Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 update: well, we broke up. *Sigh* I haven't been too upset. i'm just waiting for it to settle in, i guess. Some of you men vent about your relationship problems in here. Now I'm taking a turn because I'm seriously so pissed there are knots in my stomach. I've been dating the same guy for the last 5 years (off & on, although more on than off) since I was 16. It's a hot/cold relationship. So, we planned a trip to Myrtle Beach for a week in a cheap hotel. I changed it and upgraded our hotel becuase the reviews called for roaches. Then, he quits his job and tells me he cannot afford the trip, and cancels it altogether. So his Dad lives in Hilton Head, and we plan to go there the same week our Myrtle trip was going to be. It's anice beach, and all, but staying with his Dad won't allow us the same freedom as a hotel in MB, or good nightlife. Now he has a new job, and post-pones Hilton Head. Everyime I ask him to pick a new date (which has been going on for about 2-3 weeks now) he says "later." I'm really, really upset about it. He thinks I'm being selfish, but I've been planning this trip since late March, I mean, I've been obsessing over it! I planned restauraunts, bars, and cool places we could visit at both beachs. It's something I've been looking forward to for MONTHS. The plans have been changed and cancelled so many times, and he acts as if he could care less wether we go or not. He gets SO annoyed/angry whenever I bring it up, and claims I'm being selfish/over reacting/that I don't care about anything else. What do you think? Am I in the wrong here? I can't figure out how to remedy this situation. I could go on and on, cuz I'm really upset and a lot of other "minor" things in our relationship are bugging me. I wanna work it out, but it's getting tough! Anywho, sorry bout that. I really just needed to get that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 massive amounts of improper comments in... 3.... 2.... 1.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcnativenerd Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I can understand why you'd be upset. Has he seemed apprehensive about the trip from the beginning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueinBuf Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Maybe he doesn't want to take time off for a new job he just started working at. And that's why he keeps saying later because he wants to wait before asking for the time off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 At first he was excited. Then he slowly cared less and less until now.. he doesn't even want to go at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Die Hard Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Personally, given the details.... it seems like you're being selfish. He couldn't afford option 1... so he offers option #2 (even though it sounds like you weren't keen on it to begin with). Then he gets a new job... which cancels out option #2 or any other option. That happens... but timing but it happens. You can have trips down the road at any time. It sounds like he wants to but you're driving him crazy and now he couldn't be bothered with it at all. In my eyes... that's on you. Back off. You don't NEED trips... either you can enjoy each other's company... or move on (because as you mentioned there's other stuff). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fergasun Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Sounds like he has financial problems and doesn't want to go on a trip he can't afford... Anyway, I pretty much think this relationship is destined to fail until you know what you are doing with your life.... dating is so pointless before college (and maybe in college), but we all want to feel loved and feel like complete losers if we don't have someone... you don't realize how "long" life is when you are 17, 18 or even mid-way through college... so people keep trying to figure out who they are and what they are doing and change and if you add another person in there it's like going from the first power to the second power... crazy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Hunny, I hate to say this, but your relationship sounds like my experience while dating my ex. We basically couldn't live with each other; nor without each other. For some reason we kept thinking things would change. If you guys don't get along more than, say, 80-20, I'd say that's not where you need to be. Engagement, marriage, kids, they all make things harder. (They're good things, but major stressors too.) If you're not getting along the vast majority of the time right now, it's probably going to get worse over time. You guys have no "real" stress in your lives right now. (And I mean NO offense whatsoever.) When kids and mortgages and bills and layoffs and all the things that can happen to a couple begin to pile up, even the strongest relationships are tested. I'm not going to tell you to look for something else. I'm just saying that you should examine your relationship with your HEAD instead of your HEART. That's incredibly difficult to do. Even divorced now, I STILL struggle to do that. But you HAVE to to move forward in any direction. Best of luck my dear. If you need an ear, let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HogNose Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Screw him. Tell him you are still going and ask some friends to go with you. See if that lights a fire under his ass. :nutkick: Btw..if he isn't a Skins fan dump him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsOrlando Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Plan a trip to Orlando, by yourself and be treated right . On a serious note, sometimes guys get stuck in a rut, especially when it comes to longer term relationships, plus with starting a new job there may be added pressures that have his mind elsewhere than taking a trip. Are you being selfish, possibly but part of a relationship is compromising to each other needs at times. Of course, the other thing is he might not actually want to go at all and the whole quitting his job thing gave him an excuse to postpone. The other thing you need to ask yourself is whether or not this on/off relationship is making progress forwar dor continues to stagnate over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 You state you are obsessing, right? No wonder he is turned off. From what you have written, it sounds like you have made all the plans and are TELLING him what y'all are going to do. That would kill my buzz too. Back off. Give him time on the new job.......with less stress THAT HE MIGHT NOT HAVE SHOWN YOU. On and off for 5 years. Hmmmm. Might be a sign to look deeply into whether or not it is worth the long haul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just stressed about it, among other things, and I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings. He doesn't even say "I'm sorry Meredith, we can't make it this year, I'll make it up to you." He just ****es about my ****ing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen-like Todd Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just stressed about it, among other things, and I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings. He doesn't even say "I'm sorry Meredith, we can't make it this year, I'll make it up to you." He just ****es about my ****ing. Why are you stressed, exactly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 Why are you stressed, exactly? I guess it's a bigger picture, like I feel he doesn't consider my feelings often enough, or isn't sympathetic to my emotions. I don't want to put 5 years of love to waste over this issue. I wanna fix this problem, but it's tough. ^God, that sounds stereotypically female, but its true. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just stressed about it, among other things, and I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings. He doesn't even say "I'm sorry Meredith, we can't make it this year, I'll make it up to you." He just ****es about my ****ing. :laugh: You admit you are ****ing. STOP. He should not have to say he is sorry to make you stop ****ing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I guess it's a bigger picture, like I feel he doesn't consider my feelings often enough, or isn't sympathetic to my emotions. I don't want to put 5 years of love to waste over this issue. I wanna fix this problem, but it's tough.^God, that sounds stereotypically female, but its true. :mad: 21 and 5 years in a relationship. That is one fifth of your life. You are young. Maybe this is the one. Maybe it isn't. Step back and look. You should not be unhappy often in a good relationship. Not saying you will always be happy....but the pain should be spaced out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I guess it's a bigger picture, like I feel he doesn't consider my feelings often enough, or isn't sympathetic to my emotions. I don't want to put 5 years of love to waste over this issue. I wanna fix this problem, but it's tough.^God, that sounds stereotypically female, but its true. :mad: Hunny you are who you are. If you feel that you are not having your feelings met then you need to either see if he will meet them or you need to move on. I dont settle for anything if I dont feel I can live with or accept it and I suggest you do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 He should not have to say he is sorry to make you stop ****ing. :laugh: If any woman ever put that into practice, the world would be non-stop sunshine and roses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 :laugh: You admit you are ****ing. STOP. He should not have to say he is sorry to make you stop ****ing. I appreciate advice on both points of view, but seriously.. I feel like this isn't all MY fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boysetsfire Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I appreciate advice on both points of view, but seriously.. I feel like this isn't all MY fault. Why don't you just sit down with him and talk about everything thats going on? Tell him how you're feeling and how unhappy you've been. Maybe there are bigger underlying problems you both don't know about. It should help clear somethings up.......hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I appreciate advice on both points of view, but seriously.. I feel like this isn't all MY fault. Question. Do you think he has been stressed about the loss of employment and now to the fact he is the new kid on the job. Question. Did you plan the entire trip and TELL him how things would be. Question. Did you want to talk about it at times he might have other things on his mind. Believe me, I am empathetic about how our feelings and emotions are not always validated. I do understand. However, if you know you are obsessing over this, you have to ask your self why. Is it so you will be with him .....or is it so you will be with him all alone so you have his undivided attention. I do appreciate your pain. We have all these feelings.....and we have needs to be loved and treated like we are very special. You seem to not be feeling that right now. I can only suggest to take a deep breath and back off. If he was excited in the beginning, maybe it was discussed too much, maybe he felt he was being told what to do, maybe all the stressers just were too much. Maybe take a short weekend trip instead of a big trip. I hope it works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Take a step back and evaluate the situation. Is it all worth it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 Do you think he has been stressed about the loss of employment and now to the fact he is the new kid on the job. Yes. Did you plan the entire trip and TELL him how things would be. No, it was planned together, the date and hotel. I just planned things to keep our time occupied. Did you want to talk about it at times he might have other things on his mind. I always waited until he was in a calm, relaxed mood to bring it up. Because he gets really irritable when he's in a foul mood.. which is a lot lately. I guess cause of the new job? Anywhoooo.. thanks for the advice. I'm just going to sit back and analyze pretty much... everything, cuz I do think by writing this thing out and talking about it, I've realized there may be underlying issues. :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsOrlando Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 :laugh: If any woman ever put that into practice, the world would be non-stop sunshine and roses. If that was the case I might still be married :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allsup Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Could be the guy is just stressed about his change of employment. guys have big egos and perhaps he's just stressin'.....maybe a little unsure or inadequate. could be completely different than what you may be thinking. bottom line is, you need to communicate with him. if that doesn't work then maybe suggle up to him, pull him close and whisper something in his ear that will make him blush.......:thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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