Pre-nup or no pre-nup

[rdsknbill]

Originally posted by iheartskins

Bill, you've got a great story and I'm glad that you are still married after all these years.

But I've got a question for you, how does a pre-nup imply that marriage isn't work?

I didn't say that it doesn;t mean it isn't work. IMO it implies that there is no conviction in the relationship that it will last.

[iheartskins]

Originally posted by CandaceM23

It implies that marriage is disposable ... That hell ... if it doesn't work you can just get up and walk away and you don't have to worry about it the aftermath of it all if you have a prenup.

I have to strongly disagree Candace especially where one spouse has more assets than the other. You are also making the blanket assertion that if one decides to sign a prenup that no emotional investment is made and that the signing of the document means that both parties feel free to walk away without any emotional consequence. That's absurd.

If one has a susbstantial amount of assets at stake it can make sense to protect those assets until such time that it is clear that the parties are into the marriage for the right reasons--and then if you so desire, then you can rip it up.

Further, while discussing financial issues is never easy, talking about money before entering a marriage can save heartache and tensions in the long term. Without a prenup, assets could end up in the hands of your spouse’s children from a previous marriage instead of your own kids. Or they could go to a lazy mate who contributed very little while you built a business from the ground up or wrote a book that later became a smashing success. [This paragraph taken from here and slightly edited.]

By the way, I don't think that this is about grubby wives or husbands, it about foresight that will, in an ideal situation, never come into play.

[iheartskins]

Originally posted by rdsknbill

I didn't say that it doesn;t mean it isn't work. IMO it implies that there is no conviction in the relationship that it will last.

Bill, I guess I just see it differently. I see it as preventing people from themselves in a worst-case scenario.

[Chief skin]

If you got money I mean a lot of money then pre nup is the way to go. Take a lesson from those that have big bucks most of the beautiful people have them. I was watching a documentary on the HBO about wealthy families the kids in particular and they were all in favor of them

[dannyboy70]

Hell yes. Get a prenup. You've got to protect your investements and everything you've built-up thus far in your life (assuming you own a home, car, etc). If things go sour, you won't be stripped unfairly of those things and if things go well, then you can will all of those things to your wife. As far as I'm concerned, she has no right to pursue your property from before the marriage. But everything you build together with your wife from here on out, is just as much hers as it is yours (even if you're the one paying for it all).

[rdsknbill]

In my situation, getting married at 22, a prenup was basically unnecessary.

If I were considering marriage at this point in my life, financial situation, I would probably take a hard look at it.

[dchogs]

Originally posted by iheartskins

I have to strongly disagree Candace especially where one spouse has more assets than the other. You are also making the blanket assertion that if one decides to sign a prenup that no emotional investment is made and that the signing of the document means that both parties feel free to walk away without any emotional consequence. That's absurd.

If one has a susbstantial amount of assets at stake it can make sense to protect those assets until such time that it is clear that the parties are into the marriage for the right reasons--and then if you so desire, then you can rip it up.

Further, while discussing financial issues is never easy, talking about money before entering a marriage can save heartache and tensions in the long term. Without a prenup, assets could end up in the hands of your spouse’s children from a previous marriage instead of your own kids. Or they could go to a lazy mate who contributed very little while you built a business from the ground up or wrote a book that later became a smashing success. [This paragraph taken from here and slightly edited.]

By the way, I don't think that this is about grubby wives or husbands, it about foresight that will, in an ideal situation, never come into play.

logically, you're correct. the problem is that marriage is rarely a logical decision. the emotions that go into marriage make a pre-nup a very tricky topic, at best.

personally, i never thought about it before, during, or after my wedding. i had a fair amount of money (for a young fella) from an inheritance, but it never even crossed my mind at all.

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Shocker. Men want the pre-nup, women don't. Who woulda thunk it?

Bottom line is, pre-nup or not, nobody goes into a marriage thinking it will end it divorce. Nobody. Maybe Cowboys fans. Only because of their level of intelligence.

When you get into a car, you put your seatbelt on. Not because you're planning on getting into an accident, but because you are preparing for it if it were to happen.

If the marriage lasts, then who cares? It wasn't needed. If the marriage doesn't last, then obviously it could end up becoming the right decision. Regardless, the woman you divorce is obviously not the woman you married. And that is why pre-nups are important.

With that said, I have no plans of getting married anytime soon. But when I do, a pre-nup will, at the very least, be discussed.

[SkinsNut73]

Originally posted by thito_da_skins_fan

Shocker. Men want the pre-nup, women don't. Who woulda thunk it?

That seems to be the consensus so far (although I stated earlier in the thread I'm not for pre-nups)....

I guess that leads me to a question/assumption for the men who are in favor then. I suppose you wouldn't have a problem signing a pre-nup either...right? Assuming your fiancee comes from a rich family and has cash in the bank, or she just inherited money, or she has just earned it through her own hard work, whatever...and she asks you to sign a pre-nup "just in case"...that's not a problem, right?

[iheartskins]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73

I guess that leads me to a question/assumption for the men who are in favor then. I suppose you wouldn't have a problem signing a pre-nup either...right? Assuming your fiancee comes from a rich family and has cash in the bank, or she just inherited money, or she has just earned it through her own hard work, whatever...and she asks you to sign a pre-nup "just in case"...that's not a problem, right?

I would have no problem with that--if I did, I'd be totally hypocritical.

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73

I guess that leads me to a question/assumption for the men who are in favor then. I suppose you wouldn't have a problem signing a pre-nup either...right?

... edit ...

HELL NO I WOULDN'T SIGN IT!!! I'M GETTIN MINE!!!

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by thito_da_skins_fan

Shocker. Men want the pre-nup, women don't. Who woulda thunk it?

Nowhere did *I* say that I was against a pre-nup in this thread. Last I checked, I was of the female persuasion.

Perhaps you may want to back off on your statement. I believe that jbooma is one of the men in this thread who is against them.

Those of you who think you know everything about women, and insist on perpetuating these incorrect stereotypes about women should take a LONG hard look at yourselves - perhaps you yourself are a living breathing stereotype.

You reap what you sow.

:2cents:

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Originally posted by jenmdixon

Nowhere did *I* say that I was against a pre-nup in this thread. Last I checked, I was of the female persuasion.

Perhaps you may want to back off on your statement. I believe that jbooma is one of the men in this thread who is against them.

Those of you who think you know everything about women, and insist on perpetuating these incorrect stereotypes about women should take a LONG hard look at yourselves - perhaps you yourself are a living breathing stereotype.

You reap what you sow.

:2cents:

It was definitely a stereotype. I see no problem in that. Stereotypes can be innocent, as mine was.

There are exceptions to everything, this being no different.

It wasn't meant in a bad way, just a friendly way. That's why I put the smiley after it.

[rdsknbill]

Originally posted by thito_da_skins_fan

It was definitely a stereotype. I see no problem in that. Stereotypes can be innocent, as mine was.

There are exceptions to everything, this being no different.

It wasn't meant in a bad way, just a friendly way. That's why I put the smiley after it.

Duck and weave Thito!!! Duck and weave!

:laugh:

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Originally posted by rdsknbill

Duck and weave Thito!!! Duck and weave!

:laugh:

Do I ever duck and weave? C'mon now!

I said it was a stereotype. It was. Sort of.

I mean, the only "man" that was against it was jbooma, and well, is he really a man? I mean he does act like..

Kidding, jbooma, kidding.

[jbooma]

JBooma I agree with you 100 percent, and quite honestly all that stuff isn't a problem for me.

The problem is this horrible cultural aspect where my mother has basically already picked out a girl. I do my best to avoid her and just hope the situation gets blown over, but she is a persistant lady.

Id prefer to get married around age 30, after I am established and a lot more mature and have found the right woman.

Skins,

I understand completely about that. Part of my new family is Indian.

I know your parents want it for you, but have you talked to them how you feel about it?

Maybe if you are 100% honest with them, and let them know what you think could happen, who knows. In this situation then I wouldn't be against having a prenup.

Skins do you know the actual percentages of arranged marriages working, I heard it is pretty high.

I am not 100% against prenups, just when younger people use them. I think Redman posted a list about certain times the states I think enforce them, those I agree with.

[jbooma]

Originally posted by thito_da_skins_fan

... edit ...

HELL NO I WOULDN'T SIGN IT!!! I'M GETTIN MINE!!!

You go man!!

See in todays world men are not the only ones who make the most

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Originally posted by jbooma

You go man!!

See in todays world men are not the only ones who make the most

What can I say? I'm sexist!

[big z]

Regardless, the woman you divorce is obviously not the woman you married. And that is why pre-nups are important.

very well said thito!

[CandaceM23]

Originally posted by iheartskins

I have to strongly disagree Candace especially where one spouse has more assets than the other. You are also making the blanket assertion that if one decides to sign a prenup that no emotional investment is made and that the signing of the document means that both parties feel free to walk away without any emotional consequence. That's absurd.

If one has a susbstantial amount of assets at stake it can make sense to protect those assets until such time that it is clear that the parties are into the marriage for the right reasons--and then if you so desire, then you can rip it up.

Further, while discussing financial issues is never easy, talking about money before entering a marriage can save heartache and tensions in the long term. Without a prenup, assets could end up in the hands of your spouse’s children from a previous marriage instead of your own kids. Or they could go to a lazy mate who contributed very little while you built a business from the ground up or wrote a book that later became a smashing success. [This paragraph taken from here and slightly edited.]

By the way, I don't think that this is about grubby wives or husbands, it about foresight that will, in an ideal situation, never come into play.

Okay ... you have a right to disagree as do I. To me, personally, if the person that I am dating threw a pre-nup in my face, I would be offended.

I have never ever ever ever ever asked my current boyfriend for anything of his ... and if he were to ask me to sign a prenup - knowing that in the last three years I've never asked for a dime of his , I would be terribly offended.

[SkinsNut73]

I'm curious to know how/when you would even bring this up? I don't think I could ever do it (even if I had money..)....or if I did I'd be wearing a catcher's mask and a cup because I'd be afraid of the reprecussions:(

[thito_da_skins_fan]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73

I'm curious to know how/when you would even bring this up? I don't think I could ever do it (even if I had money..)....or if I did I'd be wearing a catcher's mask and a cup because I'd be afraid of the reprecussions:(

I guess it depends on the relationship. It could very well be a dangerous topic. But, I don't think it should be avoided.

[Commander PK]

Hell the way my ex was, she would probably have wanted ME to sign the pre-nup. She was going to make a hell of a lot more money than I do in the long run.

[TheKurp]

Reviving this thread after reading what BKSkinsfan is up against.

I used to think different on the topic. Never thought a prenuptial should enter into a planned marriage.

However, now that I'm approaching 50, and have co-workers around my age or older who are now getting divorced after years of marriage, my thinking has changed.

In short, a divorce can wipe out workers who are nearing retirement age. One guy I know doesn't think he'll ever be able to retire - now that his ex-wife (who never worked outside of the home) has taken the lion's share of his retirement savings.

If I do get married again, and there's an inequity in assests where I have considerably more than she does, I wont' get married unless I can protect everything I have that I've earned prior to going into the marriage. I understand that everything after that is fair game in the event of a divorce. But under no circumstances do I believe that someone has the rights to assets that they had no hand in earning - even if the law allows it. So it's prenup or no marriage.

[TMK9973]

I didn't read the whole thread, but.....

1) Do you have any assets? If you have nothing going into in, then there is no point of a pre-nup. No one will sign a pre-nup that says "AFTER we get married, you get to keep everything". They are for before getting married. So the ex can't go after the assets you had before the marriage. If you don't have anything going in, who cares.

2) If you do have a lot of assets going into the marriage, why not do a pre-nup. I have life insurance but don't plan on dying. I have car insurance but I still drive carefully.