymore..:laugh: I wish I had the money to give to you to get this done..but I'm just a working class person like the rest..but I bet it would be a good investment. What about legal aid...can you go thru them or some type of father's advocacy group or someone on here that can tell you how to do it yourself? I am dreaming pie in the sky today (dang for the love of god can we get the ols back?...it would be perfect for this). Nah, I'm too proud (and/or stubborn) to have accepted the help anyway, but I sure appreciate the sentiment. And get this, I don't qualify for legal aid, because I'm not allowed to show my child support expenditures. What a country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I bet you'd relinquish Father's Rights in this case, lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBLDBDFRp6E Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I could take her back to court, but like I said, one check goes straight to child support. The other pays the rent, car, gas, food, insurance, etc, etc. I can't afford to take her back to court.This isn't about me though. I truly have designs on being able to do something with my life, to somehow make a difference in this area, that will prevent this from happening to someone else. :2cents: H_H - You know I mean nothing bad about this...but GET OFF YOUR ASS AND START LOOKING! Saying "I can't afford it" and then not doing any thing is lazy. 1st - Research. You will learn that if you go to court, and the judge agrees that SHE is not being reasonable and is NOT living up to the agreement, then SHE will be responsible for all the bills. The courts might be biased, but the law is not. 2nd - Don't just say "It's not working for me" - Send her a certified letter. Copy her lawyer if she has one. Say that the agreement is not living up to its standard. I'm sure you agreement has the standard language of "We both agree that both parents provide a benefit and access to the child is encouraged" (Or something like that). Lay out why the agreement is not being meant. Ask for very direct changes to it (Dinner once a week from 5pm to 7:30pm. Every other weekend). Etc.... Learn what the standard is for your state (In VA, Standard is 1 day a week, every other weekend) and propose it. Most likely her lawyer will tell her to make the adjustments. If she really is a good person, she will work for you. If you DO have to go to court, after you were reasonable and just asking for the "Spirit of the agreement" to be followed, you will probably win, AND she will have to pay your fees. Worst case - Do you really want to look your kid in the eye and say "I wanted to see you more, but I couldn't afford it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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