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Exclusive Faux Interview III: Mr. Genius on a Roll!

Ax

By Ax
in 2005 Archives Forum

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Ax

Ax

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If there is one thing that holds true in all of sports, it’s this.

YOU MUST…RESPECT…THE STREAK!!

With that in mind, we here at Extremeskins bring you a third interview with the person calling himself “The Football Genius.”

The interview took place on Monday morning.

So Mr. Genius, what did you think of the Redskins big win in Arizona yesterday?

Luck. Pure luck.

Why do you say that?

You saw what happened. Once again, Scott Brunell continues to hold this team back. I mean come on, three interceptions in one half? What a joke!

It’s Mark Brunell, not Scott.

Whatever.

Besides, the first interception was clearly not his fault. He hit Cooley right in the hands. And I’m not too sure the receivers didn’t run bad routes on the other two.

Well first off, if Brunell had just thrown the completion pass, instead of the tip ball pass, that first one never would have been picked off. And as far as the receivers running bad routes, that’s Gibbs’ fault.

How is it Gibbs’ fault?

Well he was the one who called plays with bad routes in them, right?

What the hell are you talking about?

Gibbs! If he‘d kept on following my advice, and just call the long run plays, everything would have been fine. But nooooo! He turns around and calls pass plays with bad routes in them.

Oh, so coach Gibbs listens to you now huh?

Well let’s see. After our first interview, where I said that he should just call the long running plays, he did exactly that against the Lions.

You mean Rams.

Whatever! Then finally in the second half against the Cardinals he called for the kickoff return for a touchdown. Which I might add is a LONG RUN! So they’ve won two in a row now since my suggestion. Coincidence? I think not. So Joe if you’re reading this, and I know you are, STOP calling pass plays with bad routes in them!!!

Joe Gibbs doesn’t call pass plays with a bad route in it. Receivers just mess up sometimes.

Well regardless, Brunell being a veteran should be able to anticipate when a receiver is going to run a bad route, and make the adjustment.

And just how is he supposed to do that?

When he senses a receiver is about to run a bad route, he should audible to a long run instead.

Look Genius…

That’s Football Genius to you.

Whatever! I’m not absolutely certain that the receiver did run a bad route. I just said it was possible. But you have to admit, the first one was definitely NOT Brunell’s fault.

Well regardless of whose fault it was, I knew it was going to happen BEFORE it happened.

Is that right?

Yep. As soon as the ball was tipped in the air I said, “That’s not good”, and boom! Interception!

So do you think Brunell should be benched in favor of Patrick Ramsey?

Hell no! Ramsey sucks! He’s a turnover waiting to happen.

But you made it sound like you want Brunell replaced.

No not at all. I love the guy. How can you not love a guy who “fight’s his guts out on ever play?” I just happen to know that Mark Brunell is done as a quarterback.

And just how do you know he’s done?

Easy. Just look at his name. You take the K, the B, both R’s, the U, and both L’s out, and replace them with an I, a D, and an O, and what does it spell? I AM DONE. See there?

You’re kidding right?

No I’m not kidding. But his play is not the only reason I say they were lucky to win the game. There’s also that touchdown run by Clinton Portis. You can thank a missed call for that touchdown.

Well I thought the replay clearly showed that he stretched the ball over the goal line before his foot touched down out of bounds.

Yes he did, but what about the holding?

Holding?

Yeah holding. They’re lucky he wasn’t called for holding on the play.

Who?

Portis! Jeezuz H. Christ! Didn’t you see it! He was clearly holding Mike Sellers on the play. It’s just pure luck that the referees missed that.

You can’t hold your own teammate.

Well obviously you can. Just because it wasn’t called doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Do you know anything about football?

Well I know enough to know that if they keep playing their guys out of their natural position it’s going to come back to haunt them.

And just whom are they playing out of position?

Where do I start? First of all, they’ve got Chris Samuels playing left tackle when everybody knows he’s a right guard.

Says who?

Howard Bryant of the Washington Post is the only person other than myself to know this. The team doesn’t want you fans to know just how incompetent they really are. So they tried to keep it under their hat. Just like the hidden message in Mark “I am done” Brunells' name. It’s guys like Mr. Bryant and myself that must continue to educate fans on the little nuisances of the game.

I’d say you’re both nuisances.

Excuse me?

Nothing. Never mind. Who else is playing out of position?

Didn’t you hear the announcers of the game say that the NFL has Chris Cooley listed as a

fullback, but the Redskins list him as an H-back? So you see, everybody in the NFL knows he’s a fullback except this old, out of touch coaching staff.

Whatever you say, Football (cough) Genius.

I knew you’d see the light. It was inedible.

Whatever. Let’s wrap this one up with a non-football related question submitted by another staff member here, Park City Skins. Whom I guess if we used your formula and took away the P, the R, the ITY, the K, the other I, and the N, and replaced it with 2 L’s, another A, a U, and an S, it would spell DALLAS SUCKS!!

Very good, I knew you’d get it eventually.

His question was what do you think of sushi?

Kolber? I think she’s a total babe. As a matter of fact, I have this fantasy. Imagine being with her on a bear skin rug in front of a big screen TV showing a fireplace with a crackling fire burning…some Barry White playing in the background…chilled wine off to the side…making wild passionate monkey love all night and into the early afternoon with someone who between all the “Oh God’s” and “Don’t stops” could give you complete breakdowns on all the upcoming games? Then five minutes before kickoff, she turns into a 12 pack and a pizza.

Good grief. Sorry Suzi. I guess the 7-second delay isn’t working right.

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Om

Om

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Posted
Uh oh, Ax.

I think we've got something here. :)

Dude that is awesome! I think the mods need to make this a stickie and keep an archive of each interview.

Forgive me if I'm jumping the gun, Ax. But dammit, how can I not here? :)

Not to steal brother Ax's thunder or put him under the gun, but after his first installment, I was so tickled and impressed that I approached him about possibly taking a shot at turning this into a recurring feature ... at least for a while, to see if he enjoyed it and it caught on. The results on both fronts to date, to me, seem pretty damn promising.

Just sayin.' :)

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Ax

Ax

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I have a question to subscribe to the Foosball Genius. How do I go about doing it?

BTW, the interview was top shelf!

Just like Peter Parker has a way of tracking down Spiderman, I can get your question submitted to the Genius. Although I can't say for sure whether or not he'll choose to answer it.

Just post your question here in this thread and I'll see what I can do. ;)

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santanamoss89

santanamoss89

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No I’m not kidding. But his play is not the only reason I say they were lucky to win the game. There’s also that touchdown run by Clinton Portis. You can thank a missed call for that touchdown.

Well I thought the replay clearly showed that he stretched the ball over the goal line before his foot touched down out of bounds.

Yes he did, but what about the holding?

Holding?

Yeah holding. They’re lucky he wasn’t called for holding on the play.

Who?

Portis! Jeezuz H. Christ! Didn’t you see it! He was clearly holding Mike Sellers on the play. It’s just pure luck that the referees missed that.

You can’t hold your own teammate.

Well obviously you can. Just because it wasn’t called doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Do you know anything about football?

That part is great. Good interview.

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Ax

Ax

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Keep it up Ax, that's some good stuff there.

So when is the next interview?

Cause I'd like to ask him if Bill Parcells will call any blown coverage plays this weekend? :D

Thanks Monkart.

All interviews are conducted on days after the game, so I won't talk to the guy again until next week.

However, if the Crackboys want to run a blown coverage play that's fine. But we'll be able to beat their coverage, blown or not. :D

:dallasuck

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PCS

PCS

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Finally. A hard hitting question is asked. None of that softball stuff. I tend to agree with him about Suzi.

Er...ahem. Didn't you ask about Sushi?

Sushi? Sushi isn't on the sidelines........

:slap: No. Your question was about sushi. Raw fish...

Oh yeah. Right. Hey wait a minute. He didn't answer my question. Damn. You know what that means reading between the lines..... he's hiding something.

:doh:

Funny stuff Ax. Loved it.

Park Dallas City Sucks Skins

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