Kosher Ham Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 So part of your agenda is to get the cute waitress to acknowledge your daughter ? Even worse. Don't get me wrong any time spent with your child should be precious. But let's not get it confused. You could take her nearly anywhere. Maybe she is just excited about spending time with you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKSkinsFan Posted April 7, 2008 Author Share Posted April 7, 2008 So part of your agenda is to get the cute waitress to acknowledge your daughter ? Even worse. So you're even going to criticize me thinking it's not bad that cute waitresses think my daughter is adorable? You've basically called me a puss, said I was stupid, and that I shouldn't bother taking her out to dinner. I thought I was bad about focusing on the negative. You seem to enjoy taking jabs at any and everything I mention about something difficult I'm dealing with right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illone Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Get yourself a good lawyer before it's too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coooleeey Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 So you're even going to criticize me thinking it's not bad that cute waitresses think my daughter is adorable? You've basically called me a puss, said I was stupid, and that I shouldn't bother taking her out to dinner. I thought I was bad about focusing on the negative. You seem to enjoy taking jabs at any and everything I mention about something difficult I'm dealing with right now. Dude, you are good. Enjoy the time with your daughter and the ladies. You deserve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dockeryfan Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 So you're even going to criticize me thinking it's not bad that cute waitresses think my daughter is adorable? It's not bad for the waitress to think your daughter is cute. If the waitress sees how you interact with your kid and finds you more attractive, big deal. It's the real you. Anyone who has a problem with that, tell them to get off their high horse. But seriously, read Bang's post again. Slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 So you're even going to criticize me thinking it's not bad that cute waitresses think my daughter is adorable? You've basically called me a puss, said I was stupid, and that I shouldn't bother taking her out to dinner. I thought I was bad about focusing on the negative. You seem to enjoy taking jabs at any and everything I mention about something difficult I'm dealing with right now. Not at all bro. I think Myself and others gave you sound advice initially within this thread. I certainly don't think one of your pleasures while eating out with your daughter should be the waitress' reaction though. Last thing I ever want to see is a family seperated. But for you in this situation, I feel it is inevitable. You fighting it is the frustration that I have come to see as disturbing, 'stupid', and somewhat of a 'puss'. At least I am not lying to you like your wife does. I have no reason to sugarcoat my words, nor do I have an agenda except to provide you what you asked for "advice" . I appreciate that these are difficult times for you. And I hope that you and your wife can come to an amicable relationship for the sake of your daughter. However you pissing and moaning about it and even knowing that she doesn't feel that she loves you...well do the math. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I didnt say this when you first posted this... But I figured I might as well now... If you are going to reconcile, you need to do a lot of work. First off, I am not saying that what your wife did was right, because it was very obviously not, but the fact that you think that you did not do anything wrong says it all. ( I am basing this off of what I read when you first posted this, so if this has changed my apologies.) It is partly your fault as you did not give enough attentio your wife and made her feel unwanted and unloved. Again, that is no excuse for what she did, but if you are going to reconcile you need to realize that you made mistakes as well and contributed to the problem, and that you need to change how you act if you want it to work. In a healthy marriage the marriage relationship should come first with the spouses making sure they make time for one another with the children coming in second. :2cents: Take it or leave it. Also, on a side note, it would be very possible for you two to get back to where you were at the beginning of your marriage, but it would take a lot of work, time, and the co-operation of both individuals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 First off, I am not saying that what your wife did was right, because it was very obviously not, but the fact that you think that you did not do anything wrong says it all. ( I am basing this off of what I read when you first posted this, so if this has changed my apologies.) It is partly your fault as you did not give enough attentio your wife and made her feel unwanted and unloved. Again, that is no excuse for what she did, but if you are going to reconcile you need to realize that you made mistakes as well and contributed to the problem, and that you need to change how you act if you want it to work. Effed up .... 100%. Even if he did somewhat ignore his wife, it DOES NOT justify her going out and being a hooker and spreading her legs so that someone else can stick their meat in her ****. Period. She did what she did because she's a scuzzy hooker. P E R I O D. If she felt ignored the ***** should have said something about it. As I mentioned earlier, communication is key in ANY relationship. So she's at fault too for not opening her mouth and letting him know how she felt about things. Instead of handling things in a mature way (talking/discussing how she felt), she felt that the best thing for her to do was screw two different guys in less than a month. Quality person right there .... Go hooker go. I'm shocked that **** isn't a censored word! WOOO!!!! Go **** go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I understand that everyone here has my best interests in mind, and I totally appreciate everyone being supportive. I feel like the fact that I'm not ruling out reconciliation is a natural reaction to being hurt so badly. I'm not the greatest with relationships, I tend to take the pain of losing someone very very hard, and this one is by far the worst I've ever endured. When I was in your position, I felt the same way for about 1 month. Then my father said something profound, "Loneliness is better than misery". Right now, you are miserable and you know that she is going to be sleeping with someone else again sooner or later. Quit putting your dick in the meatgrinder and move on. I did the math one time and estimated that there's something like 5 million good looking single women + or - 3 years of your age, in this country. Right around the corner is your second bachelerhood, that could last for 10-15 years. Reel something in (with appropriate assets ) around say age 40, kick back smoking a camel and reminisce about the extra 150 hotties that you schlept, because your F'd up x-wife got out of the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Effed up .... 100%. Even if he did somewhat ignore his wife, it DOES NOT justify her going out and being a hooker and spreading her legs so that someone else can stick their meat in her ****. Period. She did what she did because she's a scuzzy hooker. P E R I O D. If she felt ignored the ***** should have said something about it. As I mentioned earlier, communication is key in ANY relationship. So she's at fault too for not opening her mouth and letting him know how she felt about things. Instead of handling things in a mature way (talking/discussing how she felt), she felt that the best thing for her to do was screw two different guys in less than a month. Quality person right there .... Go hooker go. I'm shocked that **** isn't a censored word! WOOO!!!! Go **** go! Where in the world did I say that it did? I dont see how someone admitting they made mistakes mean in anyway that what she did wasnt horribly wrong. Yes, she should have said something to him, and heck maybe she did, and that was a mistake. He should have made sure she knew she was loved and given her attention over his daughter. (Not that giving the daughter attention is wrong, but the spouse in a marriage should be a priority.) I was just saying that IF they are going to reconcile he is going to have to realize that he has some work to do and some changes to make as well. I am still really confused as to where you got I was saying she wasnt wrong to do what she did... :confused: Kosher Ham said you were agreeing with me, I didnt take it that way so I left most of this up so you can respond. I just took down the similies! If you were, ignore this post. If not, I give you permission to respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Bro, she was adding on not detracting from what you said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dockeryfan Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 It is partly your fault as you did not give enough attentio your wife and made her feel unwanted and unloved. Whatever. It's all on her to make it known that she's unhappy, not just be selfish and go sleep with someone else. He could be completely blameless here. Not saying he is, but you saying that he IS partly at fault...well that's just wrong. You don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Bro, she was adding on not detracting from what you said. If so I completely retract what I said and apologize for the mix-up. Just came across that way to me, but I have read things wrong before. I may edit my post a little bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Whatever. It's all on her to make it known that she's unhappy, not just be selfish and go sleep with someone else. He could be completely blameless here. Not saying he is, but you saying that he IS partly at fault...well that's just wrong. You don't know. From things that he said in the post that I read when he originally posted it I can know. He said something along the lines of he was giving more attention to his daughter then to his wife, but he didnt see anything wrong with that. That would create a problem right there. Again, nothing that he did excuses her going out and having an affair, there is no way that is acceptable. I am just saying that if there is any reconciliation between them that he should realize that not all of the changing rests on her. And I agree on all those things she did wrong, she SHOULD have spoken to him about all of that. I am in no way defending anything she did, or trying to put him down. I am trying to hopfully be helpful to him in case he decides he wants to reconcile. Its an opinion he can ignore. I just think that if he goes into a reconciliation not thinking he needs to change things it will fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Whatever. It's all on her to make it known that she's unhappy, not just be selfish and go sleep with someone else. He could be completely blameless here. Not saying he is, but you saying that he IS partly at fault...well that's just wrong. You don't know. Thats exactly my point ... to a degree. Whether he didn't pay enough attention to her or not could be the question - chicky should never have gone out and done what she did. Period. He cannot be blamed for her actions and should not be blamed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dockeryfan Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 From things that he said in the post that I read when he originally posted it I can know. He said something along the lines of he was giving more attention to his daughter then to his wife, but he didnt see anything wrong with that. That would create a problem right there. Again, nothing that he did excuses her going out and having an affair, there is no way that is acceptable. I am just saying that if there is any reconciliation between them that he should realize that not all of the changing rests on her. Well, OK. Both people are fully responsible for a relationship surviving, I'll give you that. He should know that giving more attention to his daughter is a problem and the wrong thing to do. But it's still on her to let it be known that she's upset. To push for changes or therapy or whatever. Not to go cheat on him. Her decision is wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Well, OK. Both people are fully responsible for a relationship surviving, I'll give you that. He should know that giving more attention to his daughter is a problem and the wrong thing to do. But it's still on her to let it be known that she's upset. To push for changes or therapy or whatever. Not to go cheat on him. Her decision is wrong. Completely agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Thats exactly my point ... to a degree.Whether he didn't pay enough attention to her or not could be the question - chicky should never have gone out and done what she did. Period. He cannot be blamed for her actions and should not be blamed. Candace, you're alright. I've agreed 100% with everything you've said. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Thats exactly my point ... to a degree.Whether he didn't pay enough attention to her or not could be the question - chicky should never have gone out and done what she did. Period. He cannot be blamed for her actions and should not be blamed. Again, completely agree. Her actions are her actions, and they were wrong. Just look at my post above you to see my view on it. It is perhaps a little clearer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Candace, you're alright.I've agreed 100% with everything you've said. ~Bang Thank you for realizing that I rule at life. I heart Bang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Thank you for realizing that I rule at life. I heart Bang. Someone oughta buy you a candle. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Someone oughta buy you a candle.~Bang You make me lol. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKSkinsFan Posted April 8, 2008 Author Share Posted April 8, 2008 I didnt say this when you first posted this... But I figured I might as well now... If you are going to reconcile, you need to do a lot of work. First off, I am not saying that what your wife did was right, because it was very obviously not, but the fact that you think that you did not do anything wrong says it all. ( I am basing this off of what I read when you first posted this, so if this has changed my apologies.) It is partly your fault as you did not give enough attentio your wife and made her feel unwanted and unloved. Again, that is no excuse for what she did, but if you are going to reconcile you need to realize that you made mistakes as well and contributed to the problem, and that you need to change how you act if you want it to work. In a healthy marriage the marriage relationship should come first with the spouses making sure they make time for one another with the children coming in second. :2cents: Take it or leave it.Also, on a side note, it would be very possible for you two to get back to where you were at the beginning of your marriage, but it would take a lot of work, time, and the co-operation of both individuals. There's absolutely no justification for what she did, but the reason behind her horrible actions was due to our marriage failing, and I can whole heartedly admit fault in that and have done so to her. If things were to work out, there'd be a lot of work on both ends, but the more time goes by, the more I am realizing it's not going to happen. The problem I'm having is letting go of someone I've loved for over 10 years, I'm losing or honestly have already lost a wife, a best friend, and a chance of having a happy family with the mother of my child. It's hard to say it's over, that everything I ever wanted can't happen. The people here telling me it's definitely over, there's no chance, I know you're right, it's still just hard to accept. We're moving forward with filing now, and I'm going to my lawyer again tomorrow to work on drafting an agreement on who gets what. I find it a shame that she may be entitled to half the profit of my house considering I bought it prior to our marriage, and her name couldn't even have gone on it due to her credit being so bad, my interest rate would have been awful. I get to pay child support, the mortgage, a home improvement loan, and possibly a buyout for her portion of profit from assets along with replacing furniture and appliances that she gets to take when she moves into an apartment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dictator Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 We're moving forward with filing now, and I'm going to my lawyer again tomorrow to work on drafting an agreement on who gets what. I find it a shame that she may be entitled to half the profit of my house considering I bought it prior to our marriage, and her name couldn't even have gone on it due to her credit being so bad, my interest rate would have been awful. I get to pay child support, the mortgage, a home improvement loan, and possibly a buyout for her portion of profit from assets along with replacing furniture and appliances that she gets to take when she moves into an apartment. If you hadn't made the mistake of screwing her again after you found out about the affair, you'd not have to give up so much of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 There's absolutely no justification for what she did, but the reason behind her horrible actions was due to our marriage failing, and I can whole heartedly admit fault in that and have done so to her. If things were to work out, there'd be a lot of work on both ends, but the more time goes by, the more I am realizing it's not going to happen.The problem I'm having is letting go of someone I've loved for over 10 years, I'm losing or honestly have already lost a wife, a best friend, and a chance of having a happy family with the mother of my child. It's hard to say it's over, that everything I ever wanted can't happen. The people here telling me it's definitely over, there's no chance, I know you're right, it's still just hard to accept. We're moving forward with filing now, and I'm going to my lawyer again tomorrow to work on drafting an agreement on who gets what. I find it a shame that she may be entitled to half the profit of my house considering I bought it prior to our marriage, and her name couldn't even have gone on it due to her credit being so bad, my interest rate would have been awful. I get to pay child support, the mortgage, a home improvement loan, and possibly a buyout for her portion of profit from assets along with replacing furniture and appliances that she gets to take when she moves into an apartment. Well, good luck, I hope everything goes well. Pretty ridiculus she will get all of that after she cheated on you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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