afparent Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Lets say you have a very close friend who is a serious alcoholic. I mean on an almost daily basis, starts drinking hard at 11 in the morning and by 6 can't talk and falls down in public places but still doesn't stop. Most times, doesn't remember anything from the day before. I can honestly say it affects everything around this person including health, children, and job. This person drives under these conditions as well. You have tried to talk to this person and at times admits the problem but doesn't address it. You are considered this person's best friend. What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 PleaseBlitz, we're looking at you dude. Seriously though, sit down before 11, tell him you're concerned, try to make him realize how much he's hurting people he loves and cares about because clearly he doesn't care about himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Keep trying.. Dont be a passenger.. don't go out drinking with them... Children? Job? do they work at night? so that the drinking he does is the same as those that work during the day and party at night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbear Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Talk to him, preferably with the whole family (assuming you have tried one on one). If that fails (and this is rough) call the cops eplain what's going on, and ask if they can do a sobriety check point, and then make sure he drives through it. I hate to think DWI is the only thing that may work for him, but being scared and possibly busted may be the best thing for him. Anyone else have a better idea? I would think there would be a better solution, but that's about the best I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 IS this in response to this thread? http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=152007 :laugh: Serously though, have you tried talking to the person as a friend? IF you have, you may want to consider an intervention... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webnarc Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Call the police then next time they drive under the influence and call everytime until they get caught. Drug abusers don't see the damage they do until they hit bottom and, as a friend, you should be showing them the way to the bottom because your friendship is over until they crawl out realizing what they've done. Most people don't listen to the advice of friends or anyone who's willing to give it away for free. But the cops and judge tend to be heard more clearly. Bad situation if it's real and I hope you're just sayin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rictus58 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I have a relative who died in January as a result of his alcoholism. He knew what he was doing to himself. He knew what he was doing to his family. The "disease" (and I hate to use that term to describe it) consumed him. He was powerless against his addiction. Short of having this person delcared a danger to himself and forcing him into re-hab, there probably isn't anything you can do. He's going to have to want to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Guy. Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Stage an intervention. Get all of his family, friends and people who care about him. Ask him to go to rehab/AA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan44 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 You can talk to this person until you are blue in the face, and it won't make much differance. This person is slowly killing themself and needs to go to an rehab center right away. My best friend (and he was also my best man at my wedding) of 25 years was doing this exact same thing with his drinking. All his friends (including me) were trying to get him to stop, but he just kept right on drinking. We tried to get him to go to rehab, but he refused. Looking back now, I should have bodily took him there myself He died 3 years ago from soroses of the liver at the age of 41. He left behind a wife and 15 year old son. Get this person to rehab NOW, before it is too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 i'm in this situation. i tried the sit down, heart to heart 3 times. he's embarassed our crew the last 5 or so times we've went out, so i moved to plan b. tough love. i don't talk to him, and won't until he gets his life straight. maybe flipping your 4runner 5 times while driving drunk will do it. we'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 Appreciate all the advice so far. Yes, this is for real. This person works during the day and starts happy hour at 11. Might come back to work and check in and might not. I know this sounds insane but it is true. Just so you guys know and better understand, a couple months ago, this person put the mother's number in my cell phone without me knowing (was this a call for help?) So I did call the mother and apparently her family really laid into this person but this person hasn't stopped one bit, probably is worse. This person is using the drama as an excuse to drink more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rictus58 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Appreciate all the advice so far. Yes, this is for real. This person works during the day and starts happy hour at 11. Might come back to work and check in and might not. I know this sounds insane but it is true. Just so you guys know and better understand, a couple months ago, this person put the mother's number in my cell phone without me knowing (was this a call for help?) So I did call the mother and apparently her family really laid into this person but this person hasn't stopped one bit, probably is worse. This person is using the drama as an excuse to drink more. It's intervention time. let him know you will attempt to have him declared a danger to himself and others by the court and they will force him into a rehab center. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Prime Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 beat his ass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenaa Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Find another friend. He is not your responsibility. This is a situation that will take it's toll on you. Not worth it if he refuses to help himself. Let him know you'll be there if he straightens out, but you won't stick around to watch him destroy himself, and more importantly, his family. My brother went through the same thing with a friend of his. He finally decided enough was enough and walked away. It is a hard thing, but you just can't shoulder his burden. Life is way too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugs' Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Stage an intervention. Get all of his family, friends and people who care about him. Ask him to go to rehab/AA. Agreed! It's intervention time. let him know you will attempt to have him declared a danger to himself and others by the court and they will force him into a rehab center. Do it! Find another friend. He is not your responsibility. This is a situation that will take it's toll on you. Not worth it if he refuses to help himself. Let him know you'll be there if he straightens out, but you won't stick around to watch him destroy himself, and more importantly, his family. My brother went through the same thing with a friend of his. He finally decided enough was enough and walked away. It is a hard thing, but you just can't shoulder his burden. Life is way too short. Glad I'm not your friend :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Glad I'm not your friend :doh: tough love is the best love sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ax Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 The bottom line is, you CAN NOT make some one help themselves. They are the only ones who can. Interventions, calling the cops, etc..., only work when that person decides they want to quit, more than they want to drink/smoke/snort/gamble-whatever. So by all means, try them all. But, be prepared to fail if the person with their selfish lifestyle, isn't going to do the bulk of the work. I've been dealing with one or more family members/friends or another, non-stop it seems like, for over 25 years. Drugs and booze, usually both. It is the most frustrating thing I've ever dealt with. Death is easier to handle than watching someone continually CHOOSE to destroy themselves and everyone around them. You feel totally helpless, and you are. You can't force someone into treatment. At least not in this country. You will worry and fret over these people more than they will themselves. I used up all the patience I had years ago, after coming to the realization that it is not up to me. It's up to them. The only thing I do now is LIVE the tough love life. Which has led to my own mother to tell me that I'm a cold SOB. I've NEVER bought the idea that addiction is a disease, and never will. Having said all that, I'd tell your friend the same thing I told my brother. "If you want to die, go right ahead. But have the common decency not to take your family and friends with you, on this slow drawn out suicide. Use a gun and get it over with. We might suffer less that way." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Call the police then next time they drive under the influence and call everytime until they get caught.Drug abusers don't see the damage they do until they hit bottom and, as a friend, you should be showing them the way to the bottom because your friendship is over until they crawl out realizing what they've done. Most people don't listen to the advice of friends or anyone who's willing to give it away for free. But the cops and judge tend to be heard more clearly. Bad situation if it's real and I hope you're just sayin. The guy across the street from me has 5 DWI's and is going to court in Arlington and Alexandria at the same time for 2 in 3 weeks. He's going to jail for sure, and has signed his 10yr old girl over to his sister while he continues to drink..................... Getting him caught may not help him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webnarc Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 The guy across the street from me has 5 DWI's and is going to court in Arlington and Alexandria at the same time for 2 in 3 weeks. He's going to jail for sure, and has signed his 10yr old girl over to his sister while he continues to drink..................... Getting him caught may not help him... True, it may not get him to stop drinking, but it will get him off the road eventually and stop him from being a violent criminal. It really is a no win if they don't stop drinking. Thank God the girl has an aunt who can take care of her and hopefully his daughter will never blame herself for her fathers drinking. A sad story Thiebear, and all too common. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsD Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Alcoholism is a cunning and baffling disease. I too was an alcoholic and drank about the same as your friend. I nearly died and I'm afraid the same could happen to your friend. I do not agree with those saying you should forget him, what he needs you to do is be his friend. At the very least he needs to start going to daily AA meetings - if able he absolutely should go to an inpatient clinic for at least 30 days. He should probably talk to someone in the program, I'd be happy to do so or have one of the old timers I know give him a call. If I were you I would first tell him you care about him and want him to get better. Go to a book store and get him a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous (also called the Big Book/Blue Book) by Bill W(actual last name is Wilson but it is probably just Bill W). Bill founded AA and his book is quite profound - any alcoholic can relate to it. There are always at least 10 meetings a day in any town so there should no problem finding one. I guarantee you he will not be willing to go, you will need to be tough with him. You need to coordinate with his family and other friends and have an intervention. You should consider hiring a professional to mediate the intervention. It saddens me to read stories like yours because it reminds me of what I put my loved ones through. Remember though that he can beat this but he will have to be vigilant. I know that after my first meeting I was ready to get sober, a lot of people have that expierience. He should also get to a doctor to see what shape he is in and if possible see a therapist. Most important he needs to seek his higher power. It is a fundamental part of sobriety. Regardless of religion he needs to pray to something - even meditate if he has nothing to pray to. He knows he has a problem and from my expierience a lot of alcoholics will take advantage of an opportunity to clean themselves up. They never do it out of their own initiative however, they need a push. I would really recommend having someone in the program talk to him. Either someone I know or look up Alcoholics Anonymous in your phone book. AA is a perfect program, I hope it helps your friend as much as it has helped me. If you have any other questions, feel free. I'll keep your friend in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin101 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I think you should stop drinking :paranoid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Lets say you have a very close friend who is a serious alcoholic. I mean on an almost daily basis, starts drinking hard at 11 in the morning and by 6 can't talk and falls down in public places but still doesn't stop. Most times, doesn't remember anything from the day before. I can honestly say it affects everything around this person including health, children, and job. This person drives under these conditions as well. You have tried to talk to this person and at times admits the problem but doesn't address it. You are considered this person's best friend. What would you do? Go to an AA meeting. Approach the guy or gal running the show. Tell them your situation and about your friend. Unless you ARE an alcoholic, you dont know what this guy is thinking or why he is killing himself or what his addiction is really all about. Get some expert help. The guys that run AA meetings are usually all about helping others that are going through what they have gone through. Your friend needs your help. Dont turn your back on him. :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Thanks guys, really appreciate it. This person is not talking to me so there really isn't much I can do. I did what I had to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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