Guest sith lord Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I think its considered a black thing for two reasons:1. The name - "the down low" is a 'black term' 2. The book that came out about it (revealing it to most of America) was written by a black man. :2cents: Yeah, and the guy who wrote the book is an idiot. He makes it seem like there's more black guys guys on the "down low" than not. If black men didn't have it hard enough, now we have this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashburnskinsfan Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I'm going to throw another twist into this thing. Something that was briefly mentioned at the end of the article.... the fact that this is NOT just an African-American issue.I'm a 31 year old, professional, college-educated, caucasian male who has never even been CLOSE to getting married. Of course part of that is due to the fact that I am about the ugliest human being on the planet. No lie. The other part of it, though, is largely the caucasian women out there in my age-range these days. I have certain (non-physical) attributes that I look for in the women that I date and that I could ever even consider be married to. They're mostly based on fairly traditional American family values and morals. I've found it nearly impossible to find any women in my age group who fit even a majority of the attributes I'm looking for, never mind one who's anywhere close to the "perfect" mold. My point: It's not just a black/white thing. It's also a male/female thing. Perhaps you haven't yet met the right woman, i.e. someone who wants to wear combat fatigues and live in a bunker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLongshot Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Divorce should never be based on anything more than:You made a ill informed decision to marry someone and the decided it was too hard for you to maintain because your lazy... (for the one that ended it) Well, I wouldn't always call it "lazy" to get divorced. Sometimes, you find out that you don't work together as well as you'd thought you would. I have a couple of friends who have gotten divorced for that reason. I personally don't have a problem with divorce in the first couple of years for that reason. Course, when you have kids, getting divorced is a more thorny prospect. As for the article, is it just me, or is the fact that "love" doesn't get mentioned until the end say something about the subject? Sure, the practical concerns are important, but I find it interesting that how people feel about each other doesn't seem to be important here. Jason Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Perhaps you haven't yet met the right woman, i.e. someone who wants to wear combat fatigues and live in a bunker? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I think most problems in society can be traced back to the deterioration of family... but that is true of all races. Not just blacks.... "Deterioration of Family" is the affect, not the cause. The cause is the multigenerational effect of the decline in parenting combined with the virtual decline in moral society. Why did I say virtual? Because kids, teens and young adults are mirroring (acting out) what they see in the media. Is this new? No but the intensity of the amoral media is exponential. Good Parents simply have a hard time competing with these very poor examples of relationships and mature ethical actions of the people in the media. Bad parents are modeling this behavior themselves. Add to this the extent to which the average person has become self-centered and dishonest, ala "What's in it for me" and "I'm never wrong". Both of these are responsibility issues, the first is rationalizing the non-acceptance of responsibility, the second is denial of responsibility. Zoony you are correct, this is a white problem as well. 75% of the guys that worked for me in the last year were deadbeat fathers. It's particularly digusting to me, as I paid out $80,000 in child support ($550/ month), and I was never ever late. I never missed a visititation with my son, and the first 2 years and the last 6 years, my son lived with me and my ex didn't pay me a dime. I have also seen articles about white women that choose not to get married so that they can be a single parent :doh:. This is the Mt. Everest of ignorance, to be so self-centered that you decide to have a child with the knowledge that you don't know how to have a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Good Parents simply have a hard time competing with these very poor examples of relationships and mature ethical actions of the people in the media. dc, to me, most of your post was spot on. this part, however, was not. sure, it's an obstacle, but involved parents who monitor what their kids are watching, what they're doing, and, above all else, develop open lines of communication, really don't have a big problem. i guess maybe our standards have been lowered to the point where if you're not a deadbeat, you're a good parent. who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shallow1 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Haha,.....here we are reading an article about marriage and it only mentions the word "Love" once, the reality is people have become a carnal and a selfish society that gives up on everything the moment it does not "feel good" anymore. Also to top it off they are trying to get married without living the way marrige was intended to be lived. If I gave you the instructions to put together an entertainment center could you use them to rebuild the engine block of your car? Of coarse not... This is really a result of men being emasculated in this country and women being fooled into believing they are liberated and now there are millions of kids,men,and women that are on anti-depresants,medication, and visit the shrink weekly to figure out whats wrong with there lives. Men never feel better than when they have there queen at there side encouraging them and building them up, it makes men run though walls for there wives and when a woman sees a man being all he can be for her and her family she feels secure and free to be herself, and when this is happening kids look at there mom and dad and say I want to be just like that when I grow up. Now dads never around and won't spend 5 minutes with his kid, mom is complaining about her husband 24/7 and believes Opra and DR. Phil really have the awnsers to life, all the time there kids are being rasied by MTV and other kids influencing them to be idiots or worse drug addicts,alcoholics, and pregnant before they get out of Jr. highschool. Then Mom and dad cry how did this happen,.......idiots,.....learn what marriage is supposed to be before you say yes, and for gods sake take some personal accountability after you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sith lord Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 dc, to me, most of your post was spot on. this part, however, was not.sure, it's an obstacle, but involved parents who monitor what their kids are watching, what they're doing, and, above all else, develop open lines of communication, really don't have a big problem. i guess maybe our standards have been lowered to the point where if you're not a deadbeat, you're a good parent. who knows. I think he was right about that also. I too believe it's getting harder and harder for even good parents to compete with all the negative influences in their child's life. It's not just the media, it's who your child spends his time with when they're not with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I think he was right about that also. I too believe it's getting harder and harder for even good parents to compete with all the negative influences in their child's life. It's not just the media, it's who your child spends his time with when they're not with you. like i said, it is an obstacle. but parents have control over who their children are with, what they watch, what they listen to. it's all about communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zguy28 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Well, I wouldn't always call it "lazy" to get divorced. Sometimes, you find out that you don't work together as well as you'd thought you would. I have a couple of friends who have gotten divorced for that reason. I personally don't have a problem with divorce in the first couple of years for that reason. The ball really started rolling on this problem with the advent of the no-fault divorce in 1969, which at the time seemed like a good thing, but opened the door to several generations of divorcees who in my opinion "took the easy way out" (obviously it doesn't apply to all cases!). This has been passed down to the children of divorce.A great article on it: http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1282/is_n10_v47/ai_16936591 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zguy28 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Then Mom and dad cry how did this happen,.......idiots,.....learn what marriage is supposed to be before you say yes, and for gods sake take some personal accountability after you do.Wow. Strong words, but I agree. That's why the Pastor of my church only uses traditional vows that say "for better or worse, death do us part" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scskin Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I'm a black male and been married for 10 years. My parents have been married for over 40 years, and my mothers parents for over 60 years. If something were to happen and we divorced, it would be one helluva custody battle for our seven year old daughter. I'm a teacher at an alternative school and see everyday how important fathers are to kids. I believe in PRO-CHOICE, choose who you lay down with wisely because K-I-D can sometimes be worse than A-I-D!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sith lord Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 like i said, it is an obstacle.but parents have control over who their children are with, what they watch, what they listen to. it's all about communication. You can try, but you really can't choose your kids friends and you only have control of them when they're in your house, but once your kid walks out the door, you have no control of what they do. All you can do is hope that they do the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Washington Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I hate to say it, but a lot of these women today are getting exactly what they deserved. Most of these woman knew that their man wasn't about nothing when they slept with him. But I really don't know what she means by saying "marriage is for white people." i don't think its fair to put all the blame on black men. black women, and women in general, say they are looking for a particular type of man but desire another. there are good black men out there but black women aren't attracted to them or "look" for them in the wrong places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 You can try, but you really can't choose your kids friends and you only have control of them when they're in your house, but once your kid walks out the door, you have no control of what they do. All you can do is hope that they do the right thing. parents that openly communicate w/ their kids don't usually have a big problem with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sith lord Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 parents that openly communicate w/ their kids don't usually have a big problem with it. Usually, you're right about that. And I do believe good parenting is the key to having good kids, but this is a different world that we live in compared to when you and I was coming up. When my nephews come over and they go outside, I get nervous because I know how kids are today and for some reason, they like going to their friends houses. But it's not their fault because they get it from their mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Usually, you're right about that. And I do believe good parenting is the key to having good kids, but this is a different world that we live in compared to when you and I was coming up. When my nephews come over and they go outside, I get nervous because I know how kids are today and for some reason, they like going to their friends houses. But it's not their fault because they get it from their mother. i see what you mean. and i do realize that there are parents who do everything right and their kid still goes down the wrong path. but if a parent can successfully develop a trust factor and open lines of communication, the child is infinitely more likely to do the right thing when it's time for them to make critical choices. i think that our socities standards have been lowered to the point that mediocre parenting is considered good parenting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sith lord Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 i don't think its fair to put all the blame on black men.black women, and women in general, say they are looking for a particular type of man but desire another. there are good black men out there but black women aren't attracted to them or "look" for them in the wrong places. I totally agree. Too many women now a days tend to be attracted to thugs, ex-cons, or the deadbeat dad types, many of them don't want a good man. They'll say they do, but actions speak louder than words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 dc, to me, most of your post was spot on. this part, however, was not.sure, it's an obstacle, but involved parents who monitor what their kids are watching, what they're doing, and, above all else, develop open lines of communication, really don't have a big problem. i guess maybe our standards have been lowered to the point where if you're not a deadbeat, you're a good parent. who knows. Major, I thought about that while righting the post, and my feeling is that you can't watch your kid's 100% of the time, unless you are home schooling them and dont' have a TV or computer. But also, by media I meant all forms including radio, cd, video, movies, and video games ex. "grand theft auto". The competetion for your child's mind is stagering! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 It's called LOVE, not shopping for a car.My suggestion is to try a different approach. :2cents: Sorry, but as rincewind alluded to...... It could also have to do with the fact that you do not believe in the concept of love. I don't believe in Love. I never have. I see life as a constantly evolving game of cost and return on investment. I don't have the any interest in wasting my time and energy on maybe's, possibilities, or potentials. If I know that a woman has a personality, attitude, and/or physical appearance significantly different from what I'm looking for, why should I waste my time and money dating her? It isn't going anywhere and I have better things to spend my time and money on. That's why very few of my relationships last more than a couple of weeks, to a month, at most. As for auburnskinsfan's comments.... It generally doesn't get that far. Though I will admit that my socio-political beliefs are included in those attributes that I look for in a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbo Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Huh? If word gets out that white people can get married...they're gonna be all over the place... ...wait..is it gonna be mandatory? Cuz I did my time and have been having a decade of fun since :laugh: j/k I salute marriage! I loved it, really. Endorse it. From over here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Major, I thought about that while righting the post, and my feeling is that you can't watch your kid's 100% of the time, unless you are home schooling them and dont' have a TV or computer. But also, by media I meant all forms including radio, cd, video, movies, and video games ex. "grand theft auto". The competetion for your child's mind is stagering! you can control what movies your kids watch and video games they play, at least most of the time. my earlier posts explained what i was saying more thoroughly. i see your point though. it's all about trust to me. and open lines of communication foster that trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 you can control what movies your kids watch and video games they play, at least most of the time. my earlier posts explained what i was saying more thoroughly.i see your point though. it's all about trust to me. and open lines of communication foster that trust. same here, my intial post only referenced the challenge that good parents (2) face, to illustrate that it's nearly impossible for any less than that to effectively guide children thru the maze of our disfunctional society. And forget about it if the parents are philosophically lost themselves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sorry, but as rincewind alluded to......I don't believe in Love. . I know you think your situation is special, and that you are unique, etc. etc. But it's not, and the answer is simple. You haven't met the right woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 Sorry, but ...I don't believe in Love. I never have. I see life as a constantly evolving game of cost and return on investment. I don't have the any interest in wasting my time and energy on maybe's, possibilities, or potentials. I started to say that's sad, but your reality is a product of your warped perception. All it would take for you to change your mind is a near death experience. You'd be willing to love everyone, and kiss the ground for a chance to live another 10 years. Right now your outlook on the future is completely handcuffed by your past. until you deal with that, you might as well plan on living alone. why waste any time on it? Get into to see a psychologist and work it out. That's why very few of my relationships last more than a couple of weeks, to a month, at most. So the candidates don't live up to your expectations? Or are your expectations unrealistic? Seriously, if you're getting these results repeatedly, don't you think it's time you work on your relationship skills? There is a lot of material out there on this, but until you stop calling BS on it all, you'll stay where you're at. Though I will admit that my socio-political beliefs are included in those attributes that I look for in a woman. What's makes you think that you can get along with someone just like you? How would that be an improvement to your situation? Why don't you just marry You? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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